Well, Who Am Us, Anyway?
March 5, 2012 9:28 AM   Subscribe

How Can You Be In Two Places At Once When You're Not Anywhere At All. 56m24s of mainlined audio psychedelic comedy from The Firesign Theatre in 1969. In one piece, consisting of Two Sides, including The Further Adventures Of Nick Danger.

Side One is How Can You Be In Two Places At Once When You're Not Anywhere At All, ~30 minutes of satire and comedy about the current state and history of American society viewed through the lens of the country's obsession with the automobile.

Presented as a single track, the liner notes suggest the following subdivisions:
"Drink to Me Only with Thine Fox" (Mr. Catherwood and Ensemble) – 4:21
"The Policemen's Brawl" (Officers Bradshaw and Henderson) – 4:34
"Yankee Doodle Came to Terms" (All Fecal People's Chorus) – 2:47
"Über Dubbing Over Alice" ('Arry 'N' Friends) – 1:34
"You Ain't Got No Friends on the Left" (Babe and the Unknown Soldiers) – 7:34
""We're Bringing the War Back Home!" From Babes in Khaki" (Lilly Lamont*) (*Miss Lamont Courtesy of Paranoid Pictures) – 7:31
Side Two is The Further Adventures Of Nick Danger, "From the Archives of the Original Firesign Theatre Radio Hour. As First Broadcast December 6, 1941. Rebroadcast Courtesy of Loostners Bros. Soap Co."
posted by hippybear (273 comments total) 84 users marked this as a favorite
 
As with all the early Firesign recordings, this benefits greatly from repeat listenings.
posted by hippybear at 9:28 AM on March 5, 2012 [3 favorites]


The Further Adventures of Nick Danger is my favorite long-form comedy of all time. Absolutely inspired (not saying by what, but inspired) madness.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:31 AM on March 5, 2012


So full of good lines I don't even know where to begin. Aside from Python, these guys informed my nascent sense of humor more than any other single thing.
posted by Devils Rancher at 9:33 AM on March 5, 2012 [3 favorites]


Oh man, this was the one Firesign record my dad had in his collection and my friends and I nearly wore it out playing it over and over. A friend of mine and I performed part of the Nick Danger story in Drama class one day on a lark--we just both had it memorized.

I love the Zeno's Paradox joke that quietly plays out as the protagonist is test driving the car.
posted by Maaik at 9:33 AM on March 5, 2012


When I was in 7th and 8th grade, I carried around a small portable tape recorder that had this album on it. I listened to it constantly and can still recite most of it, including the FX, given suitable cues (are those my cues? | Yes, they must be dry by now, you should pull them up out of the cellophane before they scorch)

That may be all you really need to know about me.
posted by seanmpuckett at 9:34 AM on March 5, 2012 [7 favorites]


So full of good lines I don't even know where to begin.

It had been snowing in Santa Barbara ever since the top of the page and I had to shake the cornstarch off my mukluks as I lifted the heavy obsidian doorknocker.

"Hey in there! Open up! Your doorknocker fell off!"
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:35 AM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


Who among us is able to hear the phrase "Boy, it's nice out" without immediately replying, "Yes, I think you ought to leave it out"?
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:36 AM on March 5, 2012 [5 favorites]


Personally I think We're All Bozos On This Bus is a more cohesive work, and it remains my favorite offering from Firesign out of their entire catalog... But the two sides of this are somehow more accessible and friendly to new users.
posted by hippybear at 9:37 AM on March 5, 2012


"...All those curves showing through that flimsy bernoose"
"I hope he gets back before all this dry ice melts."
"WHAT ABOUT MY PICKLE!?!?"

"The pyramid is opening!"
"Which one?"
"The one with the ever-widening hole in it!"

"Indonesia for the Indonesians!"
posted by Maaik at 9:38 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Nick Danger has always been one of my favorite comedy routines.

"Oh, Nicky, I feel dizzy."

"What's that Nancy?"

"The whole world -- it's spinning around me!"

"Why that's lucky for us, Nancy, if it were flat all the Chinese would fall right off."
posted by kernel_sander at 9:39 AM on March 5, 2012


Headphones are seriously recommended, kids, for full effect.

More sugar!!!
posted by Thorzdad at 9:39 AM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


Wait a minute! Didn't I say that line on the other side of the record? Where am I?



We're going to be doing this all day, aren't we.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:40 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Our cat's actual name is Diane Arpuss (because she has shadings like a hand-tinted black and white photograph), but everyone knows her as Nancy.
posted by hippybear at 9:40 AM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


Don't crush that dwarf!
posted by DMelanogaster at 9:41 AM on March 5, 2012


"At the last minute, he stopped on a dime. Unfortunately, the dime was in Mr. Rococo's pocket."

If you have not heard this, listen now, while there's still time.
posted by steambadger at 9:41 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


"Tea, sir?"
posted by steambadger at 9:42 AM on March 5, 2012


"Brouhaha? Ha ha ha..."
"Ha ahahahahaha!"
posted by Maaik at 9:42 AM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


"Where are you from, boy?"

"Nairobi, Ma'am. Isn't everybody?"
posted by hippybear at 9:42 AM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


Personally, I'm an EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS WRONG person, but this is nevertheless a valuable post.
posted by philip-random at 9:45 AM on March 5, 2012


I have a distinct memory of a moment with that tape recorder and that album where I think I pressed play/rewind/play/rewind maybe fifty times to hear the same two second loop of sound over and over again because I thought I was the perfect bit of comedy and I wanted to understand it completely: the script, the timing, the FX, the acting. I swear I can hear the precise waveform in my head to this day of "[fx over] footsteps [announcer] ..crosses Mac Arthur Park and walks into a great sandstone building! [fx over] clunk, kathump [fx] oof [nick] ow, my nose!" rewinds, plays it again and again and again
posted by seanmpuckett at 9:46 AM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


"Tea, sir?"

Far out, Catherwood; just roll a couple of bombers and leave them on the side table.
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:49 AM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


"Let's stand him on his head!"

"Aw, he's no fun, he fell right over."
posted by Maaik at 9:50 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


What?
posted by tommasz at 9:52 AM on March 5, 2012 [4 favorites]


"Peppermint Patchouli. There was only one joker in LA sensitive enough to wear that scent... and I had to find out who he was!"
posted by steambadger at 10:00 AM on March 5, 2012


"How did you get in here? You don't have a key."

