You set a magic missile on my heart and charm person on my brain...

March 11, 2011 6:57 PM

Yes I like playing Dungeons and Dragons with you... "This Fantasy World" by the Doubleclicks, with animation by Brad Jonas. [SLYT]
posted by Gator (46 comments total)

Delightful!
posted by robcorr at 7:27 PM on March 11, 2011

I haven't even finished the video and I can tell you right now that axe's bonus would be against undead, not "zombies."

Well, zombies are undead, so it's strictly true that the axe is +2 vs. zombies. But beyond that there's no reason in the rules that a weapon couldn't have a bonus against zombies alone.
posted by jedicus at 7:35 PM on March 11, 2011 [2 favorites]

I haven't even finished the video and I can tell you right now that axe's bonus would be against undead, not "zombies."

Pray you do not wind up with me as the Dungeon Master.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 7:35 PM on March 11, 2011 [2 favorites]

Cute enough, but seems a little cynical, bordering on hate-filled around the 2:20 mark.

If she hates "nerds" so much what does she like about him? Comes off more like aiming for a demographic that hangs out on the internet than an actual honest song.
posted by drjimmy11 at 7:42 PM on March 11, 2011 [5 favorites]

If she hates "nerds" so much what does she like about him? Comes off more like aiming for a demographic that hangs out on the internet than an actual honest song.


I'll cut you, man.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 7:45 PM on March 11, 2011

Definitely a mixed message going on, here. Is she only playing D&D because she thinks this guy is cute? I'm (not) sorry, but if any girl calls my gaming group "disgusting" and "fucking nerds" and disparages the sacred polyhedrals... she's not going to last long, no matter how often she compliments my character building prowess.
posted by digitaldraco at 7:58 PM on March 11, 2011

I dunno, I think the singer is more expressing a hate for some aspects of D&D-based nerdery rather than nerds in general. Though the song in general does give me slight vibes of wish-fulfillment pandering, what with the whole "I'm a cute girl who secretly adores YOU, Mr. Ugly Nerd!" theme.
posted by missix at 8:00 PM on March 11, 2011 [2 favorites]

Well, is your gaming group full of disgusting fucking nerds? If not, she's not talking about you or your friends, so you can just relax and enjoy the tune.
posted by axiom at 8:02 PM on March 11, 2011

drjimmy11: "If she hates "nerds" so much what does she like about him? "

That's love, baby.
posted by boo_radley at 8:05 PM on March 11, 2011

axiom: It doesn't matter. It's the attitude that I dislike, not where it's directed.

missix: You may be on to something, there.
posted by digitaldraco at 8:09 PM on March 11, 2011

I think that the song is not necessarily contradictory or sending mixed messages. The singer seems to enjoy playing Dungeons and Dragons, as evidenced by her knowledge of the game, and likes this guy in part for playing it well. What she dislikes are many of the accoutrements of D&D, such as dark basements, Doritos, Mountain Dew and Windows based computer users.

Not necessarily a great atitude to have, but also not a contradictory one.

Although the fact that her character gets saved by his over and over again does imply that maybe she isn't all that great at D&D. If she was, wouldn't she be saving HIM now and again as well?

Puzzling.
posted by striatic at 8:09 PM on March 11, 2011 [1 favorite]

She is with Iuz, it's the bardic charm. Assume Succbi, a votary of Lolith.
posted by clavdivs at 8:26 PM on March 11, 2011 [3 favorites]

Yeah, actually this is kind of awful. It's like... "hey, I hate your friends, and I don't mind playing this little game (sigh) but I really wish you'd quit hanging out with these stupid, smelly, ugly people and hang out with me." The worst part is really the last line, in fact: this dangling of affection is the worst part. "That's right, nerd-boy - if you ditch these losers, I'll actually have sex with you!" That's sort of sleazy. And manipulative.

It's setting up an immediate us-and-them thing; over there, your ugly nerd friends - over here, me, who will have sex with you if you give that crap up.

Moreover, what's worst about this is that it perpetuates an annoying stereotype: that girls don't really like role-playing games. They just play along, but what they really want is to get out of the game and do something else. Whereas the reality is certainly not that. All of the best DMs I know are women; and they take it VERY seriously.

