Cliched Dialogue is My Middle Name
March 11, 2012 2:11 PM   Subscribe

Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Don’t even go there! You know as well as I do, I’ve literally been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and to be honest with you at the end of the day when push comes to shove and it all boils down to it if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem. Know what I mean? Basically, what I’m trying to say is with all due respect between you and me screenwriting is not rocket science, it’s about breaking the mold, thinking outside the box, giving it 110% 24/7. And I think we can all agree clichés suck but, hey, it’s a job. You gotta do what you gotta do. Just remember you’re writing for an audience and there’s no “I” in . . . you get the picture.
Definitive List of Cliched Dialogue, Go Into The Story
posted by ob1quixote (114 comments total) 27 users marked this as a favorite
 
Be that as it may...
posted by dng at 2:15 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Someone made a list of these things?

Christ, what an asshole.
posted by radwolf76 at 2:15 PM on March 11, 2012 [3 favorites]


This sounds like the dialogue for pretty much any modern computer game.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 2:16 PM on March 11, 2012 [4 favorites]


Cliched dialogue : it is what it is.
posted by Afroblanco at 2:17 PM on March 11, 2012 [13 favorites]


Let's get out of here.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 2:17 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


YOU'RE A LOOSE CANNON, MCGARNICLE. TURN IN YOUR BADGE AND YOUR GUN
posted by Sticherbeast at 2:18 PM on March 11, 2012 [5 favorites]


I've got a bad feeling about this.
posted by Philosopher Dirtbike at 2:24 PM on March 11, 2012 [3 favorites]


I'm throwing this post under the bus.
posted by Trurl at 2:26 PM on March 11, 2012


I'm throwing this post under the bus.

Whatever, talk to the hand. It's not here to make friends.
posted by psoas at 2:29 PM on March 11, 2012


"By the way..." (introducing some vital piece of information that couldn't be shoehorned in any other way.

"This way! Over here! Look out!". About 15 minutes of Titanic has nothing but this.

"I love you". The only way an actor can generate subtext for this line is by implying the opposite.
posted by unSane at 2:30 PM on March 11, 2012


I'm here to make ironic self-referential comments and chew bubblegum.
posted by Dr Dracator at 2:31 PM on March 11, 2012 [4 favorites]


This is so not thinking out of the box.
posted by three blind mice at 2:34 PM on March 11, 2012


If you cannot understand my argument, and declare "It's Greek to me", you are quoting Shakespeare; if you claim to be more sinned against than sinning, you are quoting Shakespeare; if you recall your salad days, you are quoting Shakespeare; if you act more in sorrow than in anger, if your wish is father to the thought, if your lost property has vanished into thin air, you are quoting Shakespeare; if you have ever refused to budge an inch or suffered from green-eyed jealousy, if you have played fast and loose, if you have been tongue-tied, a tower of strength, hoodwinked or in a pickle, if you have knitted your brows, made a virtue of necessity, insisted on fair play, slept not one wink, stood on ceremony, danced attendance (on your lord and master), laughed yourself into stitches, had short shrift, cold comfort or too much of a good thing, if you have seen better days or lived in a fool's paradise - why, be that as it may, the more fool you, for it is a foregone conclusion that you are (as good luck would have it) quoting Shakespeare; if you think it is early days and clear out bag and baggage, if you think it is high time and that that is the long and short of it, if you believe that the game is up and that truth will out even if it involves your own flesh and blood, if you lie low till the crack of doom because you suspect foul play, if you have your teeth set on edge (at one fell swoop) without rhyme or reason, then - to give the devil his due - if the truth were known (for surely you have a tongue in your head) you are quoting Shakespeare; even if you bid me good riddance and send me packing, if you wish I were dead as a door-nail, if you think I am an eyesore, a laughing stock, the devil incarnate, a stony-hearted villain, bloody-minded or a blinking idiot, then - by Jove! O Lord! Tut, tut! for goodness' sake! what the dickens! but me no buts - it is all one to me, for you are quoting Shakespeare.
- Bernard Levin, quoted in The Story of English
posted by George_Spiggott at 2:34 PM on March 11, 2012 [39 favorites]


I am ending this sentence with your name in order to formally introduce you to the audience, Jackie.
posted by Sys Rq at 2:34 PM on March 11, 2012 [13 favorites]


I've always thought that while clichés are taboo in written compositions, they're acceptable in spoken conversation--except when they become filler or crutch words (e.g., you know?). Trying to write dialogue is, then, a delicate balance between sounding natural and sounding original.

