The Easter Bunny Is Comin' To Town.
April 6, 2012 9:57 AM Subscribe
Nine Things You Didn’t Know About Your Easter Candy.
1. A Peep Takes Six Seconds to Make.
2. Lots of Colors, and Lots of Sugar.
3. What's in Your Creme Egg?
4.Creme Eggs Are Smaller in America.
5. How to Devour a Chocolate Bunny.
6. Jelly Beans: A Civil-War Snack.
7. A Weighty Proposition.
8. Don't Forget About Candy Corn.
9. Why the Candy Goes in a Basket.
A Peep Takes Six Seconds to Make.
...and can last until the heat death of the universe.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:00 AM on April 6, 2012 [3 favorites]
...and can last until the heat death of the universe.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:00 AM on April 6, 2012 [3 favorites]
A former roommate of mine had a rotating inventory of Peeps. He refused to eat them until they had matured for at least a year, giving them what I assume must have been a satisfying crunch.
posted by darksasami at 10:02 AM on April 6, 2012
posted by darksasami at 10:02 AM on April 6, 2012
Peeps don’t have any fat
Buh?
Also, no love for the Cadbury Mini-Eggs? Those things are worse than black-tar heroin for addictiveness. I only buy one family-size bag at a time, but I've bought at least four or five bags so far this season. My waistline thanks God that they're seasonal.
posted by Gator at 10:04 AM on April 6, 2012 [10 favorites]
Buh?
Also, no love for the Cadbury Mini-Eggs? Those things are worse than black-tar heroin for addictiveness. I only buy one family-size bag at a time, but I've bought at least four or five bags so far this season. My waistline thanks God that they're seasonal.
posted by Gator at 10:04 AM on April 6, 2012 [10 favorites]
The worst part about Easter is the candy. Shitty chocolate, repulsive sugar byproducts, and awful pastel colors. It's like we all collectively decided on a time of year to abuse as many of our senses as possible, and in the process somehow managed to convince ourselves that we enjoy it.
posted by invitapriore at 10:04 AM on April 6, 2012 [7 favorites]
posted by invitapriore at 10:04 AM on April 6, 2012 [7 favorites]
Why the Candy Goes in a Basket
Because otherwise, it gets the hose again.
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:05 AM on April 6, 2012 [53 favorites]
Because otherwise, it gets the hose again.
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:05 AM on April 6, 2012 [53 favorites]
Which are better: Peeps or Cadbury Creme Eggs?
Cadbury Caramel for the win!!!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:08 AM on April 6, 2012 [3 favorites]
Cadbury Caramel for the win!!!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:08 AM on April 6, 2012 [3 favorites]
Fun fact - Jesus loved eggs.
I mean, he fuckin' LOVED them.
When he was around, none of the disciples could get any eggs because Jesus would eat them all first. There was one major problem with this:
Judas really loved eggs, too.
That's why he initially turned down the offer of 30 silver for turning Jesus in - the original agreement was that he'd be paid in eggs. Afterwards, he felt pretty guilty about having Jesus killed for his love of eggs, so he committed suicide.
The disciples, though bummed about the turn of events, at least were able to enjoy eating eggs again. Their Sunday morning breakfast had enough cholesterol to choke every artery in Judea.
And then Jesus came back.
When Mary came running to the disciples with the news, Peter was like "Fuck! He's back! Everyone, hide the eggs!"
And thus was a great tradition born.
posted by charred husk at 10:09 AM on April 6, 2012 [60 favorites]
I mean, he fuckin' LOVED them.
When he was around, none of the disciples could get any eggs because Jesus would eat them all first. There was one major problem with this:
Judas really loved eggs, too.
That's why he initially turned down the offer of 30 silver for turning Jesus in - the original agreement was that he'd be paid in eggs. Afterwards, he felt pretty guilty about having Jesus killed for his love of eggs, so he committed suicide.
The disciples, though bummed about the turn of events, at least were able to enjoy eating eggs again. Their Sunday morning breakfast had enough cholesterol to choke every artery in Judea.
And then Jesus came back.
When Mary came running to the disciples with the news, Peter was like "Fuck! He's back! Everyone, hide the eggs!"
And thus was a great tradition born.
posted by charred husk at 10:09 AM on April 6, 2012 [60 favorites]
Have you heard the good news? Peeps are risen! Truly, they are risen!
posted by OverlappingElvis at 10:10 AM on April 6, 2012
posted by OverlappingElvis at 10:10 AM on April 6, 2012
Man, that photo of the Peeps is kind of scary. Like they're marching into Paris or something.
posted by bondcliff at 10:10 AM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by bondcliff at 10:10 AM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
Which are better: Peeps or Cadbury Creme Eggs?
Why choose? Easter comes once a year, people. Eat too many of both so you're not sad when it's over.
posted by gladly at 10:12 AM on April 6, 2012
Why choose? Easter comes once a year, people. Eat too many of both so you're not sad when it's over.
posted by gladly at 10:12 AM on April 6, 2012
Man, there should be a Cadbury Hazelnut Egg.
posted by adamdschneider at 10:12 AM on April 6, 2012 [8 favorites]
posted by adamdschneider at 10:12 AM on April 6, 2012 [8 favorites]
Man, there should be a Cadbury Hazelnut Egg.
No, there should not. I have enough trouble with my weight as it is.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:13 AM on April 6, 2012 [5 favorites]
No, there should not. I have enough trouble with my weight as it is.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:13 AM on April 6, 2012 [5 favorites]
I just want to know why no one wants to sell me Jordan almonds.
posted by 2bucksplus at 10:16 AM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by 2bucksplus at 10:16 AM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
adamdschneider: "Man, there should be a Cadbury Hazelnut Egg"
Cadbury eggs are like crack to me.
