What's really undermining the sanctity of marriage?
Dahlia Lithwick has an interesting piece in Slate commenting on the real threats to marriage in light of Massachusetts Supreme Court's declaration that gay marriage is protected by the Constitution. Lithwick lists:
1. Divorce (~43-50% of all US marriages end in divorce)
2. Frivolous marriages (i.e. it is easier to get married than it is to drive a car, buy a gun, buy alcohol, etc.)
3. Birth control (is marriage "only for procreation"?)
4. The various challenges to our time and attention that take away from quality time with our spouses
Can MeFiers please share with those of us yet to be betrothed your secrets in keeping a marriage successful?
posted by gen
on Nov 26, 2003 -
The absence of sexual desire.
We often discuss the frustrations of excessive sexual desire but rarely touch upon its absence. A woman who was a virgin before her marriage discusses the adjustments she had to make before she started desiring or even feeling comfortable about having sex with her husband.
posted by gregb1007
on Nov 21, 2003 -
According to stats [1
] gathered in this BusinessWeek story
, Marriage in America truly is a fading institution. Married Couple Households "have slipped from nearly 80% in the 1950s to just 50.7% today. That means that the U.S.'s 86 million single adults could soon define the new majority. Already, unmarrieds make up 42% of the workforce, 40% of home buyers, and 35% of voters..."
As a percentage, Never-marrieds, Late-marrieds, Widow(er)s, Single-sex Relationships and Unmarried Cohabitation all have grown significantly, while traditional marriage (and remarriage) has faded. I had no idea that there had been such a downturn. BusinessWeek's angle is that this is an emerging dominant demographic, and will be targeted as a whole, like Gen-X or the Baby Boomers. I Guess that means more flavors of Single-Serving Hot Pockets are on the way.
posted by kokogiak
on Oct 14, 2003 -
By Presidential Proclamation, October 12 through 18 will be Marriage Protection Week
, which "provides an opportunity to focus our efforts on preserving the sanctity of marriage." October 12 is also the anniversary of the murder of Andrew Shepard. Just as President Bush gave a speech condemning Affirmative Action on Martin Luther King Day and declared the anniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision "National Sanctity of Life Day," this is, of course, a complete coincidence.
posted by XQUZYPHYR
on Oct 6, 2003 -
British bachelors beware.
Rachel Greenwald knows how to find a husband using
the techniques of Harvard Business School, and she's
bringing her methods to the UK. But it's not easy:
she advocates careful 'packaging', putting 10 to 20% of total income into
a separate 'find a husband' bank account,
cancelling newspaper subscriptions so they can be read in
public and getting a third party to contact unsuccessful dates for feedback.
There's one change for the UK though: here it's aimed at over-30s
instead of the over-35s. I always thought "the Rules" were too spontaneous.
posted by TheophileEscargot
on Sep 30, 2003 -
"They have no business debating the efficacy of gay marriages, any more than they should be debating the pullout of troops from South Korea"
North of Detroit, a county commissioner and avowed Christian Conservative pushed a resolution supporting an amendment to the Michigan state constitution, declaring marriage to be a strictly man-and-woman affair. It passed in Oakland County's Board by a narrow margin. But the county executive, a longtime prominent conservative, won't let it go without a fight, and says that with an urban county seat, Pontiac, they should have better things to do-- like their jobs. Is a county board seat an appropriate forum to push another agenda, or should they be more concerned with fixing roads and economy?
Does such a resolution at such a low level of goverment even mean anything? Meanwhile, some couples are saying heck-with-it and making that trip 'cross the Ambassador Bridge.
posted by marzenie99
on Sep 18, 2003 -
Who Wants To Marry My Daughter?
Mom will interview suitors for her 22-year-old (who's also the mom of a 4-year-old), a la the NBC "reality"
show. Mom's already booked some dates and a getaway weekend for the winner. Seriously. Must have "a steady job, a love of children, strong morals, and no criminal baggage." Livestock brideprice
posted by serafinapekkala
on Aug 19, 2003 -
Welcome to our wedding.
Join Scott and Helen as they countdown to their wedding on the 9th. View pix of the proposal, the stag do in Amsterdam, the hen night in Brighton, and check out all the details of the upcoming event. Would you open your wedding to the eyes of the world? Site designer and groom Harold says "The idea is not to invite the world to our wedding, would you want them at yours? hence the reason I have now had to take off the reception maps/venues/pictures." (via Haddock)
posted by madamjujujive
on Aug 6, 2003 -
Gay Marriage - Go Canada
Canada is only the third country, after Netherlands and Belgium, to legalize gay marriages. This surprised me because I figured we were playing catch up to most 1st world countries. Not so surprisingly my home province of Alberta
is promising to block same sex marriages and will refuse to issue licenses to same sex couples. Which must be putting smiles on faces at Tourism BC
. Interestingly this may cause big waves in the USA as they have traditionally recognized Canadian marriages as valid under US law and Canada has no residency
requirement for marriage licenses. How surprised would you be if your local authority followed Canada’s example?
