Tick. Tick. Tick. That's the sound of your life running out.
March 4, 2011 2:45 PM Subscribe
Tick Tock - What would you do if you had five minutes to live?
Find the PepsiBlue and drink deeply.
posted by rough ashlar at 2:52 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by rough ashlar at 2:52 PM on March 4, 2011
Brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack.
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 2:53 PM on March 4, 2011 [10 favorites]
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 2:53 PM on March 4, 2011 [10 favorites]
Five minutes? I guess I won't live to see that gum that I like come back in style.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 2:54 PM on March 4, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by ricochet biscuit at 2:54 PM on March 4, 2011 [5 favorites]
The simple joys are the best. There's Dr. Pepper in the vending machine.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 2:54 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Mister Fabulous at 2:54 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
ok, so...
1) I was waiting for the zombies.
2) Steve Jobs?
3) first no, then yeah, then... meh.
posted by symbioid at 2:56 PM on March 4, 2011
1) I was waiting for the zombies.
2) Steve Jobs?
3) first no, then yeah, then... meh.
posted by symbioid at 2:56 PM on March 4, 2011
Must....delete.....porn....folder....
posted by Trochanter at 2:56 PM on March 4, 2011 [7 favorites]
posted by Trochanter at 2:56 PM on March 4, 2011 [7 favorites]
Well, masturbate, but that still leaves over four minutes.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:00 PM on March 4, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:00 PM on March 4, 2011 [5 favorites]
I have that little wooden box. It ruins this for me because I'm imagining that the guy is tearing across campus toting a handful of mismatched body-pierce rings with lost parts.
posted by cmyk at 3:03 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by cmyk at 3:03 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
Watch the clock for four minutes, then kill myself. I'm just that ornery.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:03 PM on March 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:03 PM on March 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
I'm taking the yappy neighbor's dog with me, that's all I know. I want my final few minutes to be in service to mankind.
posted by maxwelton at 3:03 PM on March 4, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by maxwelton at 3:03 PM on March 4, 2011 [4 favorites]
I'd probably listen to some Stranglers
(with some time left over to quote Steve Jobs)
posted by Dr-Baa at 3:05 PM on March 4, 2011
(with some time left over to quote Steve Jobs)
posted by Dr-Baa at 3:05 PM on March 4, 2011
Freebird.
posted by tigrefacile at 3:08 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by tigrefacile at 3:08 PM on March 4, 2011
I would probably judge this video hastily and unfairly. But really, this seems kinda sucky.
posted by Think_Long at 3:14 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Think_Long at 3:14 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
Find a good batch of MDMA and partake.
Given that it takes a lot longer than 5 minutes for MDMA to take effect, I suggest rethinking your strategy.
If I had 5 minutes to live I'd probably spend it crying like a little girl, to be honest.
posted by Justinian at 3:20 PM on March 4, 2011 [5 favorites]
Given that it takes a lot longer than 5 minutes for MDMA to take effect, I suggest rethinking your strategy.
If I had 5 minutes to live I'd probably spend it crying like a little girl, to be honest.
posted by Justinian at 3:20 PM on March 4, 2011 [5 favorites]
This song gives you some solid advice on what to do with your final five.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:22 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:22 PM on March 4, 2011
All I can say is that I'm really, really glad the time I spent watching this wasn't the last five minutes of my life. Because right now I would be feeling like I made a really bad choice about how to spend it.
The campus was pretty.
posted by Miko at 3:22 PM on March 4, 2011
The campus was pretty.
posted by Miko at 3:22 PM on March 4, 2011
FART FOR SIX MINUTES
posted by Sticherbeast at 3:24 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Sticherbeast at 3:24 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
I want those five minutes of my life back.
posted by LordSludge at 3:26 PM on March 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by LordSludge at 3:26 PM on March 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
Do you find out about these five minutes five minutes before the end? Is that covered in the video? Because, given some months of planning, I could get up to some crazy shit in those last few moments.
posted by tapesonthefloor at 3:31 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by tapesonthefloor at 3:31 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
If I had five minutes to live I'd give up smoking, start exercising, and eat only healthy foods. Because if I did that, I might live for seven minutes.
posted by twoleftfeet at 3:33 PM on March 4, 2011 [16 favorites]
posted by twoleftfeet at 3:33 PM on March 4, 2011 [16 favorites]
Kiss my wife goodbye, hop on my Buell, and go find a cop to wheelie by.
posted by calamari kid at 3:37 PM on March 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by calamari kid at 3:37 PM on March 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
Paint my masterpiece.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:43 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:43 PM on March 4, 2011
Plant the seed for another 'lil sns.
posted by snsranch at 3:44 PM on March 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by snsranch at 3:44 PM on March 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
The video looked kind of challenging to execute but not really worth the effort.
