my cat is sad
January 30, 2013 8:11 PM   Subscribe

Oh god. Oh I must go play with my kitty now.
posted by minervous at 8:15 PM on January 30, 2013 [8 favorites]

yes, we are brothers little guy!
posted by facetious at 8:16 PM on January 30, 2013 [2 favorites]

I think his cat is probably just frustrated that it hasn't killed anything in the last 15 minutes.
posted by brennen at 8:21 PM on January 30, 2013

Spencer - don't be fooled!
posted by Riton at 8:26 PM on January 30, 2013

For I will consider my Cat Jeoffry.
For he is the servant of the Living God, duly and daily serving him.
For at the first glance of the glory of God in the East he worships in his way.
For is this done by wreathing his body seven times round with elegant quickness.
For then he leaps up to catch the musk, which is the blessing of God upon his prayer.
For he rolls upon prank to work it in.
For having done duty and received blessing he begins to consider himself.
For by stroking of him I have found out electricity.
For I perceived God's light about him both wax and fire.
For the electrical fire is the spiritual substance which God sends from heaven to sustain the
bodies both of man and beast.
For God has blessed him in the variety of his movements.
For, though he cannot fly, he is an excellent clamberer.
For his motions upon the face of the earth are more than any other quadruped.
For he can tread to all the measures upon the music.
For he can swim for life.
For he can creep.

- Christopher Smart, Jubilate Agno, Fragment B
posted by maryr at 8:27 PM on January 30, 2013 [15 favorites]

All the world's a house,
And all the men and women merely live there:
They have their exits and their entrances;
Their cat remains, and plays her single part,
Nine lives of isolation.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 8:29 PM on January 30, 2013 [2 favorites]

posted by The Whelk at 8:33 PM on January 30, 2013

Why am I so small.

Can you help me be happy.

Here is a baby rabbit whose throat I tore out. It screamed for only a little while.

Do you love me.

I will bring you another gift.
posted by Chrischris at 8:49 PM on January 30, 2013 [32 favorites]

i. i am a cat
i am a cat
cat is meeeeee

ii. stop touching me
stop touching me with your hands of touching
stop that

iii. oh
look a bug
holy shit
seriously this bug
the bug is dead now because i did a good job
i am caaaaat
posted by capricorn at 8:56 PM on January 30, 2013 [20 favorites]

Raymond Carver's poem Your Dog Dies has always demonstrated to me that actually poetry can be alright. As of now I have two favorite poems about pets.
posted by tychotesla at 9:00 PM on January 30, 2013 [2 favorites]

My roomie's cat's reactions to my dramatic reading of this poem, during the commercial break of American Idol.

Stoner: stared at me, utterly perplexed.

Mall Cop: glared at me, then sauntered away to have his inferior cat food. I'd offer him my human food, but I highly doubt the kitty gastrointestinal tract should ever meet the habanero pepper.
posted by spinifex23 at 9:01 PM on January 30, 2013 [2 favorites]

my cat is bored.

is there anything here i didn't rub my face on yet?

whoa, this plant smells like drugs

hold on a minute
posted by superbowlpatriot at 9:02 PM on January 30, 2013 [3 favorites]

Also, a poem. By Mall Cop.

I am a cat. SCREW YOU.


This table is perfect for hiding, and for STARING DEEP INTO THE SHALLOW HUSK THAT IS YOUR SOUL.

Now feed me please? This week, I'll only eat the Seafood Delight.
posted by spinifex23 at 9:05 PM on January 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


hey you




look at my butt
- "cat"
posted by elizardbits at 9:08 PM on January 30, 2013 [24 favorites]

If you're in NYC and your cat is lonely, why not get him a friend from the Pets on Death Row euthanasia list?

I just spent a thoroughly depressing afternoon at the Manhattan AC&C adopting a pair: one who was abandoned for "financial reasons" and another found half-frozen to death on someone's porch...heartbreaking.

Seriously folks, it's horrible out there...adopt from your local shelter if you can.
posted by doreur at 9:17 PM on January 30, 2013 [13 favorites]

Like doreur said, if this poem touched you please go and take a look at your local animal shelters and rescues, there are soo many poor creatures out there, cat, dog and otherwise that need homes and families. Maybe you can give them one!
posted by chipolux at 9:41 PM on January 30, 2013

The explorer Matthew Flinders wrote this epitaph for his cat, Trim:

The best and most illustrious of his race
The most affectionate of friends,
faithful of servants,
and best of creatures
He made the tour of the globe, and a voyage to Australia,
which he circumnavigated, and was ever the
delight and pleasure of his fellow voyagers.