*resisting urge to insert cliché phrase here*
posted by huxham at 2:36 PM on March 11, 2012 [3 favorites]


Missing the CSI favorite: "As you know <important fact that characters would not normally bother discussing but the audience needs reminding of>."
posted by AndrewStephens at 2:42 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


reminds me of Gordon Lish's Merry Chase.
posted by daisystomper at 2:42 PM on March 11, 2012


On the other hand, some catchphrases, in context, are cause for cheering. Like when Lt. Columbo is about to leave, then turns back and says very casually, "Oh, just one more thing..." and what follows is the real question that everything else was leading up to, the one that puts the noose around the guy's neck.
posted by George_Spiggott at 2:44 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


This will make writing pop fiction so much easier.
posted by TwelveTwo at 2:45 PM on March 11, 2012


Metafilter: Wait! I can explain! This isn’t what it looks like.

or, if you prefer:

Metafilter: 87
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:46 PM on March 11, 2012


I didn't get where I am today by using cliches!
posted by uosuaq at 2:47 PM on March 11, 2012 [4 favorites]


"I... well... anyway, I still don't think any company would believe your recommendation."

"Of course they will. I'm telling them what they want to hear!"

"What do you mean?"

"Look, you've been in the business a while, you know which way the wind blows and you've got a handle on things, right?"

"Yes."

"No you don't, I was just telling you what you wanted to hear!"
BOHF.
posted by Pinback at 2:49 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


My personal rage inducer is when the character repeats himself as such:

"That it is, Smith. That it is."
"We'll never know, Bob. We'll never know"

I've never heard anyone speak this way in my life. It's so jarring to my ear.
posted by The Hyacinth Girl at 2:49 PM on March 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


"On the contrary..." is something often said in films, but I've never heard said in real life.
posted by apranica at 2:52 PM on March 11, 2012


I am enjoying imagining these (in order) as pieces of dialogue:

Character A: I’m getting too old for this shit.
Character B: Wait a minute, are you saying– ?
Character A: You’ll never take me alive.
Character B: Okay, let’s call that plan B.

or:

Character A: Shut up and kiss me.
Character B: I’ll see you in hell!
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:55 PM on March 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


I've never heard anyone speak this way in my life. It's so jarring to my ear.

I do it, but I do it to be annoying.

This is probably why I have so few friends.
posted by winna at 2:55 PM on March 11, 2012


I'm glad we have all touched base on this, now we are on the same page.
posted by bleep at 3:04 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


So it's come to this...
posted by drezdn at 3:09 PM on March 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


Let's get out of here!
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:11 PM on March 11, 2012


I saw this trailer for Battleship last night and almost every single line of dialog in it is a groaner of a cliche:

"This some kind of exercise?"
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"Get out of there, [character name]."
"That's not good."
"One day we find them or they find us."
"Who's next in charge? You are!"

And the best:
"We're goin' in!"
posted by octothorpe at 3:12 PM on March 11, 2012


Repetition is useful as filler while preaching or on a live broadcast. It works as an general purpose cover for um. I would never write too much dialog with it though. It is too obvious in text. Our eyes can just jump back a bit and see the repetition, especially if it it is a phrase. In speech, it is so commonly used you can't listen to talk radio for more than a few minutes, no more than a few minutes, a few minutes, you can't listen to talk radio for more than a few minutes without hearing the technique in use. And a sermon? Constantly! They will repeat. How often? Constantly. What did I say? I said they repeat. They repeat constantly. Constantly. They repeat themselves. Praise the lord. Praise the lord. They do repeat, what do they repeat? They repeat themselves. Mercy. Mercy, mercy. Please, oh, please. But they repeat themselves. Themselves! They repeat. Themselves! In a sermon? In a sermon, they repeat. In a sermon they repeat themselves. Constantly they do repeat themselves in a sermon. God bless.
posted by TwelveTwo at 3:14 PM on March 11, 2012 [5 favorites]


It's quiet... too quiet.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:14 PM on March 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


Wait for it...
posted by hal9k at 3:26 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


If you cannot understand my argument, and declare "It's Greek to me", you are quoting Shakespeare

My undergrad Shakespeare prof once defined cliche as "Any phrase that has been repeated over and over again, or anything that Shakespeare said once."
posted by thomas j wise at 3:27 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Can I just say one more thing? I'm not gonna say, you know, there's plenty more fish in the sea. I'm not going to say if you love her, let her go. And I'm not going to bombard you with cliches. But what I will say is this... [Chuckling] It's not the end of the world.
posted by filthy light thief at 3:31 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Character A: Shut up and kiss me.
Character B: I’ll see you in hell!