But as to the question, if I had five minutes left to live, that five minutes would have very little marginal value to me. I would try to do something nice for somebody else; probably that would mean moving my body out of this crawlspace and into someplace more conspicuous. But not a playground.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 3:50 PM on March 4, 2011
But as to the question, if I had five minutes left to live, that five minutes would have very little marginal value to me. I would try to do something nice for somebody else; probably that would mean moving my body out of this crawlspace and into someplace more conspicuous. But not a playground.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 3:50 PM on March 4, 2011
Find Catherine Deneuve in a hurry.
posted by Capt. Renault at 3:54 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Capt. Renault at 3:54 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
Or ride the dragon. Whatever.
posted by Capt. Renault at 3:55 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by Capt. Renault at 3:55 PM on March 4, 2011
Hold my son and never let go...
posted by OHenryPacey at 3:56 PM on March 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by OHenryPacey at 3:56 PM on March 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
It's like a five minute long version of Memento.
I actually thought it was pretty good. A lot of thought went into how the reveals would be spaced starting at the end and working back.
posted by localroger at 3:57 PM on March 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
I actually thought it was pretty good. A lot of thought went into how the reveals would be spaced starting at the end and working back.
posted by localroger at 3:57 PM on March 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
Hold my son and never let go...
Under the circumstances, that seems kind of grisly.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 3:59 PM on March 4, 2011 [5 favorites]
Under the circumstances, that seems kind of grisly.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 3:59 PM on March 4, 2011 [5 favorites]
sorry tl;dw????
posted by OHenryPacey at 4:08 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by OHenryPacey at 4:08 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
make one last Metafilter colon joke
posted by Trochanter at 4:10 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Trochanter at 4:10 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
My internal dialogue as I try and figure out what will I do with my time.
* Shit! A meteor... I have to do something!
* online checkers? no.
* LOTR MARATHON! WOOOO!
* I could try out that restaurant I’d regret not going to.
* Shit! I should return my copy of ER volume 3 to the video store.. wait
* I could watch all of ER volume 3 again because it was really really good.
* Have a nap? may as well...
* Learn a some card tricks
* Write an angry letter to the government stating my displeasure at being in the brunt of a meteor, and buy stamps.
* I’ve always wanted to make photo copies of my butt. In 5 hours I could get a lot of copies.
* Rent a car? Yeah. but not the Ford... I’ll get something nice like a Mercury. And a CD player! On my credit card! hah, suckers.
* Read a book? what if i dont finish it...
* Read a Kids book?
* I still have that ER DVD...
* Crossword?
* what’s on TV? Oh yeah. meteor
* Why didn’t I get cable? 5 channels of meteor is not good TV
*plugs in ER volume 3
posted by joelf at 4:14 PM on March 4, 2011
* Shit! A meteor... I have to do something!
* online checkers? no.
* LOTR MARATHON! WOOOO!
* I could try out that restaurant I’d regret not going to.
* Shit! I should return my copy of ER volume 3 to the video store.. wait
* I could watch all of ER volume 3 again because it was really really good.
* Have a nap? may as well...
* Learn a some card tricks
* Write an angry letter to the government stating my displeasure at being in the brunt of a meteor, and buy stamps.
* I’ve always wanted to make photo copies of my butt. In 5 hours I could get a lot of copies.
* Rent a car? Yeah. but not the Ford... I’ll get something nice like a Mercury. And a CD player! On my credit card! hah, suckers.
* Read a book? what if i dont finish it...
* Read a Kids book?
* I still have that ER DVD...
* Crossword?
* what’s on TV? Oh yeah. meteor
* Why didn’t I get cable? 5 channels of meteor is not good TV
*plugs in ER volume 3
posted by joelf at 4:14 PM on March 4, 2011
j/o and fall asleep
posted by nathancaswell at 4:42 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by nathancaswell at 4:42 PM on March 4, 2011
This song gives you some solid advice on what to do with your final five.