Hazelnut piroulines are like crack to me.
Conclusion: If you have your way I'm making my way to a monastery.
posted by charred husk at 10:17 AM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
Cadbury eggs are like crack to me.
Hazelnut piroulines are like crack to me.
Conclusion: If you have your way I'm making my way to a monastery.
posted by charred husk at 10:17 AM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
That's the puffiest puff piece I've seen in a while. I wonder how many press releases got purred into those eight clicks' worth of ad impressions.
The sugar rush you'll get this Easter comes with a fascinating back story.
Yes, and I'd like to know what it is! Instead we found out that U.S. Cadbury eggs are smaller than UK ones and jelly beans were invented in the Civil War.
It takes just six seconds to create the popular Marshmallow Peep. When it first debuted in 1953, it took 27 hours to hand-create each edible yellow chick. But now Peeps get cranked out of machines at 3,500 per minute and four million per day.
SHENANIGANS.
posted by JHarris at 10:17 AM on April 6, 2012 [6 favorites]
The sugar rush you'll get this Easter comes with a fascinating back story.
Yes, and I'd like to know what it is! Instead we found out that U.S. Cadbury eggs are smaller than UK ones and jelly beans were invented in the Civil War.
It takes just six seconds to create the popular Marshmallow Peep. When it first debuted in 1953, it took 27 hours to hand-create each edible yellow chick. But now Peeps get cranked out of machines at 3,500 per minute and four million per day.
SHENANIGANS.
posted by JHarris at 10:17 AM on April 6, 2012 [6 favorites]
A Peep Takes Six Seconds to Make.
...and can last until the heat death of the universe.
Scientifically speaking, no Peep lasts more than ten minutes. I have proven this via years of rigorous testing in my home.
posted by Etrigan at 10:19 AM on April 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
...and can last until the heat death of the universe.
Scientifically speaking, no Peep lasts more than ten minutes. I have proven this via years of rigorous testing in my home.
posted by Etrigan at 10:19 AM on April 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
There's an Easter candy that I never see anymore, that my wife and I have searched for in vain. It's sort of oblong, the size of a circus peanut, with an outer coating that resembles the outside of an Easter jelly bean, but with some sort of chewy filling that isn't nougat. It was one of the worst Easter candies -- which I guess is why it's not around anymore -- but that made it the most compelling. I'd love to know if it's still available anywhere.
posted by El Sabor Asiatico at 10:20 AM on April 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by El Sabor Asiatico at 10:20 AM on April 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
My waistline thanks God that they're seasonal.
They started selling them year-round in Canada within the past few years. It takes a lot of willpower for me to buy them only around Easter. (They're not special if they're not seasonal, right?)
posted by asnider at 10:21 AM on April 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
They started selling them year-round in Canada within the past few years. It takes a lot of willpower for me to buy them only around Easter. (They're not special if they're not seasonal, right?)
posted by asnider at 10:21 AM on April 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
You... You guys want some of this matzo? It's almost completely flavorless.
posted by griphus at 10:21 AM on April 6, 2012 [29 favorites]
posted by griphus at 10:21 AM on April 6, 2012 [29 favorites]
Sugar is likely toxic and linked directly to heart disease and cancer.
posted by found missing at 10:24 AM on April 6, 2012
posted by found missing at 10:24 AM on April 6, 2012
I think because Jordan Almonds cost to much to make 2bucksplus thereby cutting into the profits of the candy companies.
It's a shame though because they are really what I think of as the true Easter Candy.
posted by vuron at 10:24 AM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
It's a shame though because they are really what I think of as the true Easter Candy.
posted by vuron at 10:24 AM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
"When it first debuted in 1953, it took 27 hours to hand-create each edible yellow chick."
SHENANIGANS
I could buy it if the process involved pouring fresh marshmallow into a mold and letting it set up overnight. It might not have been 27 hours of continuous labor, but it could have been 27 hours from raw ingredients to finished, packaged peep.
You... You guys want some of this matzo? It's almost completely flavorless.
That's why god gave us charoset.
posted by jedicus at 10:26 AM on April 6, 2012
SHENANIGANS
I could buy it if the process involved pouring fresh marshmallow into a mold and letting it set up overnight. It might not have been 27 hours of continuous labor, but it could have been 27 hours from raw ingredients to finished, packaged peep.
You... You guys want some of this matzo? It's almost completely flavorless.
That's why god gave us charoset.
posted by jedicus at 10:26 AM on April 6, 2012
Of course, there's also the link between chocolate, child labor, and slavery. Why yes, I was forced to eat carob (and matzo's, and carob-covered matzo's) as a child, why do you ask?
posted by postel's law at 10:27 AM on April 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by postel's law at 10:27 AM on April 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
Last month I had an ice cream from Supermac's with little chocolate pieces shaped like fried eggs that were filled with Cadbury creme egg "white" and drizzled with caramel "yolk." Tremendous. I hope it wasn't just an Easter thing.
posted by troika at 10:28 AM on April 6, 2012
posted by troika at 10:28 AM on April 6, 2012
You... You guys want some of this matzo? It's almost completely flavorless.
My mom (not Jewish) picked up the habit at some point of eating matzo slathered with jelly, and I have to admit that it is a strangely compelling snack.
posted by invitapriore at 10:29 AM on April 6, 2012
My mom (not Jewish) picked up the habit at some point of eating matzo slathered with jelly, and I have to admit that it is a strangely compelling snack.
posted by invitapriore at 10:29 AM on April 6, 2012
That's why god gave us charoset.
