Cranky
March 20, 2012 7:45 PM   Subscribe

"Fahkin' hate green screen. Pay significant amounts of money never to do it again. You cannot fake adrenaline." - The man, the legend, Jason Statham.
posted by Artw (94 comments total) 31 users marked this as a favorite
 
Obligatory How Did This Get Made Crank 2 link, and follow-up interview with co-writer/director Brian Taylor.
posted by Artw at 7:51 PM on March 20, 2012 [6 favorites]


Me and the kiddo just watched Crank & Crank 2 last week - some of his *finest* acting.

Seriously, he enjoys his job, and that makes it fun for us.
posted by Old'n'Busted at 7:52 PM on March 20, 2012


"Me in a cape? I don't fancy that. "
posted by Artw at 7:53 PM on March 20, 2012


"Don't want to look like a turnip, do we?"

Why no, we wouldn't.
posted by Forktine at 7:54 PM on March 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


More of an angry potato...
posted by Artw at 7:55 PM on March 20, 2012


Who made you stand in front of the green screen, Tommy? Was it…zee Germans?

…I’ll show myself out.
posted by sidesh0w at 8:03 PM on March 20, 2012 [3 favorites]


Yeah Statham is the new Arnie for me, I'll watch and enjoy anything with him in it.
posted by tumid dahlia at 8:05 PM on March 20, 2012 [6 favorites]


I'm pretty fond of Statham in general, but damn, The Machinist was one of the most brutally violent movies I've ever watched.

Still, I did watch it. Because of Statham. So, that is an example of his powers.
posted by hippybear at 8:06 PM on March 20, 2012


Shit, not The Machinist. The Mechanic, I meant to say.
posted by hippybear at 8:07 PM on March 20, 2012


This word "fahk", what the fuck does it mean?
posted by HuronBob at 8:10 PM on March 20, 2012


This word "fahk", what the fuck does it mean?

Statham is from Boston, apparently.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 8:12 PM on March 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


Also, LOVED The Bank Job. In a lot of ways, it was Statham playing against type, and was great fun. He says in the article he's looking for an intellectual action film. Well, there's not much action in The Bank Job, but it certainly wasn't a stupid film.
posted by hippybear at 8:12 PM on March 20, 2012 [4 favorites]


He is a beast.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 8:20 PM on March 20, 2012


As a bald man, Mr. Statham is one my heroes.
posted by Trurl at 8:21 PM on March 20, 2012 [8 favorites]


I'll watch pretty much any movie Statham in because he's very good at what he does, he's funny and sells a joke without being over the top goofy, and his inevitable stricken "Christ, more bad guys that I have to beat the hell out of?" expression makes me laugh every time.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 8:23 PM on March 20, 2012 [7 favorites]


If you like Statham, do yourself a favor and avoid Revolver. It may look cool, but it's not.
posted by SPrintF at 8:24 PM on March 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


Yeah, I like the guy and he's a solid action hero casting choice these days, but what the hell was he thinking when he took on the protagonic in Revolver? Pretentious mess, and boring to death. Plus, lots of Ray Liotta's literal ass. EUGH.
posted by Iosephus at 8:30 PM on March 20, 2012


Well, I mean... c'mon. Revolver was a Guy Ritchie film. For every Sherlock Holmes he makes, there's also a Cast Away.
posted by hippybear at 8:34 PM on March 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Crap. Swept Away, not Cast Away.

I can't get the title of any film in this thread right, can I?
posted by hippybear at 8:37 PM on March 20, 2012 [7 favorites]


Statham... that guy is so rad
posted by ph00dz at 8:40 PM on March 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Statham kicked much ass when he made a raft to escape from that deserted islet.

OK, now I am dying to see Statham in a movie version of Gilligan's Island. Ginger and Mary Ann are *not* going to let that man leave.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 8:48 PM on March 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


Fuck. YES. S T A T H A M
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:51 PM on March 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Statham would walk right into that ocean and pound it into submission. By the time he was done, there'd be a nice walkway back to the mainland.

