Time is Money
May 31, 2011 6:20 PM   Subscribe

 
there’s no snooze button.

*clock beeps*

*DU reaches over, pulls $100 bill out of clock and goes back to sleep*
posted by DU at 6:24 PM on May 31, 2011 [15 favorites]


holy shit do they seriously have an entire magazine in their header
posted by Ian A.T. at 6:25 PM on May 31, 2011 [11 favorites]


I liked this better when it was a twilight zone episode and you had to put your fingers it the clock.
posted by boo_radley at 6:29 PM on May 31, 2011


Those thieving bastards!
posted by orme at 6:32 PM on May 31, 2011 [29 favorites]


I'm going to invent a conspicuous consumption clock. Every morning, when it's time for you to wake up, it roams through your house and destroys the single most expensive thing in it. Then it takes a photo and tweets about it. And then its alarm goes off.
posted by ardgedee at 6:32 PM on May 31, 2011 [40 favorites]


I liked this better when it was a twilight zone episode and you had to put your fingers it the clock.

I liked this better when it was a Cabbage Patch doll.
posted by phunniemee at 6:33 PM on May 31, 2011 [1 favorite]


I'm still waiting for a Krang Clock.
posted by Sticherbeast at 6:37 PM on May 31, 2011 [7 favorites]


...is the usual failure mode of alarm clocks supposed to be that you wake up, orient yourself, and then make a conscious decision to go back to sleep? With me, it's more like I set the time for p.m. instead of a.m. or forgot to enable the alarm or just plain slept through the noise.

But, then again, I've slept through a trumpet playing reveille at the side of my bed.
posted by d. z. wang at 6:38 PM on May 31, 2011 [4 favorites]


You've heard of First World Problems... now meet First World Solutions!
posted by dixiecupdrinking at 6:41 PM on May 31, 2011 [16 favorites]


My grandparents sleep in "adjustable beds" that turn into different shapes to accommodate... er, watching TV from bed. Because rearranging the pillows is rather more work for them than for me, I suppose.

Having your bed physically push you upright would be a logical use of the technology.
posted by LogicalDash at 6:48 PM on May 31, 2011 [1 favorite]


My alarm clock has a taser.
posted by LogicalDash at 6:49 PM on May 31, 2011


Before I clicked the link I thought it would be this full-sized shredder that you stick all your valuables in, so when the alarm goes off you're scrambling to save everything as it chews up your life. Something about that is both hilarious and terrifying.
posted by howlingmonkey at 6:50 PM on May 31, 2011 [7 favorites]


I can't wait for this to be on Thaler & Sunstein's Nudge blog. They love shit like this.
posted by Jehan at 6:53 PM on May 31, 2011




My grandparents sleep in "adjustable beds" that turn into different shapes to accommodate... er, watching TV from bed. Because rearranging the pillows is rather more work for them than for me, I suppose.

Pillows do not support the human body in an upright position. PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE.

Having your bed physically push you upright would be a logical use of the technology.

Turn the mechanism 90° and just dump them on the floor.
posted by DU at 6:56 PM on May 31, 2011


Jehan, I posted this because I thought this idea was crazy and I would stay up all night from terror if I put any money in the thing, but the Nudge link is interesting...the charity idea is fantastic! Although perhaps people would just say, ah well, 15 more minutes of sleep and someone gets a hot meal...win win.
posted by sweetkid at 6:57 PM on May 31, 2011


So you can't actually buy this...but its just a "design".

This opens the floodgates for all the apple fanboys trying to post the new "iphone 6 design" on here.


Unless the iphone designs are humorous and (somewhat) original, I wouldn't worry about it.
posted by ymgve at 7:01 PM on May 31, 2011


Being a morning person is like being in a minority group... people are constantly aghast that I am well-rested, don't drink coffee, and don't need an alarm clock. So this design concept is just way beyond me. People! Get to bed earlier!!
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 7:01 PM on May 31, 2011 [1 favorite]


13 year old me would kill for a Shredder clock
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 7:05 PM on May 31, 2011 [5 favorites]


Being a morning person is like being in a minority group... people are constantly aghast that I am well-rested, don't drink coffee, and don't need an alarm clock. So this design concept is just way beyond me. People! Get to bed earlier!!

Seriously. And this is coming from someone who was not naturally a morning person (I once slept in until 3 pm). I basically retrained to be one after years paper routes and early commutes. I'm also kind of an evening person. I only go to bed at 10 because otherwise my wife complains of being lonely (and she can't make the bed to suit either of us either, so I need to be there for that). Then I get up at 5 and I'm pretty much good to go.
posted by DU at 7:06 PM on May 31, 2011


*puts ninja turtle in shredder clock*

I always sleep better when I'm laughing at a bad joke.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 7:14 PM on May 31, 2011 [1 favorite]




I've mentioned this before, years ago, but:

I had the perfect alarm clock. It was of some sort of soft material, and it was a sphere roughly the size of a softball.

When it went off, I'd hurl it across the room. This activated the snooze function. Then when it went off ten minutes later, I'd have to get up and find it, and then, well, fuck, I'm already up.

