Press X to wubwubwub
November 28, 2012 3:46 PM   Subscribe

So this is about 100x more legit than I ever would have thought.
posted by lobbyist at 3:58 PM on November 28, 2012 [7 favorites]

Nice idea.

I am spoiled by recent Zelda games which feature lock on for combat. I have been finding the control/camera difficult to work with so far.
posted by Hicksu at 3:58 PM on November 28, 2012

YOU HAVE -3491773812365183012352135 GP
posted by Nomyte at 3:59 PM on November 28, 2012

Yeah it's surprisingly impressive. Use the WASD keys to adjust your view angle if you want.
posted by 2bucksplus at 3:59 PM on November 28, 2012

Really well done but why is Skrillex involved? Did he pay for it? I would much prefer the game without the Skrillex.
posted by sixohsix at 4:03 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

This is surprisingly lovely... though I do like it when I'm ready to make a joke about something and then it actually is related to that something. (I see a cartridge, I'm primed and ready to make a blow on it joke, and then, that's sort of the point = I'm going to like that thing.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 4:05 PM on November 28, 2012

Very nice. I think I died. But, I didn't mind.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:08 PM on November 28, 2012

you have achieved buddhahood
posted by elizardbits at 4:11 PM on November 28, 2012

that's strange, I don't remember smoking any pot..
posted by mannequito at 4:11 PM on November 28, 2012

If Skrillex made good music this would be even better.
posted by ZaneJ. at 4:58 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

Previously by game designer Jason Oda: Emo Game and Perfect Strangers: Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now
posted by asuprenant at 5:04 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

Neat! Kinda Swords & Sworcery crossed with ROM CHECK FAIL. I finished it and it called me a coward for only finding 18% of all the things. No Skrillex Quest you are the coward :(
posted by Monster_Zero at 5:15 PM on November 28, 2012

this is wonderfully chaotic. "jenny garth potion gained leaf raking ability"?
posted by juv3nal at 5:39 PM on November 28, 2012

Oh my, asuprenant: I need to send that Perfect Strangers game to a friend of mine.
posted by smirkette at 5:52 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

The let's shit on everything crowd never disappoints.
posted by Mick at 5:53 PM on November 28, 2012 [12 favorites]

I have unabashed like for Skrillex. I am told I should know better.
posted by sendai sleep master at 5:58 PM on November 28, 2012 [1 favorite]

Well, that was fun. Against all odds. I didn't get the master sword, 48% and all that jazz. Anyone want to clue me in on what I missed?
posted by RolandOfEld at 6:32 PM on November 28, 2012

Are the different areas timed? It's annoying when you're just figuring out the rules to one area and suddenly it's on to the next.

Also, I play with the music turned down.
posted by JHarris at 6:39 PM on November 28, 2012

I actually liked the music in this. It was fun.
posted by schmod at 6:52 PM on November 28, 2012 [3 favorites]

Ranking: Coward
posted by Room 641-A at 7:20 PM on November 28, 2012

The setup reminds me of the Haunted Majora's Mask story.
posted by allen.spaulding at 7:41 PM on November 28, 2012

If Skrillex made good music...

Here is a well reasoned and insightful counter argument.
posted by poe at 7:50 PM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

Somehow dubsteb isn't the music I tend to associate with glitch art, because it isn't atonal enough.
posted by RobotHero at 8:07 PM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

This was pretty awesome, enjoyable on all levels. Also the first time I've seen the term "advergaming", but if it's going to be of this caliber I have no issue with it.
posted by pahalial at 8:23 PM on November 28, 2012

Yeah this was great. Thanks.
posted by dobie at 8:24 PM on November 28, 2012

poe: "If Skrillex made good music...

Here is a well reasoned and insightful counter argument.

Yeah, I remember a bunch of the "elite" musical journalists (AV Club, Pitchfork) begrudgingly admit that Skrillex was easily the best and most entertaining act at SXSW this year. The guy knows how to work a crowd.

Dubstep seems to encourage superlatives, so I'm not really sure how it's going to evolve from here -- some of Skrillex's stuff is actually fairly melodic, though the other end of the spectrum can get quite grating.
posted by schmod at 9:07 PM on November 28, 2012

asuprenant: "Previously by game designer Jason Oda: Emo Game and Perfect Strangers: Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now"

Oda's personal site has more of his portfolio. He's evidently quite good at what he does.
posted by schmod at 9:08 PM on November 28, 2012

Metafilter: the let's shit on everything crowd never disappoints.
posted by drklahn at 10:30 PM on November 28, 2012 [2 favorites]

That was a little confusing but kind of fun. I finished with 20%, which I think is about on par with any other game I've ever played.
posted by rhapsodie at 11:23 PM on November 28, 2012

I like skrillex and I like this.

