"She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword," and other allegedly actual similes and metaphors from student essays, mangled like pigeons on Baltimore light rail tracks.
Recently on sale in Tiananmen Square, Beijing, was "Very Strange Crisp," a type of lollipop. If you haven't yet discovered Nury Vittachi's "Traveller's Tales" in the Far East Economic Review, check him out right now. I guarantee, you will not be disappointed. Absolute funniest man I have ever read this side of the International Date Line.