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Icelandic traditions: the Yule Cat, Gryla, and the 13 Yuletide Lads

The Yule Cat, called Jólakötturinn or Jólaköttur in its native Iceland, is something in the lines of a holiday threat. Those who don't work hard and make, earn, or receive new clothes before Yule will be devoured by Jólakötturinn, as told in the poem by Jóhannes Bjarni Jónasson (original poem with some illustrations). Myths say that Jólakötturinn belongs to the ogress Grýla, mother of the 13 "Yule Lad" trolls. [more inside]
posted by filthy light thief on Dec 17, 2013 - 22 comments

Or, you can text me. Whatever.

Permit me to construct for you the ultimate man cave.
posted by Sebmojo on Sep 2, 2013 - 47 comments

STFU, Howard.

Monstergeddon is an annual, one-night tournament of monsters competing in various categories -- Best Kill, Most Unnecessary Collateral Damage, Sexiest Victim -- with the top prize being the coveted Killer Cup. The objective of the tournament is killing humans.
posted by Faint of Butt on Aug 21, 2013 - 23 comments

"Where there is typing, there is life." —Mahatma Gandhi

Icarus Proudbottom Teaches Typing will make you care more about typing than is perhaps healthy or advisable. [more inside]
posted by overeducated_alligator on Aug 13, 2013 - 26 comments

Adrift in the Corporate Shuffle

It hit me this morning that perhaps all of my endless toil and hard work has landed me here. I've transferred so much within the company that all paperwork on me has been long since misplaced. I exist only in a computer program that spits out a 4 digit paycheck to my bank account every other Thursday - just another tick on the underbelly of the corporate warthog. Too senior to be fired, too misunderstood to be bothered, I am truly the forgotten employee.
posted by Mach5 on Jul 23, 2013 - 52 comments

The camera never falls over during a scene. Actors are always in frame.

If Films Were Reviewed Like Video Games
posted by cthuljew on Jul 10, 2013 - 63 comments

Dream 1-1 is not my favorite mud dream.

First, SomethingAwful posted a parody of LifeHacker's How I Work series that imagined it interviewing famed Internetter Nick Smith, aka Ulillillia. Then Smith responded with a detailed 18-point critique of the original post. "Though not an all-out error, I primarily use paper towels instead of napkins for degreasing. Paper towels are far more effective and they practically never stick like napkins pretty much always do (they still do, depending on various circumstances (grease level of cheese and the food's temperature being the main ones)."
posted by Rory Marinich on Jun 29, 2013 - 30 comments

MAIN VIGILANT REMAIN VIGILANT REMAIN VIGILANT REMAIN VIGILANT REMAIN VIG

From SomethingAwful: Instruction for a Help. Starts off slow but ramps up quickly.

Instruction for a Fruit
Instruction for a Babie
Instruction for a Spring
Instruction for a The Bodie
Instruction for a Town
Instruction for a Peace
Instruction for a THing
posted by Rory Marinich on Jun 28, 2013 - 38 comments

????????, alias Kate Stewart, alias "kswizzle"

A long long time ago, a web site called YTMND had a meme involving people whose facial expressions seemingly never change. But this meme has an unusual origin. Back in 2005, a SomethingAwful user received a series of flirtatious IMs from a person he'd never talked to before. The photos "she" sent him were used for the original meme – but there was no proof that they belonged to the IMer. Over the course of two weeks and 63 pages, forum users collaborated to figure out just what the hell was going on – and the story, as it unfolds in real time, is twistier and more unexpected than real life usually ends up being. [use the MAJOR UPDATE PAGES at the top of the thread to navigate; search for "The Pitbull" to jump to updates from the OP]
posted by Rory Marinich on Mar 27, 2013 - 45 comments

Today would be an important day.

