That shit will bloat the hell out of you
February 7, 2012 2:37 PM   Subscribe

How to go from fit to fat in 5 hours. Yes, that's from fit to fat.
posted by desjardins (31 comments total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
 
Hell of a step one though: Start off fit.
posted by 2bucksplus at 2:51 PM on February 7, 2012 [23 favorites]


This explains why some days I look fat, while other days I merely look overweight.
posted by asnider at 2:52 PM on February 7, 2012 [6 favorites]


This is actually pretty fun. I also think calling soda 'pop' takes it straight to adorable.
posted by poe at 2:53 PM on February 7, 2012 [3 favorites]


Hell of a step one though: Start off fit.

Yeah, but think of the after photo I could make if I take my current physique, eat chips, down a 2 liter bottle of soda, and generally do nothing.

Which is to say, take a picture of me after dinner tonight. It will make the 5:53 me look like an Adonis.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 2:54 PM on February 7, 2012 [4 favorites]


I also think calling soda 'pop' takes it straight to adorable.

I'm pretty sure that Furious Pete is Canadian and calling it pop is pretty normally up here. That said, I won't argue that we're a nation of adorable people.
posted by asnider at 3:01 PM on February 7, 2012 [14 favorites]


What a coincidence, that exact same thing happens to me every day before I leave the house. People tell me not to have a breakfast of chips and a 2 litre of pop, but without my breakfast I am cranky till lunch.
posted by Ad hominem at 3:02 PM on February 7, 2012


It's his metaaaabolism!
posted by Decani at 3:02 PM on February 7, 2012


It is his diet of Nutella
posted by Ad hominem at 3:05 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


Pfff! I can do this in 5 seconds! I simply sit down and relax my ab muscles and WHOAH -- where did this freakin' pot belly come from?

/I miss my 20s
posted by darkstar at 3:05 PM on February 7, 2012 [3 favorites]


That's nothing! I hear you can do it in 3 hours with this 1 weird old trick...

Seriously, though -- while many of the before/after photos in advertising are faked this way, it's not hard to find real (as in, taken incrementally over months and years) "fat-to-fit" photos on the internet. A good diet combined with serious weight training can be noticeably "transformative" in less than a year, especially for young men.
posted by vorfeed at 3:14 PM on February 7, 2012 [10 favorites]


So this is like the hair replacement photos where they take the after pictures then shave the hair off to take the before pictures.
posted by stuartmm at 3:21 PM on February 7, 2012


So is it the vascularity when we can load our fat up to the internet and just keep the muscle?
posted by chavenet at 3:32 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh, yeah, and here's a woman who made a similar transformation through the same method (note that she was initially too skinny to do the things she wanted to do, not too fat).
posted by vorfeed at 3:37 PM on February 7, 2012 [6 favorites]


I'm pretty sure that Furious Pete is Canadian and calling it pop is pretty normally up here. That said, I won't argue that we're a nation of adorable people.

I was on a job in Toronto and craft services had a cooler with the word POP written on a piece of tape affixed to the top. I knew that pop meant soda in certain parts of the world, but when I saw that cooler labeled POP I was confused. I actually asked the adorable craft services woman where I could get a Diet Coke and she pointed at the clearly labelled-for-Canadians cooler. She was adorable and after I lamented over not finding a pancakes near my hotel, she made blueberry pancakes the next morning of the shoot. Canada really is a nation of adorable people.
posted by birdherder at 3:47 PM on February 7, 2012 [3 favorites]


Or you could just visit thisiswhyyourefat.com.

(As for the pop vs. soda, there's always this handy page. Canada's not actually included but you can sort of extrapolate northwards).
posted by zardoz at 3:51 PM on February 7, 2012


"Anything is really possible... don't believe everything that you see with your eyes."

...uh, well, wait...it's a video, so... uh... carry the '2' ....

It is his diet of Nutella
Pfft, the 750 gram jar. I used to eat more in one sitting when I was dating the Swedish bikini team. Washed it down with a gallon of Old Milwaukee. Before I took an arrow in the knee.