Thought for sure the link would be to this ("Four Minute Warning" by Mark Owen, fellow blind-link foes).
posted by Eater at 4:47 PM on March 4, 2011
Thought for sure the link would be to this ("Four Minute Warning" by Mark Owen, fellow blind-link foes).
posted by Eater at 4:47 PM on March 4, 2011
Grab a 40 and a bag of herb and party with the b-o-y-z
posted by porn in the woods at 4:49 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by porn in the woods at 4:49 PM on March 4, 2011
I'd skip the record about two and a half minutes into Frampton's "Do You Feel Like I Do" (obviously from the "...Comes Alive!"' album, of course), light a last cigarette and just mellow out and reflect.
posted by chambers at 5:16 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by chambers at 5:16 PM on March 4, 2011
Leave a note for my wife and daughter. Sigh deeply and realize how pointless it was to worry.
4:50 - repent, just in case.
posted by Kafkaesque at 5:20 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
4:50 - repent, just in case.
posted by Kafkaesque at 5:20 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
Oh and definitely smoke an unfiltered Lucky Strike.
posted by Kafkaesque at 5:21 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by Kafkaesque at 5:21 PM on March 4, 2011
call her
posted by flaterik at 5:24 PM on March 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by flaterik at 5:24 PM on March 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
Consider the fact that two or three morphine pills won't kill you.
posted by converge at 5:25 PM on March 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by converge at 5:25 PM on March 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
converge, the film doesn't assert that he actually died. He just believed he would. That's actually consistent with the theme of Jobs' quote since Jobs has obvously had a couple of scares which inspired that quote but didn't actually get around to killing him.
posted by localroger at 5:28 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by localroger at 5:28 PM on March 4, 2011
Hell, I'd rip the filters off an entire pack of Marlboro 100s and smoke 'em ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Naked. On the roof.
posted by Ron Thanagar at 5:39 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by Ron Thanagar at 5:39 PM on March 4, 2011
Probably have a beer and a smoke and at the lost moment wish for Charlie Sheen's life to flash before my eyes.
posted by tumid dahlia at 5:40 PM on March 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by tumid dahlia at 5:40 PM on March 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
last
posted by tumid dahlia at 5:41 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by tumid dahlia at 5:41 PM on March 4, 2011
So if a life long teetotaller was wanting to experience a drug but only had five minutes what should they take? Assume immediate access to a relatively well stocked dealer and or pharmacist so pretty well any drug that has ever been the subject of a very special TV episode is obtainable but nothing like Salamander Brandy or lady's slipper would be available.
posted by Mitheral at 6:05 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by Mitheral at 6:05 PM on March 4, 2011
localroger: I'm saying I don't believe he would think he would die. But, whatever.
posted by converge at 6:11 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by converge at 6:11 PM on March 4, 2011
So if a life long teetotaller was wanting to experience a drug but only had five minutes what should they take?
DMT. Anything else would take too long to come on.
Okay, Or heroin, then.
posted by tspae at 6:28 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
DMT. Anything else would take too long to come on.
Okay, Or heroin, then.
posted by tspae at 6:28 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
5 minutes? Oh god, I'm not even up to date on my timesheets.
posted by Ad hominem at 7:18 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by Ad hominem at 7:18 PM on March 4, 2011
"the lost moment". I like that.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:34 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:34 PM on March 4, 2011
It would involve garlic and butter, definitely.
posted by Scattercat at 7:45 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by Scattercat at 7:45 PM on March 4, 2011
The only sound in the room right now is, in fact, the ticking of my wall clock.
I think I'd better get out of this th
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 7:49 PM on March 4, 2011
I think I'd better get out of this th
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 7:49 PM on March 4, 2011
So if a life long teetotaller was wanting to experience a drug but only had five minutes what should they take?
I'm not sure any drug is going to be especially rewarding five minutes after trying it the first time. The pleasure is very much a conditioned response (see smokers above). Five minutes is not enough time to sort out what something feels like, much less enjoy it. I think five minutes of first-time drug use will be a lot less rewarding than, say, eating some good food.
posted by ryanrs at 7:54 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm not sure any drug is going to be especially rewarding five minutes after trying it the first time. The pleasure is very much a conditioned response (see smokers above). Five minutes is not enough time to sort out what something feels like, much less enjoy it. I think five minutes of first-time drug use will be a lot less rewarding than, say, eating some good food.
posted by ryanrs at 7:54 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
Do Salvia, in a room with wall-to-wall trampolines, with a fully-loaded paintball gun.
