It's all about the grapes...
February 10, 2012 8:48 PM Subscribe
But...but...the best part about watching tortoises do anything is that they do it really slowly! This takes all the fun out of it. Case in point.
posted by phunniemee at 8:51 PM on February 10, 2012 [7 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 8:51 PM on February 10, 2012 [7 favorites]
the turtle dude
until you flip that little bugger on his back, you've no way to know that it is a "dude".
posted by HuronBob at 8:55 PM on February 10, 2012
until you flip that little bugger on his back, you've no way to know that it is a "dude".
posted by HuronBob at 8:55 PM on February 10, 2012
You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back, HuronBob.
The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping.
posted by The demon that lives in the air at 9:00 PM on February 10, 2012 [23 favorites]
The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping.
posted by The demon that lives in the air at 9:00 PM on February 10, 2012 [23 favorites]
his=its (pot calling kettle black syndrome happening here.....I HATE it when that happens!)
posted by HuronBob at 9:00 PM on February 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by HuronBob at 9:00 PM on February 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
"until you flip that little bugger on his back"
Well, you dont need to flip them on their backs, you just need to feel the underside of their shell.
If the underside is concave, it is a male (concave in order to sit snuggly on top of female shells while mounting, if you will forgive the expression). If it's flatter on the underside, its a female. There may, of course, be variations on this overall theme.
posted by greenhornet at 9:02 PM on February 10, 2012
Well, you dont need to flip them on their backs, you just need to feel the underside of their shell.
If the underside is concave, it is a male (concave in order to sit snuggly on top of female shells while mounting, if you will forgive the expression). If it's flatter on the underside, its a female. There may, of course, be variations on this overall theme.
posted by greenhornet at 9:02 PM on February 10, 2012
I didn't say you had to leave the darn thing upside down to die... just flip it for a quick check .
posted by HuronBob at 9:02 PM on February 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by HuronBob at 9:02 PM on February 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
you just need to feel the underside of their shell.
Good way to get slapped (at least that's my experience).
posted by HuronBob at 9:04 PM on February 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
Good way to get slapped (at least that's my experience).
posted by HuronBob at 9:04 PM on February 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
Funny how he seems to save the fruit for last
I expect that a creature that moves as slowly as a tortoise knows a thing or two about delayed gratification.
posted by jedicus at 9:10 PM on February 10, 2012 [9 favorites]
I expect that a creature that moves as slowly as a tortoise knows a thing or two about delayed gratification.
posted by jedicus at 9:10 PM on February 10, 2012 [9 favorites]
Today I learned that tortoises don't (or at least, a particular tortoise doesn't) like strawberries very much.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 9:15 PM on February 10, 2012
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 9:15 PM on February 10, 2012
You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back
THIS IS A BLADE RUNNER REFERENCE
- Subtle Sammy Smoot
posted by sidereal at 9:21 PM on February 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
THIS IS A BLADE RUNNER REFERENCE
- Subtle Sammy Smoot
posted by sidereal at 9:21 PM on February 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
Today I learned that tortoises don't (or at least, a particular tortoise doesn't) like strawberries very much.
Well, I dunno. Have you ever tried picking slimy slices of strawberry off a concrete slab with just your mouth? It's really, really hard.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:48 PM on February 10, 2012
Well, I dunno. Have you ever tried picking slimy slices of strawberry off a concrete slab with just your mouth? It's really, really hard.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:48 PM on February 10, 2012
Some tortoises DO like strawberries.
And tomatoes.
posted by ApathyGirl at 9:56 PM on February 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
And tomatoes.
posted by ApathyGirl at 9:56 PM on February 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
But...but...the best part about watching tortoises do anything is that they do it really slowly! This takes all the fun out of it. Case in point.
Please, please tell me that noise was added in post. If that's a natural turtle humping noise, I just... I just don't know to react to reality any more. I enjoy being pessimistic, dammit.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 11:04 PM on February 10, 2012
Please, please tell me that noise was added in post. If that's a natural turtle humping noise, I just... I just don't know to react to reality any more. I enjoy being pessimistic, dammit.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 11:04 PM on February 10, 2012
I could deal with the noise in phunnieme's link, but I would happily live without seeing tortoise penis ever again.
Tortoise eating salad is fantastic, though, and now I want blueberries. Good call, tortoise caterer.
posted by belissaith at 12:11 AM on February 11, 2012
Tortoise eating salad is fantastic, though, and now I want blueberries. Good call, tortoise caterer.
posted by belissaith at 12:11 AM on February 11, 2012
Such a waste of berries.
That tortoise eats better than I do.
*wants salad*
posted by lollusc at 12:36 AM on February 11, 2012
That tortoise eats better than I do.
*wants salad*
posted by lollusc at 12:36 AM on February 11, 2012
Destroyed.
posted by tumid dahlia at 3:05 AM on February 11, 2012
posted by tumid dahlia at 3:05 AM on February 11, 2012
Today I learned that tortoises don't (or at least, a particular tortoise doesn't) like strawberries very much.
You'll never know what it is to be this happy.
posted by inigo2 at 6:21 AM on February 11, 2012
You'll never know what it is to be this happy.
posted by inigo2 at 6:21 AM on February 11, 2012
"Well, I dunno. Have you ever tried picking slimy slices of strawberry off a concrete slab with just your mouth? It's really, really hard."
Ain't that the truth.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 7:20 AM on February 11, 2012
Ain't that the truth.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 7:20 AM on February 11, 2012
I'm no expert, but yes, desert tortoises do like strawberrys. They shouldn't have them too much, because of the sugar overload though. On the other hand , "Buddy", my neighborhood Sonoran desert tortoise eats them all the time, and he's ~45 years old. Likes bananas too, but they smear all over his face.
posted by atomicmedia at 8:00 AM on February 11, 2012
posted by atomicmedia at 8:00 AM on February 11, 2012
My favorite part of the video was the hypertortoise in the first 5 seconds. That approach! he's hungry, and he knows what he wants, and what he wants is where you are. Bzzzzp. beeline. Tortoiseline.
It is my fervent hope that all tortoises are secretly capable of hypertortoising, they just don't because they'd use up their ecosystem's awesome quota too quickly.
posted by Fraxas at 10:21 AM on February 11, 2012 [3 favorites]
It is my fervent hope that all tortoises are secretly capable of hypertortoising, they just don't because they'd use up their ecosystem's awesome quota too quickly.
posted by Fraxas at 10:21 AM on February 11, 2012 [3 favorites]
So that's how he outran that pesky rabbit.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 10:50 AM on February 11, 2012
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 10:50 AM on February 11, 2012
Today I learned HuronBob is a replicant.
posted by P.o.B. at 12:14 PM on February 11, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by P.o.B. at 12:14 PM on February 11, 2012 [2 favorites]
atomicmedia: Likes bananas too, but they smear all over his face.
Blew a seal?
posted by IAmBroom at 8:38 AM on February 12, 2012
Blew a seal?
posted by IAmBroom at 8:38 AM on February 12, 2012
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posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 8:50 PM on February 10, 2012 [8 favorites]