I'M GOBBLIN' HERE! IIIIII'M GOBBLIN' HERE!

November 6, 2011 7:53 AM

Wild Turkeys Running Amok On The Streets Of Gotham
posted by jason's_planet (54 comments total)

Oh, good god New York, they're turkeys not dragons.
posted by octothorpe at 7:58 AM on November 6, 2011 [8 favorites]

I came to make a batman joke, but I'm staying for the staten island bashing.
posted by The Whelk at 8:03 AM on November 6, 2011 [11 favorites]

The Staten Island turkeys cannot be hunted, either, because they are protected with prescribed seasons and areas, none of which are within the city limits.

Well, there's your problem.
I can't see why a special "seasonal" exception can't be made in order to thin the numbers. Wild turkey's pretty tasty.
posted by Thorzdad at 8:03 AM on November 6, 2011

I'm tempted to go to SI and put this on a bar jukebox.
posted by jonmc at 8:08 AM on November 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

Kristin Fitzpatrick, a risk manager for Staten Island University Hospital who was having a cigarette break across from Mr. Budano’s home, called the turkeys “rude and slow” and said they “walk like idiots.”

Isn't that just the worst insult possible from a New Yorker, they act like tourists.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 8:12 AM on November 6, 2011 [16 favorites]

Yeah, octothorpe pretty much summed it up.

Put a bag of garbage that you can't eat on the sidewalk and everyone is fine with it, but a turkey that would feed 8 people out there and it's a problem.
posted by HuronBob at 8:14 AM on November 6, 2011

Wait, "rude, slow...they walk like idiots"...... ??????




ZOMBIE TURKEYS!!!!!!!
posted by HuronBob at 8:15 AM on November 6, 2011

Nobody from NYC would ever call Staten Island "Gotham."
posted by Threeway Handshake at 8:16 AM on November 6, 2011 [14 favorites]

If these people don't like animals, they should move out to the rural areas where there is a much lower concentration of wildlife.
posted by 445supermag at 8:17 AM on November 6, 2011 [2 favorites]

Is it just me, or is there something wrong with the concept of a 'risk manager' from a hospital having a smoke break??? That's like my mechanic thinking its alright to pour sugar in his gas tank.
posted by HuronBob at 8:17 AM on November 6, 2011

Is it just me, or is there something wrong with the concept of a 'risk manager' from a hospital having a smoke break??? That's like my mechanic thinking its alright to pour sugar in his gas tank.

So, this is your first time visiting Staten Island, huh?
posted by mikelieman at 8:20 AM on November 6, 2011 [3 favorites]

Just wait until the turkeys buy houses and drive down property rates!
posted by The Whelk at 8:23 AM on November 6, 2011 [3 favorites]

Wild Turkeys Running Amok On The Streets Of Gotham Fisher-Price® My First Suburb™
posted by griphus at 8:25 AM on November 6, 2011 [4 favorites]

You're talking about the marathon, right?
posted by sciencegeek at 8:27 AM on November 6, 2011 [2 favorites]

Just wait until the turkeys buy houses and drive down property rates!

Or cut an album produced by RZA.
posted by griphus at 8:28 AM on November 6, 2011 [2 favorites]

I always like other species wandering into my world and I would be willing to put up with some mess and damage in my garden if it meant I got to see and hear turkeys along with the sparrows and pigeons. Flocks of 30-pound turkeys eating everything in my garden and leaving a thick slick of shit behind would definitely be pushing it, but I think I'd rather feed the turkeys than have no turkeys.

That woman with the 112 pounds of bagged turkey shit (fertilizer!) ought to send a kid up those trees to put bird spikes (or nails?) on the main roosting branches. And is it that hard to find nesting turkeys and destroy their eggs? They nest on the ground. Train dogs to find them. No eggs = no more turkeys.
posted by pracowity at 8:30 AM on November 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

Just like turkeys to confuse Staten Island with Wall Street.
posted by tommasz at 8:30 AM on November 6, 2011

I can't help but think that a New Yorker of a century ago, shortly after Americans had hunted a species of pigeon to extinction for food, would be amazed that too much free poultry walking around could be a problem.

