The Tampons Are Back

June 19, 2012 5:18 PM

Not only are OB tampons back in stores but OB would like to apologize to everyone for their temporary absence. Personally. Link to video, does not autoplay.

The OB Ultra is also coming back, and is listed - though not yet available - on Amazon and Drugstore.com.

Previously on Metafilter: The Great OB Shortage

posted by insectosaurus (90 comments total)

The video is more fun if you use a relatively common name. It will play something slightly different if you use a less common name.
posted by insectosaurus at 5:18 PM on June 19, 2012

Rats. I still have some from several years ago that I was planning to auction on eBay.
posted by Melismata at 5:20 PM on June 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

i had so many awesome quips at the ready but then i looked at the previous thread and they were already used dammit
posted by brain_drain at 5:21 PM on June 19, 2012

White pants. I see what they did there.
posted by I'm Doing the Dishes at 5:24 PM on June 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

I used the name Bob.
posted by desjardins at 5:25 PM on June 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

It didn't play for me!! Why?? Are they only semi-sorry???

Anyway, they have my brand loyalty after a very disturbing Tampax incident. NEVER AGAIN!
posted by bquarters at 5:26 PM on June 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

I used the name Bob.

I used the name desjardins.
posted by HuronBob at 5:26 PM on June 19, 2012 [21 favorites]

Aw, that was so sweet. Also, was it a purposeful that he's wearing white pants or do I just make my own jokes by overthinking things?

But along with the funny stuff an actual explanation would be nice. Is this the kind of thing journalists used to do?
posted by bleep at 5:27 PM on June 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

The video is more fun if you use the name Peepants.
posted by evidenceofabsence at 5:29 PM on June 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

All I'm seeing is a "sorry" card that opens up to a blank white square with twittering birdsong in the background. Is that the joke?
posted by Gator at 5:30 PM on June 19, 2012

The sorry card turns into a video after several seconds.
posted by insectosaurus at 5:31 PM on June 19, 2012

I waited a full minute and it never started a video. Only the blank white with twittering birdsong. Help?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:33 PM on June 19, 2012

The McRib is also back. Do not confuse the two.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 5:33 PM on June 19, 2012 [26 favorites]

That is the only time I've ever heard a song to a "Margaret". Apparently we don't tend to inspire serenading.
posted by ocherdraco at 5:34 PM on June 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Jill Sobule has a song called "Margaret" that's a snarky tribute to a girl she knew in school.
posted by hermitosis at 5:38 PM on June 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

Toxic shocking news.
posted by The White Hat at 5:40 PM on June 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

Here you go, ocherdraco. It's even a good song:

The Silos, "Margaret"

:)
posted by BitterOldPunk at 5:42 PM on June 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

There's a song called "Margaret" by a 60's garage rock outfit called Infinite Staircase.
posted by jonmc at 5:43 PM on June 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

Didn't load in Firefox - I think OB owes me a second apology for forcing me to open IE to view that video. Pretty cute, though.
posted by gingerest at 5:47 PM on June 19, 2012

I think the white pants were just to match the white piano... which incidently is the one true instrument for apologetic ballads.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 5:49 PM on June 19, 2012

I was really hoping the Canadian version pronounced "sorry" differently.
posted by roger ackroyd at 5:51 PM on June 19, 2012 [16 favorites]

Huh. Under the Influence included this in their show about corporate apologies this just a few weeks ago, so I'm surprised it's just getting here now.

The apology was sent out to over 65,000 loyal O.B. users, a list that covered about a 1,000 distinct names.

The response was overwhelmingly positive from women. They liked that it was funny and that it played with all the clichés of a power ballad. And because Johnson & Johnson used online technology, they made it engaging without resorting to a hard-sell commercial.

According to an article in the National Post, it was widely circulated through social media, news sites and blogs. Within the first 10 days alone in Canada, it had garnered almost 600,000 unique views.

As the J&J spokesperson said, "We're hoping that by sending people this personal apology, they'll forgive us." It was an apology that turned heads, stopped a potential loss of customers, J&J showed their customers they were listening.

This was actual a decent episode of the show, which has basically been phoned in this year. They included an analysis of a corporate apology that showed how believable it seemed to a test audience responding as they watched. (YT link to video analysis.)

A research company did an interesting analysis of this apology video. They studied the reaction of 243 people to test the believability of the Dominos President.