"Where've YOU been?" some rube would say as he came walking up to the beach, carrying Ginger in his arms.
"Three hour tour," Statham grunts.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 8:51 PM on March 20, 2012 [13 favorites]


"Three hour tour," Statham grunts.

"I think it was more than three hours," Ginger purrs.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 8:54 PM on March 20, 2012


And what, Maryanne's left with a Hitachi magic wand made of coconut shells?
posted by elizardbits at 8:57 PM on March 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


this is a grave injustice
posted by elizardbits at 8:58 PM on March 20, 2012 [4 favorites]


Statham is a first mate, framed by the captain for scuttling a rival's boat. While Statham sleeps, the professor goes below decks and injects him with a "Honolulu Highball", a synthetic drug. Statham awakens to find a parrot, who tells him in halting speech that he only has three hours before the drug will reach his brain, turning an elite fighting machine into a bumbling oaf. Cut to opening credits.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 9:12 PM on March 20, 2012 [18 favorites]


MoonOrb: "I just took it for granted that Statham would be getting with Ginger and Mary Ann at the same time, and I'm surprised to see that people think otherwise.

I predict that this thread will give rise to Jason Statham memes that fill the void left by everyone getting tired of Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris jokes
"

Put Chuck Norris and a pile of guns in a room, and the manliest part of it is still the outside wall because it's the closest to Jason Statham.
posted by DoctorFedora at 9:15 PM on March 20, 2012 [13 favorites]


I know it's a joke concept, Clyde, but I would watch the fuck out of that movie. Hard.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:18 PM on March 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


I'll admit it...


Revolver is a secret vice mine.


The English and American version.


I've watched both countless times.
posted by P.o.B. at 9:19 PM on March 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


I didn't know they were making Parker into a movie... I have to say, as much as I like Statham when he's good, he's not the right choice for Parker. I've been reading the books (they're amazing) and it definitely needs someone a little more... primitive.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 9:21 PM on March 20, 2012


what the hell was he thinking when he took on the [protagonist] in Revolver?

Well, the way he explained it to me, he was thinking that Guy Ritchie gave him his big break in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and so when Ritchie asked him to star in Revolver, it seemed like something he should do.

Statham struck me in general as a pretty nice, friendly, open guy. When I mentioned how a female friend of mine thought sending me to interview him (instead of her) was a complete waste, he recorded a message for her on my audio recorder. She was over the moon about it.


This was on the set of Uwe Boll's In the Name of the King, by the way, which should give you some idea of how much worse things can be. (The scenes he was shooting while I was there were all green screen, by the way. They're supposedly sliding across a canyon on a rope. Actually shot it in front of a huge green screen in the studio parking lot.)
posted by Naberius at 9:22 PM on March 20, 2012 [5 favorites]


And what, Maryanne's left with a Hitachi magic wand made of coconut shells?

Maryanne would obviously be on his back. Statham thinks of everything.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 9:28 PM on March 20, 2012


so when Ritchie asked him to star in Revolver, it seemed like something he should do.

Please tell me your response was "...and now your doing a Uwe Boll movie... ?"

And if you want to see a shitty movie, watch Chaos. That movie sucked. I'd rather have watched 2 hours of Liotta's ass. I forgot he was also in Ghost of Mars, which was mostly forgettable anyway. So I guess that was a wash. London is a fantastic film.
posted by P.o.B. at 9:47 PM on March 20, 2012


I loved Jason in "Lock, Stock..." and "Snatch," but he burned all his bridges with me in "Call of Duty."

Motherfucker, I've already reloaded the Panzerschreck! I'm doing the best I can! All your bitchin' aint gonna help me light these fools up! Chill out, already!
posted by ShutterBun at 9:56 PM on March 20, 2012


I can't get the title of any film in this thread right, can I?

