238 posts tagged with relationships.
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It was the spinsters who made me.

"Historically, spinsterhood has meant a kind of radical unavailability to straight men, implying either rejection of them or rejection by them or both. This sought or unsought rejection has the potential to be experienced by women as a source of strength. It can mean making the choice not just to set your own terms on the marriage or meat market, but to opt out of the market altogether." [Briallen Hopper for LA Review of Books: On Spinsters.] [more inside]
posted by divined by radio on Jul 15, 2015 - 8 comments

There are no easy answers.

How to Love Your Father When He’s in Prison for Child Porn, an essay by Lindsay Popper. SFW. Some may find the content disturbing.
posted by zarq on Jun 19, 2015 - 61 comments

Leave Us the Counterpoint

"I like my music polyphonic. If you think I meant anything else, you know what I meant." So Lord Peter Wimsey tells Harriet Vane in Dorothy L Sayers's classic novel, Gaudy Night, this year celebrating its 80th birthday. But as Mo Moulton writes in her essay with personal interruptions on The Toast, "Of course he did mean something else, and not only Harriet but the reader understands exactly what: that his ideal relationship, like his ideal music, is produced by the combination of equals rather than the hierarchy of melody and harmony, or man and wife." [more inside]
posted by Athanassiel on May 20, 2015 - 17 comments

Twitter and other social media & the ability for users to tailor content

"Things Left Unspoken: Erasure in Online Discussion of Domestic Violence" - Trigger Warning: Domestic violence, mentions of violent actions, physical abuse, sexual assault. By Catherine [Kiran/Rin] Oliver at Model View Culture. [more inside]
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome on Apr 10, 2015 - 3 comments

every time he said "you look beautiful," all I heard is "you look fat"

If I had still been at my heaviest weight, I never would have approached Brian. As a fat woman, I have been taught that there is an order of operations for love: First, you get thin; then, you can date who you want. Until you do the first thing, the second thing is impossible. So for many women who struggle with their weight, it becomes a fight not just for their health or well-being, but a struggle to just be worthy of the love so many people take for granted.
The inimitable Kristin Chirico (previously) for BuzzFeed: My boyfriend loves fat women. As a fat woman myself, I'm still struggling with how I feel about it. [SLBF]
posted by divined by radio on Apr 8, 2015 - 54 comments

"Fishfucker turned out to be a really nice dude."

Your Internet Friends Are Real: A Defense of Online Intimacy, by Kyle Chayka for TNR:
The perception that online relationships are somehow less real than their physical counterparts exemplifies what Nathan Jurgenson, a New York-based sociologist and researcher for the messaging platform Snapchat, calls "digital dualism." Contemporary identities and relationships are no more or less authentic in either space. "We're coming to terms with there being just one reality and digital is part of it, not any less real or true," Jurgenson said. "What you do online and what you do face-to-face are completely interwoven."
(Keep an eye out for a brief in-article cameo from our once and always fearless leader!) [more inside]
posted by divined by radio on Mar 5, 2015 - 55 comments

Hard Time Valentines

Four couples, who are homeless and living in New York, talk about their lives.
posted by roomthreeseventeen on Feb 15, 2015 - 5 comments

An Ex Axe

"I love you" – WHAT A LIE! LIES, DAMN LIES! Yes, it's like that when you are young, naïve and in love. And you don't realize your boyfriend started dating you just because he wanted to take you to bed! I got this teddy bear for Valentine's. He survived on top of my closet in a plastic bag, because it wasn’t him who hurt me, but the idiot who left him behind.
-- "I love you" Teddy bear
2002 Zagreb, Croatia
"I love you" Teddy bear is one of the exhibits at The Museum of Broken Relationships. [more inside]
posted by Room 641-A on Feb 12, 2015 - 11 comments

How many stars?

We Got Some of Our Ex-Boyfriends and Girlfriends to Review Us as Lovers(SLVice)
posted by josher71 on Feb 11, 2015 - 34 comments

To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This

Through a series of increasingly intimate questions, the author sees if she and her acquaintance can make themselves fall in love. (NYTimes link)
posted by amanda on Jan 11, 2015 - 130 comments

"Whatever the orientation, fans are passionate about their ships"

"Perhaps shipping also reflects the yearning for a small moment of control in a chaotic world. Children often react to their inherent powerlessness by retreating to the wide-open spaces of their imagination. They make their dolls kiss (or fight), and feel a sense of control that they lack in the real world. As fans, people may not be the author of the fictional worlds they love to inhabit, but when they ship, they can momentarily grab the wheel in the most exhilarating of ways — envisioning and championing relationships that demonstrate their own mastery of a created universe, and their true feelings about how love should exist in that world, if not indeed in their own." [via mefi projects; single-page format]
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome on Dec 27, 2014 - 90 comments