"No, only half a key. I had to split it with the sound man."
posted by hippybear at 10:02 AM on March 5, 2012


"It all began innocently enough on Tuesday. I was sitting in my office on that drizzly afternoon listening to the monotonous staccato of rain on my desktop and reading my name on the glass of my office door:

REGNAD KCIN"
posted by Horace Rumpole at 10:04 AM on March 5, 2012 [3 favorites]


"Mr. Danger? I'm Rocky Rococo."

"Thanks, half-pint. You just saved me an awful lot of investigative work."

Oh, damnit. So much for any slim hope I might have had of getting any work at all done today...
posted by steambadger at 10:04 AM on March 5, 2012


Between this album in my parent's LP collection, and the local college radio station that used to play a side of "Eat Or Be Eaten" while the DJ went on smoke/bathroom breaks, my fate was sealed pretty early on and I eventually collected a good chunk of everything that the Firesigns did.

"Hey! What are you guys doing in my car??"
"Er... the Foxtrot. You can have the next dance. Throw him the fox."
"merrroooww... *bleaaaaghh*"
"Hey, this animal is sick!"
"Yes, it is a catchy little number!"

Even out of context, the jokes are still pretty damn funny.
posted by 40 Watt at 10:05 AM on March 5, 2012


Thanks, Rocky!
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 10:05 AM on March 5, 2012 [3 favorites]




Waiting for the Electrician (or someone like him)

Every time I see a cornfield I think:

"Corn?! Now we can make tortillas!"
"We've been waiting for this for hundreds of years!"

It's a good thing I don't live in Iowa.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 10:12 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'm the odd FST fan. My favorite is The Tale of the Giant Rat of Sumatra.
posted by Edison Carter at 10:12 AM on March 5, 2012


"Corn?! Now we can make tortillas!"
"We've been waiting for this for hundreds of years!"


"Corn?! Now we can make whiskey!"
"We've been waiting for this for hundreds of years!"
posted by Edison Carter at 10:14 AM on March 5, 2012


Oh, very well, whose behind IS the giant rat of Sumatra?
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 10:15 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Hiya friends Ralph Spoilsport here Ralph Spoilsport Motors the world's largest new used and used new automobile dealership Ralph Spoilsport Motors here in the city of Emphysema let's just look at the extras on this fabulous car wire-wheel spoke fenders two-way sneeze-through wind vents star-studded mud guards sponge-coated edible steering column chrome fender dents and factory air conditioned air from our fully factory-equipped factory it’s a beautiful car friends with doors to match Birch’s Blacklist says this car was stolen but for you friends a complete price only two-ninety-five hundred dollars in easy monthly payments of twenty dollars a week twice a week and never on Sunday ...
posted by kyrademon at 10:16 AM on March 5, 2012 [10 favorites]


RUTHLESSLY

"I wonder where Ruth is?"

To my chagrin, I am still using that line.
posted by Danf at 10:16 AM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


"Corn?! Now we can make tortillas!"
"We've been waiting for this for hundreds of years!"


I've just invented tacos!

"Corn?! Now we can make whiskey!"
"We've been waiting for this for hundreds of years!"


I've just invented the Tom Collins!
posted by hippybear at 10:17 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Just remember: Abraham Lincoln didn't die in vain. He died in Washington, D.C.
posted by cottoncandybeard at 10:18 AM on March 5, 2012


"Don't eat with your hands, son; use your entrenching tool!"

I sooo want to yell this at my kids around the breakfast table, but so far have resisted the temptation.
posted by mosk at 10:19 AM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


Oh, very well, whose behind IS the giant rat of Sumatra?

Oh, you're fast, Fatson.
posted by Edison Carter at 10:20 AM on March 5, 2012


I Think We're All Bozos on This Bus is better.
posted by crunchland at 10:23 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


That may be all you really need to know about me.

I actually played Nick Danger in 8th grade in a version that my friends and I put together for the jr high talent show.

That pretty much is all you're going to know about me, because the rest is downhill.
posted by lumpenprole at 10:24 AM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


I've always thought "We're all bozos on this bus" is one of the greatest things of all time.
Thanks for this link!
posted by cccorlew at 10:25 AM on March 5, 2012


They occasionally played the Ashgrove, in West LA. My brother and I were heavily into them, and we went for several nights running, often, and he had this little portable tape recorder and then we used to argue about that the lines actually WERE, on that tinny little thing.
posted by Danf at 10:25 AM on March 5, 2012


Marching, marching to Chivalry with the eagle and the sword....
posted by Confess, Fletch at 10:36 AM on March 5, 2012


My brother and I were heavily into them, and we went for several nights running, often, and he had this little portable tape recorder and then we used to argue about that the lines actually WERE, on that tinny little thing.

You don't need to argue. You just need to find a copy of The Firesign Theatre's Big Book Of Plays, which contains the complete scripts for their first four albums (arguably the essential Firesign). (It's apparently available through sources of scum and villainy if you're so inclined.)
posted by hippybear at 10:38 AM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]



My brother and I were heavily into them, and we went for several nights running, often, and he had this little portable tape recorder and then we used to argue about that the lines actually WERE, on that tinny little thing.

You don't need to argue. You just need to find a copy of The Firesign Theatre's Big Book Of Plays, which contains the complete scripts for their first four albums (arguably the essential Firesign). (It's apparently available through sources of scum and villainy if you're so inclined.)


Well we knew the albums my heart. It was the adlibs we would argue about.
posted by Danf at 10:41 AM on March 5, 2012


Peppermint Pyramid Patchouli

Marching, marching to Chivalry Shibboleth with the eagle and the sword. . .
 
posted by Herodios at 10:42 AM on March 5, 2012 [5 favorites]


Papoon for President! Not insane!
posted by steambadger at 10:47 AM on March 5, 2012 [3 favorites]


How about THAT?... Mister Smartypants Communist.
posted by Edison Carter at 10:50 AM on March 5, 2012


Abraham Lincoln didn't die in vain! He died in Washington D.C.

I bought the double album in a bin at Smitty's department store. I played the grove out of that thing on my lime green Panasonic record player.

I met a stoner in high school who was also WAY into the Firesign Theatre and he had a stereo, so he showed me how the sound went from one speaker to another.

I'm sure we could do this all day. I'm sure we will.

Bye for now from the wonderful world of snails and adventure.

(Aw. They never come up into the hills!)
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 10:53 AM on March 5, 2012


"Boy, where are you from?"

"Nairobi, ma'am. Isn't everyone?"
posted by rdone at 10:55 AM on March 5, 2012


Where robots rules of order don't apply!
posted by Thorzdad at 10:58 AM on March 5, 2012


This old Firesign Theater fan thanks you from the bottom of his heart. God damn, I'm hungry. Anybody got any groat clusters?
posted by languagehat at 11:05 AM on March 5, 2012 [5 favorites]


Uh... Clem.
posted by Edison Carter at 11:06 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Anybody got any groat clusters?

