Cave Prime from Earth One
May 11, 2012 11:51 PM Subscribe
25 extra minutes of Cave Johnson - taken Portal 2's Perpetual Testing Initiative DLC.
Oh god, the universe-hopping Cave Johnson fanfiction that I'm sure will ensue. It will be BEAUTIFUL. And ugly. And a whole lot of other things.
Dammit. Now I'm talking like him.
posted by BiggerJ at 12:32 AM on May 12, 2012
Dammit. Now I'm talking like him.
posted by BiggerJ at 12:32 AM on May 12, 2012
And as a creepy garnish, here's a real life Portal turret.
Could you come over... here?
posted by Sebmojo at 12:51 AM on May 12, 2012 [10 favorites]
Could you come over... here?
posted by Sebmojo at 12:51 AM on May 12, 2012 [10 favorites]
Also - the Perpetual Testing Initiative went live two days ago. There are, right now, 50,000 maps.
I present these facts without comment.
posted by Sebmojo at 12:58 AM on May 12, 2012
I present these facts without comment.
posted by Sebmojo at 12:58 AM on May 12, 2012
People love Portal. More accurately, people love testing.
posted by flippant at 1:53 AM on May 12, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by flippant at 1:53 AM on May 12, 2012 [4 favorites]
All hail the Sentient Cloud!
posted by JHarris at 2:03 AM on May 12, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by JHarris at 2:03 AM on May 12, 2012 [3 favorites]
I wonder if this is how Valve are going to get around the tone of Half-Life and Portal being so different but both having Aperture Science. Hell, the fact that F-Stop featured a Cave who was computerised in the - what, 60s or 70s? - isn't even a problem if they want to release the thing as-is now.
Also given what the player looks like in the PeTI chambers, does this imply that's what everyone looks like in Cave Prime's universe, and that the marketing videos weren't cute abstract cartoons, but were just... video?
Chariot chariot.
posted by emmtee at 3:01 AM on May 12, 2012
Also given what the player looks like in the PeTI chambers, does this imply that's what everyone looks like in Cave Prime's universe, and that the marketing videos weren't cute abstract cartoons, but were just... video?
Chariot chariot.
posted by emmtee at 3:01 AM on May 12, 2012
"Heh-heh, this steerable rocket launcher's our best bet for taking down a gunship! Uh, hello, Cave Johnson here, I'll be right behind...what?
Greg says I won't be anywhere near that firecracker when it sets off. Now...where was I? Oh, yeah...Using the laser guide, you can steer
your rocket past the gunship defenses and prevent it from shooting down your rocket. This will only anger the gunship, and I'm pretty sure
the rocket won't be too thrilled about things either. But if you can survive long enough to make several direct hits, you'll be rewarded
with a prize worthy of any mantlepiece. Just as long as you have a really big fireplace. Heck, with all the flaming wreckage coming from
that gunship, you could just use any part of it not burning as a mantlepiece!
"Now? Who's going to be the lucky one to carry it into combat? Ah, yeah: Gordon Freeman.
Greg tells me I couldn't have asked for a finer volunteer."
posted by Smart Dalek at 3:45 AM on May 12, 2012 [8 favorites]
Greg says I won't be anywhere near that firecracker when it sets off. Now...where was I? Oh, yeah...Using the laser guide, you can steer
your rocket past the gunship defenses and prevent it from shooting down your rocket. This will only anger the gunship, and I'm pretty sure
the rocket won't be too thrilled about things either. But if you can survive long enough to make several direct hits, you'll be rewarded
with a prize worthy of any mantlepiece. Just as long as you have a really big fireplace. Heck, with all the flaming wreckage coming from
that gunship, you could just use any part of it not burning as a mantlepiece!
"Now? Who's going to be the lucky one to carry it into combat? Ah, yeah: Gordon Freeman.
Greg tells me I couldn't have asked for a finer volunteer."
posted by Smart Dalek at 3:45 AM on May 12, 2012 [8 favorites]
I don't want your damn lemons!
posted by Admiral Haddock at 4:19 AM on May 12, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by Admiral Haddock at 4:19 AM on May 12, 2012 [4 favorites]
There seems to be something wrong, why can I only favorite this once?
posted by Evilspork at 6:57 AM on May 12, 2012
posted by Evilspork at 6:57 AM on May 12, 2012
Greg is totally Beaker from the Muppets.
posted by zombieflanders at 7:20 AM on May 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by zombieflanders at 7:20 AM on May 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
Why am I just learning about this now?
posted by ArgentCorvid at 7:34 AM on May 12, 2012
posted by ArgentCorvid at 7:34 AM on May 12, 2012
Portal 2 taught me the word vitrification and for that I will always be grateful.
posted by The Whelk at 7:35 AM on May 12, 2012
posted by The Whelk at 7:35 AM on May 12, 2012
Chariot chariot. The last five minutes or so are hilarious.
posted by painquale at 7:36 AM on May 12, 2012
posted by painquale at 7:36 AM on May 12, 2012
Crisis of infinite Caves.
posted by The Whelk at 7:49 AM on May 12, 2012 [7 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 7:49 AM on May 12, 2012 [7 favorites]
Between this, gorging myself on the SPC, playing Old World Blues and watching Better of Ted, I realize I just want to do funny mad science stuff until the end of time.
posted by The Whelk at 8:04 AM on May 12, 2012
posted by The Whelk at 8:04 AM on May 12, 2012
Seriously, can JK Simmons just narrate my life now, please, how much? I love the fact that a man who's the classic definition of a character actor is getting all this love.
posted by drewbage1847 at 8:28 AM on May 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by drewbage1847 at 8:28 AM on May 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
until the end of time.