Apparently Trim the cat could swim and climb up ship's ropes and would sit at the front of the ship with the sea wind blowing his whiskers! There's a statue of Trim in Sydney, standing behind the statue of Flinders. It's a lovely memorial to a man and his cat :)
posted by Alice Russel-Wallace at 9:54 PM on January 30, 2013 [3 favorites]

My cat knocked a plant off the table as I read this.
Hello cat.
Go play with the dog's tail
His love for you is so big it makes him wiggle
And it appears to be unrequited.
posted by Grandysaur at 9:59 PM on January 30, 2013 [5 favorites]

Intriguing. Though the use of language is quite different, the theme, which is quite clearly an inquiry into the nature of man couched as questions about the nature of cat brings to mind another classic of the feline poetry school:

Felis catus is your taxonomic nomenclature,
An endothermic quadruped, carnivorous by nature;
Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses
Contribute to your hunting skills and natural defenses.

I find myself intrigued by your subvocal oscillations,
A singular development of cat communications
That obviates your basic hedonistic predilection
For a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection.

A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents;
You would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance.
And when not being utilized to aid in locomotion,
It often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion.

O Spot, the complex levels of behavior you display
Connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array.
And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend,
I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.
posted by Ad hominem at 10:01 PM on January 30, 2013 [12 favorites]

The poem was solid, but I do dispute
That cats might ask from such a point of view;
This human, thinking felis catus cute,
Portrays it like a child of me or you.

The poem reduces kitty to a baby:
All sad, confused, all set about to wonder.
And yet, I cannot help but feel that maybe
This poet's man-projection is a blunder.

I've seen my cats enraged, and cats content,
I've seen them curious and mildly pissed,
I've seen them stalk their prey without relent,
But no, such human viewpoints, I have missed.

A good try, but this ain't exactly orphic;
Cats really ain't quite that anthropomorphic.
posted by Greg Nog at 10:22 PM on January 30, 2013 [12 favorites]



posted by Joakim Ziegler at 10:37 PM on January 30, 2013 [5 favorites]

Ah, jeez, somebody ATE Trim!
posted by Scram at 11:01 PM on January 30, 2013

A friend of a mine has a cat who he gives bits of sliced deli roast beef. The cat adores it. He's a quiet cat overall, but when he brings the beef out of the fridge he makes the sweetest, high-pitched, pleading meow. It's heart-melting.
posted by JHarris at 11:42 PM on January 30, 2013

Also, in response to Greg Nog, I agree that it is not meet to anthropomorphize animals too much, but this poem seems to be unusually in tune with the lives of various pets I have known. If you think about it long enough you will become sad. Most people get by it, simply, by not thinking about it, but sad things that are ignored do not cease to be sad. Often, they get sadder.
posted by JHarris at 11:45 PM on January 30, 2013

Ah, jeez, somebody ATE Trim!

I know -- booo.

To be fair, if Trim were ten times his size, he'd be the one doing the eating. Because, you know, cat.
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 12:09 AM on January 31, 2013 [2 favorites]

i have had my ups and downs
but wotthehell wotthehell
yesterday sceptres and crowns
fried oysters and velvet gowns
and today i herd with bums
but wotthehell wotthehell
i wake the world from sleep
as i caper and sing and leap
when i sing my wild free tune
wotthehell wotthehell
under the blear eyed moon
i am pelted with cast off shoon
but wotthehell wotthehell
posted by MartinWisse at 12:35 AM on January 31, 2013 [4 favorites]

Thanks for reminding me of that MartinWisse.
posted by JHarris at 2:15 AM on January 31, 2013

I am a cat
What the fuck are you?
What the fuck is this?
posted by Decani at 2:36 AM on January 31, 2013 [3 favorites]

"I had a cat named snowball......"

The rest is too sad to post here..
posted by HuronBob at 3:46 AM on January 31, 2013

This poem is, in a nutshell, why we're considering getting a second cat. We love our little guy and he seems to love us, but I think he needs friends of his own species.
posted by Metroid Baby at 4:43 AM on January 31, 2013

On the other hand, here's a pretty good counter-argument that also describes our cat quite well.
posted by Metroid Baby at 4:47 AM on January 31, 2013 [3 favorites]

Her new sweater doesn't smell of me
I could pee on that
She's gone out for the day and
left her laptop on the counter
I could pee on that
Her new boyfriend just pushed
my head away
I could pee on that
She's ignoring me ignoring her
I could pee everywhere
She's making up for it
by putting me on her lap
I could pee on this
I could pee on this
posted by Wonton Cruelty at 5:36 AM on January 31, 2013 [5 favorites]

Ah, jeez, somebody ATE Trim!

Reading the link about his memorial, I noticed this line from the epitaph:

"he terminated his useful career, by an untimely death, being devoured by the Catophagi of that island."

I have to admit, that's a great neologism.