Half of all marriages - oh, wait

"It is no longer true that the divorce rate is rising, or that half of all marriages end in divorce. It has not been for some time. Despite hand-wringing about the institution of marriage, marriages in this country are stronger today than they have been in a long time. The divorce rate peaked in the 1970s and early 1980s and has been declining for the three decades since." [more inside]
posted by showbiz_liz on Dec 2, 2014 - 95 comments

Portraits of love and sex in the 21st century

Everybody Sexts is collection of nude images (re-imagined as illustrations) that people sent via their phone, accompanied by the story and reasons why such explicit photos were sent.
posted by Brandon Blatcher on Nov 23, 2014 - 53 comments

Slip Out the Back Jack; Make a New Plan Stan...

She Ate Combos: And 20 Other Surprising Relationship Last Straws Explained "Paul Simon crooned there are "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover," and Megan Rosati claims there are 52, but that's not even the tip of the iceberg when you're talking about reasons for dumping someone. " [cached version]
posted by 724A on Nov 22, 2014 - 214 comments

They keep asking me more specific questions.

"And what they’re really asking me: is your first memory different from my own? Tell me, they are asking, under their breaths, tell me a story that shows how you and I are different."- a fictional story exploring conformity in sexual relations in a future society, by Debbie Urbanski.
posted by Brandon Blatcher on Nov 14, 2014 - 7 comments

the law of "fuck yes or no"

"Fuck Yes!" or No - "Think about this for a moment: Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you?"
(Fuck Yes, No Less - "How many of us have been taught to let persuasion and doubt override our instincts? How many of us have been taught to live in the grey?") [more inside]
posted by flex on Nov 9, 2014 - 58 comments

pay attention, gals

Singaporean student Agatha Tan wrote an open letter to her principal after noticing major flaws with a sex ed program at her junior college. Specifically, the Focus on the Family-created program posited relationship advice for "guys" and "gals" and what they really think that seem to be directly cribbed from a joke book. Focus on the Family claimed that it wasn't designed as sex ed but as a "relationship education" program (here's Singapore's actual sex ed curriculum) and that it was supposedly based on research studies about the neurological differences between men and women. The principal says that the facilitators were "ineffective", and the Ministry of Education says that they will cease their working relationship with FotF soon.
posted by divabat on Oct 11, 2014 - 32 comments

Seven hours they had talked and they could have gone on until dawn.

We were each other’s firsts. I was 16, a stressed-out immigrant kid, she was the daughter of Colombian Catholics who were quite fond of the church’s policy on pre-marital sex. So it took us quite a while to awkwardly, semi-defeatedly concede to each other that we had run out of excuses to avoid sex. “This weekend?” I said grimly. A very sweet Guardian piece called "My parents helped me to lose my virginity" by novelist Boris Fishman.
posted by jbickers on Sep 12, 2014 - 12 comments

Because you aren't being you

A lot of women out there are afraid of being something. The template for us is pretty clear: We are meant to have clean skin, a pleasant demeanor, and a nice rack. I'm not speaking up against nice racks, Lord knows. But there are lots of ladies around me, everywhere I go, who hesitate to say what they're thinking and feeling. They go with the flow, they never make waves. And eventually, they don't even seem to know what makes them who they are. They live to serve. They read the books that other people are reading. They say the pleasant things that other people are saying. They never put their needs first, unless it indirectly serves someone else — a manicure, some highlights. They make sure everyone around them is 100 percent satisfied. Like grocery-store managers. Like customer service reps. Like masseuses who also give free happy endings. Ask Polly on "Why Don’t the Men I Date Ever Truly Love Me?"
posted by shivohum on Sep 9, 2014 - 170 comments

objectification and its effects on women

"If a woman is objectified in a relationship, the research indicates, it's more likely that her male partner will sexually coerce and pressure her." [more inside]
posted by flex on Aug 28, 2014 - 106 comments

"I once loved a girl..." - Suze and The Twerp

Tomorrow is a long time
Suze and The Twerp
Ballad In Plain D – Bob and Suze
We were both overly sensitive and needed shelter from the storm
Previously: I gave her my heart, but she wanted my soul
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome on Aug 24, 2014 - 2 comments

occasionally, she wears flannel.

when my boyfriend proposed, I cried — more like panic tears. but I wasn't certain I should end it — until I met her
posted by yeoz on Aug 18, 2014 - 115 comments

"Identity is always something to be cherished."

