"Untie the shoelaces, the pan goes down..."

January 9, 2013 8:29 AM

Crow attempts cunning distraction to steal a pan. [slyt]
posted by quin (55 comments total)

You'd think after like the third time it would occur to them to just double-knot the laces.
posted by elizardbits at 8:31 AM on January 9, 2013 [2 favorites]

I want a crow. AN ARMY OF PAN-STEALING CROWS!
posted by blurker at 8:34 AM on January 9, 2013

I think the crow was just trying to master "right over left, left over right" for the day when s/he manages to get two matching shoes in the right size, the pan was just an added benefit.

I think one possible take away from this video is "if you do not want to be harassed by crows, do not walk around with a pan that is well-sized for crow cooking needs."
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:35 AM on January 9, 2013 [10 favorites]

I would have given it the pan just to see what it was going to cook.
posted by SharkParty at 8:41 AM on January 9, 2013 [14 favorites]

Looks like somebirdy's been reading about Apollo Robbins.
posted by stubie at 8:42 AM on January 9, 2013 [1 favorite]

I would have given it the pan just to see what it was going to cook.

My extremely limited knowledge of corvid behavior leads me to believe that the crow would just drop the pan on the head of someone eating something tasty and steal the tasty thing from the unconscious pan victim's hand.
posted by elizardbits at 8:44 AM on January 9, 2013 [23 favorites]

Yeah, I think the thing that should have people worried is what exactly is a crow (raven? jackdaw?) going to do with a pan?
posted by brennen at 8:45 AM on January 9, 2013 [1 favorite]

The giggling in conjunction with the crow hopping around like, "Quit retying them you assholes!" makes it.

I wonder if it's just a random crow or if they've interacted before? He looks awfully comfortable, but maybe he's one of these hip urban crows that's used to people.
posted by WidgetAlley at 8:48 AM on January 9, 2013 [3 favorites]

Anybody else think, "Hmm... did I see that episode?" before clicking?
posted by Madamina at 8:49 AM on January 9, 2013 [4 favorites]

The chain of reasoning involved there is quite astounding. Shame the little sucker couldn't have taken that one more step and untied both laces to give himself enough time to grab the pan.
posted by Diablevert at 8:53 AM on January 9, 2013 [2 favorites]

Great, now what's the crow gonna do for his L4D2 cosplay?
posted by xedrik at 8:54 AM on January 9, 2013

Almost as cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University.
posted by kmz at 8:58 AM on January 9, 2013 [1 favorite]

The chain of reasoning involved there is quite astounding.

I mean...is it? I'm not sure I see, "if I untie his shoes he will put down the pan and I can grab it" so much as, "what. foot worms. tasty? fuck. hands in way. what this? tasty? heavy! fuck. what. foot worms..."
posted by adamdschneider at 9:01 AM on January 9, 2013 [5 favorites]

Phase One: Collect pans
Phase Two: ?
Phase Three: Profit
posted by Blue Meanie at 9:03 AM on January 9, 2013

Don't sell that crow short, man... he's already got your IP address and everything.
posted by SharkParty at 9:03 AM on January 9, 2013 [1 favorite]

Crows are interesting animals; they seem to be smarter than their ecological niche would require.

Crow sledding down a roof
Crow playing ball with a dog
Crows playing King of the Branch
African raven solving a puzzle
Crow using tools
posted by workerant at 9:08 AM on January 9, 2013 [23 favorites]

Crows playing King of the Branch

"Pay no attention to the woodchuck behind the bird."
posted by brennen at 9:10 AM on January 9, 2013 [2 favorites]

Huh; apparently, crows aren't always all black.
posted by gurple at 9:10 AM on January 9, 2013

John Roderick has some things to say about crows.
posted by Rock Steady at 9:13 AM on January 9, 2013

Just laugh and play along...'cause you don't ever want to piss-off a crow. Fuckers hold serious grudges.
posted by Thorzdad at 9:15 AM on January 9, 2013 [4 favorites]

Oblig
posted by DU at 9:25 AM on January 9, 2013 [1 favorite]

Cannot even see the word "crow" without thinking of Jon Snow anymore. Not related, just sayin'.
posted by rahnefan at 9:26 AM on January 9, 2013 [5 favorites]

Crow playing ball with a dog

Or, rather, "crow playing with ball, dumb dog not getting the game at all," as the crowtube.com version of the video titles it....
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:30 AM on January 9, 2013

Really the crow didn't care about the pan or the shoelaces. It was just shaking them down for "protection money".
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 9:30 AM on January 9, 2013

The Hoodie Crow videos made me look twice until I discovered that they're a common Eurasian species (possibly two). North American variants all seem to come in basic black, distinguished primarily by voice and/or range.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 9:43 AM on January 9, 2013

Why am I not surprised the people in this video are speaking Russian?
posted by benito.strauss at 9:45 AM on January 9, 2013

Crows are interesting animals; they seem to be smarter than their ecological niche would require.