Harold and the Dark, Dark Forest
posted by cthuljew on Mar 18, 2013 - 22 comments

Adaptive Systems

"Who is Adaptive Systems and where did he come from? How did he have an encyclopedic knowledge of everything from molecular biology to European intellectual history? Is it possible he was a famous author or an artificial intelligence? What is he doing now? Is he writing a book? [more inside]
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants on Jan 26, 2013 - 66 comments

Simulation and Slamulacrum

"Video Game Character Wrestling is a Twitch channel run by a guy named Bazza. He said earlier how when he first ran it like a month ago, he 'was happy he got 50 viewers, maybe he could get 50 the next time too', and it just fucking exploded, with an average of 2000-3000 viewers in recent matches," (Via this Something Awful thread). Video Game Character Wrestling is an improbable live-action machinima spectacle which pits AI controlled versions of major game characters (and some real-ish personalities) against one another in a brawl for it all. [more inside]
posted by codacorolla on Dec 17, 2012 - 11 comments

Radiohead - Comet, Crying, Vivarium, Ten

Something Awful.com - Design The Worst Band T-Shirt Ever.
posted by The Whelk on Nov 2, 2012 - 58 comments

"No licensed characters here, just the raw eroticism of a rooster translated flawlessly into a skirt and leggings."

Something Awful's Fashion SWAT returns to review sexy Halloween costumes such as Sexy Grinch, Sexy Rooster, and Sexy Woolly Mammoth. (Previously)
posted by EndsOfInvention on Oct 28, 2012 - 75 comments

You too can be a professional princess

"Little girls are AWED by a princess. A woman in a big, sparkly, puffy dress is a thing of power and glory to them. They will stand and stare, or scream themselves hoarse in excitement, or become paralyzed in wonder by A Princess. Some little girls start hyperventilating. Some just sit down on the floor, their knees giving out from under them. They run up to touch your dress with the same crazed look of a Twilight fan trying to touch that Edward Cullen guy at a movie premiere. It's so different from seeing a face character at Disney World because to them, Disney World is a far-off fantasy place full of strangeness and unreal scenes. But this is A Princess, in the real world, in their own home." [more inside]
posted by MartinWisse on Aug 31, 2012 - 148 comments

Foul Bachelor Goons

Something Awful Goons share stories and thoughts on the bachelor life
posted by The Whelk on Aug 24, 2012 - 332 comments

Brown Moses Blog

Brown Moses Blog curates and analyzes news regarding the Syrian uprising, the wider Arab Spring, and the UK phone hacking scandal. It is written by Something Awful forums moderator Brown Moses. Recent entries include discussion of the increasingly well armed Free Syrian Army, senior members of the Catholic Church criticizing pro-Assad clergy, and a look at the evidence of more sophisticated IEDs being used in Syria. [more inside]
posted by furiousxgeorge on Jun 29, 2012 - 13 comments

The A-Okay Gatsby

The goons at Something Awful have a field day photoshopping downgraded and cut-rate literary classics. Part 2.
posted by The Whelk on May 31, 2012 - 150 comments

one of these guys has a convincing rap voice and the other has a convincing 'no mom i don't wanna take out the garbage' voice

Political Rap Videos, curated by SomethingAwful. (NSFW language)
posted by Sticherbeast on Apr 7, 2012 - 16 comments

[LOUD MALE SCREAMING]

@Sheboyganscan attempts to transcribe everything that comes over the Sheboygan, Wisconsin police scanner. The fine folks at Something Awful have cherry picked a few gems.
posted by The Whelk on Mar 30, 2012 - 55 comments

Goodbye and good riddance

At reddit we care deeply about not imposing ours or anyone elses’ opinions on how people use the reddit platform. We are adamant about not limiting the ability to use the reddit platform even when we do not ourselves agree with or condone a specific use. We have very few rules here on reddit; no spamming, no cheating, no personal info, nothing illegal, and no interfering the site's functions. Today we are adding another rule: No suggestive or sexual content featuring minors. - After much complaint, Reddit gets rid of /r/jailbait and selected subreddits with similar content.
posted by Artw on Feb 12, 2012 - 413 comments

MOG: Uhhhh...

