"The next generation of tastiness!"
February 17, 2012 3:01 PM   Subscribe

 
Served on a bed of steamed rice.
posted by KokuRyu at 3:02 PM on February 17, 2012


In English.
posted by modernnomad at 3:03 PM on February 17, 2012 [2 favorites]


Now do it with a pressure cooker. And then put the result into a vitamix, and then spread it into a thin sheet, dehydrate that, and then microplane the resulting compound into an ice cream machine. Ta-da, McDonalds flavoured soft-serve.
posted by mek at 3:05 PM on February 17, 2012 [13 favorites]


That...looks really gross.
posted by 2bucksplus at 3:07 PM on February 17, 2012 [8 favorites]


Yeah, there's no goddamn way I'm reading the translation of that.
posted by item at 3:08 PM on February 17, 2012 [4 favorites]


I can't decide if I'm happier that I never eat fast food, or that I gave up meat last January.

I do know this set of ingredients will never enter my beautiful rice cooker.
posted by bearwife at 3:09 PM on February 17, 2012 [2 favorites]


We know that some of you out there are thinking that this is just a waste of a perfectly good McDonald’s meal. But think about this: how many people do you think accused Sir Alexander Flemming of wasting perfectly good mold when he invented penicillin?

My lord, that's brilliant.
posted by jquinby at 3:09 PM on February 17, 2012 [22 favorites]


Your idea of 'super delicious' and mine are radically divergent.
posted by doublesix at 3:10 PM on February 17, 2012 [5 favorites]


The fries will begin to absorb the water, but you will add Coca Cola to compensate later so there’s no need to add more.

I mean...of course!
posted by biscotti at 3:11 PM on February 17, 2012 [12 favorites]


why did I read the translation of that? coke zero? eep.
posted by item at 3:12 PM on February 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


Eugh, it looks like a soggy mess of tepidness. Pass.
posted by Iosephus at 3:12 PM on February 17, 2012


I will not do this because I love and respect my rice cooker and would never hurt it in any way.
posted by Tomorrowful at 3:13 PM on February 17, 2012 [5 favorites]


Ta-da, McDonalds flavoured soft-serve.

So here's the story. It's 5 years ago. My second year of undergrad. We have a Gothic Literature seminar in an hour. So the five of us decide to grab a drink. One turns into many. (Doesn't it always.) Seminar time comes and goes. It's 8 pm and we're starving. There's a McDonalds that's right across the street. So we stumble across. Now, 3 of my friends are English Literature majors like myself, but the other guy is a business major. I'm not sure how he joined us or which one of my friends he knew, but he was there. We're all ordering small fries, double cheeseburger, you know the value menu for students who want to live like kings. It's the business major's turn.

Business Major: "Yeah, I'll take a McFlurry."
Cashier: "What kind."
Business Major: "It doesn't matter, just one thing. Can you add bacon bits to it?"
Cashier: *Horrified/confused look.* "Ummm...excuse me?"
Business Major: "I want bacon bits added to my Mcflurry. I've had it at other McDonalds, so I know you guys can do it."
Cashier: "Excuse me." *talks to manager in back* "We'll have to charge you an extra $4.00 for that."
Business Major: "Do it."

Surprisingly, and I don't think this is just a drunk thing. It was good. Plain vanilla McFlurry with bacon bits mixed in. There's a kind of smoky after-taste as the vanilla is going down that just works.
posted by Fizz at 3:13 PM on February 17, 2012 [17 favorites]


Electric rice cookers are proof of mankind's greatness. I can set mine up, set the timer to start in 8 hours, and 8 hours after it has finished cooking (so we're at 16 hours now), it is still 100% perfect rice. I assume ancient oriental magic is involved in some way, and I'm okay with that.
posted by curious nu at 3:13 PM on February 17, 2012 [2 favorites]


This is possibly the first time I have ever wished I could read youtube comments. I know somebody went out a tried it, and they're either amazed or pissed off.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 3:14 PM on February 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


You know, I just read this cookbook, and in it were several rice dishes that had a similar (in the way that precooked turkey bacon is similar to prosciutto) rice dishes.

I made one with pronghorn (instead of lamb) and used potatoes for the crunchy bit at the bottom.
posted by Gygesringtone at 3:19 PM on February 17, 2012 [2 favorites]


I made one with pronghorn (instead of lamb) and used potatoes for the crunchy bit at the bottom.

