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guilt and shame, nouns and verbs, actions and words

"When our actions become a reflection of our character, we lean more heavily toward the moral and generous choices" asserts professor Adam Grant (of the Wharton School) in a NYT opinion piece entitled "Raising a Moral Child". Some research suggests that when parents "praise effort rather than ability, children develop a stronger work ethic and become more motivated" and Grant draws sharp distinctions between how shame and guilt affect us citing several experiments and studies which support the conclusions that when teaching children about moral behaviors "nouns work better than verbs" and "if we want our children to care about others, we need to teach them to feel guilt rather than shame when they misbehave." Grant has written an entire book about how these concepts influence our generosity and success, and how powerfully feeling "guilt rather than shame" as children can shape us. [more inside]
posted by trackofalljades on Apr 15, 2014 - 38 comments

 

Shame on you!

You should be ashamed -- or maybe not. 'Shame on you. These three simple words can temporarily -- or, when used too often, permanently -- destroy an individual's sense of value and self-worth.' A paper by Thomas Scheff, professor emeritus of sociology at UC Santa Barbara 'The Ubiquity of Hidden Shame in Modernity' explores the danger of hidden emotions: ""In modernity, shame is the most obstructed and hidden emotion, and therefore the most destructive," said Thomas Scheff, professor emeritus of sociology at UC Santa Barbara. '"Emotions are like breathing -- they cause trouble only when obstructed." When hidden, he continued, shame causes serious struggles not only for individuals but also for groups.' [more inside]
posted by VikingSword on Mar 13, 2014 - 35 comments

Unhung Hero

Patrick Moote's marriage proposal was rejected in front of a large crowd at a UCLA basketball game. When he asked his former girlfriend why, she told him it was because his penis was too small, which led to him creating a cockumentary called Unhung Hero. [more inside]
posted by gman on Feb 17, 2014 - 151 comments

OK, in our defense, Europe is really complicated.

Americans Try To Place European Countries On A Map, Brits have similar results attempting to place US States on a map.
posted by Blasdelb on Feb 14, 2014 - 157 comments

Sugar-shamed

"There are times when we should feel shame, like when we’re tempted to hunt for Communists. But nowadays one suspects that Joe McCarthy would have just accused his critics of “red-shaming.” On shaming.
posted by mippy on Oct 22, 2013 - 28 comments

WORST. STATE. EVER.

What is your state worst at?
posted by blue_beetle on Sep 23, 2013 - 88 comments

You Win Fights By Being More Willing to Permanently F-Up The Other Guy*

"I would advise you when You do fight Not to act like Tygers and Bears as these Virginians do - Biting one anothers Lips and Noses off, and gowging one another - that is, thrusting out one anothers Eyes, and kicking one another on the Cods, to the Great damage of many a Poor Woman." Thus, Charles Woodmason, an itinerant Anglican minister born of English gentry stock, described the brutal form of combat he found in the Virginia backcountry shortly before the American Revolution. Although historians are more likely to study people thinking, governing, worshiping, or working, how men fight -- who participates, who observes, which rules are followed, what is at stake, what tactics are allowed - reveals much about past cultures and societies.
"Gouge and Bite, Pull Hair and Scratch" The Social Significance of Fighting in the Southern Backcountry [more inside]
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey on Apr 1, 2013 - 55 comments

"...redbrick, linoleum-­tiled perdition."

"Most American high schools are almost sadistically unhealthy places to send adolescents." Does the "worst of adult America looks like high school because it’s populated by people who went to high school in America?" [more inside]
posted by zarq on Jan 21, 2013 - 176 comments

Freedom from....

The New York Times asks seven 'experts': Does makeup ultimately damage a woman’s self-esteem, or elevate it? [more inside]
posted by zarq on Jan 16, 2013 - 260 comments

Grape Apes: The Origins of Morality

Chimp Fights and Trolley Rides from Radiolab's morality episode: "try to answer tough moral quandaries. The questions--which force you to decide between homicidal scenarios--are the same ones being asked by Dr. Joshua Greene. He'll tell us about using modern brain scanning techniques to take snapshots of the brain as it struggles to resolve these moral conflicts. And he'll describe what he sees in these images: quite literally, a battle taking place in the brain. It's 'inner chimp' versus a calculator-wielding rationale."
posted by kliuless on Sep 2, 2012 - 36 comments

"Vulnerability is not weakness.... Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage.”

