Does What It Says On The Homepage

November 12, 2012 1:10 AM

The Useless Web serves a collection of some of the most frivolous, insignificant and worthless websites (many of which were previously seen here).
Obvious Warning: May contain sound, flashing images, old memes or peanuts. Well, probably not peanuts.
posted by oneswellfoop (46 comments total)

// Useless websites: url | uses flash | score (out of 10)
// Commented out websites which have crashed.
var sitesList = [
['http://heeeeeeeey.com/', false, 7],
['http://www.koalastothemax.com/', false, 7],
['http://www.papertoilet.com/', true, 7],
['http://www.staggeringbeauty.com/', false, 7],
['http://www.pleaselike.com/', false, 7],
['http://www.omfgdogs.com/', false, 7],
['http://www.leduchamp.com/', true, 7],
['http://burymewithmymoney.com/', true, 7],
['http://www.republiquedesmangues.fr/', false, 7],
['http://www.rrrgggbbb.com/', true, 7],
['http://www.everydayim.com/', false, 7],
['http://www.hristu.net/', true, 6],
['http://r33b.net/', true, 6],
['http://cat-bounce.com/', true, 6],
['http://www.internettestcard.com/', true, 6],
['http://www.movenowthinklater.com/', false, 6],
['http://www.nelson-haha.com/', false, 6],
['http://www.electricboogiewoogie.com/', true, 6],
['http://heyyeyaaeyaaaeyaeyaa.com/', true, 6],
['http://www.wutdafuk.com/', false, 6],
['http://www.nullingthevoid.com/', true, 6],
['http://www.whitetrash.nl/', true, 6],
['http://www.leekspin.com/', true, 6],
['http://www.ringingtelephone.com/', true, 6],
['http://sometimesredsometimesblue.com/', false, 5],
['http://hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com/', false, 5],
['http://www.pleasedonate.biz/', false, 5],
['http://www.muchbetterthanthis.com/', true, 5],
['http://www.something.com/', false, 5],
['http://www.sadforjapan.com/', true, 5],
['http://www.ismycomputeron.com/', false, 5],
['http://isitchristmas.com/', false, 5],
['http://ninjaflex.com/', false, 4],
['http://ihasabucket.com/', false, 4],
['http://corndogoncorndog.com/', false, 4],
['http://www.oppositeofpoop.com/', false, 4],
['http://chickenonaraft.com/', false, 4],
['http://www.toggletoggle.com/', true, 4],
['http://www.itisamystery.com/', false, 4],
['http://imaninja.com/', false, 3],
['http://www.watermelonduck.com/', false, 3],
['http://www.ooooiiii.com/', true, 3],
['http://www.wwwdotcom.com/', false, 3],
['http://lockyourscreen.com/', false, 3],
['http://iamawesome.com/', false, 3],
['http://www.clicktoremove.com/', false, 3],
['http://pageload.net/', false, 2]
];
posted by wcfields at 1:15 AM on November 12, 2012 [7 favorites]

No zombo.com?
posted by Pseudonumb at 1:48 AM on November 12, 2012 [7 favorites]

This one is quite beautiful.
This other one has a penis monster that gives you seizures.
Best of the web? Unroll this roll of toilet paper while you decide.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 2:00 AM on November 12, 2012

heeeeeeeeeeeey

hoooooooooo

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey

hooooo- head explodes
posted by mannequito at 2:15 AM on November 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

This other one has a penis monster that gives you seizures.

You ever see that you've already visited a link and find that worrisome?
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 2:30 AM on November 12, 2012 [7 favorites]

We are here to protect you.
posted by Pope Guilty at 2:37 AM on November 12, 2012 [3 favorites]

There's a "Submit" email link at the bottom of the page. If you think you know more Useless sites... Use it!
also, wcfileds, SPOILERS, man!
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:55 AM on November 12, 2012

You ever see that you've already visited a link and find that worrisome?

Metafilter: Best of the useless web.
posted by drlith at 3:25 AM on November 12, 2012

Please take it away. I'm far far too easily amused.
posted by SpaceWarp13 at 4:35 AM on November 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

Kind of disappointed that there is no cardboard roll inside the toilet paper. That was way too many click-and-drags.
posted by carter at 4:45 AM on November 12, 2012 [5 favorites]

There's a "Submit" email link at the bottom of the page.

I submit!
posted by unSane at 4:52 AM on November 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Take me to a Useless Website.

Don't click on it! Don't! It's useless!
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:20 AM on November 12, 2012

carter: "Kind of disappointed that there is no cardboard roll inside the toilet paper. That was way too many click-and-drags."

I think it is an emulator for the experience of being a cat.
posted by idiopath at 5:21 AM on November 12, 2012 [6 favorites]

I remember back in the early days of the internet everybody laughed at me for buying the domain name heeeeeeeeeey.com.

But I made a killing on that, because somebody bought it for a lot of money.

I'm still not sure why.
posted by twoleftfeet at 5:30 AM on November 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Kind of disappointed that there is no cardboard roll inside the toilet paper. That was way too many click-and-drags.