Just like people!
posted by grog at 9:46 AM on January 9, 2013 [1 favorite]

A play in three acts

I.
Crow unties shoe
Man sets pan down, reties shoe
Crow attempts to make off with pan
Man takes pan

II.
Crow unties shoe
Man sets pan down, reties shoe
Crow attempts to make off with pan
Man takes pan

III.
Crow pecks man's eyes out
Man drops pan, screams in agony
Crow successfully makes off with pan
posted by adamrice at 9:52 AM on January 9, 2013 [4 favorites]

I hear crows outside my window many mornings, but I have yet to see any. Obviously I have not been doing enough walking around, holding a pan, wearing loosely-tied shoelaces.
posted by emjaybee at 9:53 AM on January 9, 2013

This is a magpie. Crows: black; magpies: black and white and like to steal shiny metal things.
posted by rada at 10:12 AM on January 9, 2013

Why does the crow even want the pan?
posted by Galaxor Nebulon at 10:12 AM on January 9, 2013

Just laugh and play along...'cause you don't ever want to piss-off a crow. Fuckers hold serious grudges.


No kidding.

When I went to work last night, there were hundreds of crows in the courtyard. Possibly thousands. The sound of their wings slapping their bodies and their feathers ruffling against each other echoed off the brick and glass. They weren't hollering caw as they tend to do when startled on their own - they spoke to each other in many tones and sometimes unsettlingly human voices. Later, we surveilled them on the security monitors as they slept in the trees, ruffled black bodies swaying gently perched on slender branches that seemed to barely support their weight. We spied on them through the windows.

And we discussed how we would run the gamut without getting shit on. My co-worker confessed to being so awestruck by the mass murder that he foolishly stared upward with his mouth wide open. Fortunately nothing fell in.

Shortly after dawn, the groundskeeper roared through the park, loudly honking his horn to wake the crows and scare them away.


I believe they will track him. Hunt him down, find his vehicle. And he will never be able to see through his windshield ever again.
posted by louche mustachio at 10:17 AM on January 9, 2013 [5 favorites]

Workerant: you forgot Crows using traffic to crack walnuts
posted by Xyanthilous P. Harrierstick at 10:18 AM on January 9, 2013 [3 favorites]

Why does the crow even want the pan?

Probably for a nice frittata. The really surprising heist was when the corvids stole the propane stove and got it up into the trees. They are slowly building a restaurant....
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:19 AM on January 9, 2013 [3 favorites]

brennen: "Yeah, I think the thing that should have people worried is what exactly is a crow (raven? jackdaw?) going to do with a pan?"

Chase her crow husband around the kitchen table with it?
posted by brundlefly at 10:30 AM on January 9, 2013 [2 favorites]

This is a magpie. Crows: black; magpies: black and white

Pied crows are black and white, but I honestly couldn't be sure if it was a magpie or a crow, so I went with it as the youtube title described.

To my eyes, it looks a little big to be a magpie, but the location seems wrong for a pied crow (though I think they've moved beyond the African borders as Wikipedia describes as their habitat). Either way, part of the Corvidae family.
posted by quin at 10:36 AM on January 9, 2013

Just wait 'til they grow arms (slvimeo)
posted by gusandrews at 10:42 AM on January 9, 2013

It has classic hooded crow markings (C. cornix), and their reported range is from Ireland through Russia.

Why does the crow even want the pan?

I'm willing to bet that the joke works even better if the human in question is carrying something with food in it, which may be the case if this is happening at a campground or picnic area.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 11:16 AM on January 9, 2013

Yeah, it's not a magpie; it does look like a Hooded Crow, which are common in Eurasia (and Scotland, where we saw many a couple years ago when we visited.

Corvids are tricky and smart.
posted by rtha at 11:17 AM on January 9, 2013 [1 favorite]

Husband and I went on a snowshoe trek some years ago, through the woods and down to a little lake. When we got there, we pulled out our little camper stove to make soup and got out our sandwiches. Who should appear but a small posse of Gray Jays. They're all cute, hopping around, landing on little branches, giving us little quizzical eyes. Husband unwraps his sandwich and a jay swoops right up to his face while a half-dozen others land on the ground in front of him. He's all: "Holy shit!" Waves them off. After collecting himself he tries to take another bite, again a Jay swoops right into his face, manages to take a peck of bread as the others land down on the snow at his feet. I'm laughing my ass off.

That damn face-pecker was the distracter whose goal was to get the good man to freak out and toss his sandwich on the ground to his waiting buddies. Mark my words: they had done this routine before.

We ended up heating up our soup and eating crackers furtively. We packed the sandwiches back out.