OH MY GOD, I originally came to this thread to post something gross and/or snarky, but now all I can think about is how I want to eat dinner at Gygesringtone's house.

DELICIOUS PRONGHORN meets DELICIOUS PERSIAN CUISINE?

Yes, I want to go to there.
posted by infinitywaltz at 3:24 PM on February 17, 2012 [3 favorites]


my god

it's like someone looked into the deepest reaches of my being

and coded up a webpage with the contents
posted by danny the boy at 3:24 PM on February 17, 2012 [5 favorites]


This is possibly the first time I have ever wished I could read youtube comments. I know somebody went out a tried it, and they're either amazed or pissed off.

Most of the commenters think this idea is delightfully goofy as a thought exercise.
posted by KokuRyu at 3:26 PM on February 17, 2012


The fries will begin to absorb the water, but you will add Coca Cola to compensate later so there’s no need to add more.

I believe this is a mistranslation. I'm pretty sure this said, "I'd have to be totally coked out to try this."
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:28 PM on February 17, 2012 [5 favorites]


They do understand that all of the McDonald's food they are cooking is already cooked, right?
posted by orme at 3:39 PM on February 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


This sounds OK, but you know what's really good? You take a Big Mac, you spread butter on the top and bottom bun, and then you fry it in a pan like a grilled cheese. That is good.
posted by escabeche at 3:47 PM on February 17, 2012


I do know this set of ingredients will never enter my beautiful rice cooker.

What a deliciously intriguing challenge, bearwife!
posted by Danf at 3:51 PM on February 17, 2012 [2 favorites]


This actually does look like a reasonable way to reheat McD's fries or nuggets after they have gone cold (the microwave does not work for me at that), but a hamburger with lettuce on it? Lettuce is not my favorite vegetable. Steamed lettuce, even less so.
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:51 PM on February 17, 2012


I always thought the best way to enjoy a Big Mac was to discard the contents and eat the box it came in.
posted by xedrik at 3:51 PM on February 17, 2012 [9 favorites]


Yeah, Japan has a more... flexible attitude towards cooked lettuce. Not a fan.
posted by Muttoneer at 3:57 PM on February 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


McDonalds Donburi
posted by b1tr0t at 3:58 PM on February 17, 2012 [2 favorites]


OH MY GOD, I originally came to this thread to post something gross and/or snarky, but now all I can think about is how I want to eat dinner at Gygesringtone's house.

Not tonight, got a hound that got into something that didn't agree with him. Sunday however is going to be a feast. Including avocado mousse in a savory graham cracker\nut crust, roasted pork loin (well 2/3rds of the loin), and blackberry swirled cheese cake. And thanks to this article, several Goodtimes (because I'm too highclass for McDonalds) value meals cooked in rice cookers.

They do understand that all of the McDonald's food they are cooking is already cooked, right?


For some values of food, and cooked... maybe.
posted by Gygesringtone at 4:14 PM on February 17, 2012 [2 favorites]


I would have appreciated a [gore warning].
posted by klarck at 4:15 PM on February 17, 2012 [14 favorites]


Before you dig in, check the buns to make sure they’re not soggy. If you’ve got soggy buns, take them out, put them in the fry pan and make some french toast.

And by french toast, we mean fried bread that should be described as the ant-french toast. Coke-soaked, cheese-flavored burger bun as the start for french toast? You can't call that french toast any more. A "flavor experiment," I'm OK with, but french toast is magic! This is some dark magic, which might produce magical results, but they're tainted with evil.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:21 PM on February 17, 2012 [2 favorites]


And by french toast, we mean fried bread that should be described as the ant-french toast. Coke-soaked, cheese-flavored burger bun as the start for french toast?

Also, it'd fall apart. French Toast works because it's a custard that's been absorbed by bread. There's none of the structure providing elements. (Did I mention I've also been reading about custards? I also just made some fantastic french toast using Challah). This would be closer to bread pudding, slightly pickley bread pudding.
posted by Gygesringtone at 4:30 PM on February 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


Yeah, Japan has a more... flexible attitude towards cooked lettuce. Not a fan.

I have a story about cooked lettuce (it's slimy! it wilts!) and hot mayo, but I won't share here.
posted by KokuRyu at 4:33 PM on February 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


Big Macs have too many vegetables.
posted by jonmc at 4:38 PM on February 17, 2012


Oh, ok, so I guess it means you have a story about having a meal in Japan. ; )
posted by DoctorFedora at 4:39 PM on February 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


Saw English version first. Was horribly confused. Then realized was Japanese. Naruhodo.

