65 posts tagged with thetoast.
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The Enchanted Unbreakable Full Spectrum Bulb, and other fairy tales

Antarctic Fairy Tales [via mefi projects] from Mefi's own man-about-town, The Whelk.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome on Dec 21, 2015 - 8 comments

normal blood feelings

Texts from Carmilla
posted by Kitteh on Dec 16, 2015 - 21 comments

On dads and dad music (SL Storify)

Mallory Ortberg asked her Twitter followers to share their dad music stories, and, boy, did they ever deliver.
posted by nerdfish on Dec 8, 2015 - 171 comments

Hugh. George. Matthew. Johnny. Ryan. Bradley. Channing. Pierce. Ben...

The Toast continues its annual celebration of People's Sexiest Man Alive.
posted by psoas on Nov 24, 2015 - 14 comments

Is this a joke? It feels like a joke.

Slate: Meet Our New Dear Prudence Columnist: After a glorious decade, Emily Yoffe is passing the advice-giving pen to Mallory Ortberg. [more inside]
posted by zombieflanders on Nov 9, 2015 - 75 comments

Forgiveness is something other people owe you after you've hurt them.

How To Apologize: "Remember, the goal of apologizing is to keep someone from being angry, because you're responsible for how other people feel about you." [SLToast]
posted by divined by radio on Nov 4, 2015 - 83 comments

embrace your death, and do your best

Mallory Ortberg speaks about starting The Toast at the XOXO Festival [SLYT]
posted by Harpocrates on Nov 2, 2015 - 25 comments

“Our House Has No Structural Flaws”

Songs From A Mountain Goats Album In Which Cicero Is Not Mentioned And Everybody’s Marriages Work Out [SLtoast]
posted by schmod on Oct 29, 2015 - 156 comments

“What race is that?”: Whatever you want it to be.

The Reactions I’m Assuming People Want When They Comment On My Name. [more inside]
posted by Ouverture on Aug 3, 2015 - 272 comments

I'm Getting Really Tired of Living In This Quaint English Village

I'm Getting Really Tired of Living In This Quaint English Village [YouTube] - Original published humor piece performed before a live audience by Mefi's own The Whelk [previously] via MetaFilter Projects. If you want to read the piece along with the performance, here it is as it appears in The Toast.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome on Jul 28, 2015 - 20 comments

Someone ask Charlotte Riley if this is accurate, plz

If Tom Hardy Were Your Boyfriend (slTheToast)
posted by Kitteh on Jul 17, 2015 - 22 comments

Women on the spectrum

The Big Open-Ended Question: On Loving and Accepting My Asperger’s
For years after, I tried to hide who I was and had some success. On the rare occasions when I did disclose my diagnosis, the response would usually be something along the lines of, “Wow, I didn’t know you were autistic!” I always took that as a compliment. After I graduated from college, I got a job and earned a reputation as an excellent employee, who was praised by her superiors and co-workers for her industriousness and attention to detail. But it always ended there. ... Even when I didn’t say anything, even when I just talked about work, I could tell that I still seemed a little odd to most people. A recruiter once told me that I had “an edge” about me, and didn’t really elaborate on what she meant by that. Co-workers told me that I was “too eager” or “forceful.”
[more inside] posted by dialetheia on Jul 10, 2015 - 22 comments

Will Graham would never, ever judge you for ordering the salad.

If Will Graham Were Your Boyfriend - by John Leavitt aka Mefi's own The Whelk, for The Toast.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome on Jul 9, 2015 - 37 comments

Broadly speaking, a Duck Dynasty shirt is not a good sign.