But, this was all great knowledge, for a few years later, I'm cross-country skiing with my friend who hadn't been out in the winter woods very much. We stop to rehydrate and snack and as soon as I pull out my GORP, I see the Gray Jays in the woods. I say, "Oh, great. Fucking Gray Jays. Hate those little shits." After a long pause, my friend says, "Um...? Why do we hate the pretty, little birdies?" I look at her, hold out an almond on my outstretched, gloved hand and two Jays instantly swoop out of the tree, land on my hand and fly off, wrestling each other for the nut. The look on her face: priceless. I AM SNOW WHITE OF THE GRAY JAYS!

Also: there are crows at the end of my street who totally do the walnut/car thing -- I do my best to drive over their nuts.
posted by amanda at 12:38 PM on January 9, 2013 [14 favorites]

mass murder

Heh.
posted by brennen at 1:09 PM on January 9, 2013 [1 favorite]

If this were a Tom and Jerry-style cartoon, the crow would have been WHANGed over the head with the pan, assumed a disgruntled expression, hopped away and then returned to stuff TNT down the human's sock.
posted by Pallas Athena at 1:20 PM on January 9, 2013 [1 favorite]

Also obligatory: Tools of the common crow
posted by Strange Interlude at 1:27 PM on January 9, 2013

It's got to be a crow. Magpies are smart, but not that smart. Crows totally are.

"Why does the crow even want the pan?"

It looks like there's something white in it, maybe egg or curdled milk. It probably smelled the food and decided to try and get it with a quick grift. Then the whole thing became a game, untie the laces and steal the pan. Objective: maximum luls.
posted by Kevin Street at 1:31 PM on January 9, 2013

Metafilter: I do my best to drive over their nuts.
posted by elizardbits at 1:51 PM on January 9, 2013 [6 favorites]

Looks more like čavka to me, jack-daw. He wants to impress a girlfriend.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 2:49 PM on January 9, 2013

Magpie coloration is a clear white and a clear black, they have long tails and are bigger than this bird. Jack-daws are fairly big. It's too light to be a Siberian gray jay.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 2:59 PM on January 9, 2013

Joyful.
posted by zoo at 3:44 PM on January 9, 2013

amanda, I have also been mugged by Gray Jays while I was out hiking. When my friend and I stopped for lunch at a sunny pile of rocks, we were initially charmed by these birds that seemed so friendly (it was years before I became a birder, so I really didn't know any better). Until one flitted up to land on my wrist as I was raising the sandwich to my mouth.

At least they're smaller than gulls, and don't have talons like hawks.
posted by rtha at 4:03 PM on January 9, 2013 [2 favorites]

Also: there are crows at the end of my street who totally do the walnut/car thing -- I do my best to drive over their nuts.

There are a couple of specific spots in my town where they do this too. One particular intersection used to be on my bike route to work. I had to stop there and wait in the turn lane. (Turn lanes around here suck if you're on a bike and there aren't any cars next to you waiting for a green light -- the lights won't change just for a bike in the turn lane.)

Anyway, the crows sat on the light pole above the 'stop here' line and would drop black walnuts down into the intersection. Not only were they dropping them into traffic, they learned to drop them onto a stretch of road where traffic tends to stop as much as it tends to go. I swear they knew the timing patterns of the lights. It was awesome.

On the on the other hand, it's a little disconcerting to be on a bike, unprotected, waiting for the light to turn while there are very smart, very wily birds dropping rock-hard objects from a great height onto the pavement surrounding you.
posted by mudpuppie at 5:02 PM on January 9, 2013 [1 favorite]

After watching a documentary on crows earlier a convoluted prank sprang to mind. Get volunteers to wear masks designed to look like the person you want to prank. Then go to area hiking trails and parks the target individual frequents. While in costume do various acts of annoying but ultimately non-harmful mayhem against the crows. Crows hold a grudge and are apparently able to recognize faces and even share information about those faces between each other. They have been shown to retain this info for more than a year and even warn their offspring. The targeted individual becomes infamous in crow world. Where ever they go corvids attack.
posted by humanfont at 5:15 PM on January 9, 2013

Crows...are...able to recognize faces and even share information about those faces between each other.

...how...?
posted by adamdschneider at 9:28 PM on January 9, 2013

> Crows...are...able to recognize faces and even share information about those faces between each other.

...how...?

Facebook.
posted by benito.strauss at 10:30 PM on January 9, 2013 [2 favorites]

Facebook.

You kid, but the South Minneapolis Mega Murder (seems like probably the one louche mustachio was referring to) has a facebook page.
posted by vytae at 11:25 PM on January 9, 2013 [3 favorites]

There's a very interesting CBC/Ideas program about crows and what they can do. You can listen to it here. They talk to the researcher who figured out that crows recognize faces and teach their offspring to remember "bad" humans for years.
posted by sneebler at 3:08 AM on January 10, 2013