I Am Loveworthy: How a Transgender Woman Found Love. (Previously, by the same writer.) Useful resources for participating in the discussion: Ohio U's Trans 101* : Primer and Vocabulary guide; GLAAD's Transgender Media and Education Program
posted by Lexica on Jul 13, 2014 - 18 comments

Eventually Pam Fires A Rocket Launcher At Them So They'll Shut Up

"When True Blood premiered on HBO almost six years ago, in 2008, the final Twilight book had just been published, breaking records left and right. The gleam's come off since then, off vampires in general and but especially this show, but I believe it still has some things to tell us. Things about philosophy, America, the existence of faith in a secular world. People fucking all kinds of different ways. Sometimes all of these topics at the same time." Jacob Clifton recaps and reviews the Six and a half seasons of True Blood so far, trying to suss out what we can learn from Sookie Stackhouse's many boyfriends.
posted by The Whelk on Jul 9, 2014 - 61 comments

Look what I can do with my two hands.

Roxane Gay, author of An Untamed State and the upcoming Bad Feminist, has a lot to say about relationships and sexuality and self esteem. Also about how to bake a pie and a killer summer pasta recipe.
posted by Stacey on Jul 9, 2014 - 11 comments

Cheatbook

New research finds a correlation between social network use and divorce rates. "We don't know whether Facebook is causing divorce or divorce is causing the use of Facebook," said a study author. A Facebook spokesman says it's "ludicrous" to suggest a link between the social network site and divorce. [more inside]
posted by stbalbach on Jul 8, 2014 - 104 comments

"Can you deal with the fact that I'm not in love with you?"

Without You I'm Nothing: The Believer looks at the memoirs of the wives and girlfriends of rock stars.
posted by The Whelk on Jul 4, 2014 - 20 comments

Who's Fucking?

Several couples reminisce about when and how they started fucking: Josh and Debra, Zack and Evan, Isaac and Doris.
posted by Brandon Blatcher on Jun 22, 2014 - 29 comments

contempt, they found, is the number one factor that tears couples apart

science says lasting relationships come down to—you guessed it—kindness and generosity.
posted by and they trembled before her fury on Jun 17, 2014 - 91 comments

Alan spilled water on me while I was trying to sleep.

Claire Meyer and Alan Linic, a twentysomething couple in Chicago, have been keeping a public record of every fight they have fought since August of 2013.
posted by SkylitDrawl on Jun 6, 2014 - 78 comments

How to Stop a Wedding

An illustrated guide. "Enjoy life with your bride or groom. Be aware, however, that you're never guaranteed a storybook ending. Someone who is likely to walk from a wedding may be afraid of commitment, and insecure in relationships. This could pose problems for your relationship."
posted by 912 Greens on May 7, 2014 - 89 comments

Friendship delivers what love promises but fails to provide

Friendship uniquely requires mutual self-knowledge and will. It takes two competent, willing people to be friends. You cannot impose a friendship on someone, although you can impose a crush, a lawsuit, or an obsession. If friendship is not reciprocated, it simply ceases to exist or, rather, it never existed in the first place. Andrew Sullivan's book Love Undetectable, illuminated via BrainPickings.
posted by Athanassiel on Apr 28, 2014 - 27 comments

Beating the Tinder Game

Blake Jamieson used his marketing background to game Tinder's system.
posted by reenum on Apr 20, 2014 - 65 comments

For Richer Or Poorer

Ask Polly: Will Our Class Differences Tear Us Apart?
I've been with my current boyfriend for three years. We're really great together—similar interests, senses of humor, great sex. I love him so much—the only issue is that of our respective backgrounds. He grew up in a tony suburb, went to prep school, then to a very prestigious college, and finally the very prestigious graduate school where we met. I went to public school in a bad neighborhood, put myself through a not-so-prestigious college, made a name for myself in my field, then got into that same prestigious grad school. Our families could not be more different. I didn't think it would matter so much, but something happened recently that I can't shake.
[more inside]
posted by the man of twists and turns on Apr 12, 2014 - 86 comments

Your clever relationship wingman.

BroApp. It's either hideously sociopathic or a thought-provoking parody.
posted by xowie on Feb 27, 2014 - 48 comments

You and you and me and baby makes four.

