TL;DR? Book Shrink.

February 10, 2011 2:47 PM

Book Shrink tries to pick out the sentences of an input text that are most representative of the text as a whole; that is to say, find the essence of a text.

I just find Book Shrink very useful when coming across text walls.

posted by Foci for Analysis (37 comments total)

Kafka's The Metamorphosis (I kind of feel something important was lost here):

Rather than driving Gregor back, the father seemed to consider it more important for the time being to calm down the lodgers, although they were not at all upset and Gregor seemed to entertain them more than the violin recital.

And out of her delicacy of feeling, since she knew that Gregor would not eat in front of her, she went away very quickly and even turned the key in the lock, so that Gregor could now know that he might make himself as comfortable as he wished.

And so he rushed away to the door of his room and pushed himself against it, so that his father could see right away as he entered from the hall that Gregor fully intended to return at once to his room, that it was not necessary to drive him back, but that one only needed to open the door, and he would disappear immediately.

With his left hand, his father grabbed a large newspaper from the table and, stamping his feet on the floor, he set out to drive Gregor back into his room by waving the cane and the newspaper.

However, as a result of the short conversation, the other family members became aware that Gregor was unexpectedly still at home, and already his father was knocking on one side door, weakly but with his fist.

It seemed odd to Gregor that, out of all the many different sorts of sounds of eating, what was always audible was their chewing teeth, as if by that Gregor should be shown that people needed their teeth to eat and that nothing could be done even with the most handsome toothless jawbone.

All at once she pulled herself together, placed the instrument in her mother’s lap—the mother was still sitting in her chair having trouble breathing, for her lungs were labouring hard—and had run into the next room, which the lodgers, pressured by the father, were already approaching more rapidly.

Gregor pushed himself slowly towards the door, with the help of the easy chair, let go of it there, threw himself against the door, held himself upright against it—the balls of his tiny limbs had a little sticky stuff on them—and rested there momentarily from his exertion.

And the wound in his back began to pain Gregor all over again, when his mother and sister, after they had escorted the father to bed, now came back, let their work lie, moved close together, and sat cheek to cheek and when his mother would now say, pointing to Gregor’s room, “Close the door, Grete,” and when Gregor was again in the darkness, while close by the women mingled their tears or, quite dry eyed, stared at the table.

He had thought that nothing at all was left over for his father from that business; at least his father had told him nothing to contradict that view, and Gregor in any case had not asked him about it.
posted by kyrademon at 2:58 PM on February 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

And to the end that Madam, the Landgravine, may be so much the more assur'd of the Payment, she shall retain on the Conditions following, Nuys, Cuesfeldt, and Newhaus, and shall keep Garisons in those Places which shall depend on her alone; but with this Limitation, That besides the Officers and other necessary Persons in the Garisons, those of the three above-nam'd Places shall not exceed the number of Twelve Hundred Foot, and a Hundred Horse; leaving to Madam, the Landgravine, the Disposition of the number of Horse and Foot she shall be pleas'd to put in each of these Places, and whom she will constitute Governor.

That none, either Officer or Soldier in Garisons, or any other whatsoever, shall oppose the Execution of the Directors and Governors of the Militia of the Circles or Commissarys, but they shall rather promote the Execution; and the said Executors shall be permitted to use Force against such as shall endeavour to obstruct the Execution in what manner soever.

But as soon as Madam the Landgravine has receiv'd the full Sum, with all the Interest, she shall surrender the said Places which she retain'd for her Security; the Payments shall cease, and the Treasurers and Collectors, of which mention has been made, shall be freed, from their Oath: As for the Bayliwicks, the Revenues of which shall be assign'd for the Payment of the Sum, that shall be adjusted before the Ratification of the Peace; and that Convention shall be of no less Force than this present Treaty of Peace.

In the second place, the House of Hesse Cassel, and its Successors, shall retain, and for this purpose shall demand at any time, and when it shall be expir'd, the Investiture of his Imperial Majesty, and shall take the Oath of Fidelity for the Abby of Hitsfield, with all its Dependencys, as well Secular as Ecclesiastical, situated within or without his Territorys (as the Deanery of Gellingen) saving nevertheless the Rights possess'd by the House of Saxony, time out of mind.