Heavy on the 30-weight!
posted by Edison Carter at 11:06 AM on March 5, 2012


"I was a Cock Teaser at Roosterama"

(collective amused pause on the part of the other Firesign members, where is he going with this?)

"I used to enrage the bantams before the big bouts"
posted by zippy at 11:09 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


This is General Curtis Goatheart. If you are viewing this film, then we are under extraterrestrial attack. Beware- your brain may no longer be the boss! If you are beginning to doubt what I am saying, you are probably hallucinating. Listen carefully!

What to do if an alien appears! ONE!
Drop beneath the seat of your plane and look away.
TWO!
Avoid eye contact.
THREE!
If there are no eyes, avoid ALL contact.
posted by Devils Rancher at 11:10 AM on March 5, 2012


Oh blinding light,
Oh light that blinds,
I cannot see,
Lookout for me


(good times in church choir singing that one)
posted by hal9k at 11:10 AM on March 5, 2012


How to identify alleged sightings:
ONE!
Pie plates, or as reflections in the atmosphere.
TWO!
Dry cleaning bags filled with marsh gas, or...
THREE!
Mass insanity!
posted by Devils Rancher at 11:12 AM on March 5, 2012


You don't need to argue. You just need to find a copy of The Firesign Theatre's Big Book Of Plays, which contains the complete scripts for their first four albums (arguably the essential Firesign).

You bastard, hippybear. I didn't want to spend $70 on Amazon today; really I didn't!

($70 because I also had to buy The Firesign Theatre's Big Mystery Joke Book.)
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:15 AM on March 5, 2012


For those of you perplexed by our behavior but still hanging around this thread, dropping a little Firesign zen into a conversation was the norm for some of us back in the 70s and 80s. It was the call and response of my type of people. If somebody picked up on it, you'd retreat to a corner and do a few minutes of any specific album together until exhausted. Or drunk. Or too high to remember another line.

I remember dropping into IRC channels in the 90s and texting a few lines. Felt like a ham radio operator: Hello? Is anybody out there?... I'd like a pizza to go. And no anchovies. Got to know a lot of people that way. But they all fell by the wayside over the years.

And now: here we are. In two places at once, even. Great to know you're still out there, folks.
posted by hal9k at 11:22 AM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


The Philatelists' Club?! I didn't know you masturbated!
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 11:23 AM on March 5, 2012


A power so great it can only be used for good or evil!
posted by gamera at 11:26 AM on March 5, 2012


"I'm gonna get even with every rotten, stinking cop in this city!"
"Yeah, yeah. How are you gonna do it Nick?"
"You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna ... turn in my badge."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna burn my uniform!"
posted by demiurge at 11:31 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


My friend says he can shout, don't hear you.
posted by Eyebeams at 11:37 AM on March 5, 2012


Don't get excited.
posted by hal9k at 11:39 AM on March 5, 2012


WHO'S EXCITED?
posted by Eyebeams at 11:39 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


M: Well doesn't Louise count?
P: Only to 10, Mudhead...
posted by MtDewd at 11:46 AM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


What are all these Mexicans doing here?
posted by Edison Carter at 11:53 AM on March 5, 2012


That's metaphysically absurd, man! How can I know what you hear?
posted by Edison Carter at 11:54 AM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


Coming, mother!
posted by Snyder at 11:55 AM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


A power so great it can only be used for good or evil!

It's a simple English head code.
posted by Edison Carter at 11:55 AM on March 5, 2012


Stop torturing me, Ethel.
posted by Edison Carter at 11:55 AM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


Nick Danger was fun in video form, too, in The Case of the Missing Yolks.
posted by sonascope at 11:57 AM on March 5, 2012


It's a simple English head code.

Any English schoolboy could catch it.
posted by gamera at 11:58 AM on March 5, 2012


I'd like a pizza to go. And no anchovies.

No anchovies? You must have the wrong number. I spell my name... DANGER!
posted by steambadger at 12:01 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Any English schoolboy could catch it.

A g is a t and p is a b.
posted by Edison Carter at 12:02 PM on March 5, 2012


The Philatelists' Club?! I didn't know you masturbated!

Creepies, Mudhead! Where's your school spirit?
posted by Edison Carter at 12:03 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


It's in the rumble seat. Want a snort?
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:04 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Gollee Mudhead, is that all you ever think about? Always picking up things.
posted by Devils Rancher at 12:05 PM on March 5, 2012


Right after I graduate, I'm going to cut the soles off my shoes, sit in a tree, and learn to play the flute.
posted by cottoncandybeard at 12:06 PM on March 5, 2012


And remember, truss-rippers will be persecuted.
posted by Devils Rancher at 12:07 PM on March 5, 2012


They're gonna surround us!
posted by Edison Carter at 12:12 PM on March 5, 2012


Knowledge for the people. Give them a light, and they'll follow it anywhere.
posted by steambadger at 12:20 PM on March 5, 2012


Eat It!
posted by hal9k at 12:22 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


The Further Adventures of Nick Danger is my favorite long-form comedy of all time. Absolutely inspired (not saying by what, but inspired) madness.

I always figured it was inspired by Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar, "the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed expense account — America's fabulous freelance insurance investigator" (and its ilk).
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 12:22 PM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


Eat it raw!
posted by hal9k at 12:22 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


"What is Reality?!"
posted by Listener_T at 12:23 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


raw raw raw
posted by contrarian at 12:25 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


That's the spirits we have here at Morse Science!

So line up...

Sign up...

And reenlist today!
posted by Edison Carter at 12:26 PM on March 5, 2012


Because we need more schooling..

For more students...

