No battle plan survives contact with the enemy.

July 14, 2012 1:54 PM

The best demonstration of putting newborn twins in a Moby wrap.
posted by daisystomper (57 comments total)

What the fuck was that? How many babies does this guy still have?

I am mortified.
posted by cjorgensen at 2:01 PM on July 14, 2012 [4 favorites]

I started out thinking "at least the dude looks appropriately sleep-deprived for newborn twins but about 1:30 in I started to think he was just stoned instead.
posted by ambrosia at 2:05 PM on July 14, 2012 [5 favorites]

jesus. That was terrifying and excellent. High points for me:

"Mom, gimme another baby."

"Twins should always be dressed identically. Forever."

"Fuck."
posted by peachfuzz at 2:07 PM on July 14, 2012 [13 favorites]

I've looked at both this and this, but can't spot any newborn twins in either of them. Perhaps Moby rap isn't a good genre for such young persons?
posted by hippybear at 2:07 PM on July 14, 2012

Holy shit, these things are $45 for what's essentially a very long piece of fabric?
posted by desjardins at 2:17 PM on July 14, 2012 [2 favorites]

A great ad for vasectosmies
posted by Postroad at 2:21 PM on July 14, 2012 [13 favorites]

A very difficult to use properly long piece of fabric that you trust your child's safety with. A bargain!
posted by middleclasstool at 2:21 PM on July 14, 2012 [2 favorites]

I think I could have found it funny...if I hadn't been distracted trying to stop myself from yelling, 'Support their heads! Support their heads!' and muttering the babywearers' mantra, 'High, tight, close enough to kiss. High, tight, close enough to kiss.'
posted by brambory at 2:27 PM on July 14, 2012 [3 favorites]

How many times have I said to myself, "Self, if only you had twin babies and wanted to carry them around precariously while potentially being mistaken for someone who had just mugged a Krishna devotee, what would you do?"

Now I *know* what I would do!
posted by jocelmeow at 2:28 PM on July 14, 2012 [16 favorites]

Make your own Moby wrap!
posted by DarlingBri at 2:32 PM on July 14, 2012

That tag in the middle that shows you how to position it is worth every penny!
Also, loved the line about twins being dressed the same forever.
posted by zorrine at 2:33 PM on July 14, 2012

I just appreciated the use of the verbs "wedge" and "shove".
posted by bennett being thrown at 2:35 PM on July 14, 2012 [2 favorites]

Is it just me or is the moby wrap specifically aimed at young fathers who wanted to be Jedi when they grew up?
posted by restless_nomad at 2:38 PM on July 14, 2012 [4 favorites]

All I see when I look at this is STONED JESUS STEALS BURRITOS.
posted by elizardbits at 2:40 PM on July 14, 2012 [20 favorites]

So that's what Moby has been up to since this video.
posted by birdherder at 2:41 PM on July 14, 2012

Yes, SUPPORT THEIR HEADS! I couldn't take all that floppy head action after a while and had to quit watching.
posted by carter at 2:42 PM on July 14, 2012

For serious though this looks super precariously unsafe; god forbid I was ever in the horrible position to be holding not just one but TWO tiny screamy poop machines, I would want harnesses and carabiners and and helmets and some sort of safety net (and actually someone else to take them far far away and never return would be ideal) and not just a random piece of probably overpriced cloth.
posted by elizardbits at 2:43 PM on July 14, 2012 [4 favorites]

Seriously. Keeping my pants up is sometimes an insurmountable challenge, and the technology for that is way more advanced.
posted by restless_nomad at 2:45 PM on July 14, 2012 [9 favorites]

I enjoyed this. It was entertaining and I laughed loud enough that my boyfriend came out of the office to check and see if I'm ok or having a choking fit.

Though I was also aghast at the floppy baby heads.
posted by bilabial at 2:47 PM on July 14, 2012

Seriously. Keeping my pants up is sometimes an insurmountable challenge, and the technology for that is way more advanced.

I've known men who have accused me of not being able to keep my pants up, but that had nothing to do with the available technology.
posted by hippybear at 2:48 PM on July 14, 2012 [3 favorites]

I adore Brian Rosenworcel. He has a great sense of humor but updates Guster's band journal far too infrequently. I've found it oddly compelling to watch nearly everyone in the band have babies in the last few years.
posted by lilac girl at 2:55 PM on July 14, 2012 [2 favorites]

that was frickin hilarious.
posted by facetious at 2:57 PM on July 14, 2012

I adore Brian Rosenworcel.