One of my favourite Twitter accounts is the frustrating and important @AfAmHistFail, run by an anonymous (for obvious reasons) docent who gives slavery presentations at a historical plantation. She shares the ups and downs of her job, the struggles to keep composure in the face of racist questions and monologues, and the difficulty of puncturing the romanticization of the antebellum South. She was kind enough to answer some questions for us.
posted by DynamiteToast on Jun 22, 2015 - 72 comments

when your Tinder pic is on point and you start harvesting the D like

Medieval Reactions to modern situations. [SLTwitter, some illustrations may be NSFW] [more inside]
posted by divined by radio on May 21, 2015 - 36 comments

1, 2, 3, 7, 9, definitely not 11, 18 but not 25, hell no to 26 or 33

Books That Literally All White Men Own: The Definitive List. SLToast, not SLOrtberg
posted by MartinWisse on May 12, 2015 - 706 comments

She has one job, and it is to offer the hero a flower.

CONTINUE? Y/N: A Short Story
posted by Joe in Australia on May 6, 2015 - 12 comments

So many more stories of fascinating and brilliant women to be told

"Every one of these sites is worthy of visiting." Sophia Dembling highlights U.S. women's museums and sites for The Toast. Related: Women in Game Developement, a recently opened exhibit at the Museum of Art and Digital Entertainment in Oakland, California. This exhibit features the work of early developers like Roberta Williams, Carol Shaw, Amy Henning, and more — see MADE's webpage for full list and game screenshots.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome on May 1, 2015 - 5 comments

"She's as wild as a caged animal. Try again in a few days."

My mother is like another country I used to live in, familiar but no longer a place I call home. When I visit, I don't stay long; dysfunction is the official language, the terrain is a desert of constantly shifting emotions, and the weather is grey when it's not dark and stormy. Estrangement is so much easier.
posted by divined by radio on Apr 23, 2015 - 14 comments

Fathers have given their daughters to monsters before.

The Beauty and the Beast. The Children's Stories Made Horrific series at The Toast has always been nightmare fuel, drawing out the horror inherent in many children's stories, but the latest installment might be the most trenchant yet.
posted by kmz on Mar 6, 2015 - 39 comments

"My name comes out of my mouth in English."

The Right Words to Say: On Being Read as White (SLToast/Butter)
posted by kagredon on Mar 5, 2015 - 44 comments

How To Tell If You Are In A Soft Science Fiction Novel

Racism no longer exists now that all of humanity has banded together to speak English, vote democratically, adhere to 20th-century American social standards, and battle alien intruders in a thinly veiled metaphor for anti-immigration sentiment.
By Mallory Ortberg. [slthetoast]
posted by cthuljew on Jan 30, 2015 - 171 comments

It was called the Golden Age of Civilization for a reason

Women Murdering Men in Western Art History: "The Venn diagram of “female devotees of Dionysus who savagely tear apart Orpheus” and “parties I would love to attend” has an overlap of roughly 100%."
posted by Conspire on Jan 29, 2015 - 33 comments

"oh my god your life is a slim erotic novel..."

"Realizing you were gay/bi" - Anecdotes shared via Twitter to Mallory Ortberg (The Toast, @mallelis) about realizing the first time that you were gay or bisexual. This is a Storify piece assembled by AKATheReader (@akaTheReader).
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome on Jan 29, 2015 - 87 comments

THIS IS JUST TO SAY

I have taken / the poem / that was your / favourite
and which / you were probably / not expecting / in an FPP
Forgive me / it was fantastic / from Toast / and Ortberg
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering on Jan 8, 2015 - 46 comments

She Looks Like Sunday Comics: Watching The Brenda Starr movie (1989)

She Looks Like Sunday Comics: Watching The Brenda Starr movie (1989) (The Toast) Mefi's own The Whelk (John Leavitt) and Josh Fruhlinger of The Comics Curmudgeon [previously] discuss a glorious 80s flop-turned-cult-movie. [via mefi projects] [more inside]
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome on Jan 6, 2015 - 33 comments

I wonder what my son’s name is. Perhaps it is Jonathant.