I think the first skrillex song I ever heard was his remix (or a version of it anyway, there seems to be a lot of them) of Benny Benassi ft. Gary Go - Cinema, which was playing in a bowling alley I was in. I'm pretty sure it didn't have the weird silly voices right before the skrillexy bits come in, but otherwise it was like that version.

I took notice pretty quickly, especially when it hit the high, shrill notes, which I remember really catching me. They're part of what makes a lot of people hate him, but I think they're great and I'm really fascinated in particular in how he's managed to take that kind of abrasion to mainstream(ish) places.

Side note, when grabbing the links for this I found this guy playing 'Classical Piano Arrangement[s]' of Skrillex songs, and it's great.

Now I think I need to play this a few more times and try to figure out how it ticks exactly.
posted by vibratory manner of working at 12:14 AM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Second time through: Warrior (48%)
posted by vibratory manner of working at 12:41 AM on November 29, 2012

Here is a well reasoned and insightful counter argument.

Except it's not, and it doesn't actually look at the substance and contextual history of Skrillex.

Everything he talks about with Musique Concrete and the forefathers and mothers of electronic music is true and relevant, but while neatly and conveniently skipping over the proceeding 20+ years of electronic dance music where people have been happily filling giant arenas and festivals

I've been listening to electronic music for over 20 years and I don't like Skrillex - and I actually like what good 2nd wave dubstep and post-dubstep that I've heard. Not because I think his sounds are too harsh, inhuman or complex, but because they're too simple and boring.

Skrillex is decidedly NOT avant garde. If you take away the wub-wub and fat square-wave bass tones and you look just at the structure and bones of his songs it's just the same old formulaic pop music that's been winning Grammy awards for the past 3-4 decades. It's extremely predictable and safe, and frankly boring if you've already developed your ears on this stuff.

He, too, won a Grammy for this, for finally breaking that wall in the pop music industry and making harsh electronic noises that were non-threatening and accessible enough to get a bunch of rich old white industrialists to give him an award for it based primarily on sales numbers and a popularity contest. This isn't avant garde genius. This is just popular music - same as it ever was.

Many of the sounds that he's been using have been in use for well over 15 years with greater complexity, creativity and innovation. He's stealing and borrowing from artists like Aphex Twin. Squarepusher. Cylob. Ceephax Acid Crew. Plaid. AtomTM aka Atom Heart. (See this video from a live AtomTM tour for just one small example and an idea about what I'm talking about and why I'm annoyed by Skrillex's simplicity and pop music aesthetics.)

Skrillex is standing on the shoulders of so many previous artists that I could spend hundred kilobytes of text just to name some of them without even discussing the relevant details.

Even disregarding the not-really-avant-garde nature of his music, the production values suck. His tracks are heavily compressed and tinny sounding to developed ears who know and love electronic dance music. He's tuning his releases to sound good on YouTube, on cell phones and laptop speakers and low-fidelity iPod earbuds. That's not avant garde, that's plain old pop music and marketing.

Skrillex' main failing isn't in any of these things, though, but in failing to acknowledge who he's stealing his sounds and ideas from, and failing to educate his bazillions of fans about what they're actually listening to. Skrillex isn't alone in this at all, though. There's a whole list of ultrapopular arena-sized acts out there now writing simplified EDM for the masses and party people. Deadmau5, Swedish House Mafia, David Guetta, Avicii and Steve Aoki all spring readily to mind.

There isn't anything inherently wrong with this kind of success or writing pop music. But I do have a problem when these people call themselves innovators or performers when they're *stealing* without giving back to the culture they're stealing from. I have a problem with these performer selling extremely expensive tickets to festivals where they spend more time waving their hands in the air and performing stage stunts then they spend actually doing any kind of live performance or improvisation.

Many of these "mainstream" EDM artists don't even produce their own music either. They just pay people to produce stuff for them.

Tiesto is another who is famous for this, too, so much so that he inspired this Jack Chick style tract on the evils of trance music and DJ worship.

