WolfDaddy — Thu, 04 Apr 2002 18:14:40 -0800

"He's not gay, and the judge so ruled," says Bert Fields, attorney for Tom Cruise. Yes folks, Tom Cruise is now the world's only legal heterosexual. While this is old news, I've always been fascinated with how much zeal Cruise prosecutes these allegations. This case, though, is unique in that the ruling in favor of Cruise contains a stipulation which states that Cruise is not, nor ever has he ever been, gay. In other words, Tom's heterosexuality is now enforced by the courts. Should we, the moviegoing public, now file a class-action lawsuit to force Cruise to publicly prove his unique legal status as a compulsory heterosexual? Would Tom being a backdoor boy really damage your enjoyment of his movies, as Cruise seems to think? Just how stupid do Hollywood stars and their publicists think we are? Discuss.

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