That nevertheless the concluded Peace shall remain in force, and all Partys in this Transaction shall be oblig'd to defend and protect all and every Article of this Peace against any one, without distinction of Religion; and if it happens any point shall be violated, the Offended shall before all things exhort the Offender not to come to any Hostility, submitting the Cause to a friendly Composition, or the ordinary Proceedings of Justice.

Besides the Places of Surety, which shall be left, as aforesaid, to Madam the Landgravine, which she shall restore after the Payment, she shall restore, after the Ratification of the Peace, all the Provinces and Bishopricks, as also all their Citys, Bayliwicks, Boroughs, Fortresses, Forts; and in one word, all immoveable Goods, and all Rights seiz'd by her during this War.

That the Controversy touching Lorain shall be refer'd to Arbitrators nominated by both sides, or it shall be terminated by a Treaty between France and Spain, or by some other friendly means; and it shall be free as well for the Emperor, as Electors, Princes and States of the Empire, to aid and advance this Agreement by an amicable Interposition, and other Offices of Pacification, without using the force of Arms.

As soon as the Treaty of Peace shall be sign'd and seal'd by the Plenipotentiarys and Ambassadors, all Hostilitys shall cease, and all Partys shall study immediately to put in execution what has been agreed to; and that the same may be the better and quicker accomplish'd, the Peace shall be solemnly publish'd the day after the signing thereof in the usual form at the Cross of the Citys of Munster and of Osnabrug.

As for what concerns the Castles of Ehrenbreitstein and Homestein, the Emperor shall withdraw, or cause the Garisons to be withdrawn in the time and manner limited hereafter in the Article of Execution, and shall restore those Castles to the Elector of Treves, and to his Metropolitan Chapter, to be in the Protection of the Empire, and the Electorate; for which end the Captain, and the new Garison which shall be put therein by the Elector, shall also take the Oaths of Fidelity to him and his Chapter.

That he who by his Assistance or Counsel shall contravene this Transaction or Publick Peace, or shall oppose its Execution and the abovesaid Restitution, or who shall have endeavour'd, after the Restitution has been lawfully made, and without exceeding the manner agreed on before, without a lawful Cognizance of the Cause, and without the ordinary Course of Justice, to molest those that have been restor'd, whether Ecclesiasticks or Laymen; he shall incur the Punishment of being an Infringer of the publick Peace, and Sentence given against him according to the Constitutions of the Empire, so that the Restitution and Reparation may have its full effect.
posted by Iridic at 3:04 PM on February 10, 2011 [4 favorites]

Well, this will do wonders for my students' essays. But fair is fair, since I use Microsoft Word Auto-Summary when I grade them.
posted by Beardman at 3:06 PM on February 10, 2011 [2 favorites]

Also, I was hoping that for "The Red Wheelbarrow" it would just say "chickens."
posted by Beardman at 3:12 PM on February 10, 2011 [4 favorites]

Top result for the The Bible (King James version):

2:36 And Attai begat Nathan, and Nathan begat Zabad, 2:37 And Zabad begat Ephlal, and Ephlal begat Obed, 2:38 And Obed begat Jehu, and Jehu begat Azariah, 2:39 And Azariah begat Helez, and Helez begat Eleasah, 2:40 And Eleasah begat Sisamai, and Sisamai begat Shallum, 2:41 And Shallum begat Jekamiah, and Jekamiah begat Elishama.

Uhm...
posted by Memo at 3:19 PM on February 10, 2011 [5 favorites]

They can be reassembled into perfectly fine, Reader's Digest-quality condensed versions.

Chapter One. Marrissa rushed out of her room to find someone to tell
her good news to. Marrissa jumped off the bed, pushed her hairback behind her shoulders and faced her view screen. Marrissadidn't know the name of the Ensign manning it, but he seemed competent
as she checked.

"Lavelle you need more confidence in your hand," Marrissa stated,
revealing her hole card, the Seven of Hearts.

"President, meet my little sister, Lieutenant Commander Marrissa
Picard, acting Captain of the USS Stargazer, currently in orbit,"Wesley said.

"Lieutenant, I don't think that visiting the President of the United
States of America is a risky situation," Marrissa replied.

"Wes, when we get back to the Stargazer, we are going to be having
a long talk," Marrissa stated.

"Computer Recognize Scott, Admiral Montgomery, and transfer command
to Lieutenant Commander Marrissa Amber Picard, per Star Fleetorders."