Daft Punk may also play huge arenas, but at least they spend more time actually performing than they do being attention whores and stage ponies.

It irritates me to see people paying good money and getting ripped off when they could have supported less well known artists who work harder and provide a more authentic live performance.

Why is this a problem? It's just people having a good time, right? Let people like whatever they want to like? Sure, maybe.

But what has been happening in reality is that there are more and more people coming into the electronic dance music scene who have absolutely no sense of the history who are homophobic, hateful, anti-creativity and anti-DIY. Skrillex' brand of 2nd-wave dubstep has been aptly named "brostep". These music fans have brought into the EDM scene actual violence and sexual repression into places that used to be safe places where people of all genders and orientations could dance and express themselves safely and freely without being judged, without fear of having their drinks spiked, without fear of being sexually assaulted on the dance floor or raped or groped by drunk dudebros who wouldn't know the difference between a club kid or a drag queen, or even the difference between bassline or a synthline or a 4/4 and a break.

This problem is so bad and well known that for one recent example at Seattle's Hempfest the performance stage basically banned or denied a bunch of local dubstep DJs from the roster. These DJs responded by renting a vendor space and setting up their own sound system and stage and basically breaking the rules and terms of agreement for Hempfest. That "stage" area featured strictly female go go dancers in lingerie up on platforms in broad daylight at an all-ages event. It was littered with discarded alcohol containers at a strictly alcohol free event where people were expected to pick up their own trash, much less refrain from bringing alcohol into the festival.

Yeah, it's not "all good", bro. It's actually pretty messed up. I miss the KLF.

Regardless, the future of pop music is electronic. It's not going away any time soon. But it wasn't supposed to end up like this, just more of the same boring pop music bullshit. I guess the fascist Futurists might be winning.
posted by loquacious at 3:45 AM on November 29, 2012 [10 favorites]

Amazing post loquacious, but don't get so down. Aphex, SquarePusher et al. invented their art as a reaction to the shit that was coming before it. Things will mutate. The followers will follow. So it goes.
posted by mannequito at 4:08 AM on November 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

Yeah, I don't actually hate Skrillex or anything. By all accounts I've heard he's a pretty nice guy, and he's apparently a professional and a hard worker at performances. I mainly just have a problem with his followers who think he's the best or only thing going in EDM.

Kids be kids, and, heck, I used to like some pretty trashy dance music before my ears grew up and out.

A recent moment of revelation for me in dance/pop music was at the recent 2012 Decibel Festival where I volunteered for a pass. One of my working gigs was stage hand and grip for Dragonette at the Showbox Market venue, which I wasn't really into that much because I'm a musically jaded old fart. But it was an all ages show, and I have to give credit that more people by percentage were actually dancing there than at most of the "better" shows I attended including the Orbital showcase. (Well, maybe outside of the AtomTM show which was incredibly intense, but that's to be expected for that demographic and audience.)

I did have reservations and opinions about the fact that their tour lighting rig was something like 10 times the weight and volume of their actual instruments, but that's pop music for you.
posted by loquacious at 4:40 AM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

I've warmed up to this game a little since my first message. It's still kind of unfair in places, and it's annoying searching it for secrets because there's no quick way to skip the intro and get to the game.

Here's some things to watch for (SPOILERS):

First area:
There is a man to talk to in the upper-right corner. Answer his question with the last thing on his list to get a Map piece.
Kill 2 cubes to get Key 1. Kill 2 more to open the way north; in that area, go all the way right to find a Treasure. Note, the way opens without fanfare, it's easy to miss it.
It is hard to kill four glitches in time; after that, but after that a fifth appears. I don't know what reward there is, if any, for killing that one too.

In the dungeon:
This is the best part of the game.
Go one screen right from the start and one up and talk to the man for a Map piece.
Explore to the right some way and you'll find a guy who offers you a bottle or heart. Pick the bottle to get a Map piece (the other choice causes damage to you). Either way, he refills your time.
Then, work your way left. If you find an empty room with a single block, push the block right to open a passage to a Treasure. (While in the passage room, the timer is paused.)
Explore all the way left to find a fairy who asks you a question. Answer 'faith' to refill the timer.
In the remaining rooms there are two keys and one treasure. There's also a hidden room behind a cracked wall; push Space up against the wall to drop a bomb and open the way. In the room behind it there's a heart that fills up your health, and a way down through the wall that (after a brief conversation) gives you another map piece.

