NY parents to gay sons and daughters: when are you getting married?
July 25, 2011 6:37 AM Subscribe
"With same-sex marriage now legal in New York," the New York Times reports, "some gay sons and daughters are starting to feel the same heat from parents as do their straight siblings." As with so many things, The Onion saw this coming years ago.
Further evidence for the "future news" Pulitzer category. Dave Barry's not often right, but this should happen.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 6:52 AM on July 25, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by a robot made out of meat at 6:52 AM on July 25, 2011 [2 favorites]
EQUALITY!
posted by mightygodking at 6:57 AM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by mightygodking at 6:57 AM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
Is this another manufactured NYT story about something the journalist heard of once from friends of friends and then wrote about as if it's extremely widespread?
posted by Nomyte at 6:58 AM on July 25, 2011 [16 favorites]
posted by Nomyte at 6:58 AM on July 25, 2011 [16 favorites]
I watched Scorcese's Fran Lebowitz documentary recently, and I was impressed by her musings about why gays, whose culture has historically been built upon the idea of freedom and noncomformity, have chosen marriage and the military -- two of the most traditionally conformist, controlling institutions in our society -- as the battlefields for their civil rights.
I think this article also raises a few interesting questions, but doesn't really scratch the surface beyond, "here are a bunch of different kinds of people dealing with this differently." I don't think that most gays who are out to their parents are feeling anything near the same kind of pressure to get married that straight people feel from their families and from society.
posted by hermitosis at 7:06 AM on July 25, 2011
I think this article also raises a few interesting questions, but doesn't really scratch the surface beyond, "here are a bunch of different kinds of people dealing with this differently." I don't think that most gays who are out to their parents are feeling anything near the same kind of pressure to get married that straight people feel from their families and from society.
posted by hermitosis at 7:06 AM on July 25, 2011
I don't have much to add, except to partially confirm this anecdata, and express my newfound envy toward people with small families that don't talk or gossip much.
I was worried that they might not be supportive. The possibility never crossed my mind that they'd be wayyyy too supportive. Now that my similar-aged relatives are beginning to marry off, I've been getting wedding invitations with +1s, and in my case, the +1 has been highlighted, circled, or accompanied with a note explaining that "We're serious. You can bring whomever." Sadly, "I'm single" doesn't quite resonate around the family rumor mill quite like "I'm gay" does.
And, seriously. The Onion are on a freaking roll lately. Recently, they've snuck a few actual editorials in between the snark.
posted by schmod at 7:06 AM on July 25, 2011 [6 favorites]
I was worried that they might not be supportive. The possibility never crossed my mind that they'd be wayyyy too supportive. Now that my similar-aged relatives are beginning to marry off, I've been getting wedding invitations with +1s, and in my case, the +1 has been highlighted, circled, or accompanied with a note explaining that "We're serious. You can bring whomever." Sadly, "I'm single" doesn't quite resonate around the family rumor mill quite like "I'm gay" does.
And, seriously. The Onion are on a freaking roll lately. Recently, they've snuck a few actual editorials in between the snark.
posted by schmod at 7:06 AM on July 25, 2011 [6 favorites]
Is this another manufactured NYT story about something the journalist heard of once from friends of friends and then wrote about as if it's extremely widespread?
Yes.
Good thing National Geographic isn't written that way, or all the authors would have to be gorillas or dolphins.
posted by jb at 7:07 AM on July 25, 2011 [4 favorites]
Yes.
Good thing National Geographic isn't written that way, or all the authors would have to be gorillas or dolphins.
posted by jb at 7:07 AM on July 25, 2011 [4 favorites]
It's amazing (and scary sometimes) how brilliant the Onion can be...