I know, it's like a Plan 8 From Outer Space outtake.
posted by tumid dahlia at 10:06 PM on March 20, 2012 [3 favorites]


I don't understand why Revolver gets so much hate. Sure, it's pretty mediocre in general, but it does have its moments.
posted by paradoxflow at 10:11 PM on March 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


And what, Maryanne's left with a Hitachi magic wand made of coconut shells?

I'm willing to throw down on that future Kickstarter project.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 10:12 PM on March 20, 2012


"This was on the set of Uwe Boll's In the Name of the King, by the way, which should give you some idea of how much worse things can be. (The scenes he was shooting while I was there were all green screen, by the way. They're supposedly sliding across a canyon on a rope. Actually shot it in front of a huge green screen in the studio parking lot.)"

So it was the Germans!
posted by Kevin Street at 10:19 PM on March 20, 2012


I didn't know they were making Parker into a movie.

Didn't they already do this with Payback?
posted by adamdschneider at 10:30 PM on March 20, 2012


I was kind of meh about Statham until I saw how he could carry a story in Killer Elite

But was that any good? I love the cast, but I was scared off by Clive Owen's mustache.
Plus Rober DeNiro being way too old.
posted by kirkaracha at 10:33 PM on March 20, 2012


OK, now I am dying to see Statham in a movie version of Gilligan's Island. Ginger and Mary Ann are *not* going to let that man leave.

Meh. That's nothing, up against Gilligan's sheer machiavellian genius.

They've been on that island for years. Every attempt to escape has failed. And no one realizes Gilligan's systematic and deliberate sabotage.

"Gee skipper! Looks like the Professor's hovercraft built from coconut shells exploded and then sank. I guess that means we're still just stuck here on this island with beautiful Ginger and beautiful Mary Ann. What a shame. What ... a ... shame."
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:40 PM on March 20, 2012 [7 favorites]


Didn't they already do this with Payback?

And John Boorman and Lee Marvin's Point Blank.

I'm a fan of Statham, but he's not the right casting at all for Parker. Thomas Jane or Ray Stevenson would be better.

(I'd reaaaaally like to see Christian Bale in that role, particularly the post-plastic surgery version of the character, but that's just me crushing.)

Also of interest: we all ignore Transporter 3, right? Because it dismissed the awesome gay subtext of the first two?

Just me?

Oh.
posted by beaucoupkevin at 10:41 PM on March 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


Yeah Statham is the new Arnie for me, I'll watch and enjoy anything with him in it.

Ha, you're right! Jason Statham is "Commando" era Schwarzenegger.
posted by cazoo at 10:45 PM on March 20, 2012 [2 favorites]


Man my dream action movie would be Jason Statham, Jeremy Renner, Donnie Yen and Idris Elba just blowing stuff up and kicking people in the face.

while I'm wishing let's throw in John Cho because John Cho should be in all the things
posted by zennish at 10:48 PM on March 20, 2012 [7 favorites]


Statham is hilarious! Somewhere in my brain I've always equated him to the British Steven Seagal.
posted by mannequito at 11:03 PM on March 20, 2012


Meh. That's nothing, up against Gilligan's sheer machiavellian genius.

Not meaning to derail, but if you haven't read Gilligan's Wake, you haven't truly explored the possibilities of Gilligan's Island.
posted by hippybear at 11:06 PM on March 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


Also of interest: we all ignore Transporter 3, right?

Transporter 3 was like a Mad magazine parody of the other Transporter movies. And not in a good way. Blechhh.
posted by billyfleetwood at 11:07 PM on March 20, 2012


I don't understand why Revolver gets so much hate. Sure, it's pretty mediocre in general

I don't either, but then again I don't think it's mediocre at all. Well, the story isn't as tight and cogent as it could be and overall it could be better. In general, though, I think there are a couple of things at work that people don't like. The idea that the whole film is metaphorical seems to throw a lot of people, so they're not sure what to make of it. The American and English versions have different endings, and little else is different, but that doesn't stop people from complaining about how they "knew it all along" regardless of the version.