Brené Brown: Listening to shame. Filmed this month at TED in Long Beach, CA. (YouTube) Also see: The Power of Vulnerability (yt, previously on MeFi), and The Price of Invulnerability. [more inside]
posted by zarq on Mar 16, 2012 - 16 comments

Erin Go Barf

How NOT to celebrate St. Patrick's Day
posted by Renoroc on Mar 13, 2012 - 181 comments

Blessedly, Briefly Silent

My Hard-Core Obsession (NSFW Text). Writer and frequent This American Life contributor Shalom Auslander for GQ on hardcore pornography, obsession, shame, self-loathing and the subjectivism of thinking too much.
posted by Apropos of Something on Dec 29, 2011 - 42 comments

As Fran Lebowitz said, “If you’re going to tell the truth, you better be funny. Otherwise, they will kill you.”

"I think Louis has hit on some sort of subterranean undercurrent of emotion that I didn’t realize might be swelling until I listened more closely: shame." [via]
posted by Blazecock Pileon on Dec 25, 2011 - 53 comments

Tell

"I finally said, you know what, I'm going to tell my story. The first American injured in the Iraq war is a gay Marine. He wanted to give his life to this country." ~Eric Alva, 40, former Marine and veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom
Tell: An Intimate History of Gay Men in the Military [more inside]
posted by zarq on Aug 26, 2011 - 29 comments

In Defense of Flogging?

Flogging as an alternative to incarceration? A thoughtful essay that considers flogging as an alternative to incarceration; the author uses this as a rhetorical device to point out the inefficiencies of incarceration, and get a conversation going. Some of the comments in the forum are priceless.
posted by Vibrissae on Apr 27, 2011 - 49 comments

Hello, I am fat.

Hello, I am fat. This is my body (over there—see it?). I have lived in this body my whole life. I have wanted to change this body my whole life. I have never wanted anything as much as I have wanted a new body. I am aware every day that other people find my body disgusting. I always thought that some day—when I finally stop failing—I will become smaller, and when I become smaller literally everything will get better (I've heard It Gets Better)! My life can begin!
posted by fernabelle on Feb 12, 2011 - 580 comments

Now, If I were you, I'd just take a few minutes and plan my escape route.

55 years ago, Brown v. Board of Education was decided, which lead to the controversial court-ordered school integrations in the South. Four years later, the prolific Charles Beaumont wrote his only solo novel, The Intruder, based on a true story but set in a fictitious small southern town of Caxton that is riled up by a mysterious man from out-of-town who wants to halt the school integration. The novel was turned into a movie by the same name in 1962, produced, directed and financed by Roger Corman, starring a charismatic William Shatner as the mysterious intruder, some 4 years before the start of his iconic role in Star Trek. Shot on location, using locals who were not fully aware of the plot of the movie, the whole film was made for $80-$90,000, and was Corman's only film to lose money at the box offices. The production was banned in some Missouri cities because the local people objected to the film's portrayal racism and segregation. The film finally saw a profit after its re-release on DVD in recent years. (Previously discussed as part of this 1970s Shatner post; video links inside) [more inside]
posted by filthy light thief on Jul 7, 2009 - 26 comments

ICRC Report on the Treatment of Fourteen "High Value Detainees" in CIA Custody

From the International Committee of the Red Cross ICRC Report on the Treatment of Fourteen "High Value Detainees" in CIA Custody - This is the report in its entirety. [pdf]

From Mark Danner: US Torture: Voices from the Black Sites and The Red Cross Torture Report: What It Means [more inside]
posted by y2karl on Apr 8, 2009 - 59 comments

Sexy People

girls with large glasses, men with large glasses, school pictures, Sexy People (via)
posted by fleetmouse on Aug 26, 2008 - 80 comments

We just like to dance in our goatskin pants.

The kids today sure do love the hip hop music, so let's be sure to cram as much of it into our movie as possible. Thrill as MC Hammer jams with the Addams family, Bobby Brown preaches the word of the Ghostbusters via bluescreen, Rodney Dangerfield cuts loose, Ronald McDonald busts a move, and Tom Hanks & Dan Aykroyd dance their way through a criminal investigation. [Previously]
posted by Servo5678 on Jul 7, 2008 - 33 comments

Mumbai’s Shame

As two women were molested by a mob of 70 to 80 men on New Year’s Eve in Mumbai, all Mumbai’s top cop has to say is—it happens everywhere, and admonishes the media for making a mountain out of a molehill. This, after a similar incident had taken place at the Gateway of India, exactly one year ago.
posted by hadjiboy on Jan 2, 2008 - 65 comments