"You mean the Khitomer Scenario, in which she lasted almost the
full ten minutes necessary," Marrissa responded.

Jean-Luc Picard Commanding Officer Ltjg Clara Sutter 4th Assistant
Chief Engineer Crew of the Stargazer LCD Marrissa Amber Picard
Acting Captain Second Officer Fighter Commander Adm.

And I must say, an unpunctuated list of names and ridiculously over-precise titles is, quite probably, the single most representative sentence for the work, so, well done there.
posted by Wolfdog at 3:26 PM on February 10, 2011 [3 favorites]

Doing this for the Book of Genesis -- the results of which I won't copy here -- is weirdly spooky -- though I guess doing this for any books of the Bible will be. But the fact that it manages to pick the verses from Abraham being promised Isaac and making the covenant, Rebekah telling Jacom to bring the savory meat, and Adam getting booted from Eden, it hits the major points freakishly well.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 3:27 PM on February 10, 2011

Hm, sorry about the linebreaks making that so tall. I'm going to use up all the vertical space.
posted by Wolfdog at 3:27 PM on February 10, 2011

Sorry, I had to do this, too:

Yet, the scream contained a strangely human quality, unlike that which Grignr imagined would come from the lungs of a demon or spirit, making Grignr take short nervous strides advancing to the sarcophagus from which the sound was issuing. "Nay Grignr. "Nay Grignr. "Nay Grignr. "Nay Grignr. "Nay Grignr. Giving vent to a hoarse, throat rending battle cry, Grignr plunged into the midst of the startled shamen; torch simmering in his left hand andax twirling in his right hand. Startled by the barbarians stunning appearance, the chronic fit of their fellow, and the fear that Grignr might be the avantgarde of a conquering force dedicated to the cause of destroying their degenerated cult, the saman momentarily lost their composure. Bracing his sandaled right foot against the rougjly hewn wall, teeth tightly clenched, Grignr appilevered the oaken haft, employing it as a lever whereby to pry open the barrier. " Grignr clameed his right hand over Carthena's mouth and with a slight struggle pulled her over to the shadows at the right hand wall of the path, while at the same time thrusting this torch beneath an overhanging stone to smother its flickering rays.
posted by Wolfdog at 3:29 PM on February 10, 2011 [2 favorites]

But why was it, think ye, that the Samuel Enderby, and some other English whalers I know of -- not all though -- were such famous, hospitable ships; that passed round the beef, and the bread, and the can, and the joke; and were not soon weary of eating, and drinking, and laughing. my lads, do spring -- slap-jacks and quohogs for supper, you know, my lads -- baked clams and muffins -- oh, do, do spring -- he's a hundred barreler -- don't lose him now -- don't oh, don't. ' 'I tell ye what it is, men' -- cried Stubb to his crew -- 'It's against my religion to get mad; but I'd like to eat that villanous Yarman -- Pull -- won't ye. See, Flask, only see how pale he looks -- pale in the very buttons of his eyes -- look -- it wasn't the coat -- it must have been the -- ' 'My boy, my own boy is among them. good many iron in him hide, too, Captain,' cried Queequeg disjointedly, 'all twiske-tee betwisk, like him -- him -- ' faltering hard for a word, and screwing his hand round and round as though uncorking a bottle -- 'like him -- him -- ' 'Corkscrew. That intangible malignity which has been from the beginning; to whose dominion even the modern Christians ascribe one-half of the worlds; which the ancient Ophites of the east reverenced in their statue devil; -- Ahab did not fall down and worship it like them; but deliriously transferring its idea to the abhorred White Whale, he pitted himself, all mutilated, against it. ' 'Then God keep thee, old man -- see'st thou that' -- pointing to the hammock -- 'I bury but one of five stout men, who were alive only yesterday; but were dead ere night. Like all sea-going ship carpenters, and more especially those belonging to whaling vessels, he was, to a certain off-handed, practical extent, alike experienced in numerous trades and callings collateral to his own; the carpenter's pursuit being the ancient and outbranching trunk of all those numerous handicrafts which more or less have to do with wood as an auxiliary material. For eight-and-forty hours let me charter your ship -- I will gladly pay for it, and roundly pay for it -- if there be no other way -- for eight-and-forty hours only -- only that -- you must, oh, you must, and you shall do this thing. Start her, Tash, my boy -- start her, all; but keep cool, keep cool -- cucumbers is the word -- easy, easy -- only start her like grim death and grinning devils, and raise the buried dead perpendicular out of their graves, boys -- that's all.
posted by chavenet at 3:29 PM on February 10, 2011