Non-working women are more likely to spend their weekdays doing housework or caring for others, while non-working men are more likely to spend that time watching TV. Perhaps, then, it's not surprising how William Giraldi spent his paternity leave (spoiler alert: not parenting). Mallory Ortberg responds.
posted by Metroid Baby on Jan 6, 2015 - 122 comments

Writers can now afford butter with their Toast

Contributors to The Toast are paid a flat, one-time fee of $50 on publication. No further compensation is due, even if The Toast re-publishes the contribution. The Toast also reserves the right to edit at will.
These aren't ideal provisions, but they're not uncommon. What is uncommon: contributors must hand over copyright and waive all moral rights (including the right of attribution).
MeFi favourite The Toast came under fire on Tuesday, as according to Writer Beware, it turned out they paid their contributors a flat $50 fee for all rights in perpetuity. This is not surprising behaviour for an internet content farm, but what may be surprising was the resolution. [more inside]
posted by MartinWisse on Dec 18, 2014 - 98 comments

We Call It N'awlins

Let Me Tell You About New York City [SL Toast]
posted by KernalM on Dec 16, 2014 - 29 comments

Nu scylun hergan Gehyrst Hlaf

I am irrationally pleased by God-night, Rune and The Cat in the Hwæt, two Old English translations by Cassandra Rasmussen.
posted by Joe in Australia on Dec 14, 2014 - 38 comments

The Lord of the Rings: A New English Translation.

How I Defeated the Tolkien Estate. [The Toast]
posted by fings on Dec 8, 2014 - 82 comments

All the feels.

A long-form essay from The Toast (of which you may have read) about life and grieving and gentleness and joy and ... look, just read it: No Matter How Your Heart Is Grieving: Disney for the Sad
posted by Joe in Australia on Nov 26, 2014 - 26 comments

Liberal Dude Erotica

#all men are garbage but this kind especially
posted by ellieBOA on Nov 21, 2014 - 206 comments

misandry in real life

“So You Want to Pick Up and Lift a Man Overhead”: A Fitness Roundtable: The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it wasn’t any more ridiculous or unlikely than any headline or superlative you catch on a mainstream fitness magazine, like “Get Amazing Abs in 16 Minutes!” I figured any program written to help a woman pick up a man and lift him overhead was going to lead to better overall health and fitness than any program written to “reveal your abs” in short period of time. [more inside]
posted by Rustic Etruscan on Nov 14, 2014 - 36 comments

Bingo has the hots for you, Jane, for sure.

"Ozten": Pride and Prejudice for Australians. Brought to you by Hayley Inch and Stephanie Lai.
posted by snap, crackle and pop on Nov 10, 2014 - 14 comments

this is the worst orgy ive ever been to

Women Having A Terrible Time At Parties In Western Art History [The Toast]
posted by DarlingBri on Nov 6, 2014 - 45 comments

"Like lost children we live our unfinshed adventures."

Excerpts from Guy Debord’s “The Muppets.” "Though the name 'Guy Debord' is now synonymous with two things: Situationist philosophy and The Muppets, this pairing of passions was not as easily reconciled as you might think. 'I had to fight really hard not to be pigeon-holed as a Marxist theorist in the puppeteering community,' Debord once said. 'They told me 'Kids don't want to hear about how the concrete life of everyone has been degraded to a speculative universe, Guy.' I said 'How about we let the children decide that?' Decide they did..." [Previously, Via]
posted by homunculus on Oct 17, 2014 - 19 comments

It was for the best, every time.

Fictional Characters Whose Lives Would Have Been Vastly Improved By An Abortion (SLToast)
posted by suburbanbeatnik on Oct 16, 2014 - 207 comments

6 months - 1 year: Appearance of Vengeance Limbs

Normal Milestones in Child Development
posted by prize bull octorok on Oct 10, 2014 - 45 comments

A man who wants to hear a Yes will find a way to drag it out of you.