As the President begins to outline the prank and how seriously he is taking the issue, the score shoots to the top of the "believability" scale. It dips as he says it was an isolated incident, but when he says the two employees have been dismissed and will be arrested, the score begins to go upward again. When the President begins to talk about the Dominos' policy for cleanliness, and how they have auditors visiting stores on a daily basis to ensure clean premises, his score drops considerably.

When he goes on to say the owner of that particular franchise is reeling, and that they acknowledge the incident has caused damage to their brand, his believability score goes up. Then, when he speaks from the heart, saying that it "sickened" him that the actions of two individuals could impact their company, his believability score goes through the roof.

It's interesting that the overriding impulse by Presidents and CEOs to talk policy and mission statements, even when they feel the information is necessary to calm the waters, actually chips away at their credibility. Yet, when the Dominos President spoke from the heart, when there was emotion in the apology, people responded with maximum believability scores.

posted by maudlin at 5:58 PM on June 19, 2012

...the score shoots to the top of the "believability" scale.

Clearly there were no MeFites within that test audience.
posted by ceribus peribus at 6:15 PM on June 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

I have a special place in my heart for tampons. You see, as a curious very young lad, my initial foray into the mystical and alluring world of female bits was the little seven-fold pamphlet in the box of tampons my sisters had beneath the bathroom sink. That little sideview diagram showing the insertion technique? My very first visual representation of a vagina. That warning about TSS? My first conceptualization of bad things happening in the private areas. My mother was a labor & delivery nurse, so this morsel of information was soon to be followed by a sometimes overwhelming helping of info, but there it is.

Thanks, tampons.
posted by lazaruslong at 6:17 PM on June 19, 2012 [8 favorites]

I love this! I laughed out loud and was genuinely tickled. It's really well done.

PS: If you can't get it to load, load the Canadian version instead - it's the same media.
posted by DarlingBri at 6:25 PM on June 19, 2012

Weird. I've never had difficulty finding OB. Ever. ("Instead" cups... have always been difficult to come by.)

What I have noticed is that they redesigned the product by putting some weird mesh on it which makes it... less effective, shall we say. Even the sooper dooper absorbent ones.

So GRRRRRRRR on the crappy redesign. Will I get some sappy apology song about that?
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 6:25 PM on June 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

Thanks, tampons.

Thampons
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 6:32 PM on June 19, 2012 [17 favorites]

Yes, I'm surprised that this isn't a double. They sent me this weeks ago (they had my email address because I wrote to them ranting about ARGH HOW DARE YOU DISCONTINUE THE OB ULTRA THE WORLD'S FINEST TAMPON PLUS TELLING ULTRA USERS TO SEE THEIR GYN BECAUSE THEY OBVIOUSLY WERE BROKEN SOMEHOW IS THE WORST EVER).

I am torn, because seriously, the OB Ultra is the best Ultra tampon ever, but they were such utter jerks about the whole thing that I hate them forever but I think I will probably buy their sweet, sweet tampons again because all the other Ultra tampons suck. And let me tell you Internets, I have tried them all, including ones I imported from England at vast expense.

Roll on, menopause, is what I say.
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:34 PM on June 19, 2012 [6 favorites]

What do you do if your O.B. catches on fire?

You tampon it.
posted by ColdChef at 6:35 PM on June 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

I'm impressed that they had a recording for my first name ("Liza"). Almost makes up for my traumatic early years when I could never find it on personalized keychains, puffy stickers, or novelty mini license plates.
posted by nev at 6:36 PM on June 19, 2012

I've been a little down lately, feeling like the clouds are gathering on the horizon. As a 27-year-old man, I have never thought that a brand of tampon can make me feel acknowledged, appreciated, and reaffirmed in a world that sometimes doesn't care. Thanks, O.B.!

(Sigh… no personalized apology for Bob?)
posted by Nomyte at 6:41 PM on June 19, 2012

Nanci Griffith has a lovely song called "there's a light beyond these woods (Mary Margaret)."
posted by spitbull at 6:43 PM on June 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Neko Case, Margaret vs. Pauline. And the Decemberists have like sixteen songs with Margaret in the title on an album I've never listened to. And surely Maggie May by Rod Stewart counts, and if Maggie May by Rod Stewart counts then (the version of) Maggie Mae by the Beatles counts, and Maggie's Farm by Bob Dylan counts.
posted by two or three cars parked under the stars at 7:01 PM on June 19, 2012

I'm not talking about this "songs with your name in them" business because I do not now, nor will I ever have, seashell eyes.
posted by Sidhedevil at 7:04 PM on June 19, 2012

Toby forgives them.,
posted by cjorgensen at 7:07 PM on June 19, 2012

Ok, this made me crack up! I don't use O.B. tampons, but I might start. (Maybe.) Well-played, Johnson & Johnson. Well-played, inDEED. The rose petals are what really set me off laughing. HA!
posted by Aquifer at 7:07 PM on June 19, 2012

Hilarious. This beats the flash christmas card where my hockey team skated my name into the ice.