Wait, is this the 'How do I stop HATING working out' thread?
posted by Hardcore Poser at 8:01 PM on March 4, 2011 [4 favorites]
Wait, is this the 'How do I stop HATING working out' thread?
posted by Hardcore Poser at 8:01 PM on March 4, 2011 [4 favorites]
Cry a lot.
posted by octobersurprise at 8:14 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by octobersurprise at 8:14 PM on March 4, 2011
i'd probably spend it beating myself up for not being able to think of something really cool to do in my last five minutes
posted by facetious at 8:19 PM on March 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by facetious at 8:19 PM on March 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
The more I think about it, the more I believe the moment before death is not the time to seek new experiences. Surely death is novel enough on its own.
posted by ryanrs at 8:21 PM on March 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by ryanrs at 8:21 PM on March 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
Hey parents and girlfriend! I am so sorry, I am about to be completely blissed out and floating in a state of utter delicious peace in a very short space of time. I know, it's awful. Please forgive me for all of my many faults!
posted by gorgor_balabala at 8:32 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by gorgor_balabala at 8:32 PM on March 4, 2011
Die
posted by mrgroweler at 8:49 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by mrgroweler at 8:49 PM on March 4, 2011
5 minutes, thank god I got a thunderebold connection for my new Mac. I'm going to need the faster io to do the upload with that little time.
posted by humanfont at 9:58 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by humanfont at 9:58 PM on March 4, 2011
Do Salvia, in a room with wall-to-wall trampolines, with a fully-loaded paintball gun.
Wait, is this the 'World's best sex ideas' thread?
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 10:34 PM on March 4, 2011
Wait, is this the 'World's best sex ideas' thread?
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 10:34 PM on March 4, 2011
Has "your mom" been said yet?
No?
Good.
posted by Eideteker at 11:27 PM on March 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
No?
Good.
posted by Eideteker at 11:27 PM on March 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
Why not call poison control? Or use some common sense. If your college roommate told you that the two pills you just took were DEADLY POISON, it wouldn't even flash though your mind, "wait a second, why did his doctor prescribe him DEADLY POISON? And why did that asshat leave it out?"
posted by ActingTheGoat at 11:59 PM on March 4, 2011
posted by ActingTheGoat at 11:59 PM on March 4, 2011
Call my father, then curse him if he's not home for not believing in voicemail.
posted by spinifex23 at 12:15 AM on March 5, 2011
posted by spinifex23 at 12:15 AM on March 5, 2011
Speedballs, obv.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:49 AM on March 5, 2011
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:49 AM on March 5, 2011
I'd see off every bit of booze in my house and maybe have a quick one off the wrist. Not in that order.
posted by Decani at 10:37 AM on March 5, 2011
posted by Decani at 10:37 AM on March 5, 2011
Why not call poison control?
House Republicans want to eliminate it.
posted by octobersurprise at 11:27 AM on March 5, 2011
House Republicans want to eliminate it.
posted by octobersurprise at 11:27 AM on March 5, 2011
Although I like some of the suggestions, most of them would require some advance knowledge and preparation (simple examples, heroin or crack - Yeah, I'd try 'em in my last five minutes, but y'know, I just don't seem to randomly keep any around the house in anticipation of such situations arising!). And if I could actually get my hands on DMT, I'd have tried that years ago. ;)
So realistically, I'd probably just grab a beer, play with my cats for four minutes, then pull up a comfy chair and gaze off into the woods from the back deck for my last 30 seconds or so.
posted by pla at 3:52 PM on March 6, 2011
So realistically, I'd probably just grab a beer, play with my cats for four minutes, then pull up a comfy chair and gaze off into the woods from the back deck for my last 30 seconds or so.
posted by pla at 3:52 PM on March 6, 2011
I'd find a way to make it look like like it was caused by the cancellation of Firefly.
(We're going to get that show back on the air, buddy.)
posted by Zozo at 3:35 PM on March 7, 2011
(We're going to get that show back on the air, buddy.)
posted by Zozo at 3:35 PM on March 7, 2011
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posted by symbioid at 2:50 PM on March 4, 2011 [1 favorite]