Yes, I could've tapped it to activate the snooze. But the sheer delight of throwing my alarm clock across the room every morning was just too seductive.

I wonder what happened to that thing? It's probably still in a box somewhere around here.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 7:44 PM on May 31, 2011 [9 favorites]


Turn the mechanism 90° and just dump them on the floor.

Or, you know, through it.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:01 PM on May 31, 2011


Or you know, just don't put anything in the slot.
posted by bwg at 8:19 PM on May 31, 2011


the charity idea is fantastic! Although perhaps people would just say, ah well, 15 more minutes of sleep and someone gets a hot meal...win win.

Or have it work in a fashion inverse to the shredder: Someone only gets a hot meal if you get your ass up and turn the alarm off quickly.
posted by axiom at 8:20 PM on May 31, 2011 [1 favorite]


I have no idea what the hell kind of damn fool built that website but I don't like what it did to my Chrome browser, not even one little bit.
posted by tumid dahlia at 8:45 PM on May 31, 2011



I have no idea what the hell kind of damn fool built that website but I don't like what it did to my Chrome browser, not even one little bit.


just a tumblr...
posted by sweetkid at 8:46 PM on May 31, 2011


Oh, it's tumblr, is it? Well that explains it.
posted by tumid dahlia at 8:48 PM on May 31, 2011


Call me when I can put the shredder clock in a shredder clock.
posted by StickyCarpet at 9:00 PM on May 31, 2011


Great. 'Cuz if there's anything I need more when I'm trying to wake up, it's more stress.


My alarm clock has a taser.

DON'T WAKE ME, BRO!


Also, these folks owe orme a licensing fee.
posted by darkstar at 9:07 PM on May 31, 2011 [1 favorite]


This is why I keep my alarm clock on the other side of my room from my bed.

(Well, that and I don't have an end table. But let's pretend I'm doing this intentionally.)
posted by madcaptenor at 9:41 PM on May 31, 2011


I go to bed roughly when DU is getting up.

When you work for yourself: You tell your clients that you're generally around for phone meetings and stuff from noon until five. After that, you do some evening stuff around the house, and then you actually work in the late evening/early morning, when you can focus without worrying about phones, deliveries, whatever.
posted by maxwelton at 10:09 PM on May 31, 2011


ThinkGeek's take on the idea: The SnuzNLuz WiFi donation clock
posted by FireballForever at 10:39 PM on May 31, 2011


So you can't actually buy this...but its just a "design".

It's not a design. It's a 'shop by some graphics artist who wouldn't even know where to start in designing a real consumer product.
posted by ryanrs at 11:10 PM on May 31, 2011 [1 favorite]


So this is basically about as real as it would be if it appeared in an Onion article?

(Which means it'll exist next year, right?)
posted by madcaptenor at 11:12 PM on May 31, 2011


This is why I keep my alarm clock on the other side of my room from my bed.

(Well, that and I don't have an end table. But let's pretend I'm doing this intentionally.)


Doesn't everyone do this? Only way to wake me up.
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 11:13 PM on May 31, 2011


Totally thought that said "Shredder Cock" and got freaked out... But still clicked the link.
posted by V4V at 12:42 AM on June 1, 2011


For ages I thought that Android phones required you to solve some kind of logic puzzle before you were allowed to dismiss the alarm. I asked and it turns out that it's just a great big fucking button in the middle of the screen, and my other half is simply not capable of navigating such complexity at 7am.
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 1:11 AM on June 1, 2011 [5 favorites]


This is why I keep my alarm clock on the other side of my room from my bed.

I do that. It actually worked the first couple of times. Now I just get in and out of bed as fast as possible. Sometimes I don't even wake up.
posted by Acey at 3:41 AM on June 1, 2011 [3 favorites]


the charity idea is fantastic! Although perhaps people would just say, ah well, 15 more minutes of sleep and someone gets a hot meal...win win.

That's exactly why when the subject of this Radiolab story wanted to quit smoking, she made a deal with herself that if she smoked another cigarette she would make a big donation... to the KKK.
posted by dixiecupdrinking at 5:14 AM on June 1, 2011 [5 favorites]



That's exactly why when the subject of this Radiolab story wanted to quit smoking, she made a deal with herself that if she smoked another cigarette she would make a big donation... to the KKK


I listened to that story actually...the best part is that she gave the money to her friend and instructed HER to make the donation. And she hasn't smoked since!
posted by sweetkid at 6:42 AM on June 1, 2011


This will blend well.
posted by Smart Dalek at 6:54 AM on June 1, 2011


Save some money, I'm willing to wake you up for only $50 a day.
posted by drezdn at 7:00 AM on June 1, 2011


Unless the iphone designs are humorous and (somewhat) original, I wouldn't worry about it.

I use my iPhone as my alarm clock. It already shreds my money. Even if I get up on time.
posted by chavenet at 7:05 AM on June 1, 2011


That's exactly why when the subject of this Radiolab story wanted to quit smoking, she made a deal with herself that if she smoked another cigarette she would make a big donation... to the KKK.