... psst, Lightning. Apologetic power ballads would go a long way to redeeming yourselves for last season. Just for God's sake don't put Vinny on the piano or it'd be the ode to umm and ahhh.

I used to be grouchy about how my name is a shortened version of five other names that everyone would rather call me, but then I learned that David Bowie did a song for me and all was forgiven forever.
posted by cmyk at 7:13 PM on June 19, 2012

"Here's your coupon to take to the store."

"Thank you for your interest. This coupon is no longer available."

Damn you, OB man. Full of promises you can't keep, JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHERS BEFORE YOU.
posted by drlith at 7:15 PM on June 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

well, that was delightful. good marketing, j&j.
posted by butterteeth at 7:15 PM on June 19, 2012

Oh oh, they actually had my name! That never happens! Not even with personalized bike plates as a kid!
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:18 PM on June 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

The video is more fun if you use a relatively common name.

No way man. I got to see "Poop Bucket" written in rose petals.
posted by bookish at 7:19 PM on June 19, 2012 [7 favorites]

Coincidentally, I met the guy from this ad immediately after he had filmed it (about 9 months ago). He was still wearing the white pants, and he said "I don't know what I'm going to do with these." Indeed.
posted by gonna get a dog at 7:24 PM on June 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

I was really upset about the loss of this product. I spell my name in a non-conventional way and it worked. VERY HAPPY. I will not switch to the DivaCup like I thought that I would.
posted by k8t at 7:26 PM on June 19, 2012

That is the only time I've ever heard a song to a "Margaret". Apparently we don't tend to inspire serenading.

I've seen your picture
Your name in lights above it
This is your big debut
It's like a dream come true
So won't you smile for the cam'ra?
I know they're gonna love it, Peg
....
posted by Hicksu at 7:33 PM on June 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

Our cat appreciates the apology.
posted by arcticseal at 7:36 PM on June 19, 2012

"What does o.b. stand for?"
Silence. Felicia looks at me. I actually have a lot of tampon jokes, even though I've been on them for only two days.
"Other butt," I say.
"She's funny," Cindy says coolly, still addressing the mirror. "Why didn't we know her before?"
posted by Zerowensboring at 7:38 PM on June 19, 2012 [5 favorites]

The ladyblogs haven't gotten wind of this yet.
posted by k8t at 7:55 PM on June 19, 2012

Hah! This is hilarious. I can't believe I haven't seen this yet. I tried pee pants as well as my own name. Both were surprisingly funny. Thanks for sharing!
posted by two lights above the sea at 8:01 PM on June 19, 2012

And I LOVE OB TAMPONS. There, I said it.
posted by two lights above the sea at 8:03 PM on June 19, 2012

OK, I've actually watched this now and OMG they had my name. I've never met or even heard of anybody else who had it, apart from my grandmother, let alone had a mug or anything with it on as a child. This is momentous. I feel downright guilty for using Tampax now.
posted by two or three cars parked under the stars at 8:07 PM on June 19, 2012

No, Rely tampons were the best tampons even though they tended to kill people when used incorrectly. They should not be blamed for operator error. Ok yes they sucked all the moisture out of your body through your vagina, but they NEVER EVER LEAKED, EVER.
posted by Belle O'Cosity at 8:21 PM on June 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

My god, that was creepy.

Totally playing for my coworkers tomorrow.
posted by maryr at 8:24 PM on June 19, 2012

Some songs for you all:

Come Back, Margaret - Camera Obscura

Julie's In The Drug Squad - The Clash

Bob - NOFX

posted by maryr at 8:40 PM on June 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

I finally had to open the Canadian version in Chrome to get it to work, but yeah, cute. And they had my real name, which, well, there are a couple of very old songs featuring my real name, neither of which I particularly love, so this was a refreshing change.
posted by Gator at 8:49 PM on June 19, 2012

I still have a box from the Great Metafilter OB Shortage that I never ended up sending anyone, damn! I think I may have thought about ebay for them, too, heh.
posted by tristeza at 8:52 PM on June 19, 2012

Oh, OB. Too late. I loved you and your vastly superb ULTRA TAMPONS (hi internet I have heavy periods) but you drove me to the Diva Cup and now I will never leave it.
posted by peep at 8:57 PM on June 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

Hilarious! Not surprisingly, I didn't get anything using persephone, but my pretty common real name worked :P I've never used O.B. but I was fascinated by them when I was a young lady exploring tampon options. I couldn't believe they were so much smaller than everything else and still worked.