And if a silly girl like this was horning in on their games, meanwhile really loathing all of the people she's playing with except one and longing to get away and get in his pants... well, let's just say the silly girl might have a very hard time avoiding very large monsters in the next dungeon.
posted by koeselitz at 8:34 PM on March 11, 2011 [8 favorites]

I think it's okay, and possible, to simultaneously enjoy playing D&D at the same time as having a dig at people who like it to the exclusion of nearly everything else. That seems to be her angle here. Pretty harmless stuff.
posted by Ritchie at 8:44 PM on March 11, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is actually similar one of my college dating situations (except I wasn't the only girl, but yes, the other dudes were kind of icky in that group).

It did not work out. And then I couldn't play D&D anymore, because he was the DM, and from then on I had to watch ST:TNG alone.

Love fucks up your life, my friends.
posted by emjaybee at 8:53 PM on March 11, 2011 [6 favorites]

Indeed. I adore D&D but every so often will have those moments when people are rules-lawyering about something that doesn't concern me and I drift off a bit and then look around the room and think, "what the fuck is all this?" And then my turn comes up and I get to roll to see if I hit something, and all is better. It's a natural response.

(and I play with lawyers, so I get LOOOONG periods of this sometimes.)

Anyway, to derail things a bit. Tomorrow I'm playing in a one-off game. My DM is running three different groups all in the same world and time-line, and tomorrow those of us who can make it are all of different groups or new, so it's a one-off. Anyway...

I submit to the group: what should I play as tomorrow?

I've been playing for a few years now, and my two main characters have been a Halfling Rogue/Swashbuckler/Dread Pirate named Holmes Blackacre, and a Human Fighter/Dervish named Shea Anbhas. Both Chaotic Neutral. In recent One-offs I always seem to be playing Clerics, by luck or by choice, and while I have realized the absurd awesomeness of that class, I'd like to try something new.

I'm not really interested in Paladins or Rangers, though a case could be made. Same with Barbarians. I've never played as a Wizard, though I did create an awesome level-15 Sorcerer for one campaign which sadly only lasted a single game. I'm curious about Monks, Druids, Bards, and the idea of recrafting Holmes as a straight-class Rogue. I'll be level 10, with 5000XP to spend on crafting or other XP-spending stuff if necessary.

So here we go. What should I do?
posted by Navelgazer at 9:16 PM on March 11, 2011

Songs are allowed to talk about ambiguous feelings, nerds!

I thought this was a charming little tune. I played it for my wife. She doesn't play Dungeons and Dragons with me, but for some reason I'm going to some Steampunk function of hers. Damned imbalance, I tell you.
posted by mobunited at 9:49 PM on March 11, 2011

Playing 3.5, Navelgazer? The absolute most fun class to play is Dread Necromancer, a Charisma-based arcane necrospecialist! Found in Heroes of Horror. Libris Mortis is a good supplement if you're keen on the class, too, for obvious reasons. Take Tomb-Tainted Soul as a feat and you can heal yourself to full at basically the drop of a hat. Oh, it's a wonderful class!
posted by nicolas léonard sadi carnot at 10:44 PM on March 11, 2011

If the only reason you're playing D&D is because of your romantic interest in one of the players, then you don't actually like playing D&D.
posted by Scattercat at 10:46 PM on March 11, 2011 [2 favorites]

My DM is running three different groups all in the same world and time-line, and tomorrow those of us who can make it are all of different groups or new, so it's a one-off.

The DM should find a way that characters from each group could be pulled from their campaigns and thrust into some side quest that would benefit the regular groups when they reconvene.
posted by The Hamms Bear at 12:55 AM on March 12, 2011

Tonight we witness an old story, one that has been played out many times, by many players,
Who thought the goal of the night was to drive dragons from their lairs,
and delve into uncharted caverns and bring tales of Ilythid back to their taverns.

But the real story tonight is well-known to this troupe:
Once again, love will destroy a gaming group.
posted by kaibutsu at 2:21 AM on March 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

their primarily windows-based computers

Oh she's a Mac, that explains everything...
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:48 AM on March 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

If the only reason you're playing D&D is because of your romantic interest in one of the players, then you don't actually like playing D&D.

I think people are judging her too harshly here. What I took away from the song was that she's only playing with this particular D&D group, whom she otherwise has mixed feelings about, because of her romantic interest in one of the players.