Yeah, great, the Christian kids gets chocolate-covered fun and we get a fruit mush "...meant to recall the mud which the Israelites used to make adobe bricks when [we] were enslaved..."
posted by griphus at 10:32 AM on April 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
Yeah, great, the Christian kids gets chocolate-covered fun and we get a fruit mush "...meant to recall the mud which the Israelites used to make adobe bricks when [we] were enslaved..."
posted by griphus at 10:32 AM on April 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
carob-covered matzo
Since it's Good Friday, I'm fasting until 3:00 PM. Tomorrow for Holy Saturday (and to prepare for our big Easter feast) I'll fast the whole day.
Even in spite of all the fasting, at no point in these 48 hours could you pay me to eat carob-covered matzo.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 10:32 AM on April 6, 2012 [5 favorites]
Since it's Good Friday, I'm fasting until 3:00 PM. Tomorrow for Holy Saturday (and to prepare for our big Easter feast) I'll fast the whole day.
Even in spite of all the fasting, at no point in these 48 hours could you pay me to eat carob-covered matzo.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 10:32 AM on April 6, 2012 [5 favorites]
It kind of surprises me that the right-wing fundie outrage crowd hasn't lashed into the Standard American Easter to any noticeable amount. I mean, could chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Peeps be any further away from The Legend of Zombie Jesus?
posted by briank at 10:34 AM on April 6, 2012 [7 favorites]
posted by briank at 10:34 AM on April 6, 2012 [7 favorites]
Scientifically speaking, no Peep lasts more than ten minutes. I have proven this via years of rigorous testing in my home.
You haven't actually seen one leave yourbodytesting facility, though, have you?
posted by Thorzdad at 10:37 AM on April 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
You haven't actually seen one leave your
posted by Thorzdad at 10:37 AM on April 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
(There is no part of Jewish cuisine that does not hark back, in some way, to life being shit. Hamantashen represent severed ears, for fuck's sake.)
posted by griphus at 10:37 AM on April 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by griphus at 10:37 AM on April 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
This is just to say that my fiance and I have created a tradition (two years in a row is a tradition, right?) of going camping over Easter Weekend and roasting peeps over the campfire.
posted by Scientist at 10:37 AM on April 6, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by Scientist at 10:37 AM on April 6, 2012 [6 favorites]
Creme Eggs Are Smaller in America
I KNEW IT. I knew my hands didn't just get freakishly small in the UK!
TEACH THE CONTROVERSY
posted by The Whelk at 10:38 AM on April 6, 2012 [10 favorites]
I KNEW IT. I knew my hands didn't just get freakishly small in the UK!
TEACH THE CONTROVERSY
posted by The Whelk at 10:38 AM on April 6, 2012 [10 favorites]
El Sabor Asiatico, you want Bunny Basket Eggs.
I have a weird relationship with those things: I find them visually appealing, and I like the crunchy shell, but the inside is that gritty marshmallowesque stuff that I just can't stand. I want to love them, but I've never brought myself to eat a whole one.
There are two wrapped eggs on my kitchen table right now - a gift from a friend - and I'm torn. Dare I attempt to eat them?
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:38 AM on April 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
I have a weird relationship with those things: I find them visually appealing, and I like the crunchy shell, but the inside is that gritty marshmallowesque stuff that I just can't stand. I want to love them, but I've never brought myself to eat a whole one.
There are two wrapped eggs on my kitchen table right now - a gift from a friend - and I'm torn. Dare I attempt to eat them?
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:38 AM on April 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
I could buy it if the process involved pouring fresh marshmallow into a mold and letting it set up overnight. It might not have been 27 hours of continuous labor, but it could have been 27 hours from raw ingredients to finished, packaged peep.
But the "article," by comparing the 27 hour statistic to the rate at which individual peeps come off a modern assembly line, implies that each peep takes 27 hours, not that they were done in batches. This is grossly misleading, not to mention insulting to the makers of fine artisanal peeps.
TIME MAGAZINE MUST RETRACT THIS! I DEMAND STRICT ACCURACY IN PEEP REPORTING!
posted by JHarris at 10:38 AM on April 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
But the "article," by comparing the 27 hour statistic to the rate at which individual peeps come off a modern assembly line, implies that each peep takes 27 hours, not that they were done in batches. This is grossly misleading, not to mention insulting to the makers of fine artisanal peeps.
TIME MAGAZINE MUST RETRACT THIS! I DEMAND STRICT ACCURACY IN PEEP REPORTING!
posted by JHarris at 10:38 AM on April 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
My mom (not Jewish) picked up the habit at some point of eating matzo slathered with jelly, and I have to admit that it is a strangely compelling snack.
Matzo is the perfect delivery system for disturbingly strong and hot mustard.
posted by The Whelk at 10:40 AM on April 6, 2012 [3 favorites]
Matzo is the perfect delivery system for disturbingly strong and hot mustard.
posted by The Whelk at 10:40 AM on April 6, 2012 [3 favorites]
And those Creme Eggs. You know that a rabbit lays those, right? But rabbits don't lay eggs.... (look of horror)
posted by JHarris at 10:40 AM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by JHarris at 10:40 AM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
If rabbit crap tasted that good it would be on the menu of Babbo nightly.
posted by The Whelk at 10:45 AM on April 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 10:45 AM on April 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
Don't Forget About Candy Corn.