In the desert:
In the very lower-right corner is a chest with another treasure.
The guy in the graveyard gives you another map piece. Near him there's a way you can leave the desert, through a largely invisible passage, to the left; follow the route to eventually get another map piece.
Key 4 is in the fenced-in area near the back of the desert; kill four cubes there to get it (sometimes the chest is impossible to collect though, a bug that got me *twice*)
Key 5 is in a shop building; choose each option on the list other than Exit to get the key.

When you get to the big locked heart, any keys you don't have must be opened by pushing the space bar a lot to destroy the lock. If the keyboard doesn't work here, it's because the game has somehow lost focus; this got me my first time here, as the timer does not pause in this instance. If you open all the locks you get to proceed to the last part of the game.

In the final area, first you are attacked by cubes that rush you on all sides. Kill enough and a chest appears (be sure to open it before time runs out).
posted by JHarris at 5:41 AM on November 29, 2012 [2 favorites]

The let's shit on everything crowd never disappoints. - Mick

Not worth a Metatalk thread, but still pretty irritating.
LOL, WUT? I could flag it and move on (which is obviously something you could consider), but seriously what is the point of this contribution? I count two comments prior to yours that could be construed as negative by an ungenerous reader. The gist of them seems to be that the game would be better without the Skrillex music. Those comments would seem to be more related to the subject of this post than yours.
As loquacious has explained, Skrillex is a divisive figure (as I guess any high profile pop musician would probably be) and not being able to turn the music off in this game certainly made it less enjoyable for me. Am I wrong to express that opinion?
Perhaps you subscribe to the philosophy that one should not make any comments unless they are positive, but if that is the case why did you contribute a negative comment? Judging by your posting history you are not a troll, so what are you trying to achieve?

Here I am perpetuating the wave of negativity that you started.

tl;dr: Use the flagging system.
posted by asok at 5:46 AM on November 29, 2012

Also, like loquacious I have nothing against electronic music, in fact I have liked it since forever. I also don't have a problem with stupid noisy music, in fact I have quite a lot of it. It's just that Skrillex is monotonous and unimaginative formula music. He's only young, so you never know, he might get better at it as time goes on. The problem is, having such great success so early in his career is not going to make it easy for him to be experimental under the Skrillex name.
Talking of formula music, here's a formula that is pretty much guaranteed to get me interested. I first heard that track on The Physics of Freestyle mixes by DJ Ransom, both of which are available on Grooveshark and represent a fantastic DJ mixing fantastic and interesting music in a skillful and intelligent way.
posted by asok at 7:04 AM on November 29, 2012

Oh, there's also the weird paradox that the main track used in the game (Summit) barely sounds like Skrillex (or even his brand of 2nd-wave dubstep) at all.

It sounds a lot more like mainstream dance music -- if anything, it more closely resembles deadmau5's "signature sound" (and he's on record as being pretty firmly anti-dubstep).
posted by schmod at 8:06 AM on November 29, 2012

This game is unironically great. How you see Skrillex in the Great Canon of EDM(*) aside, it makes for great video game music. And I totally love all the glitch stuff and the Zelda homage. I don't even mind that it's all a big ad.

What I'm most curious about is that if I unlock all the secrets, do I get rewarded with a big fat drop and wub wub? The music kept teasing me and never getting there.

* do we not say IDM anymore?
posted by Nelson at 8:21 AM on November 29, 2012

I still sometimes call it all "techno". Because.

Despite having basically no idea what I was doing, and missing most of the stuff JHarris found, I got all the way past the part where Skrillex is making a bunch of big square monster things dance in a circle while glitchy squares come at you from all sides, and then I died in the part where the really huge glitchy square things come roaring in at you, because I couldn't figure out what to do about them. Anybody know?