I've dabbled with the idea of making a fan edit, but I think there's a French and Italian version out there and I would need to get a hold them.
posted by P.o.B. at 11:14 PM on March 20, 2012 [1 favorite]


"Somewhere in my brain I've always equated him to the British Steven Seagal."

No, Statham is the real action deal, even if he's playing an over the top role in a parodic movie. He's closer to Jean-Claude Van Damme. (Albeit with more acting ability and a better career.) They're both more or less regular size guys who are wicked strong and know martial arts.
posted by Kevin Street at 12:29 AM on March 21, 2012


He's closer to Jean-Claude Van Damme.

I know you meant well, but my GOD, man!
posted by ShutterBun at 2:24 AM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


JCVD is a damn fine film.
posted by P.o.B. at 2:35 AM on March 21, 2012 [3 favorites]


Sooner or later he'll do a romantic comedy with Cher. Or something with animated rabbits.
posted by le morte de bea arthur at 2:37 AM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


Wait, there are other endings to Revolver? Crap, now I must hunt them down and see them all. I loved Revolver. It was like lovely brain candy to me. I loved the ambiguity and total lack of any sense. Plus the monologues and soundtrack were just freaking sweet.

Also, Ray Liotta being purple with glowing white teeth = awesome way to freak out a dance club.
posted by daq at 3:15 AM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Weird. IMDB says nothing about alternate endings. Anyone got info on that?
posted by daq at 3:22 AM on March 21, 2012


He's an interesting combination of physical and verbal dexterity - though I wonder how much of the source of the latter - ie the stories of being a right cockney geezer are more than a bit of a piss-take - and the former coming from his former life as a diver reminds me that Bruce Lee was essentially a dancer... it's totally facking aesthetics
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 4:06 AM on March 21, 2012


I didn't know they were making Parker into a movie...

I didn't either and the news made me immediately start doing pushups.

And when I learned Statham would play the title role, I continued my pushups no-handed.

Because of my boner.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:56 AM on March 21, 2012 [12 favorites]


Revolver was great fun. Just skip the closing credits and the psycho-twaddle. That's a bit of a buzzkill, really.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:01 AM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


I am all, Statham? Statham? Who is this guy? I am so out of touch, but why does he look familiar and then ZONG OH THIS GUY we just watched Jet Li's The One which wasn't all that, but the future cop seemed like a decent actor and now I find out he's got a LOT MORE FILMS and what do you know we've been running out of fun action movies to watch and hey NetFlix has got a few more! This seems fortuitous, yes!
posted by seanmpuckett at 5:05 AM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Now the former street hustler is going to kick back and relax, right?

Details mag, you're such a tease!
posted by mediareport at 5:42 AM on March 21, 2012


This word "fahk", what the fuck does it mean?

The flipside of this is how, in British publications, the journo finds it necessary to write the swearing of Northern bands down phonetically. Apparently Mancunians say 'fook' , which is confusing when you have the kind of Northern accent that rhymes it with 'cook'[cuuk]. By Christ was it annoying.
posted by mippy at 5:46 AM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


The Bank Job is actually pretty damn good non-stupid entertainment; the guy finally gets a chance to act and does a great job.
posted by mediareport at 5:46 AM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


The Bank Job is awesome, as are both Crank movies. All other opinions are false-tunes sputtered from hideous lie-trumpets.
posted by Sticherbeast at 6:22 AM on March 21, 2012 [6 favorites]


The Crank movies are the best action flicks of this generation.
The Transporters are the best Bond movies of this generation.

Statham is really great and fun to watch.
posted by graventy at 6:32 AM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


Love me some Statham. I like how Mark Kermode from BBC R5 says his name in a gravelly voice - J A S O N S T A T H A M
posted by arcticseal at 6:38 AM on March 21, 2012


Not meaning to derail, but if you haven't read Gilligan's Wake, you haven't truly explored the possibilities of Gilligan's Island.

