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20 posts tagged with malloryortberg.
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A cat is objectively valuable

Ayn Rand reviews children's movies. By Mallory Ortberg.
posted by Mchelly on Dec 18, 2014 - 47 comments

Srsly. Mallory Ortberg's "Texts from Jane Eyre"

"Ortberg’s writing comes from a culture that is both unapologetically and unconventionally political. Not all of her work is explicitly gendered — perhaps my favorite piece of hers is a list of “The Eleven Worst Plants” — but the intersection of gender, art (writ large), and social power is her great topic, and she returns to it almost weekly in posts exploring issues such as “Women Who Want to Be Alone in Western Art History.” With Texts from Jane Eyre, Ortberg’s writing is poised to reach a wider audience. This seems, then, a good moment to pause and take stock of the stakes of her project. Why texts; why Jane Eyre?"
posted by batfish on Nov 10, 2014 - 67 comments

hassled by the cops for taking too many photographs of freight trains

Please tell me the most Dad thing your dad has ever done
posted by griphus on Oct 23, 2014 - 263 comments

It was for the best, every time.

Fictional Characters Whose Lives Would Have Been Vastly Improved By An Abortion (SLToast)
posted by suburbanbeatnik on Oct 16, 2014 - 207 comments

6 months - 1 year: Appearance of Vengeance Limbs

Normal Milestones in Child Development
posted by prize bull octorok on Oct 10, 2014 - 45 comments

A man who wants to hear a Yes will find a way to drag it out of you.

I do not believe that most women — that most victims of sexual assault — freeze or shut down when faced with the prospect of coercive sex because they don’t really care what happens next, or because they're excited to push through the moment for the sheer joy of accusing the aggressor of rape after the fact. I believe that these women, these people, have a finely tuned sense for their safety, that when a woman reports having "a feeling that it would turn into an ordeal if I rejected him," she is not crazy and she knows what she is talking about.
Mallory Ortberg explores the ongoing debate surrounding passive versus active consent as its effects echo through the Alt Lit community: On Deciding What Counts: Elizabeth Ellen and What Makes A Victim.

[TW: rape, sexual assault, child abuse]
posted by divined by radio on Oct 6, 2014 - 126 comments

The Toast and The Butter

The business side of The Toast. FastCompany profiles everybody's favorite feminist humor site (previously) on the heels of the announcement of a spin-off site to be headed by Roxane Gay (previously).
posted by kmz on Oct 2, 2014 - 11 comments

BRING ME MY MUTE COMPANIONS

A movie star names things. The Toast tells us what movie stars really think as they film the films.
posted by Kitteh on Sep 17, 2014 - 26 comments

and with a cat like that you know you should be cats

The world is a dark and a terrible place. Horrible, morally insane things are happening. Let us resist them as best we are able, and in the meantime replace various nouns in the lyrics of well-known pop songs with the word “cats,” that we might whistle against the coming of the night together a while longer.
Song Lyrics Improved By Replacing Proper Nouns With Cats: Part 1. Part 2. By Mallory Ortberg. DLTT.
posted by medusa on Aug 19, 2014 - 52 comments

The Cod Will Never Return, And We Must Go To Alberta

Every Canadian Novel Ever [more inside]
posted by TheWhiteSkull on Aug 12, 2014 - 72 comments

The Judgment of Paris (and a neck that can bend 140 degrees)

Mallory Ortberg of The Toast continues the fine tradition of providing not-so-serious narration to very-serious art. This time, she tackles the Judgment of Paris, a theme "based on a legend where three supremely powerful goddesses asked a worthless male mortal to rank them in order of attractiveness in order to win a sculpture of a fruit." [more inside]
posted by Ouverture on Jul 22, 2014 - 56 comments

The Wikipedia Entry for Guam, Retold as a YA Novel

The Wikipedia Entry for Guam, Retold as a YA Novel This is just one of several awesome literary parodies on The Toast lately. Some others: Ever French Novel Ever My Prestigious Literary Novel and Just A Normal Bestselling Teen Novel
posted by pocketfullofrye on Jul 2, 2014 - 17 comments

“Jostling occurred for an extended period of time, then silence.”

Erotica Written By an Alien Pretending Not to be Horrified at the Human Body. (slTheToast)
posted by Kitteh on Apr 3, 2014 - 60 comments

It didn’t used to be like this.

Why I Am Leaving New York City
posted by griphus on Nov 26, 2013 - 118 comments

“Feminism,” she said to herself, and then put on some red lipstick.

A Day In the Life of an Empowered Female Heroine (Previously)
posted by Artw on Nov 17, 2013 - 127 comments

there's like - a bunch of mermaids here - and they definitely hate me

Texts from J. Alfred Prufrock [more inside]
posted by zeptoweasel on Jul 26, 2013 - 31 comments

No magic here, fellow; it is but the charm of her makeups.

The modern male singer-songwriter has a type. She is thin. She wears a great deal of eye makeup. She is pale. She does not smile, and often walks in the rain. Most importantly, she is very, very sad....These Sad Girls are all terribly, terribly sad in their own unique ways, of course, but which one of them is the saddest? The Toast investigates.
posted by troika on Jul 24, 2013 - 65 comments

The Moose Cleanse

Remember, it's not about "not eating" human food. It's about eating more pondweed.
posted by Tesseractive on Feb 8, 2013 - 33 comments

Texts From Nancy Drew

Texts From Nancy Drew. More from Mallory Ortberg.
posted by NoMich on Aug 7, 2012 - 10 comments

Dear Reader, I texted him.

Texts from Jane Eyre. Texts from Scarlett O'Hara. On a more serious note, Text Messages From A Ghost and The Return of Ghost. (Mallory Ortberg for The Hairpin)
posted by maryr on Jul 9, 2012 - 27 comments

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