I still don't use them -- it's Diva Cup for me.
posted by persephone's rant at 9:09 PM on June 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

Man, I dunno how y'all stand those things. They taste like sterilized cotton.
posted by not_on_display at 9:33 PM on June 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

Ha! Thanks for all the Margaret songs, everyone. I only knew about the Neko Case one, which I wasn't counting as it's not really complimentary to the Margaret in question. And thanks for the Maggie songs, but I'm not a Maggie; that's kind of my point. People will sing about the nicknames for Margaret at the drop of a hat, but Margaret itself is much rarer.
posted by ocherdraco at 9:38 PM on June 19, 2012

(Also the Neko Case song is about a Margaret rather than to one.)
posted by ocherdraco at 9:39 PM on June 19, 2012

It's not OB, people. It's ob, because it looks like a little boner.
The video is more fun if you use the name Aunt Flo.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:55 PM on June 19, 2012

Well, if you want a song TO a Margaret -- although it's not exactly serenading.
posted by maudlin at 10:02 PM on June 19, 2012

Why did it take them a year and a half to restart production if they backtracked on the initial decision after just a month? Did they burn down all of the factories?
posted by acidic at 10:37 PM on June 19, 2012

I never hear my name (Petra) spoken aloud unless someone is talking to (or about!) me so that opening whisper kind of creeped me out for a second. Also, awesome.
posted by eunoia at 10:37 PM on June 19, 2012

Yeah, they got pretty awesome (western) name coverage! Well done, o.b. - you just won over a bunch of girls with reasonably unusual names. Not that I wasn't already an o.b. fan 4 lyfe.

Names they had:
Annick
Simone
Mikaela
Renata
Gwendolyn
Athena
Fatima

Names they didn't have:
Iphigenia
Mireille
Aurora
Apple
Deepti
Lakshmi
Graciela
Noor
Zahra
Ananya

Kind of egregious "ethnic name" fail. But, wow, Renata?
posted by town of cats at 11:18 PM on June 19, 2012

Reading this thread I'm surprised at the apparent lack of choice in tampons in the USA compared to where I live (NL), but then I've always found the same in UK/Irish supermarkets. Too few brands, too few size choices, the stupid applicators, not comfortable, etc.
posted by prolific at 12:38 AM on June 20, 2012

I have now watched it four times. The first time, I used my own real non-female name and giggled at how clever they were. The second time, I used a naughty word and giggled more at how clever I was. The third time, I used "Sarah" and understood how there could be differences between names. The fourth time, I watched the Canadian English version -- and only then understood roger ackroyd's comment. I attempted to watch the Canadian French version and received an error page, which I took as a sign that perhaps I was putting too much time into this.
posted by knile at 1:54 AM on June 20, 2012

I have a special place in my heart for tampons.


I have a special place for them too.



heh.
posted by louche mustachio at 4:21 AM on June 20, 2012 [7 favorites]

They had my name, one which never appears on those personalised items you get on card shops. Ironically, not being in the US, they don't even need to apologise to me!

I feel your pain, though, my American sisters. I was in Amsterdam and found they didn't sell Bodyform pads anywhere. KOTEX IS NOT THE SAME.
posted by mippy at 4:37 AM on June 20, 2012

Rats. I still have some from several years ago that I was planning to auction on eBay.
posted by Melismata at 5:20 PM on June 19 [3 favorites +] [!]

Rats? Not what I want to buy on eBay.
posted by chavenet at 4:42 AM on June 20, 2012

Huh.
posted by fleetmouse at 6:16 AM on June 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

This was the highlight of my day yesterday. Amazing.
posted by corb at 6:21 AM on June 20, 2012

For those of you who can't play it, did you try disabling any adblockers? It didn't play for me (in FF) until I did that.
posted by sundaydriver at 6:28 AM on June 20, 2012

I never bothered to write them about the Ultra situation because I figured my sulking had gone supersonic and they'd noticed already.