For Morse Science High!
posted by Edison Carter at 12:28 PM on March 5, 2012


Because we need more schooling, for more students, for More Science High.
posted by steambadger at 12:29 PM on March 5, 2012


Brought to you by your department of redundancy departmart, and the natural guard.
posted by steambadger at 12:30 PM on March 5, 2012


Jobs is on their way.
posted by Edison Carter at 12:30 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


I know who did this. It was those bullies at Communist Martyrs High School, that's who.
posted by Edison Carter at 12:33 PM on March 5, 2012


Shoes for industry! Shoes for the dead!
posted by steambadger at 12:35 PM on March 5, 2012 [5 favorites]


Hi, I'm Joe Beets! Hey, what chance does a returning deceased war veteran have for that good paying job, more sugar, and the free mule you've been dreaming of. Well, think it over, then take off your shoes. Now you can see how increased spending opportunities means harder work for everyone and more of it, too! So do your part today, Joe. Join with millions of your neighbors and turn in your shoes.
posted by Edison Carter at 12:37 PM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


Holy Mudhead, Mackerel!
posted by Devils Rancher at 12:37 PM on March 5, 2012


FOR INDUSTRY!
posted by steambadger at 12:38 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Porgy, you are a white man, you've got to help us!
posted by steambadger at 12:38 PM on March 5, 2012


No, son, and it won't be, until free hands on both sides of the big ditch can press the same button at the same time.
posted by Edison Carter at 12:43 PM on March 5, 2012


Can't remember it exactly, but there was a throwaway line in their Star Wars parody that still tickles me. Luke is talking about getting ready to head out for some epicness, and Obi-wan's voice chimes in "Use the bathroom Luke." Pretty good Alec Guinness imitation too.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 12:44 PM on March 5, 2012


You might be thinking of "Hardware Wars".
posted by Edison Carter at 12:44 PM on March 5, 2012


Which isn't the Firesign Theatre.
posted by Edison Carter at 12:44 PM on March 5, 2012


You see, everything youI know is wrong. *blushes*
posted by Hardcore Poser at 12:56 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


... and now back to our story, which is already in progress.
posted by MtDewd at 12:57 PM on March 5, 2012


One of the beautiful things about having this on vinyl in the old days is the part where one side of the album calls the other. Truly fantastic.
posted by lumpenprole at 1:02 PM on March 5, 2012


For me, FST was introduced to me by my father. He had Electrician, Dwarf, Sumatra, and Everything You Know Is Wrong. Once I hit the record store in the college town that I eventually moved to, my collection exploded. Since then, I've purchased just about all of the albums, and recently picked up the Dear Friends retro "box" set with all the original shows and the collector's book with the true story behind the shows.

They taught me comedy and wordplay and the value of intellect in humor like no other group before or since. I even consider David Ossman one of my idols (someday I'll be brave enough to write him and let him know, and hopefully before he dies). In fact, it was FST that got me into Old Radio.

This is a fine post. And I love everyone who has participated.
posted by Edison Carter at 1:08 PM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


There's an existential beauty to Don't Crush That Dwarf that I think some folks don't catch, in the overall concept. The whole thing is George Leroy Tirebiter in his old age watching himself on TV as he changes from channel to channel through the course of an evening.

Eventually, as the evening winds down, there's nothing but snow on half the channels, until he finally hears the ice cream truck, then his voice transitions from old man to little kid as he runs out the door after it. He disappears finally down the rabbit hole of his youth, in his mind. It's really quite beautiful.
posted by Devils Rancher at 1:09 PM on March 5, 2012 [9 favorites]


One of the beautiful things about having this on vinyl in the old days is the part where one side of the album calls the other. Truly fantastic.

Wait. Didn't I say that on the other side of the record? I'd better check.

.citsatnaf ylurT .rehto eht sllac mubla eht fo edis eno erehw trap eht si syad dlo eht ni lyniv no siht gnivah tuoba sgniht lufituaeb eht fo enO

It's okay; they're speaking Chinese.
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:10 PM on March 5, 2012


Antelope Freeway 1 Mile
posted by hal9k at 1:11 PM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


My twin and I attended the National Surrealist Light People's Party convention in Santa Barbara back in 1976. We dressed as security bozos, in suits and clown masks. We searched people coming into the convention; if they didn't have a (water) gun, we issued them one from a box of such.

I still remember Larry the Giant Dwarf of the National Nuke'em Now Foundation throwing shoes onstage when Ralph Spoilsport arrived to compete against George Papoon for the nomination. Somewhere, I probably still have campaign literature from that time.

Good times, people. Good times.
posted by blob at 1:15 PM on March 5, 2012 [3 favorites]


Antelope Freeway one half mile
posted by Devils Rancher at 1:18 PM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


Pictures from the 1976 convention. I'm in one of those.
posted by blob at 1:19 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


This is a fantastic post. My husband and I both really get a kick out of Firesign Theatre; he grew up listening to the LPs. I absolutely love this kind of humor; it feels a lot like the subtle (and not so subtle) jokes in Airplane! and Police Squad.
posted by xedrik at 1:25 PM on March 5, 2012


Oh, man. My dad had this on vinyl when we were growing up, and my sister and I would always ask him to play Nick Danger for us. Even now, my sister and I will randomly quote this at each other, so this post just made my day.

"You see? I told you."
posted by Katrel at 1:26 PM on March 5, 2012


The climate control system in my car can be set to "Tropical Paradise" and "Winter Wonderland".
posted by Standeck at 1:26 PM on March 5, 2012


Benjamin Franklin, the only president of the United States who was never president of the United States.
posted by tommasz at 1:33 PM on March 5, 2012


What has happened to your nose?
posted by hal9k at 1:37 PM on March 5, 2012


If you lived here, you'd be home now.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 2:02 PM on March 5, 2012


I used to be a Bozoette
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 2:02 PM on March 5, 2012


Deputy Dan will find us no matter where we hide.
posted by Edison Carter at 2:11 PM on March 5, 2012


antelope freeway one qurter mile
posted by Devils Rancher at 2:16 PM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


Now I'm stoked. I just bought a Ralph Spoilsport Motors license plate frame.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 2:19 PM on March 5, 2012


Rocky Rococo at your cervix....
posted by Confess, Fletch at 2:20 PM on March 5, 2012


Chocolate covered groatclusters.
posted by jabo at 2:22 PM on March 5, 2012


They never come up into the hills!
posted by Edison Carter at 2:27 PM on March 5, 2012


*click*...urrounded by a thin, thin shell. And inside, it's delicious.
posted by Devils Rancher at 2:29 PM on March 5, 2012


Allow me to introduce myself. I am Nick Danger.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:35 PM on March 5, 2012


And as long as we're telling childhood stories, I first heard FST at the age of eleven when my mother put the How Can You Be In Two Places At Once cassette on while we were eating dinner. I'm not sure what possessed her to time it like that, but the end result was that I spent a solid half-hour sitting in front of a full bowl of soup, unable to stop laughing long enough to take a single sip. I dug out her Don't Crush That Dwarf vinyl the next day.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:37 PM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


OFFER NOT GOOD AFTER CURFEW IN SECTORS R OR N
posted by Edison Carter at 2:41 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


antelope freeway one eighth mile
posted by Devils Rancher at 2:41 PM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


This is only showing my youth, but it blew my mind when I finally figured out what the title "Don't Crush That Dwarf, Hand Me the Pliers" means. (It's a pot reference, duh. A dwarf is a joint that's been smoked down to a stub, and pliers are roach clips, or something you can use to hold the remainder of the joint while you smoke it.)
posted by Faint of Butt at 3:02 PM on March 5, 2012


Absolutely inspired (not saying by what, but inspired) madness.

