This summer's Transformers 4
have seen its fair share of negativity, considering it's a master class in economics
and its predecessor is Michael Bay's first art movie
(last linked discussed previously
If you’ve read anything about this movie, you’ve probably heard about the rightfully infamous “Romeo and Juliet law” scene. Nothing I have read as of yet does actual justice to how absolutely fucking creepy this scene is. Cade and Shane (Tessa’s boyfriend, played by Jack Reynor) have been pissing on each other’s legs since the moment they met about, frankly, just to whom Tessa belongs. Then Cade finds out that Shane is 20; well, Tessa is a minor. Without so much as blinking, Shane launches into a lecture about the Romeo and Juliet law of Texas, and has the text of the law on a laminated card in his wallet. He is carrying it the way one might expect a young man to carry a freaking condom.
If you're going to read only one profanity laden review of Transformers 4, make sure it's this one
. The profanity because not even the power of alcohol
was enough to protect Rachael Acks from this movie, after her readers were so kind as to donate $400 to charity to force her to see it
. Bonus: PDF of the notes taken during the movie and for those who like less swearing, the io9 FAQ hits many of the same notes.
Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Bay has a meltdown at CES.
That is all.
They were local bodybuilders with a penchant for steroids, strippers, and quick cash. And they became expert in the use of a peculiar motivational tool: Torture.
"Pain & Gain
" [part 1
, part 2
, part 3
] [print version: 1
], a series of articles from 1999-2000, chronicles a true life story of kidnapping, torture, extortion and murder. Just the thing to inspire a "small
" action-comedy from noted auteur
Michael Bay. [Trailer
The Formula for Complete and Utter BAYHEM
or, How Michael Bay has Made Billions in Box Offices Worldwide. SLInfographic (the last graph is particularly depressing)
It was a beautiful day in Ponyville. The sun was shining; the birds were singing. Ponies big and small cantered throughout the town, whickering and neighing merrily as they went about their business.
Suddenly, there was a huge explosion!
“Oh my god, that was a huge explosion!” yelled Twilight Sparkle, staring in shock and horror at the massive fireball rising from the center of town. Hundreds of ponies ran screaming from the burning wreckage of the Town Hall. Some were covered in soot, and limped as they streamed past her, desperate to escape the burning hell behind them.
“Yo Twi’, you see dat shiz?” said Spike, her jive-talking baby dragon sidekick. He stood on her back, one claw wrapped in her mane while the other casually removed a set of shutter-style plastic sunglasses. You know, like the ones Kanye West is always wearing.
Michael Bay presents My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
. (It's fanfiction, but readable without knowledge of the show or fondness for pastel-colored horses.) [more inside]
Transformers 3 scene from The Island
SlashFilm passes along the news
that Michael Bay recycled shots from his 2005 film The Island
in his new film Transformers: Dark of the Moon
, saving costs by adding different CGI to the same car chase scenes. "I’m not sure how often this kind of thing happens, but my guess is that it happens probably more than you would think."
A letter by director Michael Bay
helpfully advising projectionists the proper way to show his new film Transformers 3
in movie theaters and a very grateful response from the Projectors' Guild.
The Michael Bayifier.
Turn any picture into a Michael Bay picture.
kill 3D movies? Jeffrey Katzenberg of DreamWorks thinks it might
. Or as Michael Bay puts it "You can’t just shit out a 3D movie"
, director of Transformers
and other predictable blockbuster movies apparently
wrote a script for The Dark Knight
that was rejected by Warner Bros. Amazingly, it has surfaced on the net…
You can love him or hate him but Transformers made $250,000,000
last week. To some, Michael Bay
is a genius. To others he's a racist hack
. Or just a hack
. He may even be both a hack and a genius
. Is this evidence of an auteur
? Or does dude just like really big explosions
? Plus: a character driven
So, Vanity Fair reports rumors that Live Free Or Die Hard
will be toned down to a PG-13 rating instead of a hard R. A writer for Aint It Cool News
responds with an extended rant about "the pansy-assing of the 4th DIE FLACCID movie
." End-of-the-world fanboy ranting continues in the TalkBacks for a couple days, when a Walter B shows up
claiming (indirectly) to be Bruce Willis
. Walter B trash-talks about the previous Die Hard sequels
, Michael Bay
, and Cybill Shepherd
. The admins are skeptical
. iChat FTW
! Just wait till the bloggers get ahold of this one!
I don't want to get all fanboy about the upcoming Transformers
movie. Even if they did get Peter Cullen
to reprise his role as the vox of semi-truck-autobot-leader Optimus Prime. I mean Michael Bay
is directing it, people. However, perhaps it's possible Stan Bush could revamp his famous 'You Got the Touch'
anthem. Couldn't be as bad as Mark Wahlberg's version
(or John C. Reilly's dancing).
Stripped for Parts
Although the blogging community has had a hunch
for some time, director Robert Fiveson
has just confirmed that he's considering an injunction against the further distribution of The Island
, as it, ahem, very closely mirrors
his own film, Parts: The Clonus Horror
. Michael Bay's film doesn't credit anyone who worked on Clonus
, and press materials tout its "original screenplay". I suppose, though, Bay can always claim that he's being so deliciously meta by doing a clone of a clone picture... [A sideways-update to this post]
(AKA Parts: the Clonus Horror) was released on DVD
today. This ultracheap 1979 sci-fi thriller is about a compound where clones are raised, unaware that their purpose in life is to provide harvested organs (more detail here
sent it up, the Onion
sneers at it, but this NY Times review
(reg. reqd., scroll down) is respectful. You can rent it now, or you can wait until July for the megabudget, Michael Bay-directed version
of the same damn story