Put the Ultras back on the shelf, ob, and I'll agree never to speak of this rough patch in our relationship again.
posted by catlet at 6:33 AM on June 20, 2012

As a fellow Margaret.....loved the derail!!! And the ad!!
posted by pearlybob at 6:39 AM on June 20, 2012

Here's why there are so few songs about Margaret: those of us who know how awesome Margarets are don't want everyone else to find out. Our supply of Margarets is small, but precious. There aren't songs about Margaret cheating on you and breaking your heart, because Margaret won't do that. But Margaret is not weak. She won't put up with your shit and you should know that. She's not Maggie. Maggie's are constructed differently. Maggies appeal to the Rod Stewarts of the world. Rod can have the Maggies. And She's not Meg. If she's Meg to you, she's hiding her Margaret because she doesn't like you.

If you have a Margaret, hold tight to her. Margaret is NOT a jewel. Jewels are frivolous and unnecessary. Margaret is earth. Margaret is sky. Margaret is the seas. Margaret is what we need without knowing that we need her.
posted by ColdChef at 7:13 AM on June 20, 2012 [7 favorites]

I think I just fell in love with ColdChef.

Also, I can't believe y'all forgot It's Me Again, Margaret.
posted by MissySedai at 7:21 AM on June 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

Coincidentally, I met the guy from this ad immediately after he had filmed it (about 9 months ago). He was still wearing the white pants, and he said "I don't know what I'm going to do with these." Indeed.

He can go horseback riding, play tennis, go swimming, hang gliding, go dancing ...

_{Little urp here, I went looking for that ad and came across suggestions for what to do when Mother Nature brings you your Monthly Gift ... I know it's natural but seriously, it's just a reminder to me that I spent 20 years being a walking baby bomb.}
posted by tilde at 7:32 AM on June 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

There's a whole lot of Peggy songs, though, surely? I don't know any modern Peggys, but then I've only met one Margaret that's around my age (she goes by Mags).
posted by mippy at 7:44 AM on June 20, 2012

Oh - there's Stand Down Margaret by The (English) Beat. But that's about one particular Margaret, and there are quite a few songs about her (Tramp The Dirt Down, Margaret on the Guillotine, the popular schoolyard favourite Margaret Thatcher, Chuck Her Up And Catch Her, Squish Her, Squash Her, There's Margaret Thatcher.)
posted by mippy at 7:46 AM on June 20, 2012

ColdChef, that is wonderful. Thank you so much.
posted by ocherdraco at 8:02 AM on June 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

This thing is giving me the worst deja vu, I could swear I saw it ages ago - am I going crazy?
posted by naoko at 8:02 AM on June 20, 2012

Yes, naoko, there was one that put you in a commercial. The only one I could find was this one, though.
posted by tilde at 8:17 AM on June 20, 2012

My sister is a Margaret. I think it would be difficult to write a song about her, because she is too awesome.

Also, you might fuck it up, and woe, WOE betide you, her wrath shall fall upon your head with a mighty THWACK, for the wrath of Margaret is not to be trifled with, and you will be embarrassed forever and have to live under a piece of tar paper.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:23 AM on June 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

....Can someone do an ode to "Kimberly's" now?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:38 AM on June 20, 2012

All I can think of now is a smashup of Chelsea Handler and Judy Blume and an Absolut Vodka ad.
posted by BibiRose at 12:07 PM on June 20, 2012

They pronounced my name wrong.

Menstrual cups FTW!
posted by piearray at 1:28 PM on June 20, 2012

The only Kimberly song I know off the top of my head:

Kimberly by Patti Smith

The palm trees fall into the sea,
It doesn't matter much to me
As long as you're safe, Kimberly.
And I can gaze deep
Into your starry eyes, baby, looking deep in your eyes, baby,
Looking deep in your eyes, baby, looking deep in your eyes, baby,
Into your starry eyes, oh.

And a few more I found by searching:

Kimberly Glide by Robert Downey Jr.

Kimberly by Marques Houston

Kimberly Vegas by Radio Pirate DJ

Kimberly Austin by Porno for Pyros
posted by ocherdraco at 1:31 PM on June 20, 2012

I have a special place in my heart for tampons.

You're doing it wrong.

(sorry)
posted by krinklyfig at 11:36 PM on June 20, 2012

Maggies appeal to the Rod Stewarts of the world.

My cat's name is Maggie.

Rod can have the Maggies.

She is not a fan. Well, she liked him with The Faces.
posted by krinklyfig at 11:49 PM on June 20, 2012