July 14, 2012 10:58 AM   Subscribe

For people viewing outside of the U.S.: It's a federal crime to name a raccoon anything exception "Bandit" or "Banjo." Freedom isn't free, etc. etc.
posted by griphus at 11:00 AM on July 14, 2012 [15 favorites]

what about Rascal?
posted by The Whelk at 11:01 AM on July 14, 2012

This is what MeFi does well.
posted by Ardiril at 11:04 AM on July 14, 2012

You need an approval co-signed by animal control and the zoning dept. to use "Rascal," and even then it's only in a few states (CA, WY, and TN, I believe.)
posted by griphus at 11:05 AM on July 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

Ah, I see the cat is employing the old "pretend to be asleep while the annoying creature grooms you during your nap, hoping it will get bored and go away."

posted by newg at 11:05 AM on July 14, 2012 [30 favorites]


posted by Fizz at 11:05 AM on July 14, 2012

This is very obviously filmed in the lounge room of some forest rave at 6am last weekend.
posted by elizardbits at 11:06 AM on July 14, 2012 [9 favorites]

One again a youtube video with audio in only one stereo channel, leading me to scramble and see if my left speaker just died. Or my left ear just quit working.
posted by thecjm at 11:07 AM on July 14, 2012 [3 favorites]

Burhanistan, if you cross a raccoon and a cat do you get a rat?
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 11:07 AM on July 14, 2012

If you're lucky you get one of these.
posted by infinitywaltz at 11:12 AM on July 14, 2012

posted by Conductor71 at 11:16 AM on July 14, 2012

♪ ♫ raccoon and kitteh havin Snorgle Adventures USA ♪ ♫
posted by Senor Cardgage at 11:17 AM on July 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

YES where is the Interspecies Snorgling tag?
posted by elizardbits at 11:19 AM on July 14, 2012

Man, this person has a raccoon inside his house laying on his clothes. I may start dry heaving. Seriously, where I live (Texas), I wig every time they come on the porch at night. They scare me to death for some reason, and they gross me out. Do people actually keep these things as pets? What's their personalities like as a pet if so?
posted by scunning at 11:20 AM on July 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

Once again the internet reduced to cat videos.
posted by PipRuss at 11:23 AM on July 14, 2012

Still evil.
posted by Artw at 11:24 AM on July 14, 2012

The raccoon is only preparing the cat, preparing it for death.
posted by TwelveTwo at 11:25 AM on July 14, 2012 [5 favorites]

I know raccoons do not eat kitties, they eat brownies, stupidly left in an 11 year old boy scout's tent during summer camp.

posted by Mojojojo at 11:26 AM on July 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

That cat has more patience and endurance than any other cat I've seen. Racoon may be cute, but is also an annoying little asshat there, kitty should try a sage application of the old "claw swipe to nose" to make the point.
posted by Iosephus at 11:26 AM on July 14, 2012 [3 favorites]

I am so glad this video appeared after all the raccoons left my apartment.
posted by jeather at 11:28 AM on July 14, 2012 [2 favorites]

I haven't been around a lot of raccoons in my life, so I cannot read it well enough to say "loves."

I have been a round a lot of cats in my life, and I am quite sure that expression is "my tolerance of this thing you are doing is dwindling fast, and you are about to find out where the term 'cat-like reflexes' comes from".
posted by ricochet biscuit at 11:35 AM on July 14, 2012 [2 favorites]

You and your pussycat lips? Oh my.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 11:37 AM on July 14, 2012

posted by kiltedtaco at 11:44 AM on July 14, 2012 [8 favorites]

Cat was happily relaxed in the sun when Raccoon hailed him from the door.

Raccoon, being a very poor cuddler, asked Cat to show him how to do it best. "Are you mad?" exclaimed Cat. "As soon as I relax you'll bite me, rip out my spine and feast upon my soul. You are a demon!"

"You are too cruel," cried Raccoon, "I am only thought a demon for I have never cuddled, lounged in the sun, among friends, never smiled or frolicked. If I were to rip out your spine, I would never know such pleasures, never know happiness, won't you please believe me?" Raccoon's eyes glistened hopeful.

Cat saw the miserable look of Raccoon and was moved with sympathy. "You're right!" cried Cat. "No one should ever live without bathing in the sun, cuddling another! No wonder you are so cruel and villainous. Come come."

Raccoon entered the house, and took a leap onto the couch. And there they cuddled and cuddled, Cat told what to do, and Raccoon did it, and soon they were both most comfortable, and upon Raccoon's face was the widest smile Cat had ever seen.

"Friends?" Raccoon said.

"Friends." Cat replied, falling fast asleep.

And then Raccoon bit open Cat's neck.

Cat screamed, "You said you wouldn't! You said we were friends. You said you were only a demon because you never had cuddled."

With eyes glowing red, Raccoon replied, "It is nothing personal, but I have no friends for it is my nature to destroy them."
posted by TwelveTwo at 11:44 AM on July 14, 2012 [10 favorites]

"You and your pussycat lips? Oh my," Anatasia murmurs.

Nope, don't want to see a kitty getting all snuggly with vermin. Not unless it's vermin being lulled into a false sense of security right before it becomes cat chow.
posted by fuse theorem at 11:51 AM on July 14, 2012

Together they lived happily until one day the raccoon decided to wash the cat.
posted by jamaro at 11:56 AM on July 14, 2012 [9 favorites]

Burhanistan, if you cross a raccoon and a cat do you get a rat?