Omigod someone else read that amazing, amazing book.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:00 AM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


I am kind of disappointed that it is an actual published book and not a wildly hilarrible fanfiction.
posted by elizardbits at 7:26 AM on March 21, 2012


Please go read it right now it's like if Pynchon fell into an Edgar Wright movie.
posted by shakespeherian at 7:30 AM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


JCVD is a damn fine film.

My buddy and I drunkenly rented it expecting something like My Name is Bruce and were totally taken by surprise.

Relevant to this thread.

If I ever see Statham on the street, I am totally yelling FUCK YOU, CHELIOS as loud as I can.
posted by adamdschneider at 7:43 AM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


Please go read it right now it's like if Pynchon fell into an Edgar Wright movie.

I read this as "an Edgar Winter movie," and was terribly confused.
posted by kuanes at 7:43 AM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


I was at a pub in Soho 2 summers ago (The Ship, Soho London). Statham was there drinking a pint outside with some friends. We being cool, pretended not to notice and left him alone, but ventured ever further to get in earshot of the conversation. I can confirm he seemed entirely pleasant. Not tall.
posted by Damienmce at 8:31 AM on March 21, 2012


Not tall.

The're all short-arses... Stath, Van Damme, Stallone... Bruce is a bit taller and Arnie is just over six foot but not exactly a giant... you have to go to Dolf for that
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 8:42 AM on March 21, 2012


Well look at that, he's only 5'9".

I would have guessed he is a solid 6'2".
posted by VTX at 8:42 AM on March 21, 2012


statham got me into enjoying action movies; i hadn't really paid that much attention before. but then crank 2 really threw me off; it took its violence more seriously than the first one. i don't tend to be oversensitive to stuff and can take over-the-top humor, so it didn't bother me so much that the incidence of faggot seemed higher than in the first one. but raping a dude with a shotgun seemed rather hostile to what he surely realizes is a large gay fan base.
posted by fallacy of the beard at 9:00 AM on March 21, 2012


Also of interest: we all ignore Transporter 3, right? Because it dismissed the awesome gay subtext of the first two?

What is this Transporter 3 of which you speak? It does not exist in any reality to which I am a party. The only reality is Statham's Transporter as the first(ish?) queer, snarky, mainstream action hero with movies that exist entirely for lovingly captured scenes of nearly-nude, glistening Statham writhing around in a pool of oil wrestling other men. In slow motion. God bless us, every one.

I'm still a little gleeful that Transporter!Statham has a cameo in Collateral, another of my favorite action movies for homoeroticism and for Tom Cruise playing himself (as an arrogantly cheerful sociopath career killer, so not much of a stretch).
posted by nicebookrack at 9:40 AM on March 21, 2012 [1 favorite]


I can't believe that no-one has mentioned Blitz yet.

Watched it a couple of weeks ago and was genuinely impressed. It's a bit like Jason Statham gets dumped in an Ashes to Ashes style police station (without the humour or the characters) and goes on a mission to hunt a cop killer.

Great film with a great ending. And one of the few films I've seen that successfully shows how us Brits insult people we care about.
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 9:41 AM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


Apparently the new HDTGM T-Shirt is Bai Link shooting guns wildly and almost taking out a cameraman from Crank 2 - getting one of those.
posted by Artw at 9:43 AM on March 21, 2012


I also didn't find Crank 2 as enjoyable as the first one. The shootout in the strip club in particular I found distasteful. The "didn't you get my message" callback was, however, the high water mark of the whole "series".
posted by adamdschneider at 9:48 AM on March 21, 2012


The Transporter oil fight.

Grease Lightning, go Grease Lightning~
posted by nicebookrack at 9:51 AM on March 21, 2012


The flipside of this is how, in British publications, the journo finds it necessary to write the swearing of Northern bands down phonetically. Apparently Mancunians say 'fook' , which is confusing when you have the kind of Northern accent that rhymes it with 'cook'[cuuk]. By Christ was it annoying.
posted by mippy at 1:46 PM on March 21


Aaaah they do the same thing with Irish accents (not just journalists, novelists too) and it drives me bananas. So presumptuous of writers to imagine their own accent is the only 'normal' one when english spelling isn't phonetic to begin with!
posted by rollick at 10:06 AM on March 21, 2012


Wait, there are other endings to Revolver?

