61 literary euphemisms for masturbation…
via the always discreeet Miss Cellania
(and yes, we've had something similar here before, but it missed this list, which is, you know, literary)
posted by wendell on Aug 27, 2009 - 110 comments

Masturbation in the animal kingdom.
posted by gman on Jul 17, 2009 - 52 comments

Does it cause hairy palms? (No, that is a myth.) Will it make you go blind? (No, though zinc deficiency can be detrimental to one's vision, and semen contains a small amount of zinc.) Are you going to hell for it? (Maybe, maybe not.) But what if it helps with conception? (well, the men doing it, anyway)
posted by Navelgazer on Jul 9, 2009 - 20 comments

Luxo Jr. goes blind. (SLYT). [more inside]
posted by cjorgensen on Nov 17, 2008 - 18 comments

Death of a legend.
posted by homunculus on Jun 28, 2008 - 46 comments

Woman sues American Airlines for not preventing in-flight masturbation. Oh sure, they can tell breastfeeding mothers to cover up, but when it comes to American Airlines and a fellow passenger ejaculating into a sleeping female passenger's hair? No problem!
posted by bitter-girl.com on Mar 17, 2008 - 149 comments

Things I Have Failed To Masturbate To. Via.
posted by jonson on Oct 28, 2007 - 64 comments

Porn Flakes and their fallout. Previously.
posted by serazin on Apr 2, 2007 - 27 comments

"One guy I know got a black eye from being hit by an elephant’s penis."
posted by homunculus on Mar 8, 2007 - 37 comments

Sorry lads - Wank Week is cancelled. Channel 4's planned series on masturbation, which would have come this month and which was to feature such illuminating documentaries as "I Can't Stop Wanking" and "Masturbation for Women" (ukguard@mailinator.com/tester), as well as a portrait of the UK's first masturbate-a-thon, has been pulled as a result of the recent Big Brother controversy. Would-be viewers feel stiffed and wonder why 4 is being so hard on its viewers, who are now left to entertain themselves.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane on Mar 2, 2007 - 22 comments

At a certain age, young people get seemingly uncontrollable urges. But, in accordance with God's plan, these urges must be controlled.
posted by punkfloyd on Nov 9, 2006 - 27 comments

Air guitar? Been done. Air sex? More fun!
posted by dirtynumbangelboy on Sep 30, 2006 - 17 comments

You Jackin' It? The Daily Show's Jason Jones gets an interview with Carl Monday, CLEVELAND'S INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER, discussed here previously.
posted by BeerFilter on Sep 29, 2006 - 38 comments

"Where's my pitbull?" In which our 'hero', Carl Monday, CLEVELAND'S INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER, attends the sentencing of Mike Cooper, an "unemployed porn site user", caught pleasuring himself at a local library. (Metafilter passim; via Deadspin's full coverage of Carl Monday.)
posted by docgonzo on Jul 24, 2006 - 67 comments

This [youtube] is what happens when an "unemployed porn site user" and CARL MONDAY, CLEVELAND'S INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER meet at a local library. [via the always excellent Deadspin]
posted by docgonzo on May 26, 2006 - 143 comments

Every Playboy centerfold, December 1953 - May 2006. [NSFW]
Every Playboy centerfold, 1960-1999. [NSFW, via]
posted by dirtynumbangelboy on May 7, 2006 - 123 comments

Over one thosand online masturbation confessions (nsfw): Categorized for your convinence. I thought grouphug had the market cornered. I guess not when it comes masturbation. I doubt Josh would approve. These links go to potentially bad places -- don't let your mom catch you
posted by bigmusic on Jan 23, 2006 - 19 comments

Chances are, of all the things you've heard about masturbation, most of them were absolutely false. For some reason, misinformation surrounds masturbation like virtually no other topic. Since JackinWorld's goal is to debunk misinformation, here are some of the myths commonly believed about masturbation — and the truth about each. All you ever really wanted to know about something we all already know plenty about. NSFW.
posted by ColdChef on Nov 26, 2005 - 115 comments

Same-sex marriages in Canada may be coming soon, but that's nothing. The Supreme Court of Canada has ruled that it's OK to masturbate in front of your windows! (Full ruling here, previous mefi discussion here.) The Conservatives in Canada worry that all this moral decadence may lead to polygamy, but Canada's had a polygamist community for some time now. Still, the government does seem to be examining the issue. Meanwhile, parents in Atlantic Canada are outraged their children are learning about mutual masturbation and oral sex. What's next -- adults-only barbershops? Oh, wait....
posted by showmethecalvino on Jan 28, 2005 - 52 comments

Some Thoughts on the Science of Onanism by Mark Twain
posted by Pretty_Generic on Nov 7, 2004 - 10 comments

Touching yourself at home with the blinds open hot Canadian debate topic!
posted by shepd on Nov 2, 2004 - 18 comments

A Young Man's Guide to Masturbation

There's a good Q&A: "How can you tell if a girl likes you? Is it bad to stick your penis in the vacuum cleaner hose or that long thing you use to get in cracks and corners?" (age 13)
If she smiles at you, she probably likes you. And you already know the answer to your second question.