The Goon Show .
posted by rough ashlar at 3:17 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Oh, Nick, you're such a tool!

Most of these scripts can be found online, I'm pretty sure.
posted by Fnarf at 3:26 PM on March 5, 2012


If you have all o' these on vinyl, in addition to both Beyond the Fringe records, you're my kinda folk.
posted by drhydro at 3:48 PM on March 5, 2012


Hiya friends Ralph Spoilsport here Ralph Spoilsport Motors the world's largest new used and used new automobile dealership Ralph Spoilsport Motors here in the city of Emphysema ...

I grew up (between the ages of 8 and 18) two blocks from the inspiration for that, Ralph Williams Ford in Encino (for the record, the south side climbed up the Santa Monica mountains with big expensive homes, the north side where I lived was all San Fernando Valley middle class, and the dividing line was Ventura Blvd. which was ALL Ralph Williams car lots for a while) and when that album came out, all us kids adopted the renaming of our suburb as "Emphysema". Ralph Williams dominated late-night TV car lot commercials for a while and he sounded exactly like that. Also, he was the first car dealer to have Johnny Carson making jokes about him (before he discovered Cal Worthington, who provided much better material). The car lot was originally named "Leon Ames Ford" after the celebrity part-owner who played the annoyed neighbor on Mister Ed, with Ralph doing the commercials. After a while, Ralph handed off the commercials to his General Manager, Chick Lambert, who started featuring his dog Storm in the ads (which was after the Firesign Theater parody). One of the ways Cal Worthington got noticed was by spoofing Chick and introducing "my dog Spot" who was never a dog (in fact, the first couple versions used a fully grown tiger, definitely not 'Spot'). But the Firesigns did it better.
posted by oneswellfoop at 4:36 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]



Hiya friends Ralph Spoilsport here Ralph Spoilsport Motors the world's largest new used and used new automobile dealership Ralph Spoilsport Motors here in the city of Emphysema ...


Speedometer's only got half a mile on it!

And here we have the intersection of Pico (Boulevard) and Alvarado (Terrace). There's no single street sign there, but if you swing the street view around towards the "COIN LAUNDRY" you can ju-u-ust get both signs in view.

Park and lock it! Not responsible!
 
posted by Herodios at 4:45 PM on March 5, 2012


Back to the Shadows Again!
posted by Mental Wimp at 4:53 PM on March 5, 2012


Regnad Kcin!
posted by Mental Wimp at 4:59 PM on March 5, 2012


Big Book of Plays and Big Mystery Joke Book are being reissued as one volume. The guys still perform live, having done some shows last fall. And they are all on Facebook along with about 7K Firesign fans.
posted by chromium.switch at 5:00 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Devils Rancher: There's an existential beauty to Don't Crush That Dwarf . . . he finally hears the ice cream truck, then his voice transitions from old man to little kid as he runs out the door after it.

I guess this is where somebody points out that at the end of Waiting for the Electrician, P is pelting down the street having abandoned his taxi, while Babe arrives panting, on foot at the beginning of How Can You Be. . . which at the end turns out to be a movie on late night TV, which seques into channel surfing, while Don't Crush begins with channel surfing and ends with Porgy running off to chase the ice cream truck, which we hear again at the very beginning of I Think We're All Bozos.
 
posted by Herodios at 5:05 PM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


My god this is excellent! I can't believe I never heard it before!
Which other albums would you recommend?
posted by Enigmark at 5:13 PM on March 5, 2012


antelope freeway one sixteenth mile
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:21 PM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


Nerd Cred: Phil Proctor had a website in 1996.

it hasn't changed
posted by sidereal at 5:31 PM on March 5, 2012


Don't worry about the flies, we won't weigh 'em!

My older brothers got How Can You be in Two Places… for Christmas and we listened every year, sort of a holiday tradition.

Enigmark - The early work is the best. In addition to this album, there's:
Waiting for the Electrician or Someone like Him,
Don't Crush that Dwarf, Hand me the Pliers,
I Think We're all Bozos on this Bus,
Dear Friends (a collection from their radio show),
The Tale of the Giant Rat of Sumatra, and
Everything You Know is Wrong
posted by jabo at 5:54 PM on March 5, 2012


Here's the Firesign Theatre website.
posted by chromium.switch at 6:33 PM on March 5, 2012


Well, it's plain to see your coffee don't got Zest Appeal.
posted by bakerina at 6:59 PM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]



Antelope Freeway one thirty-second mile
posted by bakerina at 6:59 PM on March 5, 2012


Nancy! I have proof I've been to ancient Rome! Look at this grape!
posted by Trochanter at 7:01 PM on March 5, 2012 [2 favorites]


Y'know, when you clock the human race with the stopwatch of history, it's a new record every time!
posted by Fibognocchi at 7:02 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Get in the barrel Darlin', we'll do it 'urricane style!
posted by Trochanter at 7:04 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Many busy executives ask me, what about the job displacement market program in the city of the future?' Well, count on us to be there, Jerry, because, if we're lucky tomorrow, we won't have to deal with questions like yours ever again.
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:20 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


antelope freeway one sixty-fourth mile
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:21 PM on March 5, 2012


READ UNHAPPY MACNAM. UNHAPPY MACNAM. SYSTAT. UPTIME 9:01.
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 8:06 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


Exit left to funway.
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:30 PM on March 5, 2012


Rated X, the unknown. Positively no one admitted.
posted by Snyder at 9:04 PM on March 5, 2012 [1 favorite]


So happy to see mine was not the only wasted youth.

Go on. Squeeze the Wheeze. Many people like to!
posted by skippyhacker at 3:54 AM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


"Why, this is a bag of shit!"

"But it's really great shit, Mrs Presky!"
posted by Edison Carter at 6:05 AM on March 6, 2012 [3 favorites]


Towel. Bath. Border.
May I see your passport please?
posted by MtDewd at 6:25 AM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Jaundice it is! Give him the antidote, doctor.
posted by Devils Rancher at 6:31 AM on March 6, 2012


Return for regrooving.
posted by Edison Carter at 6:36 AM on March 6, 2012


Oooooooh, it ain't no use
If you ain't got the boost
The boost you get from
Loostners
(Loo-ooo-oosnters)

THE ALL-WEATHER BREAKFAST
posted by Edison Carter at 6:40 AM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


antelope freeway one one-hundred-twenty-eighth mile
posted by Devils Rancher at 6:46 AM on March 6, 2012


He's coming around folks. He's going to be okay and ready to play symptom six of BEAT THE REAPER!