This is obviously one of those good moments though. More real freedom for more people to lives the way they want, is a win for everyone.
posted by Skygazer at 7:13 AM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
This is obviously one of those good moments though. More real freedom for more people to lives the way they want, is a win for everyone.
posted by Skygazer at 7:13 AM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
Especially the formal wear and ring industries.
posted by jonmc at 7:17 AM on July 25, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by jonmc at 7:17 AM on July 25, 2011 [2 favorites]
Amusingly, my parents (divorced, natch) have spent most of the past ten years trying to gently talk me out of my own burning desire to be married. When I finally announced to my mother that she was welcome to set up an arranged marriage for me, she told me I was crazypants. I think it took my father a lot longer to understand how important marriage was to me. After I was unceremoniously dumped by a seemingly great guy, my dad tried to make me feel better by sort of giving me the ol' "you don't need a man, son!" talk. It didn't work. This has led me to coin my own relationship status for myself: Spinsterzilla.
posted by jph at 7:27 AM on July 25, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by jph at 7:27 AM on July 25, 2011 [5 favorites]
Is this another manufactured NYT story about something the journalist heard of once from friends of friends and then wrote about as if it's extremely widespread?
Give them a break; same-sex marriages have been happening in the state for over 24 entire hours, which is more than sufficient time to establish a trend.
posted by Adam_S at 7:30 AM on July 25, 2011 [10 favorites]
Give them a break; same-sex marriages have been happening in the state for over 24 entire hours, which is more than sufficient time to establish a trend.
posted by Adam_S at 7:30 AM on July 25, 2011 [10 favorites]
MY LIFE AS AN ONION ARTICLE. Which is to say that here in MA, I started getting "so, when are you guys getting married" pressure from some folks pretty much as soon as things got legal. I've decided that the only people it doesn't bother me to hear that from are gay folks my age who I've known for decades. Because there's an undercurrent of "BECAUSE WE FINALLY CAN" rather than "well, it's about time..."
posted by rmd1023 at 7:38 AM on July 25, 2011
posted by rmd1023 at 7:38 AM on July 25, 2011
tl;dr: Parents suck at butting-out of their kids' lives regardless of sexual orientation.
schmod : And, seriously. The Onion are on a freaking roll lately. Recently, they've snuck a few actual editorials in between the snark.
When reality sounds more absurd than anything you can make up, what else can you do?
posted by pla at 8:10 AM on July 25, 2011
schmod : And, seriously. The Onion are on a freaking roll lately. Recently, they've snuck a few actual editorials in between the snark.
When reality sounds more absurd than anything you can make up, what else can you do?
posted by pla at 8:10 AM on July 25, 2011
Good thing National Geographic isn't written that way, or all the authors would have to be gorillas or dolphins.
I would subscribe to that magazine without hesitation.
posted by mykescipark at 8:24 AM on July 25, 2011 [4 favorites]
I would subscribe to that magazine without hesitation.
posted by mykescipark at 8:24 AM on July 25, 2011 [4 favorites]
A mother-in-law is a mother-in-law.
posted by Ardiril at 8:34 AM on July 25, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Ardiril at 8:34 AM on July 25, 2011 [2 favorites]
I would subscribe to that magazine without hesitation.
Save your money. It's nothing but recipies for fish and bananas interrupted by the occasional mating call.
posted by jonmc at 8:39 AM on July 25, 2011 [4 favorites]
Save your money. It's nothing but recipies for fish and bananas interrupted by the occasional mating call.
posted by jonmc at 8:39 AM on July 25, 2011 [4 favorites]
This is why I gay-eloped.
posted by The Whelk at 8:41 AM on July 25, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 8:41 AM on July 25, 2011 [3 favorites]
My dad sent me this article. Shortly after, my mother promised to send me on a trip if I tie the knot.
posted by anya32 at 8:45 AM on July 25, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by anya32 at 8:45 AM on July 25, 2011 [3 favorites]
A mother-in-law is a mother-in-law.
Yeah, but some people have no mothers-in-law! Or two mothers-in-law!
posted by madcaptenor at 8:54 AM on July 25, 2011 [3 favorites]
Yeah, but some people have no mothers-in-law! Or two mothers-in-law!
posted by madcaptenor at 8:54 AM on July 25, 2011 [3 favorites]
Save your money. It's nothing but recipies for fish and bananas interrupted by the occasional mating call.
This sounds like my ideal magazine.
posted by brundlefly at 8:57 AM on July 25, 2011
This sounds like my ideal magazine.
posted by brundlefly at 8:57 AM on July 25, 2011
This is why I gay-eloped.