I'm pretty sure I have experienced this dialogue in person, possibly on both sides of the exchange.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 3:33 PM on March 11, 2012 [6 favorites]


Cut to the chase!
posted by Meatafoecure at 3:36 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


I read this exact same story in a collection or early New Yorker fiction.
posted by The Whelk at 3:38 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Now that these have been collected we can begin to develop cliche mashups. In time our cliche mashups will become cliched cliche mashups. Once these are collected, we will develop cliche mashup mashups. But, these cliche mashup mashups will become cliched just the same. We'll be forced to develop cliche mashup mashup mashups from the cliched cliche mashup mashups. Soon we will have cliched cliche mashup mashup mashups, and then cliched cliche mashup mashup mashup mashups, finally, at some point, language will break down and we will have to resort to speaking entirely in youtube links. But of course, there will be cliched youtube links one could say. And in time, they will be collected. We can then begin to develop cliched youtube mashups. . ..
posted by TwelveTwo at 3:42 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Forbidden

You don't have permission to access /2012/03/definitive-list-of-cliched-dialogue-3.html on this server.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 3:43 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


"You don't have permission to access /2012/03/definitive-list-of-cliched-dialogue-3.html on this server."

That's the most stupid cliche I've ever heard.... Must be pretty regional, we sure don't use it around here.
posted by HuronBob at 3:47 PM on March 11, 2012


The secret to avoiding clichés? I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
posted by stargell at 3:47 PM on March 11, 2012 [3 favorites]


The list is TOO DANGEROUS.
posted by TwelveTwo at 3:47 PM on March 11, 2012


Found it!
posted by The Whelk at 3:48 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]




It's a critical cliche mass, a chain reaction, we may have to reverse the polarity.
posted by The Whelk at 3:50 PM on March 11, 2012


This isn't a game!
or
Do you think this is a game?
or
You act like this is just some game.
or
We're not playing a game here.
or
some variation is in nearly every drama or thriller I've ever seen. It's also something I rarely hear in real life, though I don't plan many diamond heists or construct many bombs in my kitchen. Unfortunately.
posted by tula at 3:50 PM on March 11, 2012




Google cache to the first link.
posted by surrendering monkey at 4:09 PM on March 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


Usually, when someone asks, "Ya know what I mean?", I don't.

Usually, by the time someone says, "It's all good", it's all very much not good.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 4:11 PM on March 11, 2012


I gotta admit, all this makes me want to do is write something that uses ALL of these.

"Breathe, dammit! Follow that car! How hard can it be?"

"Wait. Did you hear something?" "It’s just a scratch."
posted by litleozy at 4:16 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


I think we killed it.

No, really, I think we killed it.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 4:17 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


403 error? Boo.
posted by klangklangston at 4:24 PM on March 11, 2012


My personal rage inducer is when the character repeats himself as such:

"That it is, Smith. That it is."
"We'll never know, Bob. We'll never know"


"That'll do, pig. That'll do."
posted by NMcCoy at 4:32 PM on March 11, 2012 [6 favorites]


We're gonna need a bigger list.
posted by Ron Thanagar at 4:50 PM on March 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


"That'll do, pig. That'll do."


That's one of the great lines, and great moments, in movie history.
posted by unSane at 4:52 PM on March 11, 2012 [4 favorites]


East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94: Let's get out of here.

fearfulsymmetry: Let's get out of here!

I think you guys mean Let's the the hell out of here.

Also: Don't you die on me!
posted by tzikeh at 4:54 PM on March 11, 2012


AndrewStephens: "As you know <important fact that characters would not normally bother discussing but the audience needs reminding of>."

As You Know, Bob (warning: TVTropes)
posted by tzikeh at 4:56 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


At the end of the day, that's a whole nother issue.
posted by 4ster at 5:02 PM on March 11, 2012


At the end of the day, there's nothing new under the sun.
posted by krinklyfig at 5:03 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


damn
posted by krinklyfig at 5:04 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


What is this I can't even
posted by ceribus peribus at 5:09 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Serious question:
Is there a better way to say "Let's get out of here" than "Let's get out of here"?
Because everything else I can think of sounds like crap.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 5:29 PM on March 11, 2012


Do it with a look. The alternative to bad dialog is not necessarily dialog.
posted by unSane at 5:35 PM on March 11, 2012


Is there a better way to say "Let's get out of here" than "Let's get out of here"?

"Get to da choppa!"
posted by ceribus peribus at 5:44 PM on March 11, 2012 [6 favorites]


Don't know if this fits, but the nadir of melodrama is the following scene:

Two characters silently brooding over some matter, usually a couple in a lover's spat.

