The Virginia-based Jesus has a new career.
October 23, 2001 8:16 AM   Subscribe

The Virginia-based Jesus has a new career. He's amazing. If I had a sister, I'd want her to marry Jesus. In the email from Him that accompanied the link, He wrote that He earned 4 dollars for 5 minutes' work.
posted by Harry Hopkins' Hat (10 comments total)
Jesus was way cool
Everybody liked Jesus
Everybody wanted to hang out with him
Anything he wanted to do, he did
He turned water into wine,
And if he had wanted to,
He could have turned wheat into marijuana,
Sugar into cocaine,
Or vitamin pills into amphetamines
He walked on the water and swam on the land
He would tell these stories and people would listen
He was really cool
If you were blind, or lame,
You just went up to Jesus*
And he would put his hands on you and you would be healed
That's so cool

...No wonder there are so many Christians
posted by hotdoughnutsnow at 8:27 AM on October 23, 2001

Scary thing is that I used to live in the same town as Jesus (Falls Church, VA) and I recognize where those pictures were taken!
posted by laze at 8:56 AM on October 23, 2001

i like what he has to say about revenge in this sermon.
i was filled with wonderment, as were all around me. lo, for it was so.
does he have a tv programme? possibly aided by a few friends...
posted by asok at 9:18 AM on October 23, 2001

posted by davidmsc at 9:46 AM on October 23, 2001

"Bathe With Jesus?" Man, I never thought of that line back in my single days...
posted by davidmsc at 9:49 AM on October 23, 2001

he's like a bogus peter pan, isn't he? he's looking for someone not seduced by modern expectations. which always seems to me like code words for "I want a woman who will conform to *my* ideals; in other words, make me the center of her life." maybe I'm cynical, I don't know.

maybe he should get together with that woman linked here a while back, the one with all the questionaires and strict code words and requirements.
posted by rebeccablood at 11:02 AM on October 23, 2001

I-D Glide is a wonderful water-based, latex-friendly lubricant for people who enjoy the slippery side of life.

Jesus H Kee-rist!
posted by y2karl at 1:17 PM on October 23, 2001

Well, at least he didn't fake his own death again. Or, did someone his death without his knowledge? I never heard the final outcome.
posted by stevis at 1:29 PM on October 23, 2001

Why does Jesus bathe with women? Here is my theory. Jesus wishes to procreate, but since he is Jesus he cant have sex so he..umm..seeds the water hopeing to pass on baby Jesus through some "miracle of god". Anyone who says he is Jesus can not be considered harmless.
posted by stbalbach at 5:15 PM on October 23, 2001

Anyone who says he is Jesus can not be considered harmless.

The Romans certainly thought so.
posted by Optamystic at 5:48 PM on October 23, 2001

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