Which, if you keep up with the mad science stuff, could happen. Just FYI.
posted by Malor at 8:31 AM on May 12, 2012
Which, if you keep up with the mad science stuff, could happen. Just FYI.
posted by Malor at 8:31 AM on May 12, 2012
emmtee: You're implying that Valve is going to release Episode 3; I'm beginning to suspect it was all just a cruel practical joke on their part.
posted by Grimgrin at 9:06 AM on May 12, 2012
posted by Grimgrin at 9:06 AM on May 12, 2012
One of Cave's new lines was taken out of context and put into a separate site: Blapperture Mesa. It's a small line that reinforces the bonds between the Half Life universe and the Portal universe, and it made the Half Life fanbase sizzle a little bit wondering if that meant there's a Half Life 3 coming out or something.
posted by cyberscythe at 10:38 AM on May 12, 2012
posted by cyberscythe at 10:38 AM on May 12, 2012
unless Half Life 3 cures cancer it's going to be a let down.
posted by The Whelk at 10:44 AM on May 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by The Whelk at 10:44 AM on May 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
Doesn't that audio clip suggest that "Chariots Chariots" Cave Prime (and I assume the rest of the Portal Universe including Chell and GladOs) is not from the same dimension as the events of Half Life? Cave Prime shut down the resonance cascade project. Maybe the Half Life universe is the one containing Dark Cave.
posted by painquale at 10:45 AM on May 12, 2012
posted by painquale at 10:45 AM on May 12, 2012
I'm pretty sure Blapperture Cave, Cave Prime and Portal Cave are three different people. Blapperture Cave was successful enough to buy out Black Mesa and never needed to steal test chambers from other universes. Cave Prime learned from the trans-universal testing that computer-transcribed people would turn murderous and cancelled the GLaDOS project on the spot. Portal Cave probably never had a Greg to suggest snooping on other universes and to tell him not to play in the moon rocks, and so never cancelled the computer-transcription project but died before it could be used on him. Which led via poor Caroline to the Aperture we know.
posted by emmtee at 11:42 AM on May 12, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by emmtee at 11:42 AM on May 12, 2012 [4 favorites]
And love.
posted by mikurski at 11:50 AM on May 12, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by mikurski at 11:50 AM on May 12, 2012 [3 favorites]
Wait, there's a new Portal DLC?! How did I miss this? Thanks, Artw!
posted by homunculus at 11:58 AM on May 12, 2012
posted by homunculus at 11:58 AM on May 12, 2012
I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS NEW DLC NOW I REGRET THROWING A PARTY TONIGHT
posted by cmoj at 4:17 PM on May 12, 2012
posted by cmoj at 4:17 PM on May 12, 2012
I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS NEW DLC NOW I REGRET THROWING A PARTY TONIGHT
But now that is a reason to party!
posted by TwelveTwo at 5:26 PM on May 12, 2012
But now that is a reason to party!
posted by TwelveTwo at 5:26 PM on May 12, 2012
CRISIS IN INFINITE APERTURES
ISSUE 12: "WE'RE DONE HERE"
posted by BiggerJ at 6:13 PM on May 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
ISSUE 12: "WE'RE DONE HERE"
posted by BiggerJ at 6:13 PM on May 12, 2012 [1 favorite]
Just noticed that the Portal 1&2 bundle was only $8.50 on Steam, I just gifted it to half a dozen friends. Maybe now I can finally get someone to play multi-player with me.
posted by the_artificer at 1:56 AM on May 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by the_artificer at 1:56 AM on May 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
I may have to figure out if this wedding proposal portal 2 map is on the workshop.
posted by rmd1023 at 5:41 PM on May 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by rmd1023 at 5:41 PM on May 13, 2012 [1 favorite]
Maybe now I can finally get someone to play multi-player with me.
Psst. We got what you need...(although I think Diablo 3 may be swallowing the community whole for the next little while)
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:48 PM on May 13, 2012
Psst. We got what you need...(although I think Diablo 3 may be swallowing the community whole for the next little while)
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:48 PM on May 13, 2012
Perpetually Testing Portal 2′s Perpetual Testing Initiative
posted by Artw at 9:21 PM on May 14, 2012
posted by Artw at 9:21 PM on May 14, 2012
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posted by Artw at 11:52 PM on May 11, 2012