Character #1: "...I--" (maybe doesn't even get out with the "I", sometimes just opens his/her mouth to being speaking. Usually this is a male character.)

Character #2: (very, very seriously, maybe with a tear and a trembling voice. This is almost always a female.): "Don't!"

Character #1: (Stops talking. Maybe nods gravely.)

What is that? Character #2 is some sort of psychic and knows what Character #1 is going to say, and when Character #2 says "Don't!", Character #1 knows what she means by that. I'm always befuddled by these shorthand-type of scenes.
posted by zardoz at 5:47 PM on March 11, 2012


"Get to da choppa!"

A real live LOL. Thanks for that.
posted by stargell at 5:53 PM on March 11, 2012


I do think we should all stop using clichés moving forward.
posted by stargell at 5:56 PM on March 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


If the characters are running away from something it would make sense to have them remark on either the thing they're running from or where they're running to. If there are obstacles, speak to those. "Let's get out of here!" on its own doesn't convey anything to the reader they couldn't glean from observing the characters running the fuck away.
posted by LogicalDash at 6:28 PM on March 11, 2012


YOU'RE A LOOSE CANNON, MCGARNICLE. TURN IN YOUR BADGE AND YOUR GUN

BUT I'M THE BEST COP YOU'VE GOT
posted by en forme de poire at 6:41 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


unSane: ""That'll do, pig. That'll do."


That's one of the great lines, and great moments, in movie history.
"

I use this a lot and not that many people get it. Babe is seriously underrated as a movie.

This list is just fuel to a Markovian generator.
posted by arcticseal at 6:43 PM on March 11, 2012


At the end of the day, when the boots on the ground get their ducks up to speed, it changes everything.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:52 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


I was born ready.
posted by tzikeh at 6:53 PM on March 11, 2012


Cover me, I'm going in.
posted by sixswitch at 6:54 PM on March 11, 2012


Oh oh oh - the one that makes me want to punch people:

"Don't you see?" or "Don't you get it?" Followed by whatever "reveal" they're going to make (which is usually idiotic).

NOBODY TALKS LIKE THAT.
posted by tzikeh at 7:04 PM on March 11, 2012


I know, right?
posted by Mei's lost sandal at 7:06 PM on March 11, 2012 [2 favorites]


They're not cliches. They're Pre-Internet memes.
posted by jscalzi at 7:11 PM on March 11, 2012 [5 favorites]


but, hey, it’s a job.

Hey, ten bucks is ten bucks.
posted by ODiV at 7:28 PM on March 11, 2012


Same as in town?
posted by NMcCoy at 7:44 PM on March 11, 2012


a cliché is a kind of meme
posted by LogicalDash at 7:53 PM on March 11, 2012


Is there a better way to say "Let's get out of here" than "Let's get out of here"?


Let's make like a banana and split!

Let's make like a tree and leave!

Let's make like a hockey stick and puck off!

Let't make like a shepherd and get the flock out of here!
posted by 4ster at 8:09 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


bleep: "I'm glad we have all touched base on this, now we are on the same page."

"Now, now, O'Malley—while I appreciate your proactive stance, it's far too early to drill down that far. This is just a high level meeting… to determine how I can add value to your investigation!" — The Adventures of Action Item
posted by ob1quixote at 8:10 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


If you want a brain paralyzing discussion get a bunch of grad students ripped on box wine and ask them to determine the difference between a cliche and a trope.
posted by The Whelk at 8:27 PM on March 11, 2012 [1 favorite]


Meh.
posted by whir at 9:30 PM on March 11, 2012


Top of my list: "I have an 'ask' for you."

Not a "request", not a "question" -- because the distinction is just too complicated and nuanced for today's busy middle-level manager -- but an "ask".

Cue the inevitable: "At least it's not an 'aks'" joke...
posted by LordSludge at 9:45 PM on March 11, 2012


Hm. That would make a busy middle-manager's mouth his askhole.
posted by TwelveTwo at 10:08 PM on March 11, 2012


Well, time to get out of your comfort zone and stop picking the long hanging fruit.
posted by blue shadows at 10:18 PM on March 11, 2012


I must face consultants tomorrow. I will be thinking of this list as I cling to sanity.
posted by brennen at 11:23 PM on March 11, 2012


Is there a better way to say "Let's get out of here" than "Let's get out of here"?

"We've got to mojamatize!"
posted by KChasm at 12:26 AM on March 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'll take cliched dialogue over fucking bullshit plots any day. I caught a couple of minutes of Bones last night. A super genius criminal had carved a fractal on to a piece of bone. Scanning that bone with a computer uploaded malware that set the computer on fire.