Now maybe that's not a perfect sentiment, but it's not unreasonable and not disingenuous, to my ears.
posted by Drexen at 3:48 AM on March 12, 2011

Navelgazer -- if you like the dex based/high mobility warrior archetype, then you could consider a Swift Hunter (built around the feat of the same name in Complete Scoundrel, does for Scout\Ranger what Daring Outlaw does for Swashbuckler\Rogue). I'm playing one in our current campaign and running her like a traceur\freerunner, doing all of these crazy jumps and stunts while tumbling through enemies and slicing them to pieces. I played a 3.5 monk in a past campaign but am enjoying this more as there's less of need to spread out stat bonuses and the scout combat style is an interesting tactical challenge.

Memail me if you're interested and I'll send over more tips.

I've also played Druid and liked that too. It's about as versatile as Cleric, and is also easy to build because, like Monk, you can build an effective character without multiclassing or prestige classing or doing anything cheesy. The last character that I had before my Swift Hunter was a Half Orc Druid who unfortunately failed one saving throw too many.

back on topic: my girlfriend and I stared dating around the time that we were in a campaign together six years ago, so this video strikes a certain heart chord. Fortunately, all of our gaming friends wash on a regular basis and drink craft beer instead of Mountain Dew (still heavy on the Windows based computers though ...) so at least the nerd-hate doesn't overlap for us. We both tend to play characters with the same gender, and while there's a lot of ho-yay potential, we tend to keep that away from the gaming table for the benefit of our group.
posted by bl1nk at 6:41 AM on March 12, 2011

btw, suggesting Swift Hunter despite your earlier indication as not being interested in playing Ranger, because you can play a Swift Hunter as a highly mobile spring attacker who happens to do more damage to certain types of enemies and make them very light on the archetypal Ranger-y stuff (ie. no animal companion or spellcasting)
posted by bl1nk at 6:47 AM on March 12, 2011

navelgazer: play as a car, they'll never expect it
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 8:04 AM on March 12, 2011 [4 favorites]

The animation is lovely.

The song makes me want to punch this girl in the throat. This song the worst kind of twee hipster bullshit. I will back that up.

1) It doesn't rhyme. Is it that goddamn hard? Nothing in D&D is orange anyways. Here's some thematically appropriate rhymes for "magic axe," and this is just off the top of my head: Orc Attacks, Chops and Hacks, Burlap Sacks, Gary Gygax.

2) It has a comprehensively shallow grasp of D&D. Here's some spells it mentions: magic missile, fireball, levitate, charm person. Here's some monsters it mentions: Zombies, dragons, golems. Here's some d&d objects it mentions: Magic Axe, magic items. No interesting spells, no interesting monsters, no interesting objects, nothing to make me think that the songwriter did anything more than watched a couple episodes of the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon, or maybe walked by one time while someone was playing Neverwinter Nights (on the Mac, of course, cause Windows, lol, amirite?).

2a) How does a dwarf whose primary weapon is a magic axe get levitate as a "spell choice?" Either he got it from a magic item, in which case "choice" isn't really the right word, or he's some kind of incredibly specialized dwarf wizard class. I am willing to bet that the songwriter doesn't know what that class is. I know I don't. Again, really shallow grasp of D&D.

3) For all that its grasp of D&D itself is shallow, its grasp of stereotypes about D&D players is remarkably broad. Previous commenters have called this out, so I see no reason to replicate their work. They're right. Mountain dew, doritos, windows computers, and "fucking nerds and their fucking dice."

So: This is not a song for anyone who plays D&D. This is a song for people who enjoy laughing at people who play D&D. If you want to relive sophomore year of high school, either because you have a masochistic attachment to the jocks making fun of you for playing D&D, or because you were able to make fun of the nerds in the library with impunity and everyone laughed - in other words, that was when you peaked - stick this fucker on repeat and eat some meatloaf from the cafeteria.