What a fun thing.
posted by Wolfdog at 3:30 PM on February 10, 2011

posted by Foci for Analysis

Almost forgot: eponysterical.
posted by chavenet at 3:36 PM on February 10, 2011

Works for song lyrics, too:

1 (1.000000): Never gonna give you up.
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:00 PM on February 10, 2011 [2 favorites]

"It's also less likely for someone to call the police if their dog digs up some chunk of meat, than if they dig up an enitre body."
[source text]
posted by vidur at 4:06 PM on February 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

Why stop there Iridic?

But as soon as Madam the Landgravine has receiv'd the full Sum, with all the Interest, she shall surrender the said Places which she retain'd for her Security; the Payments shall cease, and the Treasurers and Collectors, of which mention has been made, shall be freed, from their Oath: As for the Bayliwicks, the Revenues of which shall be assign'd for the Payment of the Sum, that shall be adjusted before the Ratification of the Peace; and that Convention shall be of no less Force than this present Treaty of Peace.
posted by StickyCarpet at 4:19 PM on February 10, 2011

She no work for me.
posted by bz at 4:22 PM on February 10, 2011

This Book Shrink is fun. I dd enjoy this version of The Crying of Lot 49:

1 (1.000000): It got so confusing that next day Oedipa decided to go see the play itself, and even conned Metzger into taking her.

2 (0.935018): D'Amico has suggested that Wharfinger may have made a libellous comparison involving someone at court, and that the later 'restoration' was actually the work of the printer, Inigo Barfstable.

3 (0.929883): Metzger rushed in to find Oedipa rolling around, trying to get back on her feet, amid a great sticky miasma of fragrant lacquer.

4 (0.925384): Evil Duke Angelo, meanwhile, is scheming to amalgamate the duchies of Squamuglia and Faggio, by marrying off the only royal female available, his sister Francesca, to Pasquale the Faggian usurper.

5 (0.807633): " The book was titled An Account of the Singular Peregrinations of Dr Diocletian Blobb among the Italians, Illuminated with Exemplary Tales from the True History of That Outlandish And Fantastical Race.

6 (0.806650): " "You're in trouble," Oedipa told him, staring at the tube, conscious of his thigh, warm through his suit and her slacks.

7 (0.792063): Surely they'd forgotten by now what it was the Tristero were to have inherited; as perhaps Oedipa one day might have.

8 (0.784669): One rainy morning, with mist rising off the pool, Metzger again away, the Paranoids off somewhere to a recording session, Oedipa got rung up by this Genghis Cohen, who even over the phone she could tell was disturbed.

9 (0.783114): Oedipa took off her badge, put it in an ashtray and said, quietly, trying not to suggest hysteria, "Look, you have to help me.

10 (0.779569): " Oedipa went back to Echo Courts to drink bourbon until the sun went down and it was as dark as it would ever get.

11 (0.778387): When Bortz asked her one evening if he could bring in D'Amico, who was at NYU, Oedipa told him no, too fast, too nervous.

12 (0.776259): Oedipa looked and saw Baby Igor, disguised as a Turkish beggar lad, skulking with the dog around a set she took to be Constantinople.

13 (0.775314): " In front of his door, which she could never remember having seen closed, Oedipa stood hipshot awhile, questioning her own sanity.

14 (0.769065): Oedipa sat, feeling as alone as she ever had, now the only woman, she saw, in a room full of drunken male homosexuals.

15 (0.760456): Amid the exhaust, sweat, glare and ill-humor of a summer evening on an American freeway, Oedipa Maas pondered her Trystero problem.
posted by bearwife at 4:57 PM on February 10, 2011 [2 favorites]

From some web novel by some guy:

1 (1.000000): So without realizing it, Caroline and Lawrence came to hold nearly identical beliefs about Prime Intellect and the Change.

