Won't someone think of the children?

idontlikewords — Tue, 23 Aug 2005 11:59:33 -0800

An Open Letter to young Ryland Kallman
(to be delivered on the occasion of his 18th birthday)

Dear Ryland: We, the citizens of the internet, apologize for the way in which you were raised, and we will try to bear in mind the adversity you faced as an child before passing judgement on your actions as an adult. Thanks to this article we were all aware of the psychic trauma inflicted by your mother (aka "The Martha Stewart of Parenting™"), but as simple bloggers and computer programmers, we were powerless to stop this abuse. It is our hope that upon this day of the symbolic beginning of your adult life, you will be able to read this history of your early years, and to reflect on the toxic culture of insecurity and fear that was the undoing of so many good people of your parents' generation. It may be difficult to face these facts, but chances are you're reading this online, and (assuming the internet is not a wholly-owned subsidiary of Walmart by 2023) there are millions of people here who can help you work through these issues. Also Ryland, we apologize for your name.

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Won't someone think of the children?