Right now, though, you can google “polyamory” and get a whole lot of nearly-identical polynormative hype articles, and you can meet up with locals who’ve read the same articles you just did, and you can all get together and do polynormative poly exactly the way the media told you to. And if that’s all you ever bother to do then essentially you are selling yourself short. You are trading in the monogamous norm for polynormativity, which relatively speaking isn’t all that much of a stretch, and stopping there because you may very well think that’s all there is (and you already racked up a whole bunch of cool points anyway). You aren’t encouraged to really think about this stuff without any imposed models at all, which means you never get to figure out what actually might work best for you. As such, the most fundamental element of polyamory—that of rejecting the monogamous standard, and radically rethinking how you understand, make meaning of and practice love, sex, relationships, commitment, communication, and so forth—is lost in favour of a cookie-cutter model that’s as easy as one, two, three. The deepest and most significant benefit of polyamory has become increasingly obscured by media representation, and as a result, is getting farther and farther out of reach for anyone who’s just starting out. the problem with polynormativity
, at Sex Geek
posted by davidjmcgee
on Jan 28, 2013 -
Angry Jane Doe:
"I have started to sleep around. I sleep with men I am not dating. I sleep with men and refuse to date them, actually. I come to their houses, fuck them, say thank you for a nice time, and don't let the door hit me on the ass on the way out. You might think this is a pretty good deal, but it is not. Because I fuck and tell. Because I'm pissed." (NSFW.) [more inside]
posted by velvet winter
on Jul 27, 2011 -
Why I'm Alone
: "People ask me why I'm still alone, and why I don't seek to date much, eight years after my husband died. I thought about it the other day, and came up with a few of the reasons."
posted by Brandon Blatcher
on Mar 28, 2009 -
Who wants to marry a Kucinich?
"I think we're in a day in age when partnerships are imperative to making anything happening in the world. And I certainly want a dynamic, out-spoken woman who was fearless in her desire for peace in the world and for universal single-payer health care and a full employment economy. If you are out there call me." -- Dennis Kucinich, Nov 5, 2003
posted by mathowie
on Nov 19, 2003 -
brings you the first electronic device that allows gay men and women to meet safe and discreetly!" Guess the inventor's never heard of the Internet. Oh, yeah, this gaydar? It vibrates
. Links are safe, but standard pop-up warnings apply.
posted by WolfDaddy
on Sep 7, 2003 -
When she sees the SIZE of your bank balance, she'll be digging YOUR "gold" in no time!
Today's Independent on Sunday
newspaper carried the story of these fake ATM receipts showing a balance of $314,159.26
"After you write your number on this receipt (conveniently folded in your wallet), hand it to the member of opposite sex and watch how fast they call you!"
Tragically, they look nothing like UK ATM receipts, but it had me wondering - what's the lowest-down dirtiest line/ trick you (sorry: I mean, a friend of yours
) ever pulled in an attempt to impress a member of the desired sex?
posted by Pericles
on Jun 8, 2003 -
Meet Judd Arthur
and Kristen Claire
, two attractive singles with eerily similar design sensibilities who just need a date. Maybe their sites are so similar because this past February, Judd
apparently contracted their mutual friend Chris to register domains for them(in his name, for some reason) and he farmed designing it out to someone he knows in the design group at his job
. To get the word out about their datelessness, flyers are being posted on bulleting boards in public places. Have you
seen Judd or Kristen, and where? I'm curious how much they get around. I'm in Chicago.
posted by Su
on Apr 2, 2003 -
Hookup vs. Dating
Seems that the 'hook up' is gaining popularity with girls (it's always been popular with boys) in high school and college these days. More and more women are looking to expend their sexual energy in a manner that they perceive to be safe and committment-free. Why didn't this happen when I
was in high school?
posted by cpfeifer
on Jan 19, 2003 -
What's Joe's Big Secret?
The FOX network has quietly finished production on "Joe Millionaire," a seven-episode series that combines elements of Fox's "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?" with ABC's "The Bachelor."
I won't spoil the "secret" for anyone who cares but isn't someone's financial status a valid factor when forming a relationship. If you lie to someone the entire time during a relationship doesn't that effect your perceptions and feelings towards the person who lied to you?
posted by suprfli
on Dec 2, 2002 -
No more Mr. Nice Guy. Nice guys have believed a myth, this myth is the essence of what I call the Nice Guy Syndrome. The Nice Guy Syndrome represents a belief that if Nice Guys are good, they will be loved, get their needs met, and live a problem-free life.
Are you a nice guy? Take the test
, if you are, better hurry, there are still therapy groups
posted by patrickje
on Jun 13, 2002 -
City as Loser?
Iron City was ranked last out of 40 cities in this year's "Best Cities for Singles" in Forbes magazine. Not that Forbes is the ultimate arbiter of the single life (don't they specialize in male readers over 35 with money?), but your best defense of Pittsburgh or your own medium- or small-sized town would be appreciated.
posted by engelr
on Jun 11, 2002 -
How to Flirt.
"Flirting is much more than just a bit of fun: it is a universal and essential aspect of human interaction." What social science can tell you about flirting and how to do it.
posted by sheauga
on Jun 3, 2002 -
"There should be a law about these people
with web diaries or they should all wear identifying clothing or something, so that innocent bystanders who don't need some perverse kind of public fame can know to steer clear." Or, using Google to flush out potential dating disasters.
posted by Psionic_Tim
on Mar 16, 2002 -
The Deacon Effect. "Two ladies will be tested. The two ladies chosen were "Sarah" and "Katie". Katie is the typical nice girl, on one hand she will probably put up with a ton of shit, on the other she probably has idealistic image of how men are supposed to act, think: Gentlemen. Sarah is your typical raving bitch, she won't put up with any sh*t, on the other hand her image of men is less idealistic and more "bad boy", think: Biker Trash. Both ladies will experience "Sabastian the ass..."
Two ladies. One man. Does being a jerk actually get you chicks, or does nice guys finish last? Sabastian finds out, in the name of science.
posted by jcterminal
on Feb 12, 2002 -
Breakup businesses in Japan
I wouldn't be surprised is this became a television show in Japan. Best line: "Men can always be seduced if the woman operative is reasonably good-looking," says Hiwatashi. "That's an absolute. Men are basically simpletons."
posted by zinegurl
on Jan 10, 2002 -
Interested in taming your man?
Upon first review of the advice given, I was guffawing, and thinking man what kind of milksop
would this be effective on. After thinking some more about it, I started to wonder if I would be affected by it. I mean would my Pavlovian response to sex, in effect, allow my wife to train me, and would I mind?
posted by patrickje
on Sep 28, 2001 -
She didn't feel the same way, and that was that.
Crush.nu has formally ceased publishing stories. Jack
mentions the possibility of a book (for which you are able to send submissions right now), but the project as it was on the web is no more than its archives. I know it hasn't been updated in quite a while, but I'm going to miss it terribly all the same. What will you miss most about it?
posted by moz
on Aug 26, 2001 -
is how I always pictured internet love. The corpse in the fridge is the kicker. I thought you brits knew we were all nuts in the states.
posted by john
on Feb 22, 2001 -