The phrase is overused but for once I think a firstworldproblems tag is called for here. Thumbs up Thorzdad on unleashing the Elmer Fudds on them.
posted by XMLicious at 8:31 AM on November 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

I feel even as a Long Islander I can safely say that I don't think that Staten Island qualifies as "Gotham", "the city" or anything else like it.
posted by Brian Puccio at 8:42 AM on November 6, 2011

Oh please, the Marathon will be over in a few hours and then everything will go back to normal.



:D
posted by zarq at 8:46 AM on November 6, 2011

Batman will find these villainous turkeys and drop them in acid tanks, mark you my words.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 8:48 AM on November 6, 2011

Nobody from NYC would ever call Staten Island "Gotham."

Nobody from NYC would ever refer to any borough as "Gotham" or, god fucking forbid, the execrable "Big Apple". We have zoning laws about that kind of shit. You use it more than once unironically in public and we exile you to Newark.
posted by elizardbits at 8:52 AM on November 6, 2011 [2 favorites]

How wild turkeys got to Staten Island .. in 2000, nine turkeys were deposited on the sprawling grounds of the psychiatric center “by a local resident who had held them in captivity.”

This would make a great opening sentence for a story (fiction or non)
posted by stbalbach at 9:00 AM on November 6, 2011 [2 favorites]

Oh, good god New York, they're turkeys not dragons.

Yo, just to reemphasize, chiquita found 112 goddamn pounds of turkey shit and feathers in her yard. Most New Yorkers don't have 122 lbs of dirt in their yards. I think that qualifies as a problem.

Plus turkeys have brass stugotz and will not get out of the way of oncoming traffic, and they're too big to hit.
posted by Diablevert at 9:14 AM on November 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

I live in the middle of a city and see turkeys fairly often, never occurred to me to complain about them any more than I'd complain about racoons or chipmunks.
posted by octothorpe at 9:20 AM on November 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

Let me say 4 letters: WKRP
posted by HuronBob at 9:50 AM on November 6, 2011 [6 favorites]

"and they're too big to hit..."

Well, not really...

We've a pretty nice size population of wild turkeys around here... One morning I was driving down a dirt road north of the lake, lots of woods, when an SUV with a bunch of kids in it came over the hill from the other direction... Just about that time a turkey came out from the left, flying at about 5 feet off the ground across the road. The SUV caught the turkey mid windshield at about 45 miles per hour.

Now, I'm an animal lover, even turkeys, but I have to tell you, that explosion of feathers is something that I will never forget, remembered with a combination of sadness and awe.

The SUV never slowed down... Suck it up New York, what do you think all those Cabs are for if not reducing the turkey population!
posted by HuronBob at 9:54 AM on November 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

Or cut an album produced by RZA.

Not GZRD?
posted by argonauta at 10:28 AM on November 6, 2011 [7 favorites]

I was relieved to see it was NOT a spoiler for the next Batman movie.

But now that the turkeys have conquered "Gotham", their next target: Frisco!
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:13 AM on November 6, 2011

There are wild turkeys all over southern RI, and no one makes much of a fuss about them. Sometimes they block the road, briefly, but, honestly, they don't hang around. Turkeys got places to go, see?
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:15 AM on November 6, 2011

Pretty cool. 25 years ago I passed the New York state hunter education course and got my small game and bird stickers in order to satisfy my grandparents desire to "make a man" of me. The guys who gave the course told me I would probably never see a turkey in New York state becuase they had been over hunted for so long. Glad to see they are making a comeback.
posted by Ad hominem at 11:31 AM on November 6, 2011

There's an island in Portland, Maine that was overpopulated with deer. Hunting season resolved the problem. For anybody who hates hunting - hunting by Mainers is for filling the freezer with meat. (ok, it's also about hanging out in the woods with manfriends)
posted by theora55 at 11:35 AM on November 6, 2011

As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could take the X1.
posted by infinitewindow at 11:35 AM on November 6, 2011 [2 favorites]

/wiiiiild turkeys.....couldn't drag me away/
posted by The Whelk at 11:50 AM on November 6, 2011 [3 favorites]

Shelter Island, a small island off the tip of Long Island has a pretty bad deer overpopulation problem. They amble right into the middle of the road and stand there looking at you as you try to drive around them. There is an epidemic of deer ticks, which in turn caused an epidemic of Lyme disease.
posted by Ad hominem at 11:52 AM on November 6, 2011

Shelter Island, a small island off the tip of Long Island has a pretty bad deer overpopulation problem.They amble right into the middle of the road and stand there looking at you as you try to drive around them. There is an epidemic of deer ticks, which in turn caused an epidemic of Lyme disease.