The Legacy of Lynching

African American Holocaust [Warning: contains graphic material] Nearly 5,000 black Americans were lynched between 1890 and 1960. In her new book, On the Courthouse Lawn: Confronting the Legacy of Lynching in the Twenty-First Century, University of Maryland School of Law Associate Professor Sherrilyn Ifill traces the ongoing impact of these crimes. While the lynchings were devastating, Professor Ifill argues that the little-known contemporary consequences, such as the marginalization of political and economic development for blacks, are equally pernicious, and that there's still a great deal of education and reconciliation that still needs to happen. [Previous Links]
posted by psmealey on Nov 6, 2007 - 70 comments

Tell me the stories that will embarrass those conservative bigots that are backing a constitutional ban on our formalized relationships.

The dirty underbelly -- I'm sick and tired of these hypocritical Hoosier legislators who think that my sex life or relationship status is any of their business. Do I intrude on who they're sleeping with? I didn't, but I'm going to start now. ...Consider this a call to arms gossip. ... -- Bilerico, a GLBT blog in Indiana, fighting their proposed state Constitutional Amendment to ban marriage and all other rights for gay and lesbian couples and families.
posted by amberglow on Jan 25, 2007 - 40 comments

Harry Taylor, US Citizen of the Day

Man tells President Bush that he should be ashamed of himself. Bushie has been touring the country talking to the people and the people have been talking back. Today he met with his toughest and most elequent angry citizen, one Mr. Harry Taylor who began with this salvo:

Q: You never stop talking about freedom, and I appreciate that. But while I listen to you talk about freedom, I see you assert your right to tap my telephone, to arrest me and hold me without charges, to try to preclude me from breathing clean air and drinking clean water and eating safe food. If I were a woman, you'd like to restrict my opportunity to make a choice and decision about whether I can abort a pregnancy on my own behalf. You are --

THE PRESIDENT: I'm not your favorite guy. Go ahead. (Laughter and applause.) Go on, what's your question? (full transcript here)
posted by tsarfan on Apr 6, 2006 - 106 comments

From the Pole vault...

For Shame, For Shame!
posted by gilgamix on Mar 15, 2006 - 13 comments

Disgust

You stink, therefore I am. Philosophers and psychologists have been studying the science of disgust, and its proper place in the law. Leon Kass, the chairman of the president's council on bioethics, cites "the wisdom of repugnance" in arguing against cloning. More recently, Martha Nussbaum has written a new book, "Hiding from Humanity: Disgust, Shame, and the Law," which rejects disgust as a moral guide. She has also written on the role of disgust in the mutilations of women in Gujarat.
posted by homunculus on Jul 17, 2004 - 8 comments

Seven Deadly Sentiments

Seven Deadly Sentiments - Psychology Today explores seven "guilt-provoking, squirm-inducing, I'm-such-a-lousy-person thoughts... At worst, they remind us that we're not quite as nice as we'd like to believe we are. And at best, they may be able to help us understand the deeper reasons behind our wicked thoughts--and forgive ourselves our own trespasses." A long, but interesting read.
posted by Irontom on Jan 12, 2004 - 10 comments

Food summit 'waste of time'

Food summit 'waste of time' and a shame for many first world countries. Berlusconi and Spain’s prime minister Aznar were the only leaders of wealthy countries present during the summit. And Silvio Berlusconi made the summit end two hours early in order to watch his country's crucial World Cup game with México. I wish the War Against Hunger woukd receive the same attention than the War Against Terror…
posted by samelborp on Jun 13, 2002 - 7 comments

Danger! Idiot Judge Lives Here!

Danger! Idiot Judge Lives Here! In Corpus Christi, Texas, a judge has ordered 21 sex offenders to post signs in their yards that read "Danger! Registered Sex Offender Lives Here," and bumper stickers on their cars that read "Danger! Registered Sex Offender in Vehicle." Many people are reacting favorably, such as the person who believes "I think the judge is correct and he should make the signs bigger." But if these people are truly dangerous, why did they receive probation instead of jail time?
posted by jameschandler on May 21, 2001 - 23 comments

Motorists who park in disabled spaces are to be shamed into moving by a talking meter

Motorists who park in disabled spaces are to be shamed into moving by a talking meter
it's a good idea, but sad that able-bodied people still park in handicapped spaces.

perhaps it would work better if the meter announced, "if you aren't disabled when you park here, you will be when you leave."
posted by bwg on Apr 27, 2001 - 10 comments

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