posted by Mitheral
on Jun 18, 2003 -
My bet is no-one will care, but I'm marrying my fiancee six months today. Who cares, you say. But think about this... Current UK law means you can either be married by an Anglican minister or by a Registrar. Due to ecumenical fun we're getting married in an Anglican Parish Church
with a URC
minister and have to get a registrar to stand in the church. Why the religious difference? Does it matter?
posted by twine42
on Apr 5, 2003 -
Religion! What Is It Good For?
Absolutely nothing? Perhaps not. Michael Prowse
, a lifelong atheist (and Financial Times columnist even!) had this to say in an article for Prospect
: "Having accepted that meanings are always contestable, I have found myself more able to focus on what religious people do, and less on what they say. Are they "better" people than the irreligious? Of course not. Are they better people than they would be were they not religious? Probably, and this is what counts for me."
Meanwhile, another atheist, Jared Diamond
, writing (brilliantly, as the author of Guns, Germs and Steel
always does) in the current New York Review of Books
, addresses religion in a (let us say) more scientific
way and, though more sceptical, leaves a similar question mark hanging. So, in a nutshell: can there be something in (or about) religion for atheists too?
posted by MiguelCardoso
on Oct 29, 2002 -
Why Do Marriages Last?
Amidst all the psychobabble
and religious dogmatics
you find on this subject, I found Robyn Parker
's review of the relevant literature to be useful, wise and true. After all, aren't the rules of a lasting relationship, whatever your gender or sexuality, the same that govern friendship, loyalty, companionship and fun
? Is marriage the secretive exception
it's made out to be? Are there really any rules
we don't instinctively, from about the age of seven, already know? As some Rabbi once said, the three words that most often save a marriage are not I love you
. They are, in fact: I was wrong
. Not that easy; but not that difficult either...
posted by MiguelCardoso
on Oct 18, 2002 -
One big happy family
Ottawa granted permission for three wives of a polygamist to stay in Canada permanently and an immigration official has warned that several more applications from polygamists' wives are likely on the way, according to internal government documents obtained by The Globe and Mail
The report says the women filled in "housewife" as their occupation on their applications for immigration. They stated they would receive financial assistance from Mr. Blackmore. Under marriage information, they wrote "not available."
posted by orange swan
on Oct 7, 2002 -
Do you, Adam, take this man Steve, to be your lawfully wedded husband ... "... a panel of Ontario judges ordered Parliament to broaden its definition of marriage to include gay men and women, the first decision of its kind in Canada. "
Rulings on cases in BC and Quebec to follow.
Good news for the Canadian Tourist industry, at any rate. So far the only heartbreak in all this is the utter lack of Crate and Barrel, Williams Sonoma, and Pottery Barn stores in Canada for these people to register at.
posted by kristin
on Jul 14, 2002 -
From Big to Aidan to...the ballet dancer?
Sex and the City's author and inspiration Candace Bushnell got married to 33-year-old ballet dancer Charles Askegard July 4 on a Nantucket beach in Massachusetts. The couple has only known each other for eight weeks.
posted by stevis
on Jul 9, 2002 -
China thrown off balance as boys outnumber girls Poor young men here complain that modern women are too picky. ''Before, it was men choosing women,'' says Liu Xicheng, 21, a migrant worker who came to Beijing from nearby Hebei Province. ''Now it is women choosing men. Some have high quality standards. It is hard to marry them.''
I checked and this isn't from the Onion
posted by srboisvert
on Jun 21, 2002 -
The author of this story
argues that by disallowing same-sex marriage, social conservatives are actually working to undermine the function marriage plays in society "The last thing supporters of marriage should be doing is setting up an assortment of alternatives, but that is exactly what the conservatives are doing, and not only for gays."
Interesting views i thought, not that i'm so pro-marriage.
posted by rhyax
on May 28, 2002 -
NYT: Cousin Marriage A'OK, Says Study
A new article in the Journal of Genetic Counseling
reviewing recent studies on incidence of birth defects among children of cousins finds that the increaed risk is so slight as to not warrant discouraging cousin marriage. Discouraging marriage and conception between first cousins is common in the US although in many societies, the first (cross) cousin is the preferred spouse. (1
posted by rschram
on Apr 3, 2002 -
Doctor of love
anthropologist Helen Fisher argues that romance, marriage and divorce follow predictable patterns as old as the species. The evidence is as near as your local bar. Objective observations about Love and what it means when her toes curl.
posted by stbalbach
on Mar 15, 2002 -