I liked how the way you figure out whether you're watching a cut-scene or actually playing the game is that the glitches start hitting your character and hurting him.
posted by Mars Saxman at 9:18 AM on November 29, 2012

More spoilers:

Two other buildings in the desert:

One is the dice game, keep playing and you'll get piece seven of the scroll
The other is the desert inn. The first time I found it I was trying all the options, which mostly produce randomized messages. I got one though that said "enter contra code now" or something like that. I did, and I got a treasure. Second time I didn't hit that, but I entered the code anyway and I got the treasure. Maybe you can do it anytime? Dunno.
posted by vibratory manner of working at 10:21 AM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh, and the liquor or love guy, it must depend on what you pick to drink: I picked 'rot gut' and didn't get a scroll piece, but did get told a message about treasure under the pushable block.
posted by vibratory manner of working at 10:24 AM on November 29, 2012

forth desert building is all the way forward and to the right, a guy will trade you the master sword for all the scroll pieces, and there's something about a secret word. I didn't get it, since I missed the piece from the love/liquor guy.
posted by vibratory manner of working at 10:32 AM on November 29, 2012 [1 favorite]

I got all the way past the part where Skrillex is making a bunch of big square monster things dance in a circle while glitchy squares come at you from all sides, and then I died in the part where the really huge glitchy square things come roaring in at you, because I couldn't figure out what to do about them. Anybody know?

When the lines of boxes rush you, just stand in the middle and attack the line just before it hits you. You'll kill the one that's about to damage you, and the others will sail by. It's not hard once you've got the timing down. Survive several of those and you're almost done, it's just a boss fight after that.
posted by JHarris at 2:08 PM on November 29, 2012

That Perfect Strangers game was awesome, and made me very happy. Though I have not yet achieved my dreams, Cousin Balki assures me that if I just keep at it, I'll be able to fart rainbows.
posted by asperity at 10:44 PM on November 29, 2012

501/668. 71%: "Prince"

I got every item except the CD and the sword (don't know where those are). I got hurt 20 times and didn't kill seven blocks, probably because I just ran past them in the dungeon. Collecting all the scrolls does nothing except give you more completion points.

I don't care enough about the game to go for higher scores. Maybe some of you might want to try to do better.

BTW: who the heck is Skrillex supposed to be? Some music guy?
posted by JHarris at 1:50 AM on November 30, 2012

JHarris: if you have the full set of scrolls, you can get the sword from a guy in a hut in the desert. All the way forward and to the right, a passage outside the normal boundaries.

I've gotten everything except the CD, which I suspect is from the same hut. There's an option about a secret word, but I can't figure what that is. I don't know where else it might be.

My top score so far is: 82% king
posted by vibratory manner of working at 12:06 PM on November 30, 2012

Oh, there's also the weird paradox that the main track used in the game (Summit) barely sounds like Skrillex (or even his brand of 2nd-wave dubstep) at all.

It appears to be off his new EP. Also, digging into who did it brought up this interview, it seems to be done as an ad for the artist in general. Pepsi-wubwub? Although, if this is the future of advertising, I can deal with it. The creator's site has some more music/game combos. (Takes a while to load)
posted by zabuni at 6:10 PM on November 30, 2012

So, this song has been unironically stuck in my head for a few days now.

It's definitely not dubstep, but it's actually one of the better vocal trance(?) tracks in recent memory.
posted by schmod at 7:44 AM on December 3, 2012

Skrillex Quest - Complete Walkthough and 100% Guide

Stage 1 - The Garden

After the initial cutscene you find yourself in a garden. The game starts as soon as the two enemy glitches rise up out of the ground in front of you. This stage lasts for 45 seconds, which is the tightest time limit of any of them. It is important to note that to get 100% you must never take any damage. Because of that, and the time limit, this is probably the hardest section, if you're trying to get 100%.

There are 6 glitches to kill, 1 key, 1 scroll, and 1 treasure.

Kill the two glitches for Dead Princess key 1. If you're quick, it should take about 10 seconds. Collect the key, then go talk to the man in the left hand corner. He will ask you if you are ready to die, answer with the fourth option, '(-', for piece of the scroll #1. Any other response will get you nothing.

By now there should be two more glitches. Kill them both, and the gate in front of you will open. Time to go should be about 20 to 15 seconds. Inside, all the way to the right, is a chest hidden behind a bush. Collect it for the first treasure, Watership Down. Return to the garden to kill the last set of two glitches in the remaining time.

When time runs out, there's a brief cutscene with the Princess Ghost, then we move forward.

Stage 2 - Falling

This is short section, only about 12 seconds. There are four positions, one for each cardinal direction. One or two glitches will come up from below you, use directional keys to avoid them.