KokuRyu: I MUST know.
posted by mokudekiru at 4:41 PM on February 17, 2012 [2 favorites]


Doesn't the casually perfect English translation of a supposedly Japanese website make you the least bit suspicious?
posted by sneebler at 4:41 PM on February 17, 2012


I opened up the Japanese page and used Google Chrome's autotranslate function on it, and it was... reasonably... kind of .... sorta close to that.

Having been an anime fan in the early 1990s, however, it was perfectly readable to me and the translation of the English version is close enough to get the idea across.
posted by mephron at 4:47 PM on February 17, 2012


You know it's the real deal because only Japanese people would be compelled to incorporate short-grained rice into this experiment.
posted by KokuRyu at 4:52 PM on February 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


reheat McD's fries or nuggets after they have gone cold (the microwave does not work for me at that)

Best way to reheat fries is to throw them on an oiled baking tray in a screaming hot oven. Nuggets will microwave reheat fine, but you actually need to turn the power knob (that one you've probably not touched since you bought the thing) down to about 50%.
posted by howfar at 5:32 PM on February 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


but you actually need to turn the power knob

What the hell is a "knob"?
posted by curious nu at 5:34 PM on February 17, 2012 [9 favorites]


Doesn't the casually perfect English translation of a supposedly Japanese website make you the least bit suspicious?

Of what? Is it not possible that a website has a staff member who's bilingual? Half-Japanese, half-[some Western country], something along those lines?
posted by zardoz at 5:48 PM on February 17, 2012 [2 favorites]


Gygesringtone: "OH MY GOD, I originally came to this thread to post something gross and/or snarky, but now all I can think about is how I want to eat dinner at Gygesringtone's house.

Not tonight, got a hound that got into something that didn't agree with him. Sunday however is going to be a feast. Including avocado mousse in a savory graham cracker\nut crust, roasted pork loin (well 2/3rds of the loin), and blackberry swirled cheese cake. And thanks to this article, several Goodtimes (because I'm too highclass for McDonalds) value meals cooked in rice cookers.

They do understand that all of the McDonald's food they are cooking is already cooked, right?


For some values of food, and cooked... maybe.
"

I hate you.

Thank you for showing me that such apparently delicious burgery does not exist any closer than three hours away (absolute minimum time).
posted by Samizdata at 5:52 PM on February 17, 2012


Cashier: "Excuse me." *talks to manager in back* "We'll have to charge you an extra $4.00 for that."
Business Major: "Do it."

Surprisingly, and I don't think this is just a drunk thing. It was good. Plain vanilla McFlurry with bacon bits mixed in. There's a kind of smoky after-taste as the vanilla is going down that just works.


..For $4 you can buy pretty nice sized slab of good quality bacon.
posted by Malice at 5:56 PM on February 17, 2012


What the hell is a "knob"?


It's British slang for penis.

I have no idea why there's one on the microwave.
posted by dubold at 6:07 PM on February 17, 2012 [9 favorites]


DEFCON ONE, PEOPLE, THIS IS NOT A DRILL! THE JAPANESE HAVE DISCOVERED COUNTY FAIR CUISINE! REPEAT, NOT A DRILL! SEEK SHELTER IMMEDIATELY!
posted by Slap*Happy at 6:52 PM on February 17, 2012 [5 favorites]


No to the Big Mac. Use two Double Cheeseburgers instead, and not Coke, Dr. Pepper. Also, use brown rice and set for 40 minutes. One teaspoon of balsamic vinegar and one teaspoon of chopped garlic in oil in addition to the barbecue sauce. Bring your bravest friends, they will not believe either.

Superb with cold American Lager of choice or Rose' Sparkling Wine. Good times.
posted by halfbuckaroo at 7:00 PM on February 17, 2012 [2 favorites]


I just came off four weeks of prednisone and by god, eight days ago that would have sounded AWESOME at about 10 p.m.
posted by mudpuppie at 7:50 PM on February 17, 2012 [2 favorites]


Is Japanese Big Mac,a same thing as American Big Mac?
posted by Carius at 7:53 PM on February 17, 2012


See? I believe I would eat this. Once.
posted by Roger Dodger at 7:55 PM on February 17, 2012


The missing final steps for the full round tripping of this menu would be to dice the hamburger-fries-rice-stuff and make patties which would then be deep fried.
posted by doctor_negative at 8:04 PM on February 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


Japanese fast food burgers taste much better than American fast food burgers. I think the beef is better, but I'm not sure about that.