Are either of you named Jack?
posted by psoas at 9:00 AM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
Are either of you named Jack?
posted by psoas at 9:00 AM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
On a more serious note, I do think it will be sad if the effect of legalizing same-sex marriage is to throw out all the good work that's been done legitimizing domestic partner benefits.
Unfortunately, in the very near future I suspect that it won't just be mothers-in-law telling everyone to go get hitched, it'll be the insurance companies and the human resources managers, if you want to keep your benefits, anyway.
Though I completely understand that it was unfair to drag gay people who honestly wanted to get married into the only peripherally-related fight for less heteronormative and culturally loaded ways of pairing up, it seems a bit unfortunate to me that we may have passed the high water mark of legally-sanctioned alternatives to traditional marriage.
Ironically, I think in the future this will be viewed as a net win for cultural conservatives. They're too obsessed with the buttsecks aspect to see it that way at the moment, but in their obsessive desire to own and control the definition of 'marriage' they came quite close to destroying it.
posted by Kadin2048 at 9:12 AM on July 25, 2011 [2 favorites]
Unfortunately, in the very near future I suspect that it won't just be mothers-in-law telling everyone to go get hitched, it'll be the insurance companies and the human resources managers, if you want to keep your benefits, anyway.
Though I completely understand that it was unfair to drag gay people who honestly wanted to get married into the only peripherally-related fight for less heteronormative and culturally loaded ways of pairing up, it seems a bit unfortunate to me that we may have passed the high water mark of legally-sanctioned alternatives to traditional marriage.
Ironically, I think in the future this will be viewed as a net win for cultural conservatives. They're too obsessed with the buttsecks aspect to see it that way at the moment, but in their obsessive desire to own and control the definition of 'marriage' they came quite close to destroying it.
posted by Kadin2048 at 9:12 AM on July 25, 2011 [2 favorites]
Ironically, I think in the future this will be viewed as a net win for cultural conservatives.
I think I'm okay with that. Any chance we can do the same for national health care?
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 9:17 AM on July 25, 2011 [2 favorites]
I think I'm okay with that. Any chance we can do the same for national health care?
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 9:17 AM on July 25, 2011 [2 favorites]
Off topic, I find it hilarious looking at these guys in the article. I thought, "Good lord, are you dating your clone?" One of the amusing things about gay relationships is when you see people who either have the same name (oh god, the idea of dating another Jennifer AIEEEE!) or are dating their twin. What's up with that?
Anyhoo, back on topic, I have to agree with Kadin2048 on the idea that you won't be able to get benefits without marriage if you're gay or not. That is a very good point.
I still think marital-nagging is totally inappropriate, regardless of political developments though. Also, it makes me want to kick people really hard. I guess that's the nice thing about being another spinsterzilla is that without someone around to nag me about, most people have to shut up.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:32 AM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
Anyhoo, back on topic, I have to agree with Kadin2048 on the idea that you won't be able to get benefits without marriage if you're gay or not. That is a very good point.
I still think marital-nagging is totally inappropriate, regardless of political developments though. Also, it makes me want to kick people really hard. I guess that's the nice thing about being another spinsterzilla is that without someone around to nag me about, most people have to shut up.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:32 AM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
I guess that's the nice thing about being another spinsterzilla is that without someone around to nag me about, most people have to shut up.
Can you tell my parents this? They nag me and I kind of shrug and say, "Marry who?"
posted by sweetkid at 9:36 AM on July 25, 2011
Can you tell my parents this? They nag me and I kind of shrug and say, "Marry who?"
posted by sweetkid at 9:36 AM on July 25, 2011
How long has the NYT had this article written up and queued, ready to be published, do you think? They couldn't even wait a week to declare it a trend. Wow.
My sister married at a later age, and she used to get all the, "So are you seeing anyone seriously?" and, "When are you getting married?" crap from older relatives. Before she met her now-husband, she had decided she was going to start telling everyone she was a lesbian to get them to shut up. I thought this was a brilliant plan, especially if I got to see the faces of the religious fundamentalist set of grandparents when she did it.