Let's Break Final Fantasy 6 is a delightful Let's Play of a familiar and beloved game in which an enlivened youth sets off on a long and arduous journey of playing a long and (well, somewhat) arduous game without...saving in order to... Wait. What? Where'd that airship come from and what is that moogle doing to that train? [more inside]
posted by byanyothername on Jan 19, 2012 - 39 comments

God puts all the pictures on the internet, even the bad ones, as he loves all of us, even the bad people

Something Awful Forums has an active thread where adults draw kids conceptions, mostly about animals. Some of them are cute, others are gloriously bizarre. Also in the same vein: Axe Cop [Previously].
posted by mccarty.tim on Oct 14, 2011 - 18 comments

The 50 Greatest Video Game Characters of All Time

How many of these classic video game characters do you remember? A list of the 50 Greatest Video Game Characters of All Time. Obviously, it's a difficult task to create a definitive list of all our beloved favorites, but this seems to cover all the really significant characters. A little surprised (in a good way!) that Gestalt actually came in at number 10, TBH. [more inside]
posted by Greg Nog on Sep 21, 2011 - 225 comments

3...2...1...

Remember those crazy Danes? Turns out they've had some problems. But they're trying again today! Cecil, meanwhile, is uncharacteristically uninformed. (Previously)
posted by rikschell on Jun 3, 2011 - 28 comments

I do not promise that I will never slay P.B. Fouke himself, but he knows that if I do murder him, it will be only out of genuine love and necessity.

P. B. FOUKE: You have my personal guarantee that the goods we sell are priced as low as is economically feasible. A cent less, and our children would surely starve. You have my pledge that I will buy your quality furs at above market prices. Ours is a business of pristine furs. J. F. SWANTON: The true fur trapper is born with a mouthful of blood and hair! I was born in a hollow log and reared at the sour teat of a wild boar. As soon as my legs could bear my weight, I slew the bristly beast that mothered me and bit the skin from its body with my scarce infant teeth. [more inside]
posted by Sticherbeast on Mar 8, 2011 - 17 comments

The best FPPs are the ones that eat up 12 hours of your life

Ice Pick Lodge is a game design studio renowned for its experimental narratives and its championing of loftier ideals in gaming. Its second game, The Void (link goes to Steam), was released in 2009 to critical acclaim. Quintin Smith writes about it in two articles at RockPaperShotgun, first with a review of the game, and then with a piece defending Ice Pick's use of nudity as artistic. (It's worth mentioning that Smith introduced Ice Pick Lodge to a larger audience with his brilliant three part article defending Pathologic.) Don't have the time or patience for The Void? CannibalK9 of SomethingAwful has you covered with a thorough Let's Play that covers the entire game in twenty-two lengthy videos (not counting the hour-and-forty-minutes two-video finale), expertly narrated, thoroughly examining every aspect of the game, including Easter eggs. [more inside]
posted by Rory Marinich on Sep 6, 2010 - 43 comments

One giant leap for goonkind.

Some people make DIY drones. Some people build WiFi-hacking UAVs. Somethingawful members build their own submarines, floating launch-platforms, and tow their own manned spacecraft out to sea.
posted by fake on Aug 22, 2010 - 34 comments

Your Truly Quite Open Book

Your Open Book (NSFW language) lets you search Facebook's publicly accessible status updates. While the site exists ostensibly to protest Facebook's problematic privacy settings, perhaps its even greater achievement is to let us peer into the lives of our fellow Facebook users. (NSFW language)
posted by Sticherbeast on Jun 15, 2010 - 51 comments

Who's Laughing Now?

Mobutu Sese Seko of Et tu, Mr. Destructo? has written an excellent deconstruction of sitcom laugh tracks at Something Awful. (last embedded video is probably NSFW) [more inside]
posted by threetoed on Mar 18, 2010 - 42 comments

This, my darling, is the Zybourne Clock.

"For Dirk McLauren, Wedesnday January 19 2381 has begun very poorly." The Zybourne Clock was to be a hundred-hour long electro-punk-themed RPG made by members of the SA subforum BYOB. After only a few weeks, the project collapsed in drama and failure, leaving only hilarious snippets of text, original "artwork," and level designs. More effort and skill went into parodying The Zybourne Clock than into creating it.
posted by Optimus Chyme on Nov 19, 2009 - 35 comments

Tommy Tater Adult Costume

FASHION SWAT 09! The Goons from Something Awful review and comment on this year's best costumes. (Halloween Fashion Swat '08, '06, '05) previousish Science Fair SWAT :
posted by The Whelk on Oct 31, 2009 - 23 comments

Halp your Queen's boobs, My Lord!