A Vancouver child has become the first person in B.C. to have three parents named on their birth certificate, under province's recent Family Law Act that features a provision permitting up to four parents. [more inside]
posted by mhoye on Feb 18, 2014 - 42 comments

Unhung Hero

Patrick Moote's marriage proposal was rejected in front of a large crowd at a UCLA basketball game. When he asked his former girlfriend why, she told him it was because his penis was too small, which led to him creating a cockumentary called Unhung Hero. [more inside]
posted by gman on Feb 17, 2014 - 151 comments

A Vimeo short about love and loss

I went through a pretty rough break up this year and it was not great. I wrote and made this in the midst of all that. It's a tombstone and love letter and I hope you enjoy it.
posted by Brandon Blatcher on Jan 14, 2014 - 14 comments

We had some good years

Over his long career, the renowned photojournalist Art Shay, 91, has taken thousands of photographs of kings, presidents, Hollywood celebs, and sports stars—chronicling people’s lives and news stories all over the world for such magazines as Time, Life, and Chicago. But his favorite subject of all was his wife of 67 years, Florence. Sometimes Florence would be the focal point of his photos—front and center, smiling, dancing, or reading. Life Through a Leica
posted by timshel on Jan 14, 2014 - 7 comments

Henry Rollins gets relationship advice from RuPaul.

Henry Rollins gets relationship advice from RuPaul [SLYT] in which we learn that "making room for other people . . . is as punk rock as hell."
posted by craniac on Nov 1, 2013 - 23 comments

Mixed Marriages in China a Labour of Love

Mixed Marriages in China a Labour of Love [more inside]
posted by modernnomad on Oct 23, 2013 - 17 comments

Love Him, Hate His Politics

Jeanne Safer writes about being "married to [Richard Brookhiser] with whom I violently disagree on every conceivable political issue, including abortion, gun control, and assisted suicide. I thought the recent government shutdown was absurd, infantile, and destructive; he was a fan. And not only is he a conservative Republican, he’s a professional conservative Republican, a Senior Editor of National Review, the leading journal of conservative opinion in the country."
posted by Jahaza on Oct 23, 2013 - 380 comments

No sex please, we're Japanese

Young people in Japan are increasingly abstaining from romantic relationships and sex. The media refers to this phenomenon as sekkusu shinai shokogun, or "celibacy syndrome". [more inside]
posted by acb on Oct 20, 2013 - 109 comments

A Relationship in Five Minutes

It was probably the cap on the toothpaste that did it. Matthew Flynn and Autumn Stein improvise a video that distils an entire relationship into 5 minutes.
posted by WalterMitty on Oct 20, 2013 - 9 comments

Those paid more than the value they create are thieves.

Quit. Quit early and quit often, not when something is hard, but when something isn't for you. That's the way you find your genius, (YT) says Prof. Deepak Malhotra, who gave this among other tips to graduating students at Harvard Business School in a speech on how to avoid the tragedy of living an unhappy life. [more inside]
posted by shivohum on Sep 22, 2013 - 48 comments

On Marrying a Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse

As his wife, how do I respond? That he survived? That he’s brave? That he’s a hero for letting me talk about it? That I will stand beside him with a personal mission and public vow that nobody will ever hurt him, physically or emotionally, again, the way they did during his 30 months as a choirboy from 1988 to 1990?
posted by Brandon Blatcher on Aug 28, 2013 - 29 comments

Cheating on you, he could live with. Hurting me, he couldn't bear.

A Letter to the Wife of My Boyfriend
posted by SkylitDrawl on Aug 24, 2013 - 212 comments

Letting Go

The Big Father Essay. Some readers may find sections disturbing.
posted by zarq on Aug 21, 2013 - 6 comments

Communication not as a state of emergency.

Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique. Love and respect instead of entitlement. Find your core set of relationship values. Heterosexism is rampant and out there, but don’t let fear lead you. Build for the lovely unexpected. Fake it til’ you make it. Trust is better. Change through communication. Customize your commitments. The Short Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy by Andie Nordgren.
posted by davidjmcgee on Jul 15, 2013 - 43 comments

truths about gay relationships on the road to marriage equality

Master Bedroom, Extra Closet: The Truth About Gay Marriage
"In the fight for marriage rights, gay activists have (smartly) put forward couples who embody a familiar form of unity... But not all gay unions are built on the straight model, particularly when it comes to the issue of monogamy... The gay rights movement has made a calculated decision to highlight the similarities, not the differences, between straight and gay love on the road to marriage equality."
posted by andoatnp on Jun 20, 2013 - 56 comments

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