Now what are singles like her going to do? We need a new plan!
posted by misha at 9:51 AM on July 25, 2011
My sister married at a later age, and she used to get all the, "So are you seeing anyone seriously?" and, "When are you getting married?" crap from older relatives. Before she met her now-husband, she had decided she was going to start telling everyone she was a lesbian to get them to shut up. I thought this was a brilliant plan, especially if I got to see the faces of the religious fundamentalist set of grandparents when she did it.
Now what are singles like her going to do? We need a new plan!
posted by misha at 9:51 AM on July 25, 2011
EQUALITY!
posted by mightygodking
I would like to favorite this comment 100,000,000 times more. Mods, please make this possible.
Next up: "When are you guys having kids?"
posted by jillithd at 9:54 AM on July 25, 2011
posted by mightygodking
I would like to favorite this comment 100,000,000 times more. Mods, please make this possible.
Next up: "When are you guys having kids?"
posted by jillithd at 9:54 AM on July 25, 2011
This is great and all, but I'll tell you what. The next generation is going to have it hard. I have two mothers in law ... double the fun....
posted by strixus at 10:04 AM on July 25, 2011
posted by strixus at 10:04 AM on July 25, 2011
Nothing has been set, but that has not stopped Ms. Robinson from planning the big day in her head.
“Lindsay is small and adorable, so I see her in a flapper thing in ivory silk with an overlapping handkerchief hem and a cloche,” she said. “My daughter is larger than Lindsay and very curvy, so I see her in an old-fashioned off-the-shoulder wedding dress with a big skirt.”
Table settings and menus have also been considered.
“I also see lots of flowers and a string quartet with a band for dancing after,” Ms. Robinson added. “The food would be fabulous and exotic, maybe something sort of Moroccan-Middle Eastern.”
Really it should just go on like this for the entire article. Then it would be an excellent Onion piece.
posted by phoenixy at 10:35 AM on July 25, 2011 [5 favorites]
“Lindsay is small and adorable, so I see her in a flapper thing in ivory silk with an overlapping handkerchief hem and a cloche,” she said. “My daughter is larger than Lindsay and very curvy, so I see her in an old-fashioned off-the-shoulder wedding dress with a big skirt.”
Table settings and menus have also been considered.
“I also see lots of flowers and a string quartet with a band for dancing after,” Ms. Robinson added. “The food would be fabulous and exotic, maybe something sort of Moroccan-Middle Eastern.”
Really it should just go on like this for the entire article. Then it would be an excellent Onion piece.
posted by phoenixy at 10:35 AM on July 25, 2011 [5 favorites]
Save your money. It's nothing but recipies for fish and bananas interrupted by the occasional mating call.
And bloodsicles. Don't forget the bloodsicles.
posted by The Bellman at 10:55 AM on July 25, 2011
And bloodsicles. Don't forget the bloodsicles.
posted by The Bellman at 10:55 AM on July 25, 2011
His stepmother, Lorraine Gray, won’t take no for an answer. “I don’t have any girls,” said Ms. Gray, 52, a psychotherapist in Oakland, Calif. Never mind that she also has two other sons, 18 and 22, who are straight. “My gay kids are more fun than my straight ones,” she said.
Um, okay. It must be nice to be 18 and read how boring your mom thinks you are in the paper of record.
posted by brundlefly at 11:43 AM on July 25, 2011 [3 favorites]
Um, okay. It must be nice to be 18 and read how boring your mom thinks you are in the paper of record.
posted by brundlefly at 11:43 AM on July 25, 2011 [3 favorites]
I watched Scorcese's Fran Lebowitz documentary recently, and I was impressed by her musings about why gays, whose culture has historically been built upon the idea of freedom and noncomformity, have chosen marriage and the military -- two of the most traditionally conformist, controlling institutions in our society -- as the battlefields for their civil rights.
Well for me, the reason marriage is so important is because so much is geared to favor married couples. Hospital visitation, property rights, power of attorney, filing taxes jointly, eligibility for benefits, clear custody rights when children are involved (and say, one patner is ill or incapacitated)... and on and on.