You get your candy corn out of my Easter basket. It only escapes being World's Worst Candy because circus peanuts have the audacity to exist.
posted by uncleozzy at 10:45 AM on April 6, 2012 [8 favorites]
You get your candy corn out of my Easter basket. It only escapes being World's Worst Candy because circus peanuts have the audacity to exist.
posted by uncleozzy at 10:45 AM on April 6, 2012 [8 favorites]
Is there some place out there that sells artisanal, painstakingly hand-crafted Peeps with fresh marshmallow? Portland? I would like to purchase some. Knowing those tiny fluffy things took 27 hours to create would almost certainly make them taste better.
posted by naju at 10:46 AM on April 6, 2012
posted by naju at 10:46 AM on April 6, 2012
DIY Peeps. Marshmallow is really easy and pretty fun to make.
posted by uncleozzy at 10:48 AM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by uncleozzy at 10:48 AM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
I have the most amazing craving for Macaroons now.
posted by The Whelk at 10:52 AM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by The Whelk at 10:52 AM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
If rabbit crap tasted that good it would be on the menu of Babbo nightly.
Obligatory...
posted by Thorzdad at 10:54 AM on April 6, 2012
Obligatory...
posted by Thorzdad at 10:54 AM on April 6, 2012
Sure, the Easter-celebrators have lots of store-bought, mass-produced sugary treats to eat. But the Jews have the perfect excuse and opportunity to make matzo toffee brittle. I'll trade you my creme eggs for that stuff anyday.
posted by chowflap at 10:59 AM on April 6, 2012
posted by chowflap at 10:59 AM on April 6, 2012
El Sabor Asiatico, you want Bunny Basket Eggs.
YES
posted by El Sabor Asiatico at 11:10 AM on April 6, 2012
YES
posted by El Sabor Asiatico at 11:10 AM on April 6, 2012
There is no part of Jewish cuisine that does not hark back, in some way, to life being shit. Hamantashen represent severed ears, for fuck's sake.
What? The only part of that article that references ears does so in the context of a defeated enemy. That's not life being shit! That is what is best in life.
posted by adamdschneider at 11:11 AM on April 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
What? The only part of that article that references ears does so in the context of a defeated enemy. That's not life being shit! That is what is best in life.
posted by adamdschneider at 11:11 AM on April 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
There's an Easter candy that I never see anymore, that my wife and I have searched for in vain. It's sort of oblong, the size of a circus peanut, with an outer coating that resembles the outside of an Easter jelly bean, but with some sort of chewy filling that isn't nougat. It was one of the worst Easter candies -- which I guess is why it's not around anymore -- but that made it the most compelling. I'd love to know if it's still available anywhere.
Candy-coated marshmallow Easter eggs?
posted by mardybum at 11:14 AM on April 6, 2012
Candy-coated marshmallow Easter eggs?
posted by mardybum at 11:14 AM on April 6, 2012
Peeps don’t have any fat
Only because carnauba wax isn't technically a fat.
posted by radwolf76 at 11:19 AM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
Only because carnauba wax isn't technically a fat.
posted by radwolf76 at 11:19 AM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
I was always more excited about the boiled eggs we made easter eggs with than the candy when I was a kid =( I wasn't much of a sweets kid. We'd color a bunch then leave them in the fridge for snacks that week and I'd eat so. many. eggs.
posted by kkokkodalk at 11:51 AM on April 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by kkokkodalk at 11:51 AM on April 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
I always have to be extremely choosey about what candy I eat, because I have an intolerance for it. I dunno, I just get sick if I eat something like a cadburry egg, that is all sugar.
So never been much one for those, or peeps, or robin's eggs, or jelly beans... however, I can sit down to a big dark chocolate bunny any day of the week.
Mmmmm, I love easter bunnies.
posted by Malice at 11:52 AM on April 6, 2012
So never been much one for those, or peeps, or robin's eggs, or jelly beans... however, I can sit down to a big dark chocolate bunny any day of the week.
Mmmmm, I love easter bunnies.
posted by Malice at 11:52 AM on April 6, 2012
Me too, kkokkodalk! Still do it some years just to have an excuse to feel like a kid again.
posted by Malice at 11:53 AM on April 6, 2012
posted by Malice at 11:53 AM on April 6, 2012
Forget the Peeps and the Cadbury eggs (just for a minute, anyway). The National Confectioners Association says kids reach for chocolate Easter bunnies before anything else on Easter day. And once there, 76% of us eat the ears first, while 13% bite off the feet and 10% tackle the tail.
I used to bite the eyes off first. Hey, where are you going? Don't run...
posted by Splunge at 11:56 AM on April 6, 2012
I used to bite the eyes off first. Hey, where are you going? Don't run...
posted by Splunge at 11:56 AM on April 6, 2012
Further to naju's comment, does anyone have a line on vegetarian peeps (not containing gelatin)? Seriously, bacon shmacon, the only(*) thing I really miss from my non-vegetarian days are peeps, but I'm too lazy to make my own.
* excepting my mother's christmas tortiere
posted by eviemath at 11:58 AM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
* excepting my mother's christmas tortiere
posted by eviemath at 11:58 AM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
We used to get chocolate crosses for Easter, similar to this one. They were too creepy to eat. At least it wasn't a chocolate crucifix.
posted by Flannery Culp at 12:06 PM on April 6, 2012
posted by Flannery Culp at 12:06 PM on April 6, 2012
It kind of surprises me that the right-wing fundie outrage crowd hasn't lashed into the Standard American Easter to any noticeable amount.
They have. They call it "Resurrection Day" instead.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:09 PM on April 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
They have. They call it "Resurrection Day" instead.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:09 PM on April 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
I used to bite the eyes off first.
Me too! Those little candy eyes were the best part.
Mostly because most chocolate rabbits are made out of the crappiest chocolate available. I had one a few years ago and it was like eating a sugary chocolate scented candle. Yech.