Still, when you're in a country with amazing food everywhere, like Japan... well I want to say why would you go to a McDonalds ever, but I've done it. At 2 am it sounds like a good idea sometimes.
posted by ctmf at 8:15 PM on February 17, 2012 [1 favorite]


I also just made some fantastic french toast using Challah

People hate me for this, but French toast is the only dish I'll eat with ketchup. Yep, savory french toast, no vanilla or powdered sugar or syrop. You know how people put ketchup on scrambled eggs? French toast is like eggs and milk in your bread. You ever put syrop on scrambled eggs? Bread? No you didn't. It's one of those times where I realize all of you are wrong, and I'm in the right for once.

You know it's the real deal because only Japanese people would be compelled to incorporate short-grained rice into this experiment.


"How could we make this burger more Japanese?"
"Hmmm. Bread is for Americans. Let's use a slab of rice instead."*


*MOS Burger destroys every North American fast food joint hands down.
posted by Hoopo at 8:15 PM on February 17, 2012 [4 favorites]


I think the beef is better, but I'm not sure about that.


They cut it with pork, instead of newspaper and raccoon cartiledge
posted by Hoopo at 8:16 PM on February 17, 2012 [6 favorites]


I love how this person is using chopsticks to hold a piece of the burger. That's the equivalent of using a fork to eat the burger. The problem? People are supposed to stuff their faces with these fast food burgers, after all it's called FAST FOOD for a reason.

...

It may be fast, but it doesn't mean that it's good!
posted by livinglearning at 8:27 PM on February 17, 2012


But, if you are cooking a big mac in a slow cooker then you should use chopsticks or a fork and you should also use coke as a broth!
posted by livinglearning at 8:30 PM on February 17, 2012


Now I *have* to try this tomorrow (with two McDoubles and Dr Pepper).
posted by mrbill at 9:04 PM on February 17, 2012


(technically I could try it RIGHT NOW, since the McD's is half a mile away and open 24 hours, but that would require wearing pants and darn it, I worked a 10 hour shift today)
posted by mrbill at 9:05 PM on February 17, 2012 [4 favorites]


New to this thread. New to this concept.

Not new to vomiting just a little bit in my mouth from disgust.

Carry on.
posted by Splunge at 9:06 PM on February 17, 2012 [3 favorites]


I just went and made a bowl of rice in my one-person rice cooker. Basmati rice, some dehydrated veggies, and then in addition to the water I put in a splash of lime juice and a good splash of *torani coconut flavor syrup*.

Lime coconut basmati rice, with Korean red pepper paste on the side. YUM.
posted by mrbill at 9:39 PM on February 17, 2012


I also like savoury French toast. With HP Sauce.
posted by alltomorrowsparties at 12:07 AM on February 18, 2012


But... wait, why would you...

But...

Well... huh. I'm disgusted and strangely interested at the same time.
posted by -1 at 12:16 AM on February 18, 2012


This is the beginning of the end of the world s we know it....
(damn Mayans)
posted by ouke at 1:18 AM on February 18, 2012


For some reason, I can't help thinking about elizardbits Greasy Honky Pie comment in the old Mac N Cheese post.
posted by ninazer0 at 2:37 AM on February 18, 2012


I do know this set of ingredients will never enter my beautiful rice cooker.


No shit. My lovely zojirushi rice cooker would kill me in my sleep if i put this in it. I'm sure it's smart enough. ;)
posted by usagizero at 2:40 AM on February 18, 2012 [2 favorites]


It's ... it's ... I can't believe it ... they're STEAMED HAMS!
posted by Joe in Australia at 5:21 AM on February 18, 2012 [4 favorites]


Rice cooker owners of the world unite, you have nothing to lose. Nothing, I tell you, nothing.
posted by infini at 7:49 AM on February 18, 2012


People hate me for this, but French toast is the only dish I'll eat with ketchup. Yep, savory french toast, no vanilla or powdered sugar or syrop.

So what you do is, you make some Anadama bread, but mix in a boatload of sharp cheddar cheese to the dough. Then you make french toast, but savory, and with garlic powder and chives in the custard. Then you cut it into strips, and serve it with the condiments of your choice. Personally I like caramelized shallots, but I can see how ketchup would have some appeal.

You can thank me later.

*MOS Burger destroys every North American fast food joint hands down.