The downward spiral that is Evony, a web based multi-player game, advertising. Also: The Best Worst Ads by 1UP and fake in-game ads by Something Awful.
posted by Foci for Analysis on Jul 11, 2009 - 41 comments

The Spy is in the Refridgerator!

Bad Crazy in Internet Space
There is a jagged fissure of insanity which runs through the heart of the EVE playerbase, a kind of feverish bad crazy that you simply don't find in other online games. Oh, sure, everyone knows a tale or two about the Starcraft player who stayed awake for 50 hours and died from exhaustion because he wouldn't stop gaming, or the legions of relatively mundane overweight basement-dwelling nerds that populate the other MMOs that have a lack of perspective that comes from playing in virtual worlds too much. Some people like to point to South Korea's Starcraft tournaments as a sign of abnormality, but sporting leagues are a 'healthy' expression of hobby activity by most standards. No, if you want utter madness, you have to look to EVE.
The Mitanni, head of the Goonswarm Intelligence Agency, tells some tales from the dark underbelly of Eve Online. (previously)
posted by empath on Apr 13, 2009 - 110 comments

Venus Of Utapau

A long time ago in an art gallery far far away: Star Wars as Classic Art via
posted by The Whelk on Mar 27, 2009 - 13 comments

It's as if Apple dissolved Microsoft

"Today we destroyed BoB." The giant sandbox-galaxy of EVE-Online (previously) was rocked this week by a defection from Band of Brothers, the largest alliance in the game (and no stranger to controversy), to the Something Awful-related alliance Goonswarm. The Mittani, the goon spymaster, explains what happened, after all of BoB's assets were given over, the alliance disbanded, and the name reincorporated by goons. Via [more inside]
posted by waraw on Feb 6, 2009 - 207 comments

"The oods are good, but the goods are odd."

The Ukrainians have a station about 50 miles south of Palmer, called Vernandsky. We all piled onto the resupply icebreaker ship one weekend and took a trip down to pester them and say hi, sort of a "Howdy, neighbor!" type thing. That was cool, they have a still there and make their own vodka. It's, uh, potent. Tsaven Nava talks to SA about working in Antarctica.
posted by The Whelk on Jan 22, 2009 - 29 comments

RED WORM TIME is begin.

Congratulation! You have a fruit! A fruit is not ready currently. You must prepare a fruit. The color of a fruit is green. The color of a fruit to taste great and put inside your body is red.

[YES! A link to SomethingAwful "dot com." BUT.] [more inside]
posted by Countess Elena on Jul 5, 2008 - 64 comments

He let them down. He ran around and hurt them.

A few days ago a post appeared on the Something Awful forums noting a curious website called Notes to Mary. The notes are a series of threatening letters from a high schooler named Robert to his crush, Mary. The goons figured out pretty quickly that they had an ARG on their hands and went to work on solving the puzzle. Several other forums picked up on the game. Robert began interacting with players, sending them strange messages and several series of numbers that appeared to be some sort of code. A Flickr pool was started. Players even created an IRC channel to swap clues and information in real time. The Notes to Mary site offered a link to a login. All effort was made to crack the user/pass combo. Finally, several days after the game began, users were finally able to log in. The game was solved. The players would be rewarded for their hard work. Where did the login lead? Here. [more inside]
posted by lysistrata on Jun 25, 2008 - 35 comments

"Jade Raymond Smells Nice"?!! WTF?!!