THUNDERGOD!!!
posted by hippybear at 2:59 PM on July 14, 2012 [3 favorites]

that was frickin terrifying.
posted by thinkpiece at 3:02 PM on July 14, 2012

I've only used my Moby wrap once since my child is still another 4 weeks in the oven, but I tried it with a friends newborn and I think it's great. I mean no it's nothing revolutionary wrapping baby's like this is nothing new, and multiple layers of stretchy cotton fabric is plenty strong enough to hold 20lbs of baby.
posted by MrBobaFett at 3:14 PM on July 14, 2012

I think your username just proved my theory.
posted by restless_nomad at 3:15 PM on July 14, 2012 [12 favorites]

BobaFett hunts Jedi! He doesn't want to be one.
posted by MrBobaFett at 3:16 PM on July 14, 2012

I think he has to wear the crocs because you can't bend over to tie your shoes with two floppy twin babies in a Moby wrap, right?

(Also, the wanted him to nurse them, right? I think that's something I saw? The minute he put them near his chest, they were like suckerfish.)
posted by peagood at 3:17 PM on July 14, 2012

My Moby wrap love is more driven by my love of knots and rigging. Speaking of harnesses and carabiners above, once they get to walking age I want to sew webbing slings into all of their outfits so that I can have a handle just behind their neck that I can grab onto when they are running around in crowded public places.
posted by MrBobaFett at 3:21 PM on July 14, 2012 [2 favorites]

The orange crocs are what really pulled the whole outfit together
posted by Blasdelb at 3:25 PM on July 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

He is practicing the angle he will need to unhinge his jaw and swallow his prey whole.
posted by elizardbits at 3:30 PM on July 14, 2012 [3 favorites]

For $45, that man should have some knotwork and tassels on his rebozo. I mean, from what I've seen, he's earned them.
posted by evidenceofabsence at 3:36 PM on July 14, 2012

I thought this was "how to dress for some ill-considered church play where you play Jesus at several stages of his life, especially if he were twins." However, it seems I was wrong.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:57 PM on July 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

Interesting. Will it work if the babies are not identical? What if they're not even siblings?
posted by dobbs at 4:10 PM on July 14, 2012

Then it catches fire, and at that you'd better have purchased the EMERGENCY EGRESS; BABIES / PARENT procedural manual, which HAS to be printed in red.
posted by Chutzler at 4:19 PM on July 14, 2012

That was more adorable than I thought it would be. I like when he had to start over.

When I started watching, I thought "I recognize this guy. ... Brian Rosenworcel ... why do I know that name?" and I had to look it up, and I was like "aw, Guster!" I lost track of them after 3-4 albums, but I still love those guys. This would've been charming anyway, but that just felt like a bonus.
posted by darksong at 5:29 PM on July 14, 2012

The closing credits were missing the key disclaimer:

No newborn twins were harmed in the making of this video.

We can only hope.
posted by alms at 5:31 PM on July 14, 2012

I liked the part where he was picking his wedgie while walking down the street.
posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit at 5:56 PM on July 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

Certainly proves that there's never enough arms for twins.

Had to quit, couldn't watch all the head flopping and baby dropping. Granted he's sleep deprived, but he certainly was an impatient turd with his wife.

A- will not watch this videos by this person again.
posted by BlueHorse at 6:07 PM on July 14, 2012

brooklyn
posted by ReeMonster at 6:13 PM on July 14, 2012 [2 favorites]

A- will not watch this videos by this person again.

Awww... c'mon. You could watch one more by him. This one is entirely different and totally charming.
posted by hippybear at 6:15 PM on July 14, 2012

I tried using one with our dog bug she wasn't a big fan. Too bad. It would have kept her from attacking party guests.
posted by jewzilla at 6:15 PM on July 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

Why did the baby cross the mobius strip?

-To get to the same side.
posted by Pyrogenesis at 6:27 PM on July 14, 2012 [2 favorites]

I loved the Moby Wrap; it was easy to put on, kept my son securely in place and was super comfortable. The Baby Bjorn made my back hurt. Husband preferred the Baby Bjorn & found the Moby Wrap was just too complicated. YMMV
posted by echolalia67 at 7:19 PM on July 14, 2012

I had a baby-wearing contraption when my son was born but I was never confident enough to wear it. I was sure that as soon as I let go of my baby every buckle and clip and seam woud let go and he would fall. I had that same feeling watching this guy walking down the street with his arms swinging free. I was holding my breath waiting for the thing to come loose and the babies to fall out.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 7:29 PM on July 14, 2012

How many babies can I get in this Moby wrap?
-That's a gown question bro!
posted by vozworth at 7:33 PM on July 14, 2012

"Shove"...shudder...
posted by ky1e at 7:35 PM on July 14, 2012

My kids both hated the moby wrap with the fire of a thousand suns, which worked out well for me, because it was SO HOT I felt like I was burning within the fire of a thousand suns. We passed it on to another granola mom.

My kids both loved the baby Bjorn. My first hated the ring sling, my second thought it was tolerable, but they both thought the Bjorn was Life's Greatest and Most Hilarious Adventure.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:28 PM on July 14, 2012 [3 favorites]

I tried the ring sling too. My son freaked out in it. Like he got panicky. We just stuck with the strollers (regular and umbrella-style.)
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 8:40 PM on July 14, 2012

The way he was wearing that thing, the poor babies' heads looked like two hairy naked boobs poking out of the top of a very low-cut shirt.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:45 PM on July 14, 2012

I tried this once with my newborn twins. Only once. And my wife helped, so their heads were well supported. For one baby, though, the Moby was fantastic. So comfortable compared to the alternatives.
posted by Emanuel at 8:55 PM on July 14, 2012

The day I figured out how to nurse my daughter when she was in the Moby, my whole life changed.

My son, though, once he was about three weeks old, he didn't really like the Moby. He preferred a Kangaroo Kozy, which was double-layered fleece. This worked out great because he was born in November. For a May baby it would have been a disaster.
posted by KathrynT at 1:27 AM on July 15, 2012

I have no idea how these people got their cats wedged into their moby wraps, or why.
posted by homunculus at 10:25 AM on July 15, 2012 [3 favorites]

Oh God. The Moby Wrap. We got a black one of these off of a Groupon discount that surely lost the poor, local, independent baby shop a wad of cash on our transaction. I know some people love it, and we were told to expect a steep learning curve, but for us, it turned out to be a wall. We tried it on my wife's cabbage patch doll when we first got it, a couple of months before our son was born. It takes a lot of adjustment and sense of how stretching and turning and knotting the fabric in particular ways affects how it feels and how well it stays together. The test run was fine, except that it picked up all the white cat fur off of everything it touched, and I looked like Sub-Zero from Mortal Kombat when I wore it.

When our son finally arrived, we tried it a grand total of once. He weighed a lot more than a cabbage patch kid, for one. It always felt to me like he was going to writhe right out of the thing, sticking his tiny foot under the hip strap, sliding down past my legs, and scurrying off for mama's breast. We were nervous first time parents too, and there was nothing that we wanted more than the satisfying 'click' of the buckles in a more conventional baby carrier to tell us our baby would be safe.

Since then, my wife has become a baby-wearing aficionado, owning five or six different styles of baby wearing equipment. But we've never returned to the Moby. It's gone now, sold on Craigslist.
posted by mariokrat at 12:01 PM on July 15, 2012

I just want to know where the hell the baby got the pacifier in the first place, then.
posted by gnomeloaf at 10:00 AM on July 16, 2012 [2 favorites]

One thing I'll point out, now that I've watched the video more carefully -- he's doing it wrong. You're supposed to fold the wrap in half lengthwise and then put it on with the open edges facing up on the cross-torso diagonals. This gives you two taco-like pockets that you can tuck a baby each into, then pull the belly wrap up to keep them snug and sound.
posted by KathrynT at 10:24 AM on July 16, 2012 [1 favorite]

I just want to know where the hell the baby got the pacifier in the first place, then.

Clearly his mother/production assistant. The slightly petulant "I need another baby, Mom," lines were the best part of the whole thing.
posted by restless_nomad at 10:28 AM on July 16, 2012