Stage 3 - The Dungeon

You start with 78 seconds on the clock. This can be refreshed three times. There are three scrolls, two treasures, and two keys in the dungeon. There are 24 glitches to kill. Here's a map:
     1   2   3   4   5   6   7
1           [ ]-----[2]-[h]
             |       |   |
2            |      [k]  s
             |       |
3       [k]-[ ]+[ ] [4]     [s]
         |       +   |       |
4   [f] [4]    [2t]-[2]-[s]-[4]
     |   |       |       |
5   [ ]-[2]-----[t]      |
         |               |
6       [2]-----[m]-----[2]
Rooms marked with a number have that number of glitches to kill in them. Rooms marked with a 's' have a scroll, with a 't' have a treasure, and a 'k' have a key. The 'm' is for a man you can talk to, but who doesn't give you anything. The 'h' is for a heart that will heal you.

The 'f' is for a fairy who can refresh the clock. The other two time refreshes happen whenever you pick up your first of the two keys, and in the room at row 3, column 7.

To get 100% you need to kill all the glitches, and collect all items except the heart, which is optional. If you space out the three clock refreshes, there is plenty time to do this. The exact route isn't important. Here's some scattered notes on different rooms:

Some rooms with glitches will have closed doors until the glitches are all killed. A door going south cannot close.

The safest and fastest way to kill a set of glitches is to pin them all against a wall together, and hold down the space key until they are all dead.

row 6, column 4: You begin here.
row 5, column 4: There is a single tile in this room. Push it, and go down the stairs to find treasure number two, the Bangarang. Time does not pass while down the stairs.
row 4, column 1: This room has a fairy who asks you what you want to heal. All three options give a message, but only 'Faith' will refresh the clock. You can choose each option, if you like. Time does not pass in this room.
row 4, column 4: The treasure in this room can only be accessed through the path marked with '+', from row 3, column 3. It is treasure number three, Sabre Vision Glasses.
row 4, column 6: Talk to the man, and he will give you piece of the scroll #2
row 3, column 2: Dead Princess key 2
row 3, column 3: on the right hand wall is a crack. Press space while standing here to drop a bomb and open the passageway to the treasure in row 4, column 4.
row 3, column 7: A man here offers you liquor or love. Choosing love will lose you three health and you will be told your heart is full of dog shit. Choose liquor, and the man will ask you what you want to drink. Choose any of the first three options, and the man will tell you one of three secrets about the dungeon. Choose the fourth, 'Sweet berry wine', and he will give you piece of the scroll #3. Whatever you choose will refresh the clock. Time does not pass in this room.
row 2, column 5: Dead Princess key 3
row 2, column 6: Not really a room, but P1 walks up to the camera when going south from row 1, column 6. He will address you directly, then you'll get piece of the scroll #4. Time does not pass while in this liminal space.
row 1, column 6: If you're getting 100%, this heart is useless to you.

Once you've collected everything and killed all the glitches, nothing to do but wait until the time runs out. I usually finished with a good 30 seconds on the clock. The floor will drop out from under you, and you'll fall into...

Stage 4 - The Desert

You have 80 seconds on the clock, this can be refreshed once. There are four glitches to kill, two keys, three treasures, three scrolls, and the master sword. Here's a rough map:
     |   t                                      |
     |                  ----                    -----------sword
     |                  |k4|                    |
     |                  - --                    |
     |      m                                   |
     |                           m              |
     |                                          |
s    |  s                                     s |
|    |                      k                   |
------                                          |
     |                                          |
     |                     x                    |
     |                                         t|
You begin at the x.

Bottom right is a chest with the fourth treasure, Snake Bite Piercings.

Middle left is a man standing in a graveyard. Talk to him, and he'll give you piece of the scroll #6. Nearby, is a path off of the desert area, where you'll find another man. Talk to him for piece of the scroll #5.

Forward from where you start is a hut you can enter. This is the Desert Store. Each option gives a short message. Choose each option to receive Dead Princess key 5. Time does not pass inside the hut.

Middle right is another hut, Dice of Fate. Roll the dice enough times and you'll win piece of the scroll #7. Time does not pass inside the hut.

Top left is a third hut, Desert Inn. If you explore the menus for a while, one of the options will tell you to enter the contra code. If you do, at any time while in the Inn, you will get treasure number 5, Blown KRK Speakers. The code is up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-B-A. Time, etc.

Top middle is a fenced in area. Enter it an a pair of glitches will pop up. Kill them for another two glitches. Kill all four, and get a chest with Dead Princess key 4. Collect the chest, and time will reset to 80 seconds.