...which, all things considered, is a pretty good selection.
posted by localroger at 5:37 PM on February 10, 2011

Really, looking at my own writing through the lens of this thing is very interesting. All 15 results represent either dramatic reveals or significant plot turns, and while the book is infamous for its violent kinky sex there is only one instance of profanity or sex in bookshrink's output:

5 (0.717949): This had made it seem terribly moral, although Caroline thought the real reason Prime Intellect reacted that way was that Lawrence had fucked up its programming.
posted by localroger at 5:44 PM on February 10, 2011

Throwing some more of my stories at it, I find this thing impressing me. It almost always throws back lines I thought (or hoped) would be among the most memorable. (It did on one occasion throw back the kuro5hin poll as result #15, but I found isolating the real text with the FireFox Aardvark plugin stops that nicely.)
posted by localroger at 5:59 PM on February 10, 2011

I did my bar mitzvah speech and it said:
I thank my mother and father for making me a man and for the gifts from relatives that I will always recall.
posted by Postroad at 6:01 PM on February 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

Memo: "Top result for the The Bible (King James version):

2:36 And Attai begat Nathan, and Nathan begat Zabad, 2:37 And Zabad begat Ephlal, and Ephlal begat Obed, 2:38 And Obed begat Jehu, and Jehu begat Azariah, 2:39 And Azariah begat Helez, and Helez begat Eleasah, 2:40 And Eleasah begat Sisamai, and Sisamai begat Shallum, 2:41 And Shallum begat Jekamiah, and Jekamiah begat Elishama.

Uhm..."

Modern Christianity does seem to have an unhealthy obsession with sex...
posted by Rhaomi at 6:12 PM on February 10, 2011

cf. this
posted by ritual system at 6:17 PM on February 10, 2011

1 (1.000000): If anything ail a man, so that he does not perform his functions, if he have a pain in his bowels even -- for that is the seat of sympathy -- he forthwith sets about reforming -- the world.

2 (0.994393): Most men appear never to have considered what a house is, and are actually though needlessly poor all their lives because they think that they must have such a one as their neighbors have.

3 (0.964478): In her own words, they were "good boards overhead, good boards all around, and a good window" -- of two whole squares originally, only the cat had passed out that way lately.

4 (0.904077): I have scarcely heard of a truer sacrament, that is, as the dictionary defines it, "outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace," than this, and I have no doubt that they were originally inspired directly from Heaven to do thus, though they have no Biblical record of the revelation.

5 (0.889256): It was only how to put a core of truth within the ornaments, that every sugarplum, in fact, might have an almond or caraway seed in it -- though I hold that almonds are most wholesome without the sugar -- and not how the inhabitant, the indweller, might build truly within and without, and let the ornaments take care of themselves.

6 (0.883052): Notwithstanding much cant and hypocrisy -- chaff which I find it difficult to separate from my wheat, but for which I am as sorry as any man -- I will breathe freely and stretch myself in this respect, it is such a relief to both the moral and physical system; and I am resolved that I will not through humility become the devil's attorney.

7 (0.869979): " Hippocrates has even left directions how we should cut our nails; that is, even with the ends of the fingers, neither shorter nor longer.

8 (0.854163): Yet some, not wise, go to the other side of the globe, to barbarous and unhealthy regions, and devote themselves to trade for ten or twenty years, in order that they may live -- that is, keep comfortably warm -- and die in New England at last.

9 (0.814448): Contrast the physical condition of the Irish with that of the North American Indian, or the South Sea Islander, or any other savage race before it was degraded by contact with the civilized man.

10 (0.775758): Beside being better off than they already, if my house had been burned or my crops had failed, I should have been nearly as well off as before.

11 (0.767233): I once heard a reverend lecturer on England, a man of learning and intelligence, after enumerating her scientific, literary, and political worthies, Shakespeare, Bacon, Cromwell, Milton, Newton, and others, speak next of her Christian heroes, whom, as if his profession required it of him, he elevated to a place far above all the rest, as the greatest of the great.

12 (0.765413): It appears, therefore, from the above list, that the expression, animal life, is nearly synonymous with the expression, animal heat; for while Food may be regarded as the Fuel which keeps up the fire within us -- and Fuel serves only to prepare that Food or to increase the warmth of our bodies by addition from without -- Shelter and Clothing also serve only to retain the heat thus generated and absorbed.