I do not believe that most women — that most victims of sexual assault — freeze or shut down when faced with the prospect of coercive sex because they don’t really care what happens next, or because they're excited to push through the moment for the sheer joy of accusing the aggressor of rape after the fact. I believe that these women, these people, have a finely tuned sense for their safety, that when a woman reports having "a feeling that it would turn into an ordeal if I rejected him," she is not crazy and she knows what she is talking about.
Mallory Ortberg explores the ongoing debate surrounding passive versus active consent as its effects echo through the Alt Lit community: On Deciding What Counts: Elizabeth Ellen and What Makes A Victim.

[TW: rape, sexual assault, child abuse]
posted by divined by radio on Oct 6, 2014 - 126 comments

The Toast and The Butter

The business side of The Toast. FastCompany profiles everybody's favorite feminist humor site (previously) on the heels of the announcement of a spin-off site to be headed by Roxane Gay (previously).
posted by kmz on Oct 2, 2014 - 11 comments

BRING ME MY MUTE COMPANIONS

A movie star names things. The Toast tells us what movie stars really think as they film the films.
posted by Kitteh on Sep 17, 2014 - 26 comments

and with a cat like that you know you should be cats

The world is a dark and a terrible place. Horrible, morally insane things are happening. Let us resist them as best we are able, and in the meantime replace various nouns in the lyrics of well-known pop songs with the word “cats,” that we might whistle against the coming of the night together a while longer.
Song Lyrics Improved By Replacing Proper Nouns With Cats: Part 1. Part 2. By Mallory Ortberg. DLTT.
posted by medusa on Aug 19, 2014 - 52 comments

When we profile your rage we are reacting to the facts.

Regulations For Your RageThe Toast
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome on Aug 16, 2014 - 17 comments

Hey Ladies! and the Shudder of Recognition

Ok, this may be the most important email I send all year, so PLEASE RESPOND RIGHT AWAY. We need to figure out our summer weekend plans ASAP!!!! We’re closing in on our mid-twenties and I think this is gonna be the summer we all meet our potential first husbands, so location is EVERYTHING!!! Plus Sex and the City. Let’s take a vote! Creeping psychological horror, hilarious satire, or terribly accurate glimpse into the emails of a group of passive aggressive group of "friends" in their mid-late twenties? The Hey Ladies saga by Michelle Markowitz and Caroline Moss at The Toast chronicles the adventures of a group of friends who live in New York via their group emails as they plan various outings and events. [more inside]
posted by yasaman on Aug 14, 2014 - 140 comments

The Cod Will Never Return, And We Must Go To Alberta

Every Canadian Novel Ever [more inside]
posted by TheWhiteSkull on Aug 12, 2014 - 72 comments

Today We Honor Ralph Wiggum

There is no place on the social structure for a second-grade boy who thinks rats are “pointy kitties” and calls his teacher “Mommy.” Kids can be misfits (Milhouse), or they can be brownnosers (Martin), or they can be troublemakers (Nelson), or they can be tattle-tales (Sherri and Terri), but being Ralph is simply not a taxonomically viable option. Ralph Wiggum's Finest Moments.
posted by Ghostride The Whip on Aug 11, 2014 - 121 comments

Four weeks later, you move to Florida.

How To Tell If You’re In Lesbian Pulp Fiction by Carolyn Yates. SLTT. [more inside]
posted by medusa on Aug 4, 2014 - 24 comments

The Judgment of Paris (and a neck that can bend 140 degrees)

Mallory Ortberg of The Toast continues the fine tradition of providing not-so-serious narration to very-serious art. This time, she tackles the Judgment of Paris, a theme "based on a legend where three supremely powerful goddesses asked a worthless male mortal to rank them in order of attractiveness in order to win a sculpture of a fruit." [more inside]
posted by Ouverture on Jul 22, 2014 - 56 comments

Trudy Campbell Is A KGB Spy

Trudy Campbell Is A KGB Spy Mefi's own The Whelk offers a modest proposal [via mefi projects].
posted by box on Jun 1, 2014 - 27 comments

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