I also feel sad for the person(s) who ate Trim out of desperation, assuming that conjecture is accurate.
posted by dhens at 6:07 AM on January 31, 2013

I'd share another cat poem here, but I have a note that I'm not allowed to read it unless I want to cry, so I can't open the link.
posted by maryr at 7:50 AM on January 31, 2013

And a bit from Keats

Cat! who hast pass'd thy grand climacteric,
How many mice and rats hast in thy days
Destroy'd? -- How many tidbits stolen? Gaze
With those bright languid segments green, and prick
Those velvet ears -- but pr'ythee do not stick
Thy latent talons in me -- and upraise
Thy gentle mew -- and tell me all thy frays
Of fish and mice, and rats and tender chick.
Nay, look not down, nor lick thy dainty wrists --
For all the wheezy asthma, -- and for all
Thy tail's tip is nick'd off -- and though the fists
Of many a maid have given thee many a maul,
Still is that fur as soft as when the lists
In youth thou enter'dst on glass-bottled wall.
posted by ersatz at 9:29 AM on January 31, 2013 [2 favorites]

Clink clank rattle crash
There are THINGS! on other THINGS!
Now they're on the floor
posted by Room 641-A at 10:41 AM on January 31, 2013 [1 favorite]

You all have inspired me to write a poem about my dog.

hey play with me
hey play with me
hey play with me
hey play with me

omg omg omg look. at. this. toy. HOLYCRAP.

where are you gonna throw it where where where

omg omg omg I found it here it is here it is
ok ok wait I'm just kidding here it is
haha ok no really here you go

wait...where are you going?

hey play with me
hey play with me
hey play with me
hey play with me
posted by phunniemee at 11:01 AM on January 31, 2013 [2 favorites]

My owner, seated at his desk,
his left hand on his cheek, his right
making a funny arabesque
with something long that catches light
and throws it in my eyes, ignores me.
Waiting for his attention bores me.
I pull away his yellow sheet,
which makes a long black line. "You're sweet,"
he says. He pushes me away.
I jump down to the floor and pace.
I see frustration in his face.
He isn't in the mood to play.
That's fine. I wander to my bed,
and catch him in my dreams instead.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 12:16 PM on January 31, 2013 [1 favorite]

William Carlos Williams

Oh, black Persian cat!
Was not your life
already cursed with offspring?
We took you for rest to that old
Yankee farm, -- so lonely
and with so many field mice
in the long grass --
and you return to us
in this condition --!

Oh, black Persian cat.
posted by BlueHorse at 1:25 PM on January 31, 2013

I'd share another cat poem here, but I have a note that I'm not allowed to read it unless I want to cry, so I can't open the link.

Luckily you self censored so well the link is rotten.

But if you really, really want sad art about cats: Allegro non troppo valse triste will get you to bawl your eyes out.
posted by MartinWisse at 1:45 PM on January 31, 2013

MartinWisse: Really? Works for me. Well, if you want to cry, this should work. (I just click through long enough to see the title, then hit back.)
posted by maryr at 1:54 PM on January 31, 2013

Charles Baudelaire (trans. William Aggeler)

Both ardent lovers and austere scholars
Love in their mature years
The strong and gentle cats, pride of the house,
Who like them are sedentary and sensitive to cold.

Friends of learning and sensual pleasure,
They seek the silence and the horror of darkness;
Erebus would have used them as his gloomy steeds:
If their pride could let them stoop to bondage.

When they dream, they assume the noble attitudes
Of the mighty sphinxes stretched out in solitude,
Who seem to fall into a sleep of endless dreams;

Their fertile loins are full of magic sparks,
And particles of gold, like fine grains of sand,
Spangle dimly their mystic eyes.
posted by jessypie at 4:57 PM on January 31, 2013 [1 favorite]

Yeah, if I recall my AP French Lit class correctly, that poem is not really about cats.
posted by maryr at 8:06 AM on February 1, 2013

What's it about?
posted by Room 641-A at 4:47 PM on February 1, 2013

Given that it's Baudelaire: Pussies?
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 5:16 PM on February 1, 2013

Yes. More specifically, his VĂ©nus Noire, Jeanne Duval, I thought... But now it seems I was thinking of Le Chat or The Cat, which is pretty hot and heavy for a classroom of high school juniors, let me tell you.
posted by maryr at 7:01 PM on February 1, 2013

Yeah, I was about to say that the sauciest thing in that other one is the magnificently trite magiques/mystiques rhyme right at the end.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 7:13 PM on February 1, 2013

Well I hope my mom, an 83-year old native French speaker, enjoys the original I sent her earlier!
posted by Room 641-A at 7:47 PM on February 1, 2013

...Just don't send her La Chevelure.
posted by maryr at 9:21 PM on February 1, 2013

Or Le Balcon, for that matter.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 9:54 PM on February 1, 2013

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