ThinkGeek has automated this with the SnūzNLūz Wifi Donation Alarm Clock.
posted by madcaptenor at 7:16 AM on June 1, 2011


I'm terrible at waking up; I've been working a job wherein I leave for work at 8a for years, and I still can't get to bed before midnight (or later) and on my days off I still sleep til about noon.

That said, if you are resorting to threatening to destroy your own property to get yourself out of bed, I think it's officially become 'a problem'
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 7:19 AM on June 1, 2011


I thought that psychologists figured out that positive reinforcement works much better than negative reinforcement. My trick is to have something really yummy for breakfast.
posted by desjardins at 8:08 AM on June 1, 2011


My alarm clock is mounted on a tiny roomba-esque device along with guidance software allowing it to always seek out a bed, no matter where it starts from. Then, at a random moment anywhere within two hours of the 'alarm time', a mechanical arm will raise up a knife and drive it methodically into the 'sleeping target' while a tiny speaker shrieks relentlessly. I've found that an alarm system like this helps me both a) pre-emptively smash every clock I see with a hammer, and b) never sleep again. Win-win!
posted by FatherDagon at 8:12 AM on June 1, 2011 [3 favorites]


"Get to bed earlier!"

Some of us suffer from insomnia, you insensitive clod! I actually do get to bed earlier these days. It just means I wake up earlier in the morning (5am, lately), exhausted but usually unable to get back to sleep, regardless. Have some pity.

The only thing that works for me is when I nap in the afternoon. I have a period from about 2-4 where I'm

"Call me when I can put the shredder clock in a shredder clock."

Should that be a wake-up call, sir?

Something deep inside me hates these kinds of things. The shredder with a hundred dollar bill in it, or the "ironic" donation clock (it's still a donation). I guess it comes from growing up poor? I remember having a similar reaction to that MTV game show where the loser got his stuff destroyed. Like, umm, someone could use that (stuff/money). That kind of waste is really abhorrent to me. Just grow up and get out of bed in the morning. Just because you have enough wealth where you can play these kind of games with it (and it is a game) doesn't mean you should.
posted by Eideteker at 8:12 AM on June 1, 2011 [2 favorites]


My general rule of thumb is that if it will wake up everyone else in the house it will probably wake me up too.
posted by fuq at 8:14 AM on June 1, 2011


I think someone should have an alarm clock that plays recorded messages after you finally shut it off, versus just "snoozing" it. Depending on the amount of "snoozes" you choose, it will play a recorded message ranging from:

"Hey, good job! I love you so much! You're an awesome, responsible, good-looking, wonderful, sexy, person. I'm proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself too!!!" (0-1 snooze)

To:

"Hey, failure... Yeah, you... with the beer gut and crow's feet. Yeah, get up, go to your dead end of a job, have that fatty stop 'n go breakfast, and enjoy your manic commute because you're so late now. I'm sure that extra 15 minutes of sleep you got just left you WAY invigorated, right? Way to screw up again, dumbass." (5 or more snoozes).

With varying degrees of rewards or punishment in between.

Points if you can get your Best friend/Mom/Significant other to record either greeting.
posted by Debaser626 at 8:20 AM on June 1, 2011 [3 favorites]


Also... just a thought... I think an alarm clock that plays a clearly discernible recording of your parents having sex would do the job EVERY time.
posted by Debaser626 at 8:22 AM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


My general rule of thumb is that if it will wake up everyone else in the house it will probably wake me up too.

My prior alarm clock, the 'Russian Gambler' model, got me to wake up as soon as I heard the tiny click of a revolver being cocked.
posted by FatherDagon at 8:29 AM on June 1, 2011


waking up != getting out of bed
posted by desjardins at 9:28 AM on June 1, 2011


I stopped needing an alarm clock when I got an Australian Cattle dog and a Siamese cat who learned that 10 minutes after I get out of bed, they get fed.

I can guarantee that the combination of the dog's whining, barking, and the cat's staring in your face and yowling (thus introducing the concept of cat breath into the morning process) is enough to drive even the most steadfast sleeper from their beds.

There is no snooze button, throwing them off the bed does nothing, because they come right back, and as they wake up, they bring the other cats and dogs with them until all the pets are remarking, quite loudly, that it's time for the fooding in the belly-ing.

Basically, I just don't sleep anymore.
posted by quin at 9:31 AM on June 1, 2011 [1 favorite]


This alarm clock still sounds like an awesome / terrible idea. Waking up to the smell of things cooking does sound like a good idea...
posted by cirhosis at 9:45 AM on June 1, 2011


I don't have, but do want, a proper Teasmade.
posted by BungaDunga at 11:03 AM on June 1, 2011


My prior alarm clock, the 'Russian Gambler' model, got me to wake up as soon as I heard the tiny click of a revolver being cocked.

This. Would definitely work. Every time.

The hell with a $100 bill. A gun loaded with a single bullet, randomly spun, to be fired 30 seconds after the alarm goes off. Every time you snooze, it will spin the chamber again. Feeling lucky, sleepyhead?

Nothing like the ice-cold grip of sheer terror and rush of fight or flight adrenaline to get the morning going. Who needs Toast and Coffee now?!!
posted by Debaser626 at 8:57 AM on June 2, 2011


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