My kid gets pastel wrapped Kisses, sour jellybeans (at his request, he loves sour) some kind of Reese's easter things, and some marshmallow bunnies. Oh and some of those confetti filled eggs for throwing at his cousins. Plus whatever he grabs at the family egg hunt.
After he discovered that coloring eggs involves eating actual eggs, we don't do that either. No one in my house is a hardboiled egg fan.
We don't buy nasty malt flavored things, waxy chocolate, or cheapass crappy jellybeans. We don't indulge in lots of sugar in our house, why waste those occasions on shitty candy?
posted by emjaybee at 12:23 PM on April 6, 2012
Me too! Those little candy eyes were the best part.
Mostly because most chocolate rabbits are made out of the crappiest chocolate available. I had one a few years ago and it was like eating a sugary chocolate scented candle. Yech.
My kid gets pastel wrapped Kisses, sour jellybeans (at his request, he loves sour) some kind of Reese's easter things, and some marshmallow bunnies. Oh and some of those confetti filled eggs for throwing at his cousins. Plus whatever he grabs at the family egg hunt.
After he discovered that coloring eggs involves eating actual eggs, we don't do that either. No one in my house is a hardboiled egg fan.
We don't buy nasty malt flavored things, waxy chocolate, or cheapass crappy jellybeans. We don't indulge in lots of sugar in our house, why waste those occasions on shitty candy?
posted by emjaybee at 12:23 PM on April 6, 2012
Mostly because most chocolate rabbits are made out of the crappiest chocolate available.
Oh, tell me about it. And if they're of any size they'll be hollow too.
posted by JHarris at 12:25 PM on April 6, 2012
Oh, tell me about it. And if they're of any size they'll be hollow too.
posted by JHarris at 12:25 PM on April 6, 2012
I was so so sad that these are... not in stock. Yet.
posted by evilmomlady at 12:31 PM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by evilmomlady at 12:31 PM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
Is there some place out there that sells artisanal, painstakingly hand-crafted Peeps with fresh marshmallow?
I saw a tray of artisanal handcrafted Peeps in my local organo-natural supermarket here in Seattle just yesterday, in fact. I am not even kidding. Alas I don't remember the name of the maker, though I did stop and stare.
posted by hattifattener at 12:34 PM on April 6, 2012
I saw a tray of artisanal handcrafted Peeps in my local organo-natural supermarket here in Seattle just yesterday, in fact. I am not even kidding. Alas I don't remember the name of the maker, though I did stop and stare.
posted by hattifattener at 12:34 PM on April 6, 2012
Also, no love for the Cadbury Mini-Eggs?
Hear, hear. In our house we have no use for the Easter season except that it's the time when mini-eggs are available.
posted by aught at 12:43 PM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
Hear, hear. In our house we have no use for the Easter season except that it's the time when mini-eggs are available.
posted by aught at 12:43 PM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
What it says about candy corn:
"Each of the tri-color corns requires a different colored mixture to create."
A different colored mixture, who knew? And I didn't even have to pay to learn that.
posted by headnsouth at 12:45 PM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
"Each of the tri-color corns requires a different colored mixture to create."
A different colored mixture, who knew? And I didn't even have to pay to learn that.
posted by headnsouth at 12:45 PM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
I was so so sad that these are... not in stock. Yet.
POINT OF ORDER, creepers have FOUR feet, not two!
/will probably still buy them
posted by Gator at 12:47 PM on April 6, 2012
POINT OF ORDER, creepers have FOUR feet, not two!
/will probably still buy them
posted by Gator at 12:47 PM on April 6, 2012
Seconding the Cadbury Mini Eggs. The crunchy shell, nothin' but chocolate inside pastel-colored spawn of Satan. I've bought about 10 bags so far, sharing with co-workers and family, but mostly eating them myself. Holy crap they are delicious. Nobody can resist them. Just bought 10 more bags today. $2.88 at Target. Sure, they will be cheaper come Monday, if any are left. But I need them now.
Hope me. I've never said it before. I hate "hope me." But I need your hope. I R FAT
posted by aydeejones at 12:54 PM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
Hope me. I've never said it before. I hate "hope me." But I need your hope. I R FAT
posted by aydeejones at 12:54 PM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
And I'm definitely aware of the sugar-is-a-toxic-concentrated-crack-like-evil-thing "news" making the rounds. Yup, refining sweet stuff that hijacks the brain and eating tons of it is not good for your general health. Sugar itself isn't toxic per se, but it's completely unnatural. Very similar to coca tea vs. cocaine. Coca and coca tea, as consumed by Peruvians as a remedy for altitude sickness and as a general pick-me-up isn't really that addictive or harmful. But, extract the main active constituent and now you've got a problem.
Living in a soul-sucking fast-paced society that demands constant sacrifice and imposes constant stress and pressure sucks too, so naturally we tend to consume things that aren't so good for us in order to make the rest of the suck a little more tolerable. It's a sad thing, sometimes it seems like the slow-suicide-by-bad-habits tendencies are truly subconsciously self-destructive. I'm bipolar and when depressed this is definitely at the forefront of my consciousness. When I'm manic there's more of a devil-my-care attitude...either way, bad decisions are often delicious and fun!
posted by aydeejones at 12:59 PM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
Living in a soul-sucking fast-paced society that demands constant sacrifice and imposes constant stress and pressure sucks too, so naturally we tend to consume things that aren't so good for us in order to make the rest of the suck a little more tolerable. It's a sad thing, sometimes it seems like the slow-suicide-by-bad-habits tendencies are truly subconsciously self-destructive. I'm bipolar and when depressed this is definitely at the forefront of my consciousness. When I'm manic there's more of a devil-my-care attitude...either way, bad decisions are often delicious and fun!
posted by aydeejones at 12:59 PM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
"Unnatural" meaning "from an evolutionary standpoint we've never faced such a powerful delicious enemy that takes advantage of the very fact that it's normally rare in nature and the brain demands it, lusts for it, and uses it more [proportionally] than most if not all other brains found on earth."
posted by aydeejones at 1:00 PM on April 6, 2012
posted by aydeejones at 1:00 PM on April 6, 2012
I learned all I need to know about Easter candy from Eddie.
posted by xedrik at 1:07 PM on April 6, 2012
posted by xedrik at 1:07 PM on April 6, 2012
Also, I used to love, LOVE Cadbury creme eggs and at some point just started finding them revolting. At least the big ones. I bought some smaller ones to try this year.
