Gurgling Gungans

February 28, 2012 6:52 AM

A whole new batch of rejected Star Wars toys (Previously)
posted by griphus (47 comments total)

I would buy those slippers.
posted by drezdn at 6:57 AM on February 28, 2012

I was expecting more things like the "destruction of Alderaan playset" (a bunch of volcanic rocks) or the "charred corpses of Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru" action figures.

These are -surprisingly- exactly what they claim to be.

Meh.
posted by ShutterBun at 7:04 AM on February 28, 2012

The "Han in carbonite popsicle mold" is brilliant.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 7:05 AM on February 28, 2012 [10 favorites]

You can totally get a Han in carbonate ice cube tray now.
posted by Artw at 7:07 AM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

The Death Star basketball also needs to happen. I could see the Miami Heat using it for home games.
posted by drezdn at 7:08 AM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

I would totally want an inflatable emperor's throne.
posted by Jon_Evil at 7:10 AM on February 28, 2012

Want the Jedi Advice Talking Yoda I do.
Try not to hear the Yoda voice in your head when you read that, I dare you

I would also like the Yoda Backpack. It looks kind of creepy.
posted by VTX at 7:15 AM on February 28, 2012

They thought the Han in Carbonite Popsicle Mold was a bad idea,
but they thought that this Darth Vader Motorcycle Toy was a good idea.
posted by Flood at 7:16 AM on February 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

The Yoda Backpack exists as well!
posted by griphus at 7:21 AM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

I am pretty sure they made that Yoda backpack eventually, but they got rid of the blue backpack movie-prop conceit and just made it so he just holds on to your back for dear life and has had all his organs removed to make room for your books and juice boxes and weed and guns.
posted by SharkParty at 7:23 AM on February 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

I got the Han Solo Carbonite Ice Cube tray as a gift. It's a great idea, but it made my ice smell of rubber, so I stopped using it.
posted by gauche at 7:24 AM on February 28, 2012

The Darth Vader lava lamp was kind of genius, but they needed a little Anakin floating around in there....
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:25 AM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

I need that R2-D2 wet bar SO MUCH.
posted by billybunny at 7:28 AM on February 28, 2012 [6 favorites]

There is something deliciously on-the-nose about a Darth Vader chip clip, the words "STAR WARS" blazing across his chest as though he's wearing a cheap early-80s Halloween costume of himself, saying "I HAVE YOU NOW" (helpfully identified as a "Star Wars trilogy sound") to a bulging bag of greasy old Lay's potato chips.
posted by Mothra Pisces at 7:31 AM on February 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

Forget the Taun Taun suit, you need the sleeping bag!
posted by jadepearl at 7:43 AM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

gauche: "I got the Han Solo Carbonite Ice Cube tray as a gift. It's a great idea, but it made my ice smell of rubber, so I stopped using it."

I thought the ice smelled bad....on the outside!
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:44 AM on February 28, 2012 [6 favorites]

I got the Han Solo Carbonite Ice Cube tray as a gift. It's a great idea, but it made my ice smell of rubber, so I stopped using it.

I've had this happen with some ice trays and an overnight soak in baking soda/water mix usually takes care of it.
posted by mikepop at 7:47 AM on February 28, 2012 [3 favorites]

Topps published a magazine called "Star Wars Galaxy" in the 90's and one of the early issues had an article about Kenner prototypes which were submitted to continue the line after ROTJ. I think there was a double cockpit X-Wing and a few figures submitted for the pitch. I tried to Google it but came up with nothing but a brief mention. The article had actual photos of the prototypes they produced for the concept.
posted by GavinR at 7:47 AM on February 28, 2012

When Episode 1 came out, our family had somehow acquired a Queen Amidala shaped inflatable chair...
..

why!?!
posted by hellojed at 7:49 AM on February 28, 2012

...wow, that looks like a prop from Hellraiser: The Phantom Menace
posted by griphus at 7:54 AM on February 28, 2012

Don't try to take the Death Star snowglobe through TSA!
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 7:59 AM on February 28, 2012

*Jedi wave* That's not the link you were looking for.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:08 AM on February 28, 2012

Like the rest of the internet, I didn't care much for Episode 1, but that's not the point: Looking through these images brings back such a weird sense of nostalgia; Episode 1 came out during my senior year in high school, and as it was one of the closer places to walk to, the new Taco Bell was central to my social life, which consisted of me and my one friend walking there and getting tacos. The Taco Bell had recently opened up after they finally tore down the small local library that someone had burned down a few years before (I wasn't yet old enough to realize how depressing a metaphor this would serve, but that's another story for another comment thread.)

I guess everyone was still swept up in the Star Wars-ness and being in high school to put together that it sucked as a movie yet (e.g. I was in Comp. Graphics II, and the teacher had to put a ban on anyone using Phantom Menace footage in their video projects), so this shit was everywhere... something about that combined with the creeping anticipation of the approaching summer and leaving high school; where Episode 1, graduation, the coming summer, the end of the century, all these things created such a fever pitch of optimism that all kinda fell flat in the next few years (a directionless college career, languishing in a grocery store, Bush II, 9/11, Episode 2, etc) that despite not really being into Star Wars that much, and Episode 1 thoroughly sucking, Seeing scads of Phantom Menace crap makes me smile in the weirdest way.