Boy, I miss these guys. I'm not going to get anything done for the rest of the day.
posted by birdwatcher at 6:56 AM on March 6, 2012


According to my careful prosthesis, this man has... the plague.
posted by Edison Carter at 7:07 AM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


What's all this broohaha?
Broohaha?
Haw haw haw
haw haw
posted by Trochanter at 7:38 AM on March 6, 2012


I did not say "eat"; I said "chew"!
posted by Edison Carter at 7:49 AM on March 6, 2012


Dogs flew spaceships! The Aztecs invented the vacation! Men and women are the same sex!
posted by languagehat at 8:12 AM on March 6, 2012


Who was born today, Patty?
Uh... nobody, Hugh.
No, I mean in history, Patty -- before they changed the water.
posted by steambadger at 8:25 AM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


My god this is excellent! I can't believe I never heard it before!

See, hippybear? Life IS worth living.
posted by steambadger at 8:27 AM on March 6, 2012


Next is a story that's sure to cause you mirth, as we follow Rebus Caneebus... to the center of the earth.
posted by Edison Carter at 8:27 AM on March 6, 2012


See, hippybear? Life IS worth living.

I have seen actual ROFL-ing induced as an initial reaction to exposure. Some of my happiest memories are of these moments.
posted by Devils Rancher at 8:35 AM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


That's Arnie's Whole-Beef halves.
posted by Edison Carter at 8:54 AM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


See, hippybear? Life IS worth living.

I leave for a 24-hour-long 700-mile-long delivery route training session, and I come back to this?

I love each and every one of you, want all of you to sire offspring with me, and yes, indeed... life is worth living.

Just how much it's worth living without knowing The Firesign Theatre is something nobody in this thread can actually attest to, so we'll assume it isn't.
posted by hippybear at 11:04 AM on March 6, 2012 [4 favorites]


I was boooorn an American...
I was raaaaaised an American...
And I'll diiiiie an American...
In America...
Wiiiith Arrrrmeeeeeeneeeeaaaaaans!
posted by Edison Carter at 11:19 AM on March 6, 2012


Dogs flew spaceships! The Aztecs invented the vacation! Men and women are the same sex! ... our forefathers took drugs. Yes, that's right, everything you know is WRONG.

This was the closest thing I had to a mantra for a while back in my psychedelic gobbling 80s. Still is, sort of, though I've come to seriously doubt that pigs ever lived in trees. That said, flying saucers continue to land on people's breakfast plates, which is why I had to give up on eggs. It stands to reason.
posted by philip-random at 11:24 AM on March 6, 2012


That said, flying saucers continue to land on people's breakfast plates , which is why I had to give up on eggs. It stands to reason.

Let's just call them... the phenomenon.
posted by Edison Carter at 11:32 AM on March 6, 2012


Ed aims to please and so does Louise so don't hide arms, get sidearms at Ame's Guns!
posted by Mental Wimp at 12:10 PM on March 6, 2012


Take a tip from a cop who does!
posted by languagehat at 12:15 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


And remember: Looseners for the smile of beauty.
posted by languagehat at 12:16 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Fantastics for the smile of success.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 12:23 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Long in the leaf and short in the can.
posted by Edison Carter at 12:31 PM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Down here at the studio it's all knuckles and know how.
posted by Trochanter at 12:38 PM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


I should write those guys a fan letter. They made me laugh SO hard.
posted by Trochanter at 12:39 PM on March 6, 2012


Daddy? Where can I get a good deal in a Christian atmosphere?
posted by Edison Carter at 12:40 PM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


Everybody dies, but you don't have to be there when it happens. Yes, you can live forever while your friends fall apart around you like rotten fruit. And here's how: Lease an organ or limb from our Headless Body Farm. It's made in America, from Americans!
posted by Devils Rancher at 1:52 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


And our guests today are Buzz and Bunny Crumhunger.
posted by Edison Carter at 2:01 PM on March 6, 2012


Today's episode of Dear Friends, the Firesign Theatre's avant-garde religious radio happening, is brought to you by the makers of Louie's Wipe-Out-Pumice Hamburgers!
posted by bakerina at 4:21 PM on March 6, 2012


That was great! WHO WROTE THAT?
posted by bakerina at 4:26 PM on March 6, 2012


I tend to break out "God Bless Vespucci-land!" whenever I encounter some stupid-ass patriot blathering on about how great Uh-Merka is...

(Priest: Oh, by the way, you're all Catholics now, Domini, Domini, Domini, God bless you and...)

And I can't think of breakfast without the line, "Adolph, your clamcakes are getting damp!" - "Whew! Defoliating a victory garden certainly works up an appetite."
posted by Philofacts at 6:30 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]


Around 15 years ago I was an extra in a radio production starring some guy called David Ossman. I asked him if he'd done much radio work before and he gave me this cassette.

This album is now one of my treasures.
posted by Monochrome at 9:52 PM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]


My sister and I listened to Waiting for the Electrician and Don't Crush That Dwarf religiously several times a day from the tender ages of 8 and 5, well into our adolescence. I like to think it had a profound positive effect on our development. I still routinely drop quotes in regular conversation and am met with blank stares. This makes my heart hurt.
posted by TheCoug at 1:08 AM on March 7, 2012 [2 favorites]


And stop tracking mud across my nice, clean kitchen floors!
posted by Edison Carter at 6:10 AM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


My husband's a policeman, and you wouldn't believe how dirty he gets my clothes.
posted by Devils Rancher at 6:51 AM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


Howdy, ma'am. I'm Sergeant Sphincter of the Dirt Patrol.
posted by Edison Carter at 7:18 AM on March 7, 2012


I worked pretty hard to train myself to do The Electrician's voice. You know, where it's cutting in and out. "HA HA HA HA I am the -ectrician!"

Nobody thinks it's funny, but it is, dammit.
posted by Trochanter at 7:39 AM on March 7, 2012 [4 favorites]


I have an absolutely incurable habit of referring to policemen as Sergeant Sphincter. It's gonna get me billy-clubbed one day if I'm not careful.
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:41 AM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


Watson! I'm over here in this tree suit. That beastly dog soaked my trunks.
posted by Trochanter at 7:41 AM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'm hooked on you, missy!
posted by Edison Carter at 7:46 AM on March 7, 2012


Howdy, ma'am. I'm Sergeant Sphincter of the Dirt Patrol.

