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Love the one you're with.

Don't do what you love. "We rarely hear the advice of the person who did what they loved and stayed poor or was horribly injured for it. Professional gamblers, stuntmen, washed up cartoonists like myself: we don’t give speeches at corporate events. We aren’t paid to go to the World Domination Summit and make people feel bad. We don’t land book deals or speak on Good Morning America." [more inside]
posted by mecran01 on Aug 23, 2014 - 76 comments

Multiple Lovers, Without Jealousy

Polyamorous people still face plenty of stigmas, but some studies suggest they handle certain relationship challenges better than monogamous people do. The Atlantic Monthly takes on the subject of polyamory, and seems to mostly be respectful and get it right.
posted by hippybear on Jul 27, 2014 - 70 comments

You believe that true love is a zero-sum game traded in sex.

On the Kinds of Love We Fall Into: Polyamory in Theory and Practice
posted by anotherpanacea on Feb 15, 2014 - 67 comments

Polyamory: "When Three Isn't A Crowd"

This latest article focuses on a triad raising a child in Atlanta. CNN.com has spent more than a little time on polyamory throughout the years (unusual for a 'mainstream' publication. As usual, there's the 'poly could end up hurting the children' counter-arguments, but this is certainly a more even-handed portrayal than in a lot of other arenas, and is not particularly preachy in either direction.
posted by softlord on Oct 27, 2013 - 89 comments

...a better strategy than Tit for Tat emerges: Tit for Two Tats (IYKWIM)

Polyamory as noisy iterated prisoner's dilemma. [more inside]
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. on May 20, 2013 - 52 comments

Anarchist Dating Advice

Political Identification: communist
Your problem: I have recently started seeing a communist woman, and I really like her, but my problem is that I still have overwhelmingly strong feelings for the communist woman I had a thing with in the summer, and who has gone to fight the good fight in other lands. Should I tell the comrade I’m currently seeing about my divided affections? As we are not yet in full communism, I fear I may not have enough to go round… From: Bloody Red Heart"
"Dear Bloody Red Heart, Always remember that information is power, and functions as such." [more inside]
posted by the man of twists and turns on Apr 2, 2013 - 35 comments

Intent counts here.

Right now, though, you can google “polyamory” and get a whole lot of nearly-identical polynormative hype articles, and you can meet up with locals who’ve read the same articles you just did, and you can all get together and do polynormative poly exactly the way the media told you to. And if that’s all you ever bother to do then essentially you are selling yourself short. You are trading in the monogamous norm for polynormativity, which relatively speaking isn’t all that much of a stretch, and stopping there because you may very well think that’s all there is (and you already racked up a whole bunch of cool points anyway). You aren’t encouraged to really think about this stuff without any imposed models at all, which means you never get to figure out what actually might work best for you. As such, the most fundamental element of polyamory—that of rejecting the monogamous standard, and radically rethinking how you understand, make meaning of and practice love, sex, relationships, commitment, communication, and so forth—is lost in favour of a cookie-cutter model that’s as easy as one, two, three. The deepest and most significant benefit of polyamory has become increasingly obscured by media representation, and as a result, is getting farther and farther out of reach for anyone who’s just starting out.
the problem with polynormativity, at Sex Geek
posted by davidjmcgee on Jan 28, 2013 - 221 comments

“I have a tremendous amount of love and support in my life”

A remarkably non-sensational report on polyamorous families. Bookended by 50 Shades of Grey and Gigolos, this 20/20 "special report" on Sierra, Martin, Molly, David, Aaron, Romy, Mark, and J provides a lovely counterpoint to the usual moralizing hand-wringing one finds in media coverage of open relationships.
posted by smammy on Dec 26, 2012 - 14 comments

Nobody calls me monogamous with malice.

Monogamous Privilege Checklist. Cory Davis, who is polyamorous, wrote a checklist in the style of Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack. Davis interviews with Cunning Minx of Polyamory Weekly podcast (3:00-28:00ish Site header NSFW) and discusses the nature of privileged relationships and her pushback from monogamous and polyamorous alike.
posted by jenlovesponies on May 11, 2011 - 268 comments

The Evolved Slut

Husband-and-wife team Christopher Ryan and Calcilda Jethá have written a book, Sex at Dawn, that challenges what they describe as the "standard narrative" of human sexual and social relationships. In a recent Savage Love podcast featuring Ryan as a guest, Dan Savage described the book as "...the single most important book about human sexuality since Alfred Kinsey unleashed Sexual Behavior in the Human Male on the American public in 1948." [more inside]
posted by kitarra on Nov 5, 2010 - 67 comments

Dragon*Con Room Party!

The Map of Non Monogamy [via]
posted by empath on Oct 24, 2010 - 139 comments

"What Psychology Professionals Should Know About Polyamory"

The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom presents "What Psychology Professionals Should Know About Polyamory". [PDF] [more inside]
posted by Faust Gray on Jun 15, 2010 - 133 comments

"The Twisted Monk goes beyond just providing some string to fool around with. "

Kinktrepeneur, former evangelical missionary, and “Rent-a-meanie” the Twisted Monk: "I guess is some ways, I’m finally fulfilling the calling I had when I was a kid and being that evangelist, changing the world one bedroom at a time." ... [most links contain no nudity but might be NSFW anyway] [more inside]
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 on May 5, 2010 - 16 comments

You mean I can have Greek AND Latin?

POLYAMORY 101 [more inside]
posted by kathrineg on Jul 25, 2009 - 121 comments

Free Loving Hippies in the 19th Century

The Oneida Community was a Christian commune. Their practices included free love - "complex marriage", eugenics - "stirpiculture", an interesting form of birth control only effective due to their unique social structures - "male continence", and "mutual criticism." They did all this for over 30 years in the middle of the 19th century. The site is now run as a museum / apartments / bed and breakfast, and was visited by a descendant writing for the NY Times. The silverware company Oneida Limited was formed to maintain their productive enterprises after the end of the communal experiment. A former member wrote "A Record of an Attempt to Carry Out the Principles of Christian Unselfishness and Scientific Race-Improvement."
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim on Sep 9, 2007 - 64 comments

Love the one you're with.

Libertines (NSFW) would frown on the idea of Valentine's Day and devoting yourself to your one true love; they were all about fun, all the time. Think free love (or polyamorism as current practitioners would call it) is a product of the swingin' 70s? No way. The libertine philosophy has been around since at least the 17th century. Notable practitioners include John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester, who wrote some juicy poetry on the topic; Choderlos de Laclos of Les Liaisons dangereuses fame; the Marquis de Sade; the fictional Don Juan; and the poster boy for libertinism, Charles II of England. In fact Rochester once had to flee court for making fun of Charles's appetites (though Rochester was no angel himself).

Fast forward to the current day, when Johnny Depp is starring in a new movie, "The Libertine," in which he portrays Rochester to some critical acclaim. Is Rochester simply a sad, sorry sort who justified a lifestyle that some see as immoral, and got his just deserts when he died of syphilis? Or was he caught up in a way of life that he alternately enjoyed and despised, finding that "Old age and Experience, hand in hand / Lead him to Death, and make him understand, / After a Search so painful and so long, / That all his Life he has been in the wrong." Maybe there's something to be said for abstinence, after all.
posted by MiHail on Feb 14, 2005 - 18 comments

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