Top right is a passageway off the right of the desert area, where there is a hut. Inside is a man who will give you the Master Sword if you have all seven pieces of the scroll. This allows you to one hit kill any glitch. You can also enter the four letter secret word to receive treasure number 6, the Aphex Twin CD. The secret word is 'snow'. I only know this because of the hacker news thread about this game, where someone disassembled the game to find it. I don't know how you're realistically supposed to guess it.

There are also two men standing in the middle somewhere. One gives you a hint about where the key is, while the other is just sad at you, in a reference to a particularly appropriate children's movie.

Hit up all the things, getting the key in the fenced in area somewhere in the middle. With the refresh, there's plenty of time to do everything. Once time runs out, another short cutscene, then you start climbing a ladder.

Stage 5 - Climbing

You climb a ladder for 25 seconds, while glitches come at you from the left or right. Press that direction to swing your sword that way. Easy.

Stage 6 - Freeing the Princess Ghost

You start with 40 seconds. There are five locks imprisoning the Princess Ghost, which can either be opened with a key, or bashed open with your sword. It takes about 8 seconds to bash open a lock with your sword, plus a little bit of time for movement, so you can realistically free her with only two keys. If you're doing 100%, you should have all five keys anyway. This stage ends when time runs out or when you free the princess, whichever comes first. Open all five locks to free the Princess Ghost. If you fail, she'll give you her magic flute.

A quick cutscene plays where you stand outside the entrance to a new building, while it snows outside. I guess that's important.

Stage 7 - Summit, Part 1

Inside the building is a dance party! They want to kill you. And everybody else, sure, but mostly you.

This part lasts for 32 seconds. You're surrounded by a circle of 16 cubes, which become glitches and come at you, three at a time. Kill them all, and a chest will appear containing the final treasure, an EFX-1000. Remember to get it before time runs out. This is not a problem at all if you have the master sword, and easy otherwise.

Stage 8 - Summit, Part 2

The building fades away, and a line of squares forms up ahead of you. This line of cubes is going to appear either in front, to the left, or to the right of you for the next 30 seconds. Face in their direction and swing your sword at the right time to knock out the ones that are going to hit you. Even easier if you just hold down the space key.

Stage 9 - Skrillex

All the tiles in the floor separate into individual squares. Skrillex is in front, shooting glitches at you. Dodge them, work your way forward, and kill him. No time limit. If you can't kill him in one hit, he'll knock you back every time you hit him. Once he's down, watching the ending cutscene (more snow!), and receive your score!


For each glitch you killed, you get one point. There are 6 in the garden, 24 in the dungeon, 4 in the desert, 7 while climbing, 16 in the dance party, and 1 Skrillex, for a total of 58 possible points.

The 'times hurt' score starts at 100 points, and subtracts 10 points for each time you were hurt. Avoid all damage for maximum points.

Deaths starts at 45 points, and subtracts 15 points for each death. Don't die.

Dead Princess Keys are worth 10 points each. Rescuing the princess herself is worth 25 points, and getting the master sword is worth 50 points, for a total of 125 points in the 'keys' category.

The treasures have different point values. The first, found in the garden, is worth 10 points. The two treasures in the dungeon are worth 20 points. The two in the main part of the desert are worth 30. The secret word treasure is worth 50. The final treasure is worth 60 points. A total of 220 treasure points.

There are seven pieces of the scroll, worth 20 points each, for a total of 140 points.

Get everything for a maximum of 688 points, and a 100% score.


You get a rank based on your percent rating. They are:

0% to 9%: Weak Child
10% to 19%: Coward
20% to 29%: Apprentice
30% to 39%: Hero
40% to 49%: Warrior
50% to 59%: Knight
60% to 69%: Paladin
70% to 79%: Prince
80% to 89%: King
90% to 99%: Legend
100%: Master of the Universe

Final screen 1
Final screen 2

Now I can stop playing it.
posted by vibratory manner of working at 11:14 AM on December 3, 2012 [5 favorites]

You took one for the team there vibratory manner of working! Nice one. You have a potential future in systems testing, very comprehensive.
posted by asok at 11:49 AM on December 3, 2012

Way beyond the call of duty there vibratory manner of working! Truly, you have an amazing wisdom and power.
posted by JHarris at 4:29 PM on December 3, 2012

« Older Allan Arkush's "Rock'n'Roll High School"   |   A-MAZ-ing! Newer »

This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments