Finally, an alternative to Big Pedal.

August 28, 2012 7:19 PM

Presenting the FLIZ velocipede, for anyone who's wondering what you get when you cross a German hipster and a wheeled banana.
posted by jimmythefish (40 comments total)

what you get when you cross a German hipster and a wheeled banana

The Human Velocipede?

sorry I couldn't resist
posted by XMLicious at 7:26 PM on August 28, 2012 [8 favorites]

So you stay hunched over the whole time?
posted by Hicksu at 7:30 PM on August 28, 2012

Are you having us on?
posted by etherist at 7:38 PM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm seeing a significant amount of flame flex, that can't be good. Also, is 95% of your weight suspended by your junk? I'm failing to see the point of this.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 7:46 PM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

But... but.. the beauty of bicycles is that you are continually pedalling, powering your vehicle and achieving a constant speed. This requires (as the video demonstrated) you to skoot along for a bit, put your feet up, cruise, put them down again to regain loss speed, repeat. And no sitting up with no hands so you can mess with your music player of choice.
posted by NailsTheCat at 7:46 PM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

Flame flex. HAH. Frame flex, of course.
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 7:46 PM on August 28, 2012

Somewhat related, I was just remarking today how my 2 year old's "balance bike" (a Strider) is seen as a bit of a revolution in cycling, while they strike me simply as modern day velocipedes (see this "Dandy Horse"). They are awesome though.
posted by NailsTheCat at 7:52 PM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

This makes no sense.
posted by desjardins at 7:53 PM on August 28, 2012 [6 favorites]

That is hardcore.
posted by goethean at 7:54 PM on August 28, 2012

It doesn't look like you could fit your head through those two bars while wearing a helmet. It also seems like it would be difficult to turn your head to see behind you. I wonder how safe it is, and if they've done any testing as to how it might perform in an accident.
posted by oulipian at 7:58 PM on August 28, 2012

is 95% of your weight suspended by your junk?

Well, pretty much 95% of my weight is my junk so I don't see that makes much difference. *High five!*
posted by NailsTheCat at 8:00 PM on August 28, 2012 [8 favorites]

Saw a couple of things like this at a Sunday Streets event (where they close some streets to cars for a Sunday) a few months ago. They looked wildly uncomfortable. Little kids pointed and laughed.
posted by rtha at 8:03 PM on August 28, 2012

God, that does look uncomfortable. I watched the video and just thought, why?
posted by WorkingMyWayHome at 8:11 PM on August 28, 2012

> see this "Dandy Horse"

I so want this phrase to come back into fashion, referring to impractically complex or obscure modes of transportation.
posted by mrzarquon at 8:36 PM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

Reminds me of "it" from South Park.
posted by DyRE at 8:40 PM on August 28, 2012 [3 favorites]

This has got to fuck you up something wonderful in a crash
(Oh yeah, one day you will fall. All cyclists do)

Big Fail point. Did you see that thing flex?
Germans :^)
posted by djrock3k at 8:53 PM on August 28, 2012

It is designed - like beds 79 inches long - for short people.

I'm 6'4". This thing looks like hurting.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 9:02 PM on August 28, 2012

brings a whole new image to the words "banana hammock"
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 9:22 PM on August 28, 2012 [3 favorites]

I got a backache just looking at that thing.
posted by vidur at 9:40 PM on August 28, 2012 [3 favorites]

We will never talk of this again.
posted by maxwelton at 11:35 PM on August 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

"Just because you can doesn't mean you should, now go back to your workshop and try again."
posted by From Bklyn at 11:44 PM on August 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

This has got to be the most idiotic de-invention of the bicycle in some time. Well done, everybody.
posted by steganographia at 12:35 AM on August 29, 2012

Oh, I don't know. This is fairly special.
posted by MuffinMan at 12:36 AM on August 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

The only idiotic element of the indispensable Clag-Gone is the somewhat superfluous derailleur.
posted by steganographia at 12:51 AM on August 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