Ritchie re-edited the film every time it was released into a new region. He made the film when he was into Kabbalah with his then wife Madonna. Thematically that stuff doesn't translate on the screen as well as all the Freudian stuff in there. The UK version doesn't include the interview stuff, which is kind of ex post facto ad hoc stuff anyway, but there are other differences in the plot, scenes play out differently, narration is changed. Basically the difference in each are about as different as each of the Blade Runner edits, except that the original content is not near genius-like.
posted by P.o.B. at 11:20 AM on March 21, 2012


It's like there was this period where something was sucking all the joy of life out of him and he was incapable of making a decent movie within that time...
posted by Artw at 11:23 AM on March 21, 2012


Yeah, I was right there with everybody on all the hotness (Oil fight!) when I saw this yesterday on my beloved Tom & Lorenzo.

SPOILERS

Don't read on unless you're prepared for me to ruin it for you.
















Still here?

The first picture of him there in the pink shirt? That look on his face is pure Homer Simpson - and no matter what I do now, I can't unsee it.

please kill me
posted by Space Kitty at 11:30 AM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


oh my god space kitty i oh my god
posted by beaucoupkevin at 11:34 AM on March 21, 2012 [2 favorites]


I'm okay with Statham as live-action Homer Simpson.
posted by jabberjaw at 12:56 PM on March 21, 2012


It's like there was this period where something was sucking all the joy of life out of him and he was incapable of making a decent movie within that time...

How dare you talk about Ridley Scott that way!
posted by P.o.B. at 1:02 PM on March 21, 2012


Hey, I have to maintain my ignorance somehow...
posted by P.o.B. at 1:05 PM on March 21, 2012


The first picture of him there in the pink shirt? That look on his face is pure Homer Simpson - and no matter what I do now, I can't unsee it.

The...it's...wha-...*hnnng*...
posted by tumid dahlia at 6:49 PM on March 21, 2012


Blitz was an excellent movie.
posted by arcticseal at 7:50 PM on March 21, 2012


I am kind of disappointed that it is an actual published book and not a wildly hilarrible fanfiction.

It's pretty fuckin' brilliant, if you ask me. The lens of Gilligan's Island used to view American history in the 20th century filtered through Pynchon and post modernism all blendered together with pop culture, specifically goofy sitcoms.

Where else would the Skipper have served in WWII with both JFK and McHale (of "'s Navy)?

Seriously, read it. It was such a great read I bought three copies and gave them to friends before I'd even finished it.
posted by hippybear at 10:45 PM on March 21, 2012


Also Mary Ann is explicitly (as in, like, told to her face) that she's the Personification of America and she comes from a picturesque small town in Kansas that is so ideal and wholesome that it's only visible to outsiders on the Fourth of July, and she continually loses her virginity only to have her innocence magically restored in time for her to lose her virginity again ('My single most protracted lapse began on a date in late November, 1963, after which I didn't become a virgin again for almost three whole months').
posted by shakespeherian at 6:39 AM on March 22, 2012


I think this quote from the article "it's like watching a ballet dancer expressing himself through violence" captures some of what makes him so mesmerizing...
posted by msbubbaclees at 8:03 AM on March 22, 2012


nicebookrack: "The Transporter oil fight.

Grease Lightning, go Grease Lightning~
"

Where did his shirt go? I'm seriously not complaining, but it's like...suddenly he's shirtless and oily. I didn't realize my fantasies were that easy to make happen...
posted by This Guy at 11:03 AM on March 22, 2012 [1 favorite]


New Statham movie.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 1:33 PM on March 27, 2012 [1 favorite]


« Older Happy Birthday, Coathanger. You haven't aged a bit...   |   Mother Whale Introduces Her Baby Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments