j/k im an octopus lol
January 2, 2012 12:23 AM   Subscribe

Texts From Cephalopods. It is a well-established fact in marine biology that the octopus is the drunk texter of the cephalopod family.

Octopus: ok so go on gamefaqs and log into my account
Octopus: name octololarity248 pw 123456
Octopus: update my jar walkthrough with this
Octopus: hold glass thing
Octopus: turn green round thing left like 4 times
posted by subbes (42 comments total) 51 users marked this as a favorite



somebody stole my bit rick
posted by LordSludge at 12:25 AM on January 2, 2012 [21 favorites]

Shut up you bastards, this is a great post
posted by iotic at 12:29 AM on January 2, 2012 [5 favorites]

I do disagree with the characterization of the Cuddlefish as angry and capslocked.
posted by subbes at 12:31 AM on January 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

posted by ook at 12:43 AM on January 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

posted by Rinku at 12:44 AM on January 2, 2012 [5 favorites]

I can tell it's fake the way the jokes all fit perfectly in the size of one screen.
posted by andoatnp at 12:46 AM on January 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

I don't care how drunk you are, 'lolarious' is not a word.
posted by troll at 12:47 AM on January 2, 2012

@troll you're full of an adjective used as a plural noun, lolarious is awesomesauce

wibble wobble wibble wobble wibble wobble wibble wobble
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 12:59 AM on January 2, 2012 [6 favorites]

running running running omg running
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 1:10 AM on January 2, 2012

That amused me more than it should have. Thank you for this. :)
posted by usagizero at 1:14 AM on January 2, 2012

Once again, then, it's time to tune in to one of my all time favorite tunes at Metafilter Music... ladies and gentlemen... Cephalopod!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 1:33 AM on January 2, 2012 [2 favorites]

I nearly inked myself at the visual of the octopus texting from the deck of a fishing boat, to the squid's horror:

octopus: "no it's cool man got this under control"
octopus: "got my metal gear on lol"
octopus: "i am leik one with the scenery atm"
squid: oh my god
posted by prinado at 1:45 AM on January 2, 2012 [2 favorites]

I don't even know why this is funny, except that it is, and I too may have almost inked myself giggling.
posted by FritoKAL at 1:57 AM on January 2, 2012 [2 favorites]

that was indeed unexpectedly excellent, extra points for the World Cup reference
posted by fallingbadgers at 2:20 AM on January 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

Giggling like crazy here; excellent post.
posted by MartinWisse at 3:14 AM on January 2, 2012

I'm glad I have the day off so my co-workers don't hear my laughter and wonder if I've finally gone over the edge.
posted by tommasz at 5:26 AM on January 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

Poor squid; it seems like the other cephalopods are kind of jerks. Which is totally not realistic; I think we have already established that it's the squids that are jerks. This site is squid propaganda! I bet that is not even an octopus, but a squid in an octopus costume!
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:34 AM on January 2, 2012

Cute but needs more random elder gods references.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 5:39 AM on January 2, 2012

This is quite educational; I never realized squid were so good about proper capitalization and punctuation.
posted by meinvt at 6:35 AM on January 2, 2012

Cuttlefish commicate with high definition patterns of light and color on thier sides so I'm thinking thier more tumblr people.
posted by The Whelk at 7:22 AM on January 2, 2012 [4 favorites]

Instagram for the artsy cuttlefish. Which is like ALL of them.
posted by moonmilk at 7:28 AM on January 2, 2012

I did snicker quite a bit at the octopus (asking the squid to look at gamefaqs for opening jars is what got me), but my favourite story in the Octopus Steals My Video Camera and Swims off with It While It's Recording (Youtube) fandom this year was Experiments in Intelligence.
posted by bewilderbeast at 8:08 AM on January 2, 2012

the Gamefaqs bit was absolutely fantastic.
posted by xbonesgt at 8:17 AM on January 2, 2012

It was hard not to imagine Squidward as the squid.
posted by briank at 8:25 AM on January 2, 2012

The entire Yuletide collection is worth checking out. Obscure fandoms only.
posted by wenat at 8:55 AM on January 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

And once you've read all 2598 works in the main collection, you can follow it up with a Yuletide Madness chaser!
posted by bewilderbeast at 9:00 AM on January 2, 2012

See, the squids texts are grammatically correct because they have elbows.
posted by PapaLobo at 9:21 AM on January 2, 2012

Texts from bandwidth exceeded.
posted by jeffamaphone at 9:45 AM on January 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

The YouTube videos of the octopus swanning about on land are quite horrific in a lovecraftian way.
posted by winna at 10:20 AM on January 2, 2012

Some of this is in reference to some recently publicized research on octopus intelligence, quite possibly this recent episode of the long-running Canadian documentary series, The Nature of Things, "Aliens of the Deep Sea".

In the episode they show some research in Spain where an octopus solves some difficult problems very quickly, such as opening a jar to get at a crab, and, amazingly, learning how to solve a more difficult problem simply by watching another octopus do it from a nearby tank and where no communication is possible.

One of the very speculative things discussed in the episode is that although they are capable of learning from each other, octopuses (this is an English word, dammit) are not nurtured at all from birth (the many born, few survive model) and normally live a solitary existence. However, where human ecological intervention has encouraged them to group together, they do learn from each other and therefore pass along lessons across generations. Given their high intelligence, it's conceivable that they could develop an intelligent culture, over time.

These are really amazing animals.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 12:49 PM on January 2, 2012 [2 favorites]

We used to catch octopus quite often in our fish sampling gear and this is pretty much dead on. They are super smart and mischievous and have surprisingly little fear of people. If octopus lived longer they would totally run the world
posted by fshgrl at 2:41 PM on January 2, 2012

I think thier anti social nature and short lifespans are deliberate gene hacks the former geneticists of Atlantis put in to control the octopus population so they don't enslave the surface world again,
posted by The Whelk at 2:44 PM on January 2, 2012 [6 favorites]

Octopi are pretty damn amazing!
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 10:33 PM on January 2, 2012

Octopodes, please.
posted by iotic at 7:49 AM on January 3, 2012

<( . _____________ . )
posted by GuyOnABuffalo at 11:20 AM on January 3, 2012

No, octopodes is arguably the worst choice.

Yes, "octopodes" is the correct classical Greek plural (but not the correct transliteration of the modern Greek plural of the word). However, that is a very unusual plural suffix in English usage, unfamiliar to most native speakers, and is therefore inappropriate in almost all registers.

More to the point, as I wrote above, octopus is a fully naturalized English word and a conventional English plural form—octopuses—is much more widely used than the alternatives. Insisting that an English word take the correct plural form of its non-English etymological ancestor, when it conventionally takes an English plural form, is exactly equivalent to the hypothetical (one hopes) silliness of insisting on tablae as the plural of table.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 11:22 AM on January 3, 2012

Yeah, octopuses, I agree. I was merely being facetious.
posted by iotic at 1:15 PM on January 3, 2012

posted by The Whelk at 1:26 PM on January 3, 2012

Please don't
posted by homunculus at 1:42 PM on January 3, 2012

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lol i am an asciiopod
posted by not_on_display at 3:41 PM on January 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

Hang on, how do we know the texts aren't coming from a black-marble jawfish pretending to be an octopus?
posted by homunculus at 9:15 AM on January 6, 2012

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