Flowers wilt. Chocolates melt. Roaches are forever.
February 10, 2011 7:36 AM   Subscribe

Looking for the perfect Valentine's Day gift for that special someone? Nothing says love like a hissing cockroach!

Most zoos have programs where you can adopt lovable animalsor environments through a donation program, but only the Bronx Zoo will let you, for $10, name your very own roach.
posted by troika (11 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
[EXT. TREVI FOUNTAIN - NIGHT. Black and white. A MAN and WOMAN are dancing in an empty piazza, wearing full evening dress.]

VOICEOVER: Throughout the ages, there has only been one way to express true passion.

[Rose petals descend in slow motion over the dreamlike scene. Brahms's Violin Concerto in D reaches a stirring crescendo.]

VOICEOVER: Imported from exotic lands, since time immemorial, it has been the symbol of our hopes.. our dreams.. and our love.

[The MAN kneels at the WOMAN's feet. He lifts a jewelry box and slowly pulls open the lid. Rapidly cutting back and forth between the MAN's dark, serious face and the screaming three-inch insect inside the box. The WOMAN's eyes well up with tears of joy.]

VOICEOVER: A Madagascar hissing cockroach.. is forever.
posted by theodolite at 7:54 AM on February 10, 2011 [5 favorites]

Wait, they only let you NAME it, you don't get to take it home? Then how are you supposed to pass it from your mouth to your lover's during a passionate filth-embrace?
posted by FatherDagon at 7:59 AM on February 10, 2011 [3 favorites]

I mean, I suppose you could do the mouth-pass while AT the zoo, but some people have aversions to PDAs like that.
posted by FatherDagon at 8:00 AM on February 10, 2011

a passionate filth-embrace

must. not. google.
posted by DU at 8:22 AM on February 10, 2011

Can't you get free roaches in your own home in New York?
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:57 AM on February 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

We used to have a colony of these in the lab where I did my graduate work -- we kept them around mostly for show-and-tell sessions. They're pretty laid-back for cockroaches. They do indeed "hiss" quite loudly.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 9:08 AM on February 10, 2011

We have these at the pet store I work at. They're usually sold as food for frogs and lizards, but I'm sure we'd be happy to sell one as a pet. They live in a tank full of dead leaves, and they scuttle.
posted by The otter lady at 10:17 AM on February 10, 2011

In my college radio days, the station manager kept a bunch of different arachnids as pets, including scorpions named Patty and Selma, some tarantulas and a 10-gallon aquarium just full of hissing cockroaches.
posted by infinitywaltz at 10:21 AM on February 10, 2011

Shortly before Christmas I was digging around in a box of random personal items and came across a small jewelry case, inside of which was a gigantic dead bee that I vaguely remembered finding in Greece about 5 years ago and carting back as an oddball souvenir. He was still perfectly preserved and quite beautiful (you know, if you're into dead bees..)

Anyways, like a week later I was trading Christmas presents with my gf. After giving her her real present (a record) I dropped to one knee and told her I had one more gift for her, handing her the jewelry case. The fact that she laughed rather than slap me when she saw it was a dead bee and not an engagement ring either speaks to her being perfect for me, or, well, says that marriage is nowhere on the horizon. But at least she's got the Grecian Bee on display at her place now.
posted by mannequito at 12:05 PM on February 10, 2011

My girlfriend would be absolutely overjoyed if I gave her a hissing cockroach. I'm really not sure how I feel about that.
posted by lekvar at 12:53 PM on February 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

I would rather have a dead Grecian bee instead of a live hissing cockroach.
posted by The otter lady at 6:42 PM on February 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

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