WELL HOW WOULD YOU IMPLEMENT 3 SPEED CLAG NUT REMOVAL?
posted by MuffinMan at 12:54 AM on August 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Now you know why the Germans invented both the words Verschlimmbesserung and Schadenfreude.
posted by Skeptic at 1:22 AM on August 29, 2012 [3 favorites]

I'm really thankful to live in such tremendous comfort and security, here in the 21st century, but I do think that one of the side effects has been that as a species we have come out of this huge history of suffering and loss, of struggle, of grim brutality, of starving winters, but no outlet for the coping mechanisms we've developed to deal with those things.

Now that we've got a lower infant mortality rate and have managed to keep the land wars over the horizon and out of sight, and we're not stabbing each other to death over affairs of honor, the only recourse is to pour out all those feelings of rage and frustration and loathing in the comments section.

And that's why God made Youtube.
posted by dubold at 4:08 AM on August 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

God invented You Tube so we could wonder how people could ride bicycles so small.

And funny cats.
posted by MuffinMan at 4:11 AM on August 29, 2012

Everything that is wrong is wrong with this.
posted by scruss at 4:34 AM on August 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

>And that's why God made Youtube.

Herp Derp the comments and you too, can manage to 'keep the land wars messy stuff over the horizon and out of sight'
posted by panaceanot at 5:01 AM on August 29, 2012

That dude's constricted nutsack is making me unhappy. Also, how the hell are you supposed to wear a helmet with that thing? You'd be like a little kid with their head stuck in the bannister.
posted by elizardbits at 6:08 AM on August 29, 2012

This is what happens when form overwhelms function.
posted by rocket88 at 9:23 AM on August 29, 2012

I would say no to that were it offered to me.
posted by cmoj at 9:24 AM on August 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Herp Derp the comments and you too, can manage to 'keep the land wars messy stuff over the horizon and out of sight'

thanks, that is going to come in handy.

I just don't understand the annoyance. Okay, so that doesn't look something I'd prefer over my standard-geometry upright bicycle, but I'm glad there are people out there trying to innovate. Until stormtroopers clad in banana suits force us to ride these at gunpoint, what's the big deal? Having a kooky bicycle is, like, standard-issue inventor stuff.
posted by dubold at 9:28 AM on August 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

I think that some of the annoyance comes from the spectacle of ostensibly-smart people putting so much time and effort into taking a bicycle, arguably the best machine ever invented, and making it much less practical and comfortable. There are some really neat alternative bikes, such as recumbents, which solve the problem referred to in the third link (the pressure that standard bicycle seats put on a man's taint, not to put too fine a point on it, at precisely the spot where the main vein and nerve for the penis passes through, although there are also special seats that help with that as well). Boing Boing used to post a lot of things like this that look different and interesting but don't seem to have been thought through very well. That having been said, I wouldn't be surprised if I saw this at RAGBRAI in a year or two.
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:45 AM on August 29, 2012

This makes no sense.
posted by desjardins at 10:53 PM

That is hardcore.
posted by goethean at 10:54 PM

A nearly-perfect Metafilter moment.
posted by IAmBroom at 12:40 PM on August 29, 2012

That is not a German hipster, it's a German megadork. That is not a wheeled banana, it's a public wedgie.

Also, aside from the public humiliation, the thing seems purpose-built to catch your feet in the spokes.

The world was better before this was invented.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:59 PM on August 29, 2012

I'd rather be seen riding a Razr scooter than stick my head into this suicide device - and it'd probably be a whole lot more efficient (for transportation).
posted by porpoise at 9:01 PM on August 29, 2012

It's silly, but it's stupid!
posted by mazola at 11:14 PM on August 29, 2012

I'm a biker who doesn't wear a helmet but does wear headphones. I am not stupid enough to ride that device.
posted by cthuljew at 10:16 PM on August 30, 2012