This is why we can't have nice things/people. Jade Raymond is a producer for Ubisoft's new video game Assassin's Creed. Being an attractive woman, Ubisoft decided to capitalize on this fact, leading to sad and pathetic video game coverage of said woman. Then the comic hit. [more inside]
posted by zabuni on Nov 19, 2007 - 364 comments

un film réalisé par Tamra Davis

Not-so-classy movies with classy posters. Previously.
posted by Sticherbeast on May 11, 2007 - 17 comments

Plagiarists are stupid, throw rocks at them

Please God, make everyone die. Amen. Todd Goliath, the creator of the infamous "Boys Are Stupid, Throw Rocks At Them" t-shirts/paintings/flash games/etc. (previously x2) has been discovered to have a piece in a gallery show which is remarkably similar to this Purple Pussy cartoon by Dave Kelly (a/k/a Schmorky) of Keenspot and SA. Not only that, but he's got another character, Eve L. who bears more than a passing resemblance to Lenore, The Cute Little Dead Girl by Roman Dirge. (other examples in the main link -- a surprisingly on-topic thread for SA)
posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me on Apr 7, 2007 - 103 comments

Teach a Man to Fish...

Dude gives a homeless friend a camera. Months later, dude receives prints in the mail.
posted by tylermoody on Feb 11, 2007 - 63 comments

Bruce Wayne shuns his role as the masked crusader "Batman" in favour of international travel after cleaning the city of a mysterious fog and receiving no thanks in the process.

Backward Movies. When you play a movie backwards, what you get is not creepy messages, but rather a new movie. For example:
Titanic
An enormous iron ship surges up from the vast depths of the ocean in order to save a large number of people who are inexplicably, and somewhat foolishly, floundering in the water near an iceburg. It then kindly takes them back to Southampton.
posted by CrunchyFrog on May 21, 2006 - 56 comments

The Ruling Class.

Inside the White House.... brought to you by Something Awful. Elaborate SA put-on, or so insane it must be true? I can't decide. DailyKos summary. [morey]
posted by dhartung on Apr 12, 2006 - 94 comments

Ebaum's World Sucks

eBaum's World Sucks. "For a long time ebaumsworld.com has been stealing content and rebranding it from Something Awful and many other sites on the Internet. Everyone is used to having their content moved around on the net, but Eric Bauman obscures any references to the creator in favor of slapping his branding everywhere. And he's gotten rich doing it."

A charming little flash animation from some SA goons.
posted by Brockstar on Nov 7, 2005 - 77 comments

Paypal does SomethingAwful to the Red Cross

SomethingAwful.com, which has been running on fumes since Thursday because they're hosted in New Orleans, added a Paypal donation link for Katrina relief to their barebones status update site yesterday, raising more than $3,000 an hour. Paypal then froze the account for "suspicious activity," preventing over $30,000 in donations from reaching the Red Cross.
posted by MegoSteve on Sep 4, 2005 - 20 comments

Take your mind off the election...

Princess Maker 2 - Stressed out from current events? I doubt the game is as much fun to play as it is to be bewildered by, but either might help. "...is basically a perverse sports management simulation where your entire team consists of a single ten year old girl that you have to raise to adulthood. Much like any decent sports manager game you have to keep track of a nearly overwhelming number of statistics that fluctuate based on training. In Princess Maker 2 these run the gamut from the mundane like "strength" and "charisma", to the droll like "cooking" and "conversation", to the bizarre like "sin" and "temper". "
posted by soulhuntre on Oct 28, 2004 - 13 comments

Redemption

Redemption? At the risk of linking to another Something Awful thread and incurring their wrath, I think it's important to point this out, especially here. In the matter of a few short days, the users over there emptied their paypal accounts to help someone in need. They raised $12,000 in four days.
posted by crunchland on Jun 15, 2004 - 10 comments

Tales from the Mental Hospital

Tales from the Mental Hospital. "I fought them the best I could, but it was no use at all. I was rather quickly overpowered and dragged inside. A smart person would have just given up at that point, but at the time I was by no means a smart person. I started pulling and struggling to get these guys off me. This only made the situation worse, as I was forced down onto the floor of the wing so the nurse could come and administer the ever popular needle of Ativan into my ass cheek. I continued to try and fight, until a rather large fellow named Abdullah decided the best way to keep me down would to be to use his knee to pin my head to the rug."
posted by UKnowForKids on Jun 8, 2004 - 14 comments

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