13 (0.755396): What I have heard of Bramins sitting exposed to four fires and looking in the face of the sun; or hanging suspended, with their heads downward, over flames; or looking at the heavens over their shoulders "until it becomes impossible for them to resume their natural position, while from the twist of the neck nothing but liquids can pass into the stomach"; or dwelling, chained for life, at the foot of a tree; or measuring with their bodies, like caterpillars, the breadth of vast empires; or standing on one leg on the tops of pillars -- even these forms of conscious penance are hardly more incredible and astonishing than the scenes which I daily witness.

14 (0.753257): As if the sun should stop when he had kindled his fires up to the splendor of a moon or a star of the sixth magnitude, and go about like a Robin Goodfellow, peeping in at every cottage window, inspiring lunatics, and tainting meats, and making darkness visible, instead of steadily increasing his genial heat and beneficence till he is of such brightness that no mortal can look him in the face, and then, and in the meanwhile too, going about the world in his own orbit, doing it good, or rather, as a truer philosophy has discovered, the world going about him getting good.

15 (0.743388): Old shoes will serve a hero longer than they have served his valet -- if a hero ever has a valet -- bare feet are older than shoes, and he can make them do.


Yeah, I dunno.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 6:18 PM on February 10, 2011

1 (1.000000): Leopold Bloom (for it is he) stands silent, with bowed head before those young guileless eyes.

2 (0.973539): 16 years after in 1920 when Stephen would be of Bloom's present age Bloom would be 54.

3 (0.924948): Communication was effected through the pituitary body and also by means of the orangefiery and scarlet rays emanating from the sacral region and solar plexus.

4 (0.834883): _ EXIT BLOOM --I'm just running round to Bachelor's walk, Mr Bloom said, about this ad of Keyes's.

5 (0.803530): --The memory of the dead, says the citizen taking up his pintglass and glaring at Bloom.

6 (0.799996): --O, by God, says Ned, you should have seen Bloom before that son of his that died was born.

7 (0.770937): They comprised astronomical kaleidoscopes exhibiting the twelve constellations of the zodiac from Aries to Pisces, miniature mechanical orreries, arithmetical gelatine lozenges, geometrical to correspond with zoological biscuits, globemap playing balls, historically costumed dolls.

8 (0.748502): However, reverting to the original, there were on the other hand others who had forced their way to the top from the lowest rung by the aid of their bootstraps.

9 (0.745843): What limitations of activity and inhibitions of conjugal rights were perceived by listener and narrator concerning themselves during the course of this intermittent and increasingly more laconic narration.

10 (0.731616): _(He bends again and hesitating, brings his mouth near the face of the prostrate form)_ Stephen.

11 (0.727747): Florry Christ, Stephen Christ, Zoe Christ, Bloom Christ, Kitty Christ, Lynch Christ, it's up to you to sense that cosmic force.

12 (0.725524): --And after all, says John Wyse, why can't a jew love his country like the next fellow.

13 (0.724110): With indirect and direct verbal allusions or affirmations: with subdued affection and admiration: with description: with impediment: with suggestion.

14 (0.703090): Of course his infant majesty was most obstreperous at such toilet formalities and he let everyone know it: --Habaa baaaahabaaa baaaa.

15 (0.702958): You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.
posted by Judith Butlerian Jihad at 6:48 PM on February 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

What would happen if we fed it the last 10+ years of MeFi?
posted by Strange Interlude at 6:50 PM on February 10, 2011

Interesting. It appears that when you feed Ulysses in you get Finnegans Wake.
posted by MimeticHaHa at 6:51 PM on February 10, 2011 [2 favorites]

It didn't really capture the essence of the first text I tried:

1 (1.000000): By this, the long wished-for opportunity was offered to "True" Socialism of confronting the political movement with the Socialist demands, of hurling the traditional anathemas against liberalism, against representative government, against bourgeois competition, bourgeois freedom of the press, bourgeois legislation, bourgeois liberty and equality, and of preaching to the masses that they had nothing to gain, and everything to lose, by this bourgeois movement.

2 (0.945359): The Communists, therefore, are on the one hand, practically, the most advanced and resolute section of the working-class parties of every country, that section which pushes forward all others; on the other hand, theoretically, they have over the great mass of the proletariat the advantage of clearly understanding the line of march, the conditions, and the ultimate general results of the proletarian movement.

3 (0.862284): German Socialism forgot, in the nick of time, that the French criticism, whose silly echo it was, presupposed the existence of modern bourgeois society, with its corresponding economic conditions of existence, and the political constitution adapted thereto, the very things whose attainment was the object of the pending struggle in Germany.