Protip: Use your up/down arrow keys to unroll and re-roll the tp. I do agree about the disappointment of no cardboard roll...unless the cardboard is jet-black and blends with the background.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:46 AM on November 12, 2012

I was hoping someday that my unfinished masterpiece would be included in one of these lists. (Blatant, ban-worthy self-link)
posted by Devils Rancher at 6:09 AM on November 12, 2012 [4 favorites]

I liked electricboogiewoogie because it made me imagine Piet Mondrian jumping up and down and shouting, "Yes, yes, this is what I meant." For extra effect, play a pre-1943 boogie woogie song in the background. Like Sixth Avenue Express from Albert Ammons and Pete Johnson.
posted by marsha56 at 6:13 AM on November 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Can't believe that jodi.org didn't make it on here.
posted by jquinby at 6:43 AM on November 12, 2012

Cat Bounce is USEFUL. IT IS.
posted by scratch at 6:44 AM on November 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm sorry for getting all unsolicited purist about this, but I think useless websites featured as useless should exclude Flash because I think so.
posted by mistersquid at 7:20 AM on November 12, 2012

Best of the web? Unroll this roll of toilet paper while you decide.

Now I feel like my cat.
posted by mazola at 7:21 AM on November 12, 2012

http://isitchristmas.com

I've got to remember this one next month.

Dammit. I'm supposed to be catching up on work on my day off, not cackling and guffawing at useless web sites LIKE I DO EVERY OTHER DAY.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 7:33 AM on November 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

Best of the web?
posted by Mental Wimp at 9:10 AM on November 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Weird, i refreshed a million times but it never linked to the DRUDGE REPORT.
posted by Zerowensboring at 9:34 AM on November 12, 2012 [3 favorites]

I am surprised it doesn't include the classic REALLY BIG BUTTON THAT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING, perhaps the most useless website ever created.
posted by slogger at 9:54 AM on November 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

slogger, either they haven't found or been pointed to the REALLY BIG BUTTON yet, or they're only including ones where everything (or nothing) is at the homepage url.

Me, I was disappointed they didn't have Sad Trombone. Which becomes semi-ironic...
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:13 AM on November 12, 2012

I have now crapped in every facebook profile to which I have been (at least up until now) allowed access. Now, to unmute.
posted by herbplarfegan at 11:17 AM on November 12, 2012

My own attempt at a useless website was an abject failure a resounding success.
posted by BoatMeme at 11:34 AM on November 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

megacar.com has unfortunately long since gone to the big Dot Com Crash in the sky... but I am delighted to report that somebody has preserved the experience for future generations.
posted by usonian at 11:53 AM on November 12, 2012 [3 favorites]

The actual Megacar flash file is online. I don't think it died because of the big Dot Com Crash, since Kimble still had a lot of money at that point. More likely it died when the New Zealand police seized Kimble's assets (sorry - Kim Dotcom's assets) after the Megaupload bust.
posted by twoleftfeet at 12:39 PM on November 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Nooooooooooooooo!
posted by Schadenfreude at 1:23 PM on November 12, 2012 [2 favorites]

No zombo.com?

This is about useless web sites.
posted by klausness at 2:29 PM on November 12, 2012 [6 favorites]

I kind of like http://www.koalastothemax.com/
posted by MikeMc at 2:49 PM on November 12, 2012

I had hoped for a little more of a payoff after uncovering every dot of the koalastothemax.

This, on the other hand, is robust with content in a way that is both terrible (I definitely didn't want this shit song stuck in my shit brain) and wonderful but not expressly useless.
posted by SharkParty at 2:59 PM on November 12, 2012

Oh wow how have I never seen that Space Robots jam?

"Please go stand by the stairs so I can protect you"
posted by SharkParty at 3:09 PM on November 12, 2012

I FPP'd this last year, but it's still my favorite useless website: Find The Spam
posted by JHarris at 7:49 PM on November 12, 2012

(It was possibly funnier when it first came out, and monitor resolutions were a lot smaller and browsers had obtrusive UIs and toolbars, and so you actually had to scroll down a little to see the big ol' can of SPAM.)
posted by JHarris at 7:50 PM on November 12, 2012

Whatever happened to the hamsters and the dancing baby?
posted by BlueHorse at 9:12 PM on November 12, 2012 [1 favorite]

Once, while searching for the author or "Tours of the Black Clock" and "The Sea Came in at Midnight," I found a website that I'm 99% sure has nothing to do with him.
posted by OrangeDrink at 9:32 PM on November 12, 2012

Most importantly, what's the backgound music for http://www.leekspin.com/ ? My phone needs it for a ringtone.
posted by Pericles at 12:37 AM on November 13, 2012

Gah, answered my own question: " traditional Finnish folk song "Ievan Polkka," sung by the Finnish quartet Loituma on their 1996 debut album Things of Beauty."
posted by Pericles at 4:00 AM on November 13, 2012

It's like URoulette but more useless!
posted by SisterHavana at 8:02 PM on November 13, 2012

Also, this brings back memories of The Useless Pages, one of my favorite sites from the early days of the web.
posted by SisterHavana at 8:07 PM on November 13, 2012

Oh wow how have I never seen that Space Robots jam?

"Please go stand by the stairs so I can protect you"

It's based on an ancient Something Awful ICQ prank, from the days when IM was new and random strangers would IM you.

I both do and don't miss that era.
posted by Pope Guilty at 12:47 AM on November 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

I both do and don't miss that era.

I remember when CU-SeeMe reflectors were sorcery, and that the parody - SmellYou-SmellMe was hilarious.
posted by jquinby at 5:49 AM on November 14, 2012

I have no idea how this person got their dog inside their monitor, or why.
posted by madcaptenor at 1:22 PM on December 1, 2012 [1 favorite]