I thought you got a cartoon.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 12:02 PM on July 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

I did feel a bit bad for the kitty, who was just trying to nap, but he's probably thinking, "this is annoying, but he has opposable thumbs, and can help me get into cupboards."

On the other hand, this video did lead me to a pair of fox kits and a dog cavorting in a sunny backyard to the music of Charles Trenet, which may be the most charming thing I've seen all month.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:09 PM on July 14, 2012 [6 favorites]

In "So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish," Fenchurch tells Arthur that her bathroom is large enough to swing a cat in, so long as it was a reasonably patient cat and didn't mind a few cracks about the head.

This would obviously be Fenchurch's cat.
posted by Mooski at 12:10 PM on July 14, 2012 [3 favorites]

If I was the raccoon, I'd be doing exactly that. I wish I was cat-sized or that my cats were me-sized. I'd get right in the soft tummy area.
posted by bobobox at 12:16 PM on July 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

A co-worker of my Dad once had a raccoon show up at his door one day, accompanied by his cat. The cat brought the raccoon in through the pet flap, showed him where the food was. Later, it introduced the raccoon to the litterbox, which it happily took to. When my dad's coworker walked the dog, the cat and/or raccoon would sometimes come along, sniffing at various things along the path. Raccoon came and went as it pleased, till one day it just didn't come back. Maybe hurt, maybe killed, maybe bored and found a new cat buddy.

Point is, raccoons is some weird critters.
posted by Tomorrowful at 12:23 PM on July 14, 2012 [15 favorites]

Man, he's really rooting around in that cat's ear.
posted by Existential Dread at 12:37 PM on July 14, 2012

raccoon love = headlock.

posted by fuzzypantalones at 12:44 PM on July 14, 2012 [2 favorites]

It would have taken, like, maybe two seconds during a close up of the raccoon rooting around in the cat's ear to move the Fruit of the Looms out of the frame.
posted by peagood at 12:46 PM on July 14, 2012

Raccoons also wash their food. Just sayin'.
posted by maryr at 12:47 PM on July 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

WHY do I ever start reading the youtube comments? According to half the intarweb,in this video teh cat is loving the attention of its cute lil' raccoon friend. According to the other half OMG CRUELTY TO KITTEHS!!

Trust me. This cat doesn't look content. It's being made to put up with that raccoon's behavior because the "alpha cat" of its household (the camera person) is forcing it to. There is no love connection going on. That cat is just too well-behaved--and perhaps frightened--to start a fight with that raccoon.

I LOLed on so many levels!
!!alpha cat!! *sniggers*
posted by BlueHorse at 12:49 PM on July 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

Is it time for the game where we pick the cutest videos from the sidebar of this video? Because the sidebar of this video is a rich vein.
posted by clavicle at 1:00 PM on July 14, 2012

bonus points available for version with non-obnoxious music!
posted by Anything at 1:41 PM on July 14, 2012

@clavicle, You'd win, if it wasn't for the description talking about how the two dogs have died in the last 3 years.
posted by WeX Majors at 1:51 PM on July 14, 2012

What's up with all the raccoon hate? I don't understand it at all. When I was in college we had a local "dorm raccoon," grown fat on discarded pizzas, and when I came home a few hours before dawn from a rave or club or something, he'd sometimes saunter up to me to eat breath mints right out of my hand. I'd squat down, and he'd perch delicately on his back feet, resting his forepaws on my thighs for balance.
posted by infinitywaltz at 2:36 PM on July 14, 2012 [2 favorites]

That raccoon was a narc, dude.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 2:59 PM on July 14, 2012 [2 favorites]

A raccoon is very cute as long as he or she has open escape. You do not ever want to corner one of those suckers armed with anything less than a .38 caliber pistol. The raccoon askme's always intrigue me. They are perfectly capable of fending for themselves without hassling humans, so long as humans do not feed the raccoons. Feeding raccoons is almost as stupid as feeding bears. (To be fair to the askmetafilter questioners it is almost certainly their neighbors who were doing the stupidity and not them.)
posted by bukvich at 3:34 PM on July 14, 2012

I wish I was cat-sized or that my cats were me-sized. I'd get right in the soft tummy area.

No, you really don't, actually. Because you would end up right in the tummy area....

This is cute, but that cat does really look annoyed. Not scared. More like he has an excitable and somewhat stupid younger brother cat with personal space issues.
posted by AdamCSnider at 3:37 PM on July 14, 2012 [2 favorites]

That cat needs a big ol' bottle of Hannah Montana Coon Repellent!
posted by briank at 7:55 PM on July 14, 2012

That's not love, that's harassment.

I'm sorry, I've been spending too long in the skeptic blogosphere.
posted by Decani at 5:14 AM on July 15, 2012

I was fortunate enough to foster a baby raccoon that wasn't able to be released into the wild. She loved the dogs and was surprisingly gentle and patient when it came to the cats. They never came around to her. The play in the video is similar to how mine would play with the dogs, when she was sleepy at least, there's lots of chasing when they're not tired. And yes, the dogs quickly realized she had thumbs and could climb to the cabinets, open them, open food or treat boxes and toss them down to the dogs.
And if this one wanted to eat the cat it would have. I have scars on my hands from attempts at taking away the TV remote or my lunch or whatever else she decided should be hers.
posted by gally99 at 10:25 PM on July 15, 2012 [2 favorites]

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