Seeking Renaissance Bro to Assimilate into Existing Bro Community

November 1, 2012 1:17 PM

Bro-iest Craigslist roommate ad ever? Those of you who followed the Confederacy of Bachelors thread from a few months back may notice some similarities with these guys: We're not the "bro" you see on MTV, or any "bro" you see wearing Ed Hardy/Affliction T-shirts. We're not bros with Nantucket red shorts, boat shoes, and croakies. We're not the Magic The Gathering/D&D Bros. We are just sensible guys that enjoy immature forays on weekends and intellectual box socials on weekdays. We enjoy the outdoors and traveling. We read a lot of books and discuss the best way to layer the contents of a BLT. We're not all fart jokes and dildo-hats though. We both have legit 9-5 jobs, graduate degrees, and high levels of general awareness. We have a strong group of bros (approx 30-45 across the eastern seaboard) that come in and out on a regular basis throughout the week/weekends for Monday/Thursday night football, movie night, or bro dinners at sick steakhouses. I know this is a lot, and there is no way I can cover all areas of our bro community, but I hope this weeds out some of the unsavory "bros" out there.
posted by Cash4Lead (18 comments total)

What's an intellectual box social?
posted by grouse at 1:22 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

We got that sick Safeway under city vista as our local grocery store and a brand new Cross Fit on New York Avenue. Just kidding about Cross Fit. . . if you are into that don't email me. JK, but no, seriously.

Wait, so is that a yes or a no to the Crossfit? Too many negatives make trotsky's head hurt.
posted by leotrotsky at 1:24 PM on November 1, 2012

"but a renaissance bro that will seamlessly fit into our crew like bacon and chocolate chips into waffle batter. "

you know i was thinking the other day how funny it would be if the whole world blew up
posted by boo_radley at 1:24 PM on November 1, 2012 [4 favorites]

That's a no. I speak fluent Bro. I...I...I am one.
posted by josher71 at 1:24 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

What's an intellectual box social?

That's when you put on your dildo hats and tell each other fart jokes.
posted by dortmunder at 1:25 PM on November 1, 2012 [6 favorites]

Uptight people pretend to be relaxed and fun-loving, fail to convince any actual bros.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 1:26 PM on November 1, 2012

I have no idea why I'm supposed to care. I mean this seriously. Is this funny? It just seems a slightly irritating thing to read, although it does make me glad to have left shared houses behind. So any help for me?
posted by howfar at 1:27 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Used "taint".

FAIL.
posted by clvrmnky at 1:27 PM on November 1, 2012

Wait, there are faux bros? Fros, or maybe braux?
posted by jquinby at 1:27 PM on November 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

This is the true story of two bros picked to live in a house and have their lives taint. Find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting taint. Taint world.
posted by 2bucksplus at 1:28 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

"hot jazz"?
posted by josher71 at 1:28 PM on November 1, 2012

Reading that ad, I feel like a boy at his first big league baseball game, grinning from ear to ear, watching everything but the game, drinking way too much soda, then going into the ballpark men's room for the first time and standing in front of the urinal trough, unzipping like a big boy, and then looking left and right at massive adult penises and thinking I'll never be able to piss for that long, those guys can do it forever and of course the piss crawls back into my bladder, then I'm bugging my dad after the next half inning, gotta go gotta go, after two more fruitless trips I learn to stand in line for the peace and quiet of a stall.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 1:28 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

and a brand new Cross Fit on New York Avenue. Just kidding about Cross Fit. . . if you are into that don't email me. JK, but no, seriously.

If these guys aren't 'bros' then we need some other word to indicate "grown men who never shed their unconscious desire to be part of a bro-hive."
posted by muddgirl at 1:30 PM on November 1, 2012

I haz roommate suggeshtun
posted by lalochezia at 1:32 PM on November 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

wait so are these two guys looking for a third for their gay relationship or not I mean "we can describe each others' taints with our eyes closed" sure sounds like "we spend a lot of time with our heads in each others' crotches" to me

or is that a form of ironic gay NO HOMO humor too advanced for my lady brain
posted by egypturnash at 1:33 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

I like the part where your room has to be filled with all of their instruments (including a full drum set) and you have to accommodate their jam sessions.
posted by burnmp3s at 1:34 PM on November 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

Also, no women. . . sorry ladies. . . I like to bed you, but not live with you.

Oh you are a one.
posted by howfar at 1:34 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Yeah, the entire ad seems like a way to distract you from the fact you'll be living in their rehearsal space at eight hundy a month. Bro.
posted by Nahum Tate at 1:35 PM on November 1, 2012 [2 favorites]