When I was fresh out of music school I had a job as a bartender and assistant bar manager at an officers' club on a Navy base for a bit. A very different era than today; I'd drive onto the base in my car with the No Nukes sticker on the bumper; I had a ponytail. The guy in the booth would barely look up from his comic book to see the sticker on my windshield. I once accidentally ran into the Secretary of Defense when going to do inventory of the mini-bar in one of the two apartments they had for visiting dignitaries in a non-descript building near the club. The timing of said inventory was rigidly prescribed in typical military fashion, had to be done that day, and no matter if it coincided with the bigwig visit. So they told me just don't go to Apt. A, that's the one he's in, you can do it after X O'Clock when he's left.

So I go to Apt. B, ring the bell, expecting to see the Secret Service guys who were staying in that one. Nothing. I ring again, and after a long while a guy comes down to the door in his shorts - the SoD, who'd been napping, apparently. "Oh, sorry,; they told me you were in the other one." "Yeah, you'd better go over there." So I go to Apt. B, where the Secret Service guys are sitting around watching reruns of Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea, appropriately enough for a navy base, I guess.

So you can see that my skeptical attitude towards all things government was not lessened by my experiences there; where Firesign Theater comes in is a later incident, where the kitchen area of the club had failed a health inspection and all of us, bartenders included, had to attend a screening of a 1950's-era film which featured a tale of chocolate eclairs being left in a broken-down delivery truck in the hot sun but later being served anyway and causing food poisoning en masse.

The guy in charge from the Navy health inspection unit was typical of those who thrive in such institutions, a bit too gung-ho in his enthusiasm for berating us for our Huge Moral Failings. Tedious lecture from him before the film. I remember muttering under my breath, oh, here we go: Sergeant Sphincter of the Dirt Patrol.
posted by Philofacts at 8:06 AM on March 7, 2012 [2 favorites]


(That should be Apt. A where the SS guys actually were.)
posted by Philofacts at 8:14 AM on March 7, 2012


Well, don't make a Korea out of it. (Heh heh heh)
posted by Edison Carter at 9:06 AM on March 7, 2012


"I work in an office that used to belong to Ralph Nader."
"Oh, that is a Nader... That--that's a pun."
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:36 PM on March 7, 2012


nadir
posted by Edison Carter at 1:17 PM on March 7, 2012


btw, I can't believe nobody has mentioned the cover of How Can you Be... (etc.) - the All Hail Marx (and) Lennon tableau, with Groucho and John.

In a clear indication of how deeply warped my mind was by Firesign* (and indeed how all our minds here were), I still think of that cover every time someone brings up anything to do with Marxism-Leninism.

(*I think the fact that my exposure to FT, thanks to the guitarist in my first band, my junior year in high school, coincided with the commencement of the peak of my youthful psychedelic phase, had a lot to do with it.)
posted by Philofacts at 2:08 PM on March 7, 2012


What are you trying to do, Lieutenant? Buy your way out of these proceedings?
posted by Edison Carter at 3:05 PM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]


What are we gonna do, Lieutenant?
What are we gonna do, Lieutenant?
What are we gonna do, Lieutenant?
posted by Faint of Butt at 3:56 AM on March 9, 2012


My, my, my! Your friends at Commie Martyrs must be mighty proud of you.
posted by Edison Carter at 6:00 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


RIP Peter Bergman.
posted by mykescipark at 10:24 AM on March 9, 2012


NO
posted by Edison Carter at 12:07 PM on March 9, 2012


Goddammit. That's awful.
posted by Edison Carter at 12:09 PM on March 9, 2012


This is far more sad than the passing of any politician.
posted by Philofacts at 12:36 PM on March 9, 2012


RALPH: Hiya, friends! Ralph Spoilsport, owner and operator of the world's biggest dealership west of Baalbeck. As you know, we're overdosed again with all tastes and kilos. Let's just take a look at some of these fabulous lids! The LaGuardia Report says this key should be copped for ten thousand, five hundred dollars, in easy monthly sentences of a year-to-life, and nobody down. Our complete price to you, including sticks and stems and seeds, wine-soaked and sugar-cured, completely clean for your smoking pleasure, the complete price-only what the traffic will allow, in unmarked bills, delivered to me, Ralph Icebag, in a plain brown wrapper, by a brown-shoed square in the dead of night! Let's take a taste of this fabulous Yucatan Blue, scored to you from the sky-blue waters of that beautiful Mexican bay, hand-picked by naked little froggy native boys in their tight leather aprons, running through the fields by the sea and the sea crimson sometimes like fire and the glorious sunsets and the fig trees in the Alameda gardens yes yes and all the queer little streets and pink and blue and yellow houses and the rose gardens and the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and Gibraltar as a boy where I was a flower of the mountains yes where I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used yes and how she kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and she asked me would I to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew her down to me so I could feel her breasts all perfumed yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will yes ... yes ... yes ... yes ... [fading] Yes-s-s-s-s ...

.
posted by hal9k at 1:17 PM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]


No more Lt Alvin Bradshaw.
posted by Edison Carter at 1:29 PM on March 9, 2012


That's pretty weird. Sucks to be a science guy, because there's a part of you that hopes he felt some of the love we were all sharing for him.

It's been a fun thread, guys. Thanks for it. Maybe someone should forward it to his people.
posted by Trochanter at 3:32 PM on March 9, 2012


Wow, this one actually hit me pretty hard. They're just so much a part of who I am, the way I learned to look at the world with an *ahem...* jaundiced eye... to look beneath the wrapper to see if there's any there there, to detect and ridicule hokum and to value the notion of absurdity... I don't really know how to than them for all that, and it feels a little lonely right now.
posted by Devils Rancher at 3:36 PM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]


sad day. Richard Metzger had some words at Dangerousminds ...

... and I told him that he just HAD to write his autobiography. “Pete, you’re the ‘Zelig’ of the rock era! You’ve been in a film with Jean-Paul Belmondo and Farrah Fawcett. You coined the terms “love-in.” You smoked a joint with Bob Marley and the Wailers when they were your opening act [True, the Wailers opened for Procter and Bergman in Boston. Pete told me the joint was “arm-sized”!]. You guys gigged with the Buffalo Springfield. You’ve worked with Spike Milligan, and now here you are with Albert Ayler, for god’s sake! I mean, come on! You have to do this!”
posted by philip-random at 4:56 PM on March 9, 2012


has
posted by philip-random at 4:57 PM on March 9, 2012


I'm the webmaster for Peter's Radio Free Oz, and longtime friend of The Firesign Theatre. Peter knew about this MetaFilter thread and he was thrilled to read all of your comments. "It made my day" he said.
posted by chromium.switch at 5:11 PM on March 9, 2012 [55 favorites]


MeTa, and thanks so much to chromium.switch for sharing that with us.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 6:20 PM on March 9, 2012


oh my god, suddenly so many of my ex's jokes make sense now
posted by Space Kitty at 7:15 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]


I somehow missed out on the FST, but this is a very entertaining thread. I look forward to re-reading after I listen to this.
posted by Skygazer at 10:12 PM on March 9, 2012


"Antelope Freeway, one mile....
Antelope Freeway, one half mile....
Antelope Freeway, one quarter mile....
If you lived here you'd be home by now."