Mainly, the site wants you not to do it wrong. [Thank you Monkeyfilter]
posted by iffley on Oct 29, 2004 - 32 comments

The justice system at work. A sitting Judge in Oklahoma has been removed from the bench for using a male enhancement pump, pleasuring himself and oiling his nether regions during court proceedings - including an August 2003 murder trial. At least he was awake during the proceedings, unlike other judges.
posted by thatothrgirl on Jun 24, 2004 - 29 comments

We already knew that frequent masturbation might cut prostate cancer risk. But it turns out that this is not a message fit for American families. The details of the Lewinsky episode splattered across front pages of the US and abroad come to mind, but also Nancy Reagan pleading for stem research.
posted by magullo on Sep 8, 2003 - 90 comments

Have you or your neighbors killed any kittens lately? Way back in the mists of time, a farkism combined a kitty with a couple of domo-kuns and came up with a saying equating masturbation with killing a kitty.

This site has taken the concept and is attempting to make it into a community weblog -- except the community is limited to those who are taking solo flights into orgasm. The site seems almost innocent, at least now (though it'll probably get over-run with explicit commercial grossness in a while).

Although the interface is nowhere near as clean, my experience with the site reminded me of the early days of amihotornot. I was at it for hours, tripping out on who was masturbating in my state, and what they were thinking, let along who was doing what in other places all over the world (not many global participants, yet).
With this wierd mixture of deeply personal revelations and total anonymity, is this one of those things that only the internet can do? Or am I a total git for thinking this is interesting? (via memepool)
posted by jasper411 on Jul 23, 2003 - 19 comments

Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten you lower your chance of getting prostate cancer. Won't somebody think of the kittens?
posted by yhbc on Jul 16, 2003 - 64 comments

Fleshlight. I paid over $60,000 to GET RID OF a woman that didn't feel 1/2 as good. The interactive model. Don't miss the testimonials, either. NSFW
posted by angry modem on Apr 12, 2003 - 46 comments

99% of you men have visited this website... and the other 1% of you will lie about it. (NSFW warning: some graphic, but tasteful, illustrations are contained within the site, but not on the front page. Also, sadly, information for females is no longer maintained on the site itself.)
posted by WolfDaddy on Jan 16, 2003 - 60 comments

Finally, some e-activism that fits into my daily online routine. It may not meet the approval of certain segments of the petition crowd, but General Interest peacemongers won't object. Can we actually do anything while we're just sitting here? I've always thought that organized protest is vital, not because it directly influences policymakers but because the public discourse is made up of noise. If you believe in something, you must holler about it! This glowing box has seemed so useless in that capacity. I guess it's become easier to aim dollars at the fight. And our WWW, as ever, puts us in closer touch with insane travel opportunities and virtual adventuring. Yes, there must be some value to networking. And if you're on the other side of the whole peace issue, I found something for you to buy online.
posted by damehex on Oct 11, 2002 - 5 comments

"When you talk about running electricity through someone's genitals, most people think of torture. However, we have found that low power, high frequency (audio) current can produce some very interesting tingling and throbbing sensations." Bored of the same, day-in, day-out masturbation routine? Try electronic masturbation! "
posted by Pinwheel on Sep 18, 2002 - 28 comments

Savage Love's Kleenex Study. The previous links reminded me of this gem from Dan Savage's past. Makes me want to switch to towels.
posted by ashbury on May 1, 2002 - 10 comments

Oh yes! It's that month of the year again; read about it, do the quiz, talk and think about it at various events, earn some money for a cause. Or join in: the fun should be well underway in about 7 hours. (All links NSFW. I wonder why. Do you wonder why?)
posted by disso on May 1, 2002 - 21 comments

Best news ever for the lonely men of the world: Masturbation makes you sexier, healthier, and a better worker.
posted by darukaru on Sep 9, 2001 - 20 comments

Terrified xenophobes still need to whack off!
posted by textist on Jul 5, 2001 - 10 comments

If you don't stop, you'll go blind. Americans for Purity winning the war on masturbation. Not sure if this is disturbing, or just plain hilarious. Make sure you check the hate mail, and the responses, which make me think that this is one big joke (or at least I hope so).
posted by trox on Apr 6, 2001 - 33 comments

Clinton critic accused of being a wanker -- Matthew J. Glavin, who heads a legal foundation trying to have President Horndog disbarred, has been accused of publicly fondling himself and an undercover federal officer. More details here.
posted by rcade on Oct 4, 2000 - 5 comments

I noticed that the deceased lead singer of INXS has an album coming out. I recently saw the most convincing article talking about how he didn't commit suicide, but died while performing a bizarre sex act (sadly, I lost the URL). I had to look it up, and I can't believe the lengths guys will go to enjoy their masterbation. Kids, don't try this at home...
posted by mathowie on Sep 14, 1999 - 0 comments