The hipster tone of this song, though (by which I mean the twee single female vocalist, the acoustic strum, the faux-earnest mockery of everything the song is ostensibly "about") is really interesting, only because I take one of the hallmarks of hipsterdom to be acting like you're so contemptuous of the objects of pop culture veneration. This is why this song is ultimately uplifting to me, because that a hipster is making fun of D&D means one of two things:

D&D is now the most popular kid on the block. That's right, we're the jocks now. I don't know if this is true, but I sure want it to be true. If it isn't true, though, and D&D players are still the dorks and outcasts we have been since time immemorial, there's an even better possibility on the table:

Hipsters have run out of popular things to be better than. That's right, we've reached Peak Hipster. When hipster girls write twee contemptuous non-rhyming songs about how dumb D&D is, they're the jocks. I'm surprised her screed against Mountain Dew, Doritos, and Windows didn't name-check her own corporate sponsors, Starbucks, Sun Chips, and Apple. Congratulations, hipsterdom. You've burned yourself out, and you're now the voice of The Man.
posted by Pickman's Next Top Model at 9:43 AM on March 12, 2011 [13 favorites]

So: This is not a song for anyone who plays D&D.

a better way to phrase this might be that this is not a song for anyone who takes D&D incredibly seriously.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 10:02 AM on March 12, 2011

I postulate that playing any game is synonymous with taking its rules and constraints seriously for as long as you're playing it. That is what playing a game consists of.

As an experiment, try playing rock paper scissors with someone and not taking its rules seriously.

"Rock."

"Paper. I win."

"Nuh uh."

"Wait... what?"
posted by Pickman's Next Top Model at 10:17 AM on March 12, 2011

Nah, it's a game. If someone makes a song about how rock beats paper I'm not going to get het up about it.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 10:39 AM on March 12, 2011

That would actually be kind of an awesome song, all about this epic game of rock paper scissors except getting the what-beats-what rule wrong every time.
posted by Pickman's Next Top Model at 10:47 AM on March 12, 2011

D&D IS serious business!
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 10:51 AM on March 12, 2011

I postulate that playing any game is synonymous with taking its rules and constraints seriously for as long as you're playing it. That is what playing a game consists of.

The thing about that is, one of the most important rules of D&D is that it's okay to be flexible about the rules, and the DM is the final rules arbiter. So if you take those rules seriously, then you can play the game without necessarily taking the other rules too seriously.
posted by jedicus at 11:15 AM on March 12, 2011

Two more points:

1) She consistently says "Dungeons and Dragons", rather than D&D. I'm increasingly of the opinion that you can tell whether someone actually knows the game or not by looking at how they refer to it. "Dungeons and Dragons" = not actually very serious or knowledgeable.

2) Among other stereotypes the song perpetuates is that only men play RPGs. Pfah on that. (I'm a gamer nerd girl and proud to be.)

And one more for no additional cost: The song isn't quite geek self-loathing, which there is far too much of on the Net, but it is an example of loathing geeks. Double pfah.
posted by jiawen at 11:59 AM on March 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

Even the phrasing in the chorus has a paternalistic, humoring tone. "Yes, I like playing Dungeons and Dragons with you, BUT..."

I'm all for geeks making fun of the ridiculous things we do, but this song wasn't written by an actual D&D geek and it shows. When you're outside of the subculture, it's a lot harder to combine sweetness/fondness and mockery.

Every gaming group has experienced the Yoko Ono effect when someone brings in a non-gamer SO, and it almost always ends badly. This song is like a paean to that horrible experience; I'm having flashbacks to the internecine warfare in the gaming club back in college now.
posted by Scattercat at 12:23 PM on March 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

"That's right, nerd-boy - if you ditch these losers, I'll actually have sex with you!" That's sort of sleazy. And manipulative.

Worked on me and I ain't never goin' back.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 2:35 PM on March 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Yeah, worked on me too. I had a girlfriend who made me choose between my friends and her, and demanded that I ditch them completely if I wanted her affection. I fell for that crap hook, line, and sinker.

The divorce was two years ago, but I'm still paying for it in psychiatrist's bills. Thankfully most of my friends are actually good people and still want to be my friend, though I lost a few over the whole thing.

The lesson I learned: if a boyfriend or girlfriend demands that you write off the friends you care about and quit the hobbies you like, it's a sign the relationship is unhealthy.
posted by koeselitz at 2:53 PM on March 12, 2011 [5 favorites]

Male nerds who fall in love with an animated girl singing about a subject they love = X
Actual amount of girls who feel this way = X - a lot
Result = a lot of upset male nerds, and one or two smugly happy ones.
posted by ciderwoman at 3:33 PM on March 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

Bros before hoes, yo.

I mean, stalwart fellowship in arms precedeth base strumpetry!
posted by Kandarp Von Bontee at 5:33 PM on March 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

Okay, I was not crazy about this song either, and while I don't think I qualify as a gamer girl, I've played my share of RPGS-- most notably Vampire: the Masquerade, even though I've played a decent amount of D&D.

