Bourbon: Is there anything it can't do?

April 25, 2011 6:36 AM

The Bourbon-Powered Car of the Future... TODAY!
posted by .kobayashi. (26 comments total)

No, no, no. I'd much rather deplete the world's oil supply than the bourbon supply.
posted by jonmc at 6:38 AM on April 25, 2011 [8 favorites]

Ethanol engines, including cars, predate oil-based ones. So....

The Bourbon-Powered Car of the Future... TODAYOVER 100 YEARS AGO!
posted by DU at 6:39 AM on April 25, 2011

If it actually runs on Bourbon @ 40% alcohol, that might be a good thing. One of the problems with ethanol production is that it is impossible to distill it beyond 90-something %, and it needs to be completely water-free to mix with gasoline.

Also, good riddance to the bourbon. Why anyone wants to ruin perfectly good alcohol by contaminating it with burnt oak is a mystery to me.
posted by gjc at 6:48 AM on April 25, 2011

Communist.
posted by jonmc at 7:00 AM on April 25, 2011 [10 favorites]

Also, good riddance to the bourbon. Why anyone wants to ruin perfectly good alcohol by contaminating it with burnt oak is a mystery to me.

Sir, I challenge you to a duel! As I spill your blood, I dare say, it will fall to the ground and even the earth itself will writhe in agony at your poisoned flesh.

What will it be? Swords? Nay, I chance you'd never acquiesce to such a venture. Pistols at dawn? HA. You would rather suckle from your mother's teat and accept shame upon your family's name than stand and defend such a spineless contention.

Soon Bourbon shall power all the cars on this earth, flow freely through the streets and all men shall be merry. You, Sir, are not invited to that future.
posted by JimmyJames at 7:09 AM on April 25, 2011 [16 favorites]

Whoa, I read:

"Bourbon-Powered Cat of the Future"

That too would have been an interesting post.
posted by functionequalsform at 7:13 AM on April 25, 2011 [6 favorites]

"The car will run on almost any bourbon, but she really purrs on Maker’s Mark."

On Wild Turkey the car thinks it's the General Lee.
posted by bwg at 7:20 AM on April 25, 2011 [4 favorites]

I occasionally enjoy a bourbon-fueled bike ride.
posted by exogenous at 7:20 AM on April 25, 2011 [4 favorites]

This is fake. Comes from "The Daily Load" which is clearly a joke/satire site.
posted by BeerFilter at 7:24 AM on April 25, 2011 [1 favorite]

On Wild Turkey the car thinks it's the General Lee.

On Rebel Yell it thinks it's the Bandit's Trans Am.
posted by jonmc at 7:29 AM on April 25, 2011

... delicious bourbon: Brownest of the brown liquors. What's that? You want me to drink you?
posted by anarch at 7:37 AM on April 25, 2011

I guess if people don't see the name Onion they don't recognize a satire site... sad kinda.
posted by inthe80s at 7:38 AM on April 25, 2011 [2 favorites]

I guess you have to be 21 to fill up. Certainly would have to put a lock on my gas cap. Those neighborhood kids would be all over this.

Satire? Bourbon is no joking matter.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:14 AM on April 25, 2011 [1 favorite]

Excellent use of sickly-sweet Maker's Mark. I'd be disappointed if it ran on Old Overholt.
posted by nathancaswell at 8:32 AM on April 25, 2011

I am also bourbon powered!
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:41 AM on April 25, 2011

I, on the other hand, am actually almost entirely rage fueled. I just use bourbon to keep myself lubricated.
posted by quin at 9:22 AM on April 25, 2011 [1 favorite]

Favorite-grubbing one-liner about whiskey
posted by dunkadunc at 9:41 AM on April 25, 2011 [1 favorite]

The Chrysler Turbine Cars from 1963 were given demonstration runs powered by scotch (and, in a demonstration in Mexico, tequila) to highlight the wide variety of fuels the turbine engine could burn.
posted by zombiedance at 10:08 AM on April 25, 2011 [1 favorite]

If it actually runs on Bourbon @ 40% alcohol, that might be a good thing.

Naw, it runs on 100% snarkinol.

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posted by rough ashlar at 10:21 AM on April 25, 2011

This will become cost effective as soon as gas hits $80 a gallon.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:31 AM on April 25, 2011

Being a level 50 single malt snob who has (almost) never been able to overcome his innate aversion to bourbon I fully approve of this technology.

Mind you, I don't dislike all American whiskey. In fact I quite like a nice Tennessee Whiskey such as George Dickel. And there's a few American single malts that are quite alright such as the port matured snowflake batch of Stranahan's Colorado Whiskey.

And, ashamed as I am to admit this, I once tasted a bottle of George T Stagg Kentucky Straight Bourbon and quite liked it... I guess at 144 proof you can't quite taste the usual sweet corn nastiness. Mostly because your brain is extremely busy trying to maintain consciousness.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 10:45 AM on April 25, 2011

As long as they don't make one that runs on scotch I'm OK with this.
posted by three blind mice at 10:46 AM on April 25, 2011 [2 favorites]

What some call satire/jokes, I call a glorious promise of a beautiful, beautiful future. Remember: the future was always fake until it was real (.kobayashi. tells himself, mostly because he really wants a car that looks like that one).
posted by .kobayashi. at 12:33 PM on April 25, 2011

Are you telling me that Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was not real? Oh, my. I need a shot of bourbon.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 12:55 PM on April 25, 2011

I was skeptical as soon as I saw that it "actually runs on a $24 (EUR16.5) Makers Mark bottle of bourbon" but the article didn't say how far.
posted by me3dia at 1:24 PM on April 25, 2011

Jimmyjames, I so do love your comment. I am crazy about that manner of speaking, very victorian.
posted by detrujillo at 8:18 AM on April 26, 2011