It did much better on the second one, though:

1 (1.000000): And first of all, because I know that all things which I apprehend clearly and distinctly can be created by God as I apprehend them, it suffices that I am able to apprehend one thing apart from another clearly and distinctly in order to be certain that the one is different from the other, since they may be made to exist in separation at least by the omnipotence of God; and it does not signify by what power this separation is made in order to compel me to judge them to be different: and, therefore, just because I know certainly that I exist, and that meanwhile I do not remark that any other thing necessarily pertains to my nature or essence, excepting that I am a thinking thing, I rightly conclude that my essence consists solely in the fact that I am a thinking thin [or a substance whose whole essence or nature is to think].

3 (0.812193): For really I discern in many ways that this idea is not something factitious, and depending solely on my thought, but that it is the image of a true and immutable nature; first of all, because I cannot conceive anything but God himself to whose essence existence [necessarily] pertains; in the second place because it is not possible for me to conceive two or more Gods in this same position; and, granted that there is one such God who now exists, I see clearly that it is necessary that He should have existed from all eternity, and that He must exist eternally; and finally, because I know an infinitude of other properties in God, none of which I can either diminish or change.

4 (0.743468): And this does not cease to be true although I do not comprehend the infinite, or though in God there is an infinitude of things which I cannot comprehend, nor possibly even reach in any way by thought; for it is of the nature of the infinite that my nature, which is finite and limited, should not comprehend it; and it is sufficient that I should understand this, and that I should judge that all things which I clearly perceive and in which I know that there is some perfection, and possibly likewise an infinitude of properties of which I am ignorant, are in God formally or eminently, so that the idea which I have of Him may become the most true, most clear, and most distinct of all the ideas that are in my mind.
posted by Johnny Assay at 7:11 PM on February 10, 2011

I also threw in Also Sprach Zarathustra, but it just gave me something back about flamingoes.
posted by Johnny Assay at 7:12 PM on February 10, 2011

The current Egypt thread in 10 sentences:

] Come on, can you imagine what would have happened if Obama took office and immediately cut off aid to Egypt and demanded that Mubarak resign. ] and at last count had about 10 tanks around it posted by adamvasco at 3:28 PM on February 10 [+] [. ] Egypt's Uprising: State of Play 2011-02-10 posted by adamvasco at 1:24 PM on February 10 [1 favorite +] [. ] blah blah blah GOD IS WATCHING blah blah posted by scody at 2:40 PM on February 10 [+] [. ] THE SOIL IS READY FOR YOU posted by scody at 2:02 PM on February 10 [3 favorites +] [. ] If you are on twitter, check out #reasonsmubarakislate posted by CunningLinguist at 12:26 PM on February 10 [+] [. ] So is anyone else speculating that Mubarek doesn't expect to stay in power, he's just buying time to destroy evidence and hide or transfer assets as fast as he can. ] Beese -- QUIT GRINDING YOUR FUCKING AXE posted by msalt at 12:41 PM on February 10 [12 favorites +] [. ] Waiting for Cheney to pick him up in the Imperial Hovercraft #ReasonsMubarakIsLate State TV has lost the tape #ReasonsMubarakIsLate posted by CunningLinguist at 1:33 PM on February 10 [+] [. ] hosni, you owe for an aquaduct dude posted by clavdivs at 3:16 PM on February 10 [1 favorite +] [.

posted by NoraReed at 7:30 PM on February 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

1 (1.000000): And for god's sake, stop calling him the Loch Ness Monster.

2 (0.928728): "But mom," I cried, "I hate sharing a birthday party with the Loch Ness Monster.

3 (0.880482): Yeah, I'll tell ya, it ain't easy sharing a birthday with the Loch Ness Monster.

4 (0.839474): I was thirteen, miserable, and just had ANOTHER birthday ruined by the Loch Ness Monster.

5 (0.768914): It wouldn't be fair to you, and it wouldn't be fair to the Loch Ness Monster.

6 (0.621162): back to Loch Ness.

7 (0.578947): I see the Loch Ness Monster.

8 (0.414727): 12 people in Marriott uniforms wheeled out a large tank, containing none other than the Loch Ness Monster, his head bedecked with a big red bow.