Any more, "pure sugar" confections mostly gross me out, although marshmallows (not peeps) will always hold a place in my heart. At least with chocolate you get a small amount of antioxidant goodness and caffeine and theobromide (obviously these things are spare in most chocolate confections, and it's the 60%+ dark stuff that has the serious cocoa content).
I occasionally buy the new Jumbo marshmallows at the grocery store and roast them with my son using a brulee torch. Heh. They have all kinds of fun recipes on the bag like microwave single-serve Rice Krispie treats.
I mostly can't stand the other pure-sugar-stuff now: Jelly beans for example. Pixie sticks...yeesh. Sweet tarts, OK in small doses. Smarties: gag. My wife has always been a hardcore "chocolate is the only candy worthy of eating" kind of person while I started out as a "eat all the sugar" kind of guy. Now we're a little more closely aligned in our candy preferences. One time I was trying the Atkins diet and actually learned to appreciate completely unsweetened baking chocolate. Zero added sugar. Today it would make me gag, but at the time it was pretty damned good.
Reese's eggs are pretty demonically amazing too. Re-configure the chocolate and peanut butter of a Reese's cup in any imaginable way and suddenly it's novel and tastier than the original.
There is something intrinsically Pagan and awesome about taking insanely sweet delicious candy and putting it into the shape of the life-affirming symbol that is the egg.
posted by aydeejones at 1:09 PM on April 6, 2012
Any more, "pure sugar" confections mostly gross me out, although marshmallows (not peeps) will always hold a place in my heart. At least with chocolate you get a small amount of antioxidant goodness and caffeine and theobromide (obviously these things are spare in most chocolate confections, and it's the 60%+ dark stuff that has the serious cocoa content).
I occasionally buy the new Jumbo marshmallows at the grocery store and roast them with my son using a brulee torch. Heh. They have all kinds of fun recipes on the bag like microwave single-serve Rice Krispie treats.
I mostly can't stand the other pure-sugar-stuff now: Jelly beans for example. Pixie sticks...yeesh. Sweet tarts, OK in small doses. Smarties: gag. My wife has always been a hardcore "chocolate is the only candy worthy of eating" kind of person while I started out as a "eat all the sugar" kind of guy. Now we're a little more closely aligned in our candy preferences. One time I was trying the Atkins diet and actually learned to appreciate completely unsweetened baking chocolate. Zero added sugar. Today it would make me gag, but at the time it was pretty damned good.
Reese's eggs are pretty demonically amazing too. Re-configure the chocolate and peanut butter of a Reese's cup in any imaginable way and suddenly it's novel and tastier than the original.
There is something intrinsically Pagan and awesome about taking insanely sweet delicious candy and putting it into the shape of the life-affirming symbol that is the egg.
posted by aydeejones at 1:09 PM on April 6, 2012
Might as well drop this link here:
Cadbury Creme Deviled Eggs
posted by radwolf76 at 1:20 PM on April 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
Cadbury Creme Deviled Eggs
posted by radwolf76 at 1:20 PM on April 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
I picked up a Dove white chocolate bunny BTW. Dove is pretty good stuff IMHO; a step above your typical Hershey's/Nestle chocolate. However the bunny was more expensive than just buying the chocolate by itself (though I'm not sure if you can buy Dove white chocolate typically). I crave the white chocolate once in awhile (I know it contains 0 cocoa but I expect cocoa butter or at least USP grade stearic acid damnit!); I probably got hooked when my mom brought home a bulk bag of giant shards of it when I was a wee lad.
Palmer bunnies deserve a special mention for being horrible and hollow.
I always got solid bunnies as a kid but the chocolate was still pretty crappy. My parents hated the hollow ones from their childhood but they spent most of the basket budget on the smaller items, getting the bunny as an obligatory component. The quality didn't stop me from getting clammy and nauseous from eating a 12oz bunny in a sitting. I think my parents at one point experimented with giving us an obscene amount of candy to see if we'd learn to exercise self control. We showed them.
posted by aydeejones at 1:31 PM on April 6, 2012
Palmer bunnies deserve a special mention for being horrible and hollow.
I always got solid bunnies as a kid but the chocolate was still pretty crappy. My parents hated the hollow ones from their childhood but they spent most of the basket budget on the smaller items, getting the bunny as an obligatory component. The quality didn't stop me from getting clammy and nauseous from eating a 12oz bunny in a sitting. I think my parents at one point experimented with giving us an obscene amount of candy to see if we'd learn to exercise self control. We showed them.
posted by aydeejones at 1:31 PM on April 6, 2012
I've severely cut back on the amount of sugar I've been eating, so the vast majority of the candy out there is now just completely revolting. Except for Jelly Bellies. I love those things. However, I find matzoh tasty and flavorful.
(This won't stop me from going to Whole Foods the day after Easter and seeing what I can scavenge chocolate-wise, however.)
posted by spinifex23 at 1:38 PM on April 6, 2012
(This won't stop me from going to Whole Foods the day after Easter and seeing what I can scavenge chocolate-wise, however.)
posted by spinifex23 at 1:38 PM on April 6, 2012
Just bought 10 more bags today. $2.88 at Target. Sure, they will be cheaper come Monday, if any are left. But I need them now.
Ahem.
posted by Gator at 1:57 PM on April 6, 2012
Ahem.
posted by Gator at 1:57 PM on April 6, 2012
Even as a vegan, I have to restrain myself from saying "Fuck it!" and just buying a few Cadbury Creme Eggs. There used to be a line on getting vegan ones via the PPK 100, but that dried up.
Damn it. I want a Creme Egg.
posted by Kitteh at 2:00 PM on April 6, 2012
Damn it. I want a Creme Egg.
posted by Kitteh at 2:00 PM on April 6, 2012
Do Camel Balls come from Kazakhstan? There is something so Borat about this candy!
Oh and Easter... A chance to see my daughter's relatives who cannot cook.... Whose cuisine is a minefield of things which are inedible for me...
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 2:02 PM on April 6, 2012
Oh and Easter... A chance to see my daughter's relatives who cannot cook.... Whose cuisine is a minefield of things which are inedible for me...
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 2:02 PM on April 6, 2012
On the mention of Palmer bunnies I went to da Googles. Here's the website of the company that produces those bits of shaped holiday chocosoap. Seems to be a relatively small second-generation business. I guess that Easter is their primary profit-making opportunity of the whole year.
posted by JHarris at 2:11 PM on April 6, 2012
posted by JHarris at 2:11 PM on April 6, 2012
Easter candy is my favorite candy season of the whole year. I'm supposed to make dessert for Easter dinner, and although I am probably going to make a classy pavlova with lemon curd and strawberries, what I really want is to make a croquembouche out of Peeps and Cadbury Creme Eggs.
I may festoon the pavlova with Peeps, if I can get away with it.
posted by fiercecupcake at 2:23 PM on April 6, 2012
I may festoon the pavlova with Peeps, if I can get away with it.
posted by fiercecupcake at 2:23 PM on April 6, 2012
aydeejones, Palmer EVERYTHING deserves special mention for being horrible and ALSO EVEN MORE HORRIBLE
posted by DoctorFedora at 3:56 PM on April 6, 2012
posted by DoctorFedora at 3:56 PM on April 6, 2012
My brother and I used to get something like these in our Easter baskets. Three quarters of a pound of solid dark chocolate. You had to start eating at the ears; they were the only part of the thing you had any hope of breaking off. The rest was eaten slowly, not because of any urge to savor or prolong the experience, but because the process demanded inserting the bunny sideways into the mouth and gnawing with the molars, the prize being what shavings would come.
posted by Graygorey at 3:57 PM on April 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Graygorey at 3:57 PM on April 6, 2012 [2 favorites]
Dear god, it's the Black Rabbit of Inlé!
posted by JHarris at 4:47 PM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by JHarris at 4:47 PM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
After he discovered that coloring eggs involves eating actual eggs, we don't do that either. No one in my house is a hardboiled egg fan.
For about a month before Easter, whenever we made eggs we'd use a nut pick to make a hole in each end of the shell and blow out the insides, leaving an intact empty eggshell. We'd dye those and hang them from a tree . So we got the fun of colored eggs without the hard boiled eggs.
posted by Karmakaze at 6:06 PM on April 6, 2012
For about a month before Easter, whenever we made eggs we'd use a nut pick to make a hole in each end of the shell and blow out the insides, leaving an intact empty eggshell. We'd dye those and hang them from a tree . So we got the fun of colored eggs without the hard boiled eggs.
posted by Karmakaze at 6:06 PM on April 6, 2012
We used to get chocolate crosses for Easter, similar to this one. They were too creepy to eat. At least it wasn't a chocolate crucifix.
I felt no such compunction, although I really didn't know what to do with those sugar eggs with the Easter dioramas inside. I still have some enthusiasm for Robin Eggs and Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs.
posted by Morrigan at 6:17 PM on April 6, 2012
I felt no such compunction, although I really didn't know what to do with those sugar eggs with the Easter dioramas inside. I still have some enthusiasm for Robin Eggs and Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs.
posted by Morrigan at 6:17 PM on April 6, 2012
BEST EASTER CANDY I'M GLAD YOU ASKED.
1) Candy-shell marshmallow eggs. (Not the chocolate kind, which are gross.) Gritty, grainy, dense, chewy, vaguely fruity, tremendously awesome.
2) Giant coconut creme egg. Not so much cream as paste - delicious, delicious coconut paste, in the most insubstantial of chocolate shells. It was the size of a Nerf football. You parents would let you gnaw at it for ten minutes every night after eating your vegetables at dinner, and then put it back in the freezer. It would last until august.
3) Maple creme eggs. Dude. Come on. Maple cream eggs.
4) Candy buttons. This was the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belt of Easter morning. Bite them right off the roll, and if you got a little paper in with your chalky-crunchy-sweet bit of bad-ass, well, suck it up, soldier!
5) Candy necklaces. You can fling them at your brother with the elastic and laugh when it smacks the heavy pendant right in his eye and then feel sorry when he starts to cry. Quick! Eat the evidence!
6) Barley candy toys. 6" tall hard-candy easter bunny or Jesus... you can make =everything= sticky, and it's big and solid enough to hurt when your sister comes for your Cadbury egg.
7) Cadbury Eggs. As an adult, candy is mostly repellent. Oversweet, with odd and offputting aftertastes and textures, and it's never as satisfying as you remembered it as a kid. So, bearing that in mind, spend a dollar, an entire dollar, on a puny little foil-wrapped thing, where the foil usually sticks to it in parts, as if glued there deliberately. Pick off that last little bit of foil, and behold the shiny, greasy, bottom-barrel budget "milk chocolate" shell. Take a bite.
ohmygoditsbetternowthanthenimustbuy3moretoeatinthecarican'ttellmywifeshewillmakefunofmedoihearangelsyesithinkitsangels
posted by Slap*Happy at 7:18 PM on April 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
1) Candy-shell marshmallow eggs. (Not the chocolate kind, which are gross.) Gritty, grainy, dense, chewy, vaguely fruity, tremendously awesome.
2) Giant coconut creme egg. Not so much cream as paste - delicious, delicious coconut paste, in the most insubstantial of chocolate shells. It was the size of a Nerf football. You parents would let you gnaw at it for ten minutes every night after eating your vegetables at dinner, and then put it back in the freezer. It would last until august.
3) Maple creme eggs. Dude. Come on. Maple cream eggs.
4) Candy buttons. This was the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belt of Easter morning. Bite them right off the roll, and if you got a little paper in with your chalky-crunchy-sweet bit of bad-ass, well, suck it up, soldier!
5) Candy necklaces. You can fling them at your brother with the elastic and laugh when it smacks the heavy pendant right in his eye and then feel sorry when he starts to cry. Quick! Eat the evidence!
6) Barley candy toys. 6" tall hard-candy easter bunny or Jesus... you can make =everything= sticky, and it's big and solid enough to hurt when your sister comes for your Cadbury egg.
7) Cadbury Eggs. As an adult, candy is mostly repellent. Oversweet, with odd and offputting aftertastes and textures, and it's never as satisfying as you remembered it as a kid. So, bearing that in mind, spend a dollar, an entire dollar, on a puny little foil-wrapped thing, where the foil usually sticks to it in parts, as if glued there deliberately. Pick off that last little bit of foil, and behold the shiny, greasy, bottom-barrel budget "milk chocolate" shell. Take a bite.
ohmygoditsbetternowthanthenimustbuy3moretoeatinthecarican'ttellmywifeshewillmakefunofmedoihearangelsyesithinkitsangels
posted by Slap*Happy at 7:18 PM on April 6, 2012 [4 favorites]
Dammit, Slap*Happy, I forgot to buy any Russell Stovers Maple Creme Eggs! We don't sell them at Target and I forgot all about them ... I hope there's some left at the drug stores on Monday.
posted by Curious Artificer at 8:23 PM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Curious Artificer at 8:23 PM on April 6, 2012 [1 favorite]
Little Rae's Bakery is the maker of the trays of fresh marshmallow chicks in the crunchy-expensive-organic-snobby grocery stores in Seattle.
And they are DELICIOUS.
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse at 9:48 PM on April 6, 2012
And they are DELICIOUS.
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse at 9:48 PM on April 6, 2012
Ahem
$2.88 for 10oz at Target is cheaper per oz than $9.98 for 31oz.
posted by aydeejones at 3:01 AM on April 7, 2012
$2.88 for 10oz at Target is cheaper per oz than $9.98 for 31oz.
posted by aydeejones at 3:01 AM on April 7, 2012
No love for those malted milk eggs? Speckly pastel-coloured candy shell, layer of chocolate, then the crunchy malt stuff? I used to love those (and am in the UK right now with no hope of getting any).
posted by Pallas Athena at 7:01 AM on April 7, 2012
posted by Pallas Athena at 7:01 AM on April 7, 2012
I like those malted milk eggs. I bought some "Whoppers Eggs" and it turns out they had no candy shell. Less artificial colors for the kids, but I was disappointed. I just opened a bag of Hershey's Candy Coated Milk Chocolate Eggs. They are Hershey's equivalent of Cadbury Mini Eggs. Now I like Hershey's chocolate just fine, but Cadbury's is more addicting. Also, if you suck on the Hershey Mini Eggs to soften or dissolve the exterior, the shell develops this rough bumpy texture for awhile (like a jawbreaker) and is not, at least to me, as pleasant an experience as slowly dissolving the shell of a Cadbury Mini.
posted by aydeejones at 11:29 AM on April 7, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by aydeejones at 11:29 AM on April 7, 2012 [1 favorite]
All Easter Candy at my local A&P 75% off today! Caramel eggs 82 cents for a box of 4!! Ahhhhhh I am so stocked up.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:49 PM on April 10, 2012
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:49 PM on April 10, 2012
For posterity's sake, I want to drop a joke that materialized in my noggin today. Thank you in advance.
So I think I've beaten the Cadbury Mini Egg withdrawal. I avoided all after-Easter sales and did not buy them on Amazon after doing lots of price comparison shopping. This is good. If they were available year 'round, they would be called Dad-bury Mini Eggs, because I, being a dad, would be buried, having suffered a myocardial infarction instigated by chronic Mini-Egg intake over a prolonged period of time. A tragedy of egg-pic proportions, if you will (and you will)!
posted by aydeejones at 7:26 PM on April 23, 2012
So I think I've beaten the Cadbury Mini Egg withdrawal. I avoided all after-Easter sales and did not buy them on Amazon after doing lots of price comparison shopping. This is good. If they were available year 'round, they would be called Dad-bury Mini Eggs, because I, being a dad, would be buried, having suffered a myocardial infarction instigated by chronic Mini-Egg intake over a prolonged period of time. A tragedy of egg-pic proportions, if you will (and you will)!
posted by aydeejones at 7:26 PM on April 23, 2012
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Best & Worst Easter Candies.
posted by ericb at 9:57 AM on April 6, 2012