There's this tiny little BBQ place down the road from my house, they put the burnt ends from their brisket in the burgers, so you get yummy charred mixed in the entire thing. I don't know if it's fast food or not, but it is a thing of beauty.
posted by Gygesringtone at 9:38 AM on February 18, 2012 [5 favorites]


-1: "Well... huh. I'm disgusted and strangely interested at the same time."

I get that a lot.
posted by danny the boy at 10:10 AM on February 18, 2012 [2 favorites]


I know an Asian guy who, when he moved to Texas as a boy, was so surprised that everyone had guns but no one had rice cookers. I thought it was hilarious.
posted by resurrexit at 10:18 AM on February 18, 2012 [2 favorites]


I can empathize. I have a three month contract in Kenya and the first thing I did after looking over the kitchen in the service apartment was purchase a rice cooker. *sighs with relief*
posted by infini at 10:24 AM on February 18, 2012


OK so I'm convinced; I'm coming to Gygesringtone's for dinner too.
posted by Hoopo at 10:40 AM on February 18, 2012


Steamed cheeseburgers can be great
posted by knoyers at 1:02 PM on February 18, 2012


Plain vanilla McFlurry with bacon bits mixed in

I used to enjoy testing out a McDonald's by ordering a Big Mac and a chocolate sundae, and having them put the chocolate sauce into the Big Mac instead of the sundae cup.

Most of them would do it. One of them asked me to leave. Recommended.

By the way, taste-wise it makes no difference at all.
posted by flabdablet at 8:48 PM on February 18, 2012


Metafilter: but that would require wearing pants.
posted by mephron at 3:34 AM on February 19, 2012


YOU GUYS. I JUST MADE THIS.
posted by danny the boy at 6:40 PM on February 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Hear me, O Metafilter, for I have come from beyond the pale to speak these words of my experiences. I have been to the land of the McMiracle Rice.

But I was a little worried about what cooking the artificial sweetener in Coke Zero would do, so I did a little research. In many countries, it is sweeteened with sodium cyclamate, which can safely survive cooking temps. However, in the US the actual ingredients are a bit hard to track down - sodium cyclamate is not a legal food additive here. I finally tracked down the ingredients: aspartame and ace-k. Aspartame breaks down into don't-eat-that under heat.

So I altered the recipe thus: I removed the top & bottom buns (as directed in the recipe, but not shown), swapped barbecue sauce for ketchup (due to religious restrictions -I'm a 17th-Day Mustardist), cooked it all, then poured Coke-0 on after it was done, and replaced the top bun.

Voila.
Cello.

The house decision: not bad. Not great. Edible. The roommate's fussy gfrd was very, well, fussy. The experimental roommate said the burger was the only odd ingredient. I liked it, but without the Coke-Zed, the rice was a tad underhydrated.

Tomorrow, if I live, I'll post again. Until then, let my name live on in your hearts, for I went where few are dumb enough to tread.

FOR METAFILTER!
posted by IAmBroom at 8:05 PM on February 19, 2012 [2 favorites]


I learned a lot cooking this. About the recipe, and about myself.

Definitely get rid of the buns. I experimented by using two McDoubles, removing one bottom bun and keeping one. The bottom bun I kept turned into goo, and the top ones, half goo.

The ketchup gives it a nice omurice flavor, and I'd use more than I did this time, though I am very curious about the bbq version. I used regular dr. pepper, but sparingly. I'd add more next time as well, or use regular coke for more bitter/citrus flavor.

I did get some crispy rice on the bottom, which never happens in my rice cooker. It was... not unpleasant!

I'd say this was... simultaneously good, and terrible.
posted by danny the boy at 8:58 PM on February 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


I learned a lot cooking this. About the recipe, and about myself.

I laughed out loud when I read this.
posted by KokuRyu at 7:23 AM on February 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


I appear to be alive today.

Also, I did not cook myself.
posted by IAmBroom at 1:48 PM on February 20, 2012


Many thanks to danny the boy and IAmBroom for taking one for the team!
posted by deborah at 12:36 AM on February 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Thanks to this post, I had the idea of making my rice tonight (half purple sticky rice, half thai sweet white rice) with Coca-Cola instead of water.

OH MY LAWD, Y'ALL. I'm glad that I only made it in my little "one person real-size serving" rice cooker instead of the big six-cup family-size one, as I would have eaten until there was nothing left in the bowl.
posted by mrbill at 4:39 PM on February 23, 2012 [2 favorites]


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