Are you happy, you fuckers? I shouted so much my niece started crying.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 1:26 AM on March 12, 2012 [10 favorites]


Yeah, it's so irritating the way that people MAKE LANGUAGE.
posted by univac at 2:30 AM on March 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


One thing that gets me about some cliches is how they're often a way to avoid owning up to past actions (like with struggling pro athletes). It just makes me think of an exchange like:

"Hey, you killed my wife!"
"That was all in the past. I'm focused on the future."
"The hell?! You killed my wife!!"
"Look, it is what it is. At the end of the day, nothing will bring her back, so... let's just go forward."

I think what really took the cake was when someone on a sports show once asked something like, "How do they go forward? Going forward... what do they need to do to go forward?"

And am I getting sick of people answering their own questions? Absolutely!
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 2:56 AM on March 12, 2012


Is it just me? Or is this link now gone (403'd) for everyone?
posted by Obscure Reference at 4:49 AM on March 12, 2012


OK--this link seems to work.
posted by Obscure Reference at 4:54 AM on March 12, 2012


Is there a better way to say "Let's get out of here" than "Let's get out of here"?

I prefer "Go, go, go!" in the style of Counterstrike. Bonus points if that is answered by a colleague with "Stick together, team."
posted by Meatbomb at 6:46 AM on March 12, 2012


" what do you mean drive!? There's no inherent quality of drive I can increase, now if you want me to go faster, just say so."
posted by The Whelk at 6:52 AM on March 12, 2012


I came here to make friends and chew gum, and I've got plenty of gum to give out to anyone who wants to be my friend.
posted by George_Spiggott at 9:02 AM on March 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


At the end of the day, if we work smarter not harder and think outside the box, it will all come together.
posted by Golden Eternity at 11:47 AM on March 12, 2012



unSane: ""That'll do, pig. That'll do."
I use this a lot and not that many people get it. Babe is seriously underrated as a movie.
posted by arcticseal at 9:43 PM on March 11 [+] [!]

I have a friend who says "that'll do" and it is always repeated by "pig" in my head. I don't say it out-loud because I don't think they will get it, and people already think I'm weird.
posted by Gor-ella at 11:54 AM on March 12, 2012


Rockin' the 403.
posted by dougrayrankin at 1:15 PM on March 12, 2012


Forbidden 403.
How cliché.
posted by Rashomon at 1:19 PM on March 12, 2012


That's really weird because every time I've seen somebody say they're getting a 403, when I check it it's fine. Sorry to anybody who wasn't able to see it.

At the end of the day, it is what it is. Sorry… I'll get my coat…
posted by ob1quixote at 4:00 PM on March 12, 2012


Cliché's a friggin' noun. Using it as an adjective is as bad as using 'darling' as an adjective.
posted by unSane at 6:41 PM on March 12, 2012


No. No more. New words using old words. The husks of language past we build tomorrow, a glorious undead cavalcade of corpses! It'll be ace!
posted by TwelveTwo at 7:00 PM on March 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


Cliché's a friggin' noun. Using it as an adjective is as bad as using 'darling' as an adjective.

They're both both.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:06 PM on March 12, 2012 [1 favorite]


That's a darling idea, but cliché.
posted by unSane at 7:11 PM on March 12, 2012


Well, quite.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:13 PM on March 12, 2012


finally, at some point, language will break down and we will have to resort to speaking entirely in youtube links

Behind our efforts, let there be found our efforts.
posted by twirlip at 8:29 PM on March 12, 2012 [1 favorite]




It's quiet in here.












It's too quiet.
posted by h00py at 2:29 AM on March 13, 2012


youtu.be/Q9NP-AeKX40 youtu.be/5JVJMwMQFH0 youtu.be/YOROvO2fxTc youtu.be/HPPj6viIBmU youtu.be/rCwn1NTK-50 youtu.be/Z1eFdUSnaQM youtu.be/a1Y73sPHKxw youtu.be/8PbZnZy1qr8

Hmm, a complex and powerful statement on the psychosexual experience of the American male at the turn of the 21st century - particularly the impotence and alienation of living in an increasingly mediated, technologized lifeworld, and the inadequacy of compensatory power fantasies that can only have their origin in the Spectacle itself.
posted by twirlip at 1:35 PM on March 13, 2012


You know nothing of my work!
posted by TwelveTwo at 3:52 PM on March 14, 2012


They called me mad! Me, who has discovered the very secret of life itself, mad! But I'll show them...! I'll show them all! Wah ha ha ha ha!
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 4:03 PM on March 14, 2012


Goddammit, fearfulsymmetry! You have no idea what you're dealing with!
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 11:20 PM on March 14, 2012


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