RIP Peter Bergman.

Sniff.
posted by Lynsey at 11:34 PM on March 9, 2012


Peter knew about this MetaFilter thread and he was thrilled to read all of your comments. "It made my day" he said.

chromium.switch - please let the Firesign family know that they made our day as well.
posted by jabo at 12:22 AM on March 10, 2012 [2 favorites]


Did you remember to carry the bum? Good!
posted by eyereader at 5:00 AM on March 10, 2012


W00t! The interwebs tells me that my public library has a bunch of Firesign CDs!
posted by neuron at 9:46 AM on March 11, 2012


Someone in another thread used the phrase "I smell a rat" and it took me a good minute or two to take my finger off the "post" button and realize that the generally accepted response is not "So do I! I think he's got my script!"
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:23 AM on March 12, 2012


Here, mousy, mousy.
posted by Edison Carter at 7:10 AM on March 14, 2012


(I'm going to hate it when this thread finally closes. It doesn't seem right to let it.)
posted by Edison Carter at 6:52 AM on March 15, 2012


Who is he talking to? And how does he make his voice do that?
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:58 AM on March 15, 2012


This land is made of mountains
This land is made of mud
This land has lots of everything
For me and Elmer Fudd
posted by Edison Carter at 9:28 AM on March 15, 2012


if you push something hard enough, it will fall over
posted by philip-random at 9:36 AM on March 15, 2012


It goes in and out like anything!
posted by Edison Carter at 9:37 AM on March 15, 2012


My God, that woman is trying to kill me!
posted by Edison Carter at 6:12 AM on March 16, 2012


README DOCTOR MEMORY?
posted by Edison Carter at 3:06 PM on March 16, 2012


Do you have a question?
posted by Mental Wimp at 9:13 AM on March 17, 2012


Why does the porridge bird lay his eggs in the air?
posted by Edison Carter at 6:12 AM on March 19, 2012 [1 favorite]


Wise doves 'n' parish bards lazy leg in the Eire?
posted by Horace Rumpole at 8:26 AM on March 19, 2012


Why does the poor rich Barney (honk) delay laser's edge in the fair?
posted by Edison Carter at 9:58 AM on March 19, 2012


Hey, Paolo? I think he broke the President!
posted by Edison Carter at 6:05 AM on March 20, 2012


That's faster than anyone's ever been gone before!
posted by Trochanter at 9:08 AM on March 20, 2012


I say live it or live with it!
posted by Edison Carter at 9:12 AM on March 20, 2012


Don Brouhaha's Inca Hell-Oil Tonic!
posted by Edison Carter at 6:15 AM on March 21, 2012


THE AZTECS INVENTED THE VACATION
posted by Edison Carter at 12:34 PM on March 21, 2012


Nothing's too disgusting for ol' Dick Wrench!
posted by Edison Carter at 6:08 AM on March 22, 2012


Watch out for that P. J. Proby wine display!
posted by Horace Rumpole at 7:51 AM on March 22, 2012


Eat fascist death, flaming media pigs!
posted by Edison Carter at 8:07 AM on March 22, 2012


If you push something hard enough, it will fall over.
posted by Mental Wimp at 8:47 AM on March 22, 2012


Or it'll put out the sun in the center of the earth.
posted by Edison Carter at 8:57 AM on March 22, 2012


MORE SUGAR
posted by Edison Carter at 5:53 AM on March 23, 2012


More coffins, warden?
posted by Edison Carter at 11:08 AM on March 23, 2012


I'd never heard of the Firesign Theater until I caught some of it playing late last night on a college radio station. I sat there in my car trying to figure out what the hell I was listening to. Twenty minutes later, I was no closer to figuring it out.
posted by dephlogisticated at 11:36 AM on March 25, 2012 [1 favorite]


Its like that. It almost takes an anthropological skill set to truly begin to unravel it.
posted by Edison Carter at 5:58 AM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]


NOT INSANE!
posted by Edison Carter at 9:54 AM on March 26, 2012


Forty years later I'm still trying to figure it out. But as confusion goes, it's the best kind.
posted by philip-random at 10:29 AM on March 26, 2012


Your brain may not be the boss.
posted by Edison Carter at 10:39 AM on March 26, 2012


There's a whole dead cat in every bar of Dead Cat Soap.
posted by Edison Carter at 11:51 AM on March 26, 2012 [1 favorite]


It's in the water. That's why it's yellow!
posted by seanmpuckett at 2:50 PM on March 26, 2012


Bernard Flapdoodle, President of the Funny Names Club of America.
posted by Edison Carter at 3:46 PM on March 26, 2012


Where the air is clean, and you can pee in the stream!
posted by Mental Wimp at 5:24 PM on March 26, 2012


Don't follow the balls when they make the street.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 5:33 PM on March 26, 2012


Deputy Dan has no friends.
posted by Edison Carter at 7:01 AM on March 27, 2012


That'll be easy, Lieutenant! They're on all three sides of us!!
posted by Edison Carter at 6:35 AM on March 28, 2012


Lurlene? The president of the United States is named Schicklgruber.
posted by Edison Carter at 11:48 AM on March 29, 2012 [1 favorite]


One fancy ale cömin' üp! BAAAARRFF!
posted by Trochanter at 1:15 PM on March 29, 2012


Get that cold hook OUT of there!
posted by Edison Carter at 2:39 PM on March 30, 2012


Drop yer anchor and have a pint of oil with Stinkin' Olaf.
posted by Edison Carter at 7:24 AM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'm bringing the war... back home!
posted by Edison Carter at 6:01 AM on April 3, 2012


May I take your hat and goat?
posted by Edison Carter at 6:17 AM on April 4, 2012


What about my pickle?
posted by Edison Carter at 6:05 AM on April 5, 2012


You're lucky you've still got your brown paper bag!
posted by Devils Rancher at 8:56 AM on April 5, 2012


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