9 (0.414108): chased that Monster all the way to the Mississippi.

10 (0.411053): " Of course, there'd be more money if we didn't have to take care of the Loch Ness Monster, but mom wouldn't hear any of that.

11 (0.352796): Louis Monster by now.

12 (0.347925): Growing up, my parents insisted throwing us a double birthday party every year.

13 (0.275000): Instead, I will always host my birthday party on the 17th of March : St.

14 (0.235197): " And then a young woman -- none other than Miriam Kornbluth -- stood up, a rolled-up program guide held up to her eye like a telescope.

15 (0.219367): Approaching the stage, I noticed Miriam Kornbluth, the girl I'd been crushing on since summer camp.
posted by Afroblanco at 7:59 PM on February 10, 2011

*giggles*

9: 'I don't think so,' said Mort.

10: And in his untidy room Cutwell turned the gold coin over and over in his fingers, muttering 'walls' to himself, and draining the bottle.

11: 'I think so,' said Mort uncertainly.
posted by rubah at 8:32 PM on February 10, 2011 [1 favorite]

Kafka's The Metamorphosis (I kind of feel something important was lost here)

Little-known fact: that's actually the original subtitle.
posted by rokusan at 2:13 AM on February 11, 2011

1 (1.000000): " he answered, and then, thinking that if he made himself pleasant to Swann he might find favour with Odette, he decided to take this opportunity of flattering him by speaking of his fashionable friends, but speaking as a man of the world himself, in a tone of good-natured criticism, and not as though he were congratulating Swann upon some undeserved good fortune: "Isn't that so, Swann.

2 (0.695464): Whenever she had been away for any length of time, Swann would feel that he was beginning to detach himself from her, but, as though this moral distance were proportionate to the physical distance between them, whenever he heard that Odette had returned to Paris, he could not rest without seeing her.

3 (0.610774): " Until then I had supposed that his horror of having to give a serious opinion was something Parisian and refined, in contrast to the provincial dogmatism of my grandmother's sisters; and I had imagined also that it was characteristic of the mental attitude towards life of the circle in which Swann moved, where, by a natural reaction from the 'lyrical' enthusiasms of earlier generations, an excessive importance was given to small and precise facts, formerly regarded as vulgar, and anything in the nature of 'phrase-making' was banned.
posted by ersatz at 11:40 AM on February 11, 2011

If we did this to the US tax codes would they become more coherent?
posted by ironbob at 1:23 PM on February 11, 2011

Chapter I, Book I of The Wealth of Nations isn't bad:


1 (1.000000): A great part of the machines made use of*34 in those manufactures in which labour is most subdivided, were originally the inventions of common workmen, who, being each of them employed in some very simple operation, naturally turned their thoughts towards finding out easier and readier methods of performing it.

2 (0.974216): 6 First, the improvement of the dexterity of the workman necessarily increases the quantity of the work he can perform; and the division of labour, by reducing every man's business to some one simple operation, and by making this operation the sole employment of his life, necessarily increases very much the dexterity of the workman.

3 (0.955392): It is commonly supposed to be carried furthest in some very trifling ones; not perhaps that it really is carried further in them than in others of more importance: but in those trifling manufactures which are destined to supply the small wants of but a small number of people, the whole number of workmen must necessarily be small; and those employed in every different branch of the work can often be collected into the same workhouse, and placed at once under the view of the spectator.

4 (0.930249): Every workman has a great quantity of his own work to dispose of beyond what he himself has occasion for; and every other workman being exactly in the same situation, he is enabled to exchange a great quantity of his own goods for a great quantity, or, what comes to the same thing, for the price of a great quantity of theirs.

5 (0.853934): 5 This great increase of the quantity of work which, in consequence of the division of labour, the same number of people are capable of performing,*26 is owing to three different circumstances; first to the increase of dexterity in every particular workman; secondly, to the saving of the time which is commonly lost in passing from one species of work to another; and lastly, to the invention of a great number of machines which facilitate and abridge labour, and enable one man to do the work of many.
posted by dismas at 1:31 PM on February 11, 2011

I shrunk my livejournal, it was a sentence from the abstract of my thesis, a sentence about starting a new thesis, a sentence about moving, and a few about parties, working all the time, being on the internet too much, and never sleeping.

...pretty accurately me.
posted by nile_red at 10:50 AM on February 12, 2011