It almost makes me wish I still had my Darth Maul shirt. Almost.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 8:08 AM on February 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

They really made these.
posted by mkb at 8:10 AM on February 28, 2012

Why doesn't anybody make some really nice LED flashlights with bodies shaped like lightsabers?
posted by Threeway Handshake at 8:11 AM on February 28, 2012

There's a shitload of both real, licensed products, as well as unlicensed items and prototypes over at the SWCA, including the Jabba beanbag chair.
posted by ShutterBun at 8:15 AM on February 28, 2012

I like the salt and pepper shakers.
posted by Sailormom at 8:25 AM on February 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

I want an R2D2 kegerator, that can follow me around a golf course...
posted by littlejohnnyjewel at 8:27 AM on February 28, 2012

I totally made the tauntaun suit as a halloween costume when I was a kid.
posted by Demogorgon at 8:29 AM on February 28, 2012

These all still kick the crap out of this stupid thing I sent away for in the mid-90s.
posted by inthe80s at 8:30 AM on February 28, 2012

Why doesn't anybody make some really nice LED flashlights with bodies shaped like lightsabers?

I think it's the same reason toy companies don't make realistic-looking toy guns anymore. Lucasfilm probably doesn't want to deal with lawsuits because some kid found their dad's lightsaber in a shoebox on a shelf in the closet and thought it was a toy.
posted by griphus at 8:30 AM on February 28, 2012 [5 favorites]

our family had somehow acquired a Queen Amidala shaped inflatable chair...

I'll just make your nightmare worse.
posted by dhartung at 8:31 AM on February 28, 2012

Again, realize when we developed these in 1998, there was very little Star Wars merchandise out there yet.

What ?
posted by Pendragon at 8:36 AM on February 28, 2012

Someone smart should have realized that the "gurgling Gungans" could have sold like crazy.

Seriously, the idea is to squeeze and throttle the hell out of that fucker to make it make choking noises. Who thought THAT wouldn't sell?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:01 AM on February 28, 2012

Again, realize when we developed these in 1998, there was very little Star Wars merchandise out there yet.

What ?

I suspect the point is that there was very little Star Wars merchandise for the new films out yet.

I've been watching a lot of DS9 recently (having skipped the show during it's actual run), and the thought I'm left with after reading this article and the thread is that somehow, the Ferengi are active in all universes at once. Forget the Force binding all things together, it's the Rules of Acquisition.
posted by never used baby shoes at 9:05 AM on February 28, 2012

Metal Bikini Leia Dance Dance Revolution thing
posted by Artw at 9:08 AM on February 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

Again, realize when we developed these in 1998, there was very little Star Wars merchandise out there yet.

You mean the year after the Special Edition re-releases? Perhaps they're comparing the current glut of terrible tie-ins (see: Darth Vader on a motorcycle), but I don't think there was a lack of tie-in merch.

I don't mean to shill for ThinkGeek, but the wampa rug is all kinds of awesome.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:14 AM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

"Give Jordan a run for his money when you rack up baskets with this full sized game!"

Or, "The ad copy for the pop-a-shot basketball game, when they just gave up trying to justify why they were proposing a Star Wars basketball game."

Also: every game is a full sized game. What?
posted by davidjmcgee at 10:16 AM on February 28, 2012

... "charred corpses of Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru" action figures.

Thinkgeek is the one-stop-shop for the best Star Wars crap. I'm partial to the oven mitt that they are apparently sold out of.

Since we're on the topic, I'm still perplexed why somebody would choose a cell phone over R2-D2. I mean, it's not just any stupid astromech, like a R4 or something, it's freaking ARTOO-DETOO.
posted by jabberjaw at 10:47 AM on February 28, 2012 [3 favorites]

Floating Landspeeder coozie - I would definitely buy one of those.
posted by Gronk at 10:49 AM on February 28, 2012

Topps published a magazine called "Star Wars Galaxy" in the 90's and one of the early issues had an article about Kenner prototypes which were submitted to continue the line after ROTJ. I think there was a double cockpit X-Wing and a few figures submitted for the pitch.

This isn't much stranger than the fact that they actually DID make a bunch of non-movie "mini-rig" vehicles and accessories that look soooort of x-wingy and a liiiittle bit at-atty but probably cost a lot less so broke kids could play too.
posted by SharkParty at 11:15 AM on February 28, 2012

I find it charming that the sponsor that AdSense keeps popping up for me is Carbonite data backup.
posted by modernserf at 11:25 AM on February 28, 2012

The Death Star basketball also needs to happen.

But Basketball is a peaceful planet! They have no weapons!

I'd chip in for the salt and pepper shakers, though.
posted by Spatch at 11:28 AM on February 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

The important thing is to have standards.
posted by George Lucas at 12:07 PM on February 28, 2012 [6 favorites]

hellojed: "When Episode 1 came out, our family had somehow acquired a Queen Amidala shaped inflatable chair...
..

why!?!"

Ummmm, yeah. I was going to bust out with somethng raunchy, but then I thought, I am sure someone has already seen this and had to have had a private moment... For real.
posted by Samizdata at 6:54 AM on February 29, 2012

Simon Pegg joins Clone Wars
posted by Artw at 9:03 PM on March 1, 2012

They just need to go ahead and make the salt and pepper shakers because I would buy those, too. And does anyone have an extra $40 laying around? I neeeeed that Yoda backpack.
posted by deborah at 1:13 AM on March 2, 2012