Until we take the term "marriage" out of all of these things, it something we'll have to fight for.
posted by xedrik at 11:45 AM on July 25, 2011 [3 favorites]
Well for me, the reason marriage is so important is because so much is geared to favor married couples. Hospital visitation, property rights, power of attorney, filing taxes jointly, eligibility for benefits, clear custody rights when children are involved (and say, one patner is ill or incapacitated)... and on and on.
Until we take the term "marriage" out of all of these things, it something we'll have to fight for.
posted by xedrik at 11:45 AM on July 25, 2011 [3 favorites]
realsies equality awesomeness.
posted by herbplarfegan at 11:52 AM on July 25, 2011
posted by herbplarfegan at 11:52 AM on July 25, 2011
A pretty awesome webcomic from a Queer woman on why she still won't get married.
posted by jillithd at 12:09 PM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by jillithd at 12:09 PM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
This is why I gay-eloped.
I just got a great idea for an ad campaign to revitalize some aging borcht-belt resort by drawing an new base of clientele:
Your home in the (as in catskill or golf maybe?) range;
Where the queer and gay-eloped play!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 12:11 PM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
I just got a great idea for an ad campaign to revitalize some aging borcht-belt resort by drawing an new base of clientele:
Your home in the (as in catskill or golf maybe?) range;
Where the queer and gay-eloped play!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 12:11 PM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
A pretty awesome webcomic from a Queer woman on why she still won't get married
Hey I knew her in college and still read her LJ isn't the world a tiny place
posted by flaterik at 12:55 PM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
Hey I knew her in college and still read her LJ isn't the world a tiny place
posted by flaterik at 12:55 PM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
The elusive Gayeloped with its striped back and houndstooth flanks are one of the prettier antelope, but being gregarious and preferring to inhabit areas of dense nightlife, they are not seen very often sober, and if one does, they invite you to join them quickly. They browse on foliage and fruit and sometimes remain for hours beneath certain flowering trees. This species shows little evidence of sexual dimorphism.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 1:07 PM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 1:07 PM on July 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
"Can you tell my parents this? They nag me and I kind of shrug and say, "Marry who?"
Heh. My Catholic relatives actually SAT ME DOWN around age 25 or so to lecture me that if I didn't get married off now I'd become Too Independent to ever get married. (Of course, this had already happened...) I pointed out that catching a man wasn't remotely under my control here and that actually shut them up. Go figure.
"Before she met her now-husband, she had decided she was going to start telling everyone she was a lesbian to get them to shut up. I thought this was a brilliant plan, especially if I got to see the faces of the religious fundamentalist set of grandparents when she did it.
Now what are singles like her going to do? We need a new plan!"
I also really wanted to tell them I was a lesbian, except I think that would have gotten even uglier reactions that I'd never hear the end of.
Hm, I don't really miss them since they stopped talking to me....
posted by jenfullmoon at 3:40 PM on July 25, 2011
Heh. My Catholic relatives actually SAT ME DOWN around age 25 or so to lecture me that if I didn't get married off now I'd become Too Independent to ever get married. (Of course, this had already happened...) I pointed out that catching a man wasn't remotely under my control here and that actually shut them up. Go figure.
"Before she met her now-husband, she had decided she was going to start telling everyone she was a lesbian to get them to shut up. I thought this was a brilliant plan, especially if I got to see the faces of the religious fundamentalist set of grandparents when she did it.
Now what are singles like her going to do? We need a new plan!"
I also really wanted to tell them I was a lesbian, except I think that would have gotten even uglier reactions that I'd never hear the end of.
Hm, I don't really miss them since they stopped talking to me....
posted by jenfullmoon at 3:40 PM on July 25, 2011
Oh man. I need to call my Mom and thank her for not being a crazy marriage obsessed lunatic. Thanks Mom!
posted by grapesaresour at 4:09 PM on July 25, 2011
posted by grapesaresour at 4:09 PM on July 25, 2011
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posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:48 AM on July 25, 2011 [19 favorites]