Isn't this the plot of a recent Leonardo DiCaprio film?
posted by Fizz at 12:11 PM on November 6, 2011

LEO WAS A DEER ALL ALONG
posted by The Whelk at 12:15 PM on November 6, 2011

Wild Turkeys can become aggressive. I see how this could be a real problem!

That's why I drink Old Crow.
posted by battleshipkropotkin at 12:22 PM on November 6, 2011

Damn these bridge and tunnel turkeys!
posted by Mister_A at 1:20 PM on November 6, 2011

I can't see why a special "seasonal" exception can't be made in order to thin the numbers. Wild turkey's pretty tasty.

Yes. Let's introduce hunting to the urban and suburban residential neighborhoods. What could possibly go wrong?
posted by Sys Rq at 1:23 PM on November 6, 2011 [2 favorites]

For anybody who hates hunting - hunting by Mainers is for filling the freezer with meat. (ok, it's also about hanging out in the woods with manfriends)

I'll bet the fridges aren't the only things getting fi—Oh, nevermind.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:26 PM on November 6, 2011

When it comes to wild turkeys in New York City, the only one who really matters is Zelda, the intrepid wild turkey of Battery Park.
posted by flyingsquirrel at 2:09 PM on November 6, 2011

I can't see why a special "seasonal" exception can't be made in order to thin the numbers. Wild turkey's pretty tasty.

This is true. They have a much stronger flavor than the things they sell in supermarkets.

Though I've never had a Nature's Turkey, so I can't say how it would compare.
posted by homunculus at 2:43 PM on November 6, 2011

Thanks to Diablevert for the word "stugots," which reminded me of my youth (on just now looking up its use, obviously I haven't watched "The Sopranos"). Some years ago, I had one of these birds come at me suddenly from ahead while I was on a bicycle and they are freaking huge. The only thing that kept me upright and pedaling furiously was the terror of being on the ground at the mercy of the horrible beast.
posted by Morrigan at 3:26 PM on November 6, 2011

This may be the only thing that New York and my town (population 800) have in common.

We eventually had to get rid of ours. Had them trapped humanely and shipped out to a few different rescue organizations.

(Obligatory pedantic note: La Conner's turkeys were technically feral, not wild. It sounds like the same is probably true of the Staten Island turkeys.)
posted by ErikaB at 4:37 PM on November 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

I love this pic from Boston.
posted by No Robots at 5:14 PM on November 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

Minneapolis has lots of turkeys now. My northeast neighborhood has some very visible ones. Overall, they're great, it's cool to have "wildlife" in the neighborhood--although I haven't had to deal with being chased or pecked.

I'm a little bemused that the low-key Minnesotans who live in my area are totally cool with it, while supposedly tough New Yorkers are freaked out.
posted by gimonca at 5:51 PM on November 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

Pfft, New Yorkers. Bostonians have been dealing with these walking party platters for years now. Sometimes, though, the turkeys fight back.
posted by adamg at 6:44 PM on November 6, 2011 [1 favorite]

But now that the turkeys have conquered "Gotham", their next target: Frisco!

No no no, then they take Berlin.
posted by Because at 11:51 PM on November 6, 2011 [2 favorites]

They tried (and failed) to curb the population by spreading oil on the eggs? if you get that close, just smash the egg. Or steal it. Seriously?
posted by double bubble at 3:57 AM on November 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

double bubble, that's what I came in to say! Perhaps... perhaps the mama turkeys would lay replacement eggs, but the oil-smeared eggs act as decoys and make her think she's incubating viable young.
posted by Specklet at 11:41 AM on November 7, 2011

In the Boston suburb of Brookline, they actually have designated parking spaces for the local Turkey gang.
posted by raztaj at 5:35 PM on November 7, 2011

Just put down the Explosive Gel and wait for the flock to walk up and start pecking at it.
posted by stevis23 at 7:41 PM on November 7, 2011 [1 favorite]

My Life as a Turkey
posted by homunculus at 2:57 PM on November 16, 2011