In fact, in the last group I was in, I was a half-dwarf female fighter. Suck it, Doubleclicks!

But anyway, yeah... if a chick like this chick in the song was in any of my groups, I would have HATED her. I can just hear her annoying whine right now... "Come on, baby. Ditch your geeky friends so you can hang out with meeeee!" Ugh. And this is not a problem only found in women. Anyone who isolates their S.O. from his or her friends is a pretty fucking horrible individual, regardless of gender.
posted by suburbanbeatnik at 6:38 PM on March 12, 2011

Sadly, I didn't get to go with any of y'all's suggestions. I decided to play as a Bard and, in the interest of time, the DM just adapted my Dread Pirate's cohort into a PC for me. It was... okay. Perhaps if I'd been able to design him myself he would have been more fun (he was/is a Half-Elf for one thing, a race with no benefits) but it was okay. Also, the majority of combat was against swarms of things in extremely close quarters with magical darkness, and his only decent weapon was a short-bow. Still, not a bad time.

Anyway, more to the point, we experienced sort of the opposite of this song today, when one of the group's gamer-chick's boyfriends was in town, and she brought him to the game with us. He knew the game backwards and was awesome and got along with us immediately.

So it was cool that, for a day at least, she was able to bring her SO into OUR fantasy world.
posted by Navelgazer at 7:01 PM on March 12, 2011 [1 favorite]

I was a pretty serious D&D player as a kid, and I agree that this song wasn't written by someone who understands it particularly well.

However, girls who like nerdy guys can be forgiven for getting nerdy details wrong in their attempts to get noticed.

What really filled me with hate while watching this video was the revelation of the writer as a stereotype that is a thousand times worse than that of The Pathetic D&D Player. That stereotype is the Woman Who Thinks She Is Doing The Nerd Boy The Biggest Favor Of His Life By Acknowledging That He Exists.
posted by bingo at 8:43 PM on March 12, 2011 [2 favorites]

I've started writing a counter-song...

Yeah it's thursday night about eight pm
It's time to roll some mother fucking dice again
We got pabst we got pretzels
We got pencils and time
We got minis and books
Never start before nine
We're gonna murder some orcs and see what kinda loot we can find.

Patrick always played an orc necromancer
But beneath that veneer was still quite the romancer
The girls in their graves would roll over when he'd stroll into town.
But he set aside a life of necrophilia
When he fell in love at the cafeteria
And now he's living in Bangor
Being a perfect stranger
Got kids in the manger
No more dead deranger;
We're just counting him as another man down.

Love's torn apart our gaming group
You and me baby all that's left of this troupe
(something something something)

With Jeremy around you had to watch your back
He had a two-handed sword and a sneak attack
He'd take your money and your life as soon as you reached for the sky.
He got some jail time with a little tart
For shoplifting porno from the quickie mart
But we think he'll be coming back through in six months to a year.

(and so on...)
posted by kaibutsu at 10:49 PM on March 12, 2011 [3 favorites]

OH god that was a loathsome song.

If she hates his friends and hates where they play and wants him to stop playing so she can have sex (hence the repeated refrain of wanting to get him out of this fantasy world and into her fantasy), then she probably doesn't like him all that much.
posted by winna at 3:58 PM on March 13, 2011 [1 favorite]

I love this song. And that's what it is, a song. No one said you must adopt it as your nerd anthem.
posted by chemoboy at 8:01 PM on March 13, 2011

So: This is not a song for anyone who plays D&D. This is a song for people who enjoy laughing at people who play D&D.

It didn't fill me with rage, but yeah, that was the overall impression I got. Ha ha, even nerdy D&D players can get girls ... sometimes ... if they can put down the Mountain Dew and leave the basement!

1) She consistently says "Dungeons and Dragons", rather than D&D. I'm increasingly of the opinion that you can tell whether someone actually knows the game or not by looking at how they refer to it. "Dungeons and Dragons" = not actually very serious or knowledgeable.

I've long followed that rule, but recent discussions have led me to believe that the difference might be regional? (That said, every D&D player I have ever known called it "D&D." (US midwest, US east coast, and california)
posted by mrgrimm at 3:00 PM on March 15, 2011