Those "before" and "after" photos though, pretty obviously fake. (Nice to see someone do something on it.)
I wonder if certain cash-strapped celebs don't pack on some weight then knock it off to prove that some diet plan works.
Is that focus on the aesthetic rather than fitness health better than the focus on fitness for, say, kicking ass at the beach? (Although, what's with that girl? Yeesh)

This one time I started shaving back my hairline and thinning my hair incrementally for years, then kept my head completely shaved in the sort of bald-guy horseshoe pattern.
After people had gotten accustomed to me looking that way, and I'd taken enough candid pictures at birthdays, weddings, etc., I introduced this "miracle product" made from suitably embarrassing ingredients (fresh rhino sperm, rat placenta, Pocari Sweat) that grew hair and I stopped shaving my head and grew all my hair back. Sold tons of the stuff. Suckers!

(Really. Totally happened. Completely not a random fantasy I just thought up.)

...I'd be a real wad if I actually did that. Perhaps more than the sand kicking thing.
posted by Smedleyman at 4:03 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


in 5 hours

I wasn't in a rush.
posted by Trurl at 4:09 PM on February 7, 2012


vorfeed, thanks for that link! Super impressive. And inspiring, like it said on the tin I guess. Makes me feel like less of a freak for eating, you know, 5+ times a day, what feels like a massive amount of food ('cause it is, I s'pose).
posted by ifjuly at 4:11 PM on February 7, 2012


Now let's see his girlfriend do this same video.
posted by cjorgensen at 4:39 PM on February 7, 2012


I think any woman who gets a period can do the same video once a month. Without the pop.
posted by fshgrl at 5:06 PM on February 7, 2012 [2 favorites]


Is 'vascularity' a real thing? I get how he's using it but I'd never heard it before.
posted by benito.strauss at 5:12 PM on February 7, 2012


Frankly, I found it a little offensive, how he just assumed I'm not already sprayed down with Pam.
posted by Greg Nog at 5:16 PM on February 7, 2012 [18 favorites]


I love looking at before-and-after photos; they're "Spot the Difference" games for grownups!

This woman lost five pounds with these three simple tricks! I know this one! In her "before" photo she's not wearing makeup, slouching and frowning, but in her "after" photo she's applied makeup with a spackle trowel, standing up straight and smiling!

This man gained 25 lbs. of muscle using our product! And body oil! And better lighting! And by actually flexing his muscles! Amazing!
posted by lekvar at 5:34 PM on February 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


Is 'vascularity' a real thing? I get how he's using it but I'd never heard it before.

It is in bodybuilding, yes.
posted by vorfeed at 5:41 PM on February 7, 2012


They have bodybuilding competitions at the hall next to my gym now and again. It's hilarious if you happen to be at the gym (and/or the cafe next to it) for a few hours that day. These guys come in looking like his "after" picture, do bunch of bicep and tricep presses, and some one rep heavy lifts on other things, then go away again. About an hour later they come back bright orange and oily, and do another couple of lifts before going next door to compete. They have to sit on towels in the gym because they leave this oily orange residue everywhere. They look like aliens.
posted by lollusc at 6:28 PM on February 7, 2012 [2 favorites]


I thought the trick was acute kidney failure. This was much less depressing tho'. I'm sure his kidney's didn't like the influx of salt.
posted by hot_monster at 7:15 PM on February 7, 2012


Hey, when did Jenna Marbles and Alan Tudyk procreate? and what is their offspring doing later tonight?
posted by en forme de poire at 9:04 PM on February 7, 2012


Smedleyman: "I wonder if certain cash-strapped celebs don't pack on some weight then knock it off to prove that some diet plan works."

I've read that one thing they'll do is take the before shot right after an athletic person gets out of being bedridden in the hospital for something, and then take the after once they return to their regular fitness level.
posted by Hargrimm at 9:19 PM on February 7, 2012


Well that wasn't what I thought it was going to be - I assumed it was going to be a photoshop timelapse - still very entertaining, and also quite shocking how the body can bloat with selective eating (especially the high salt intake he mentions).
posted by Faintdreams at 7:01 AM on February 8, 2012


But what I really wanted to know is: what is 1 tip of a flat belly?
posted by mippy at 7:46 AM on February 8, 2012 [2 favorites]


I'm reminded of Sarah Haskins: "here's Michelle before Juvederm, and now, three months later, when she bought some make-up."
posted by en forme de poire at 1:36 PM on February 8, 2012 [4 favorites]


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