The Singaporean Fairytale: You can have it all, if you choose to.
March 5, 2013 10:07 AM   Subscribe

The Golden Goose was prized for her eggs
That shone light in brilliant gold.
But there soon came a time when she could make them no more
For her egg-making device was rusty and old.
Because it's really hard to rhyme with "ovaries", I guess.
posted by Kadin2048 at 10:16 AM on March 5, 2013

Why not just say cloaca?
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 10:25 AM on March 5, 2013 [1 favorite]

I mean I guess it's not where the eggs are made but it scans better and I don't know that accuracy is paramount here.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 10:25 AM on March 5, 2013

People's Action Party Directive 3987-5a: All fertile citizens are directed to submit their bodies to the watchful eye of the National Collective and conceive children in line with National Reproductive Priorities.

Maylays: please refrain from Reproductive Activities. Thank you.
posted by Avenger at 10:31 AM on March 5, 2013 [2 favorites]

Man, Singapore and their social engineering ad campaigns. I remember a bunch of these - everything from Have More Babies to Don't Sniff Glue to Don't Pee In The Elevator.
posted by PussKillian at 10:35 AM on March 5, 2013

This site is the best fucking satire I've ever read!

One of the "facts" you can read in the Humpty Dumpty story is: Fertility problems aren't just a 'women's issue.' 1/3 of problems reside with men, 1/3 with women, and the other 1/3 split between them.

Now, I am a product of the American education system, my Singaporean is non-existant, I learned most of my sex education from porno magazines, but even I know this is basic math.

If you have one third of a pie, another person has one third of a pie, and you split the remaining third, how much pie do you have? Half!

posted by cjorgensen at 10:42 AM on March 5, 2013 [2 favorites]

Because it's really hard to rhyme with "ovaries", I guess.

"Madame Bovaries" comes to mind. However, based on this:
My aunt is a maiden some suspect past forty,
With a knack for keeping the suitors at bay.
'Ten cats in her apartment, she's surely dotty!'
But my aunt cared less what they say.

It is fun when she takes us out indulging
Til our bellies (and hers) are bulging,
Then she'll shows us her Pradas, Vuittons & Tiffany,
She dearly calls them, 'my babies.'
I am thinking they went with assonance, rhyme scheme and meter (and indeed SWE) as mere general reference points to coordinate activities rather than as ironclad imperatives to be unflinchingly obeyed. Your go-to rhyme for 'Tiffany' really should be 'Epiphany.'
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:56 AM on March 5, 2013

They should just do things the way we do them in the US, with magazines and TV shows and advertisements, right? Also handwringing editorials about how terribly sad it is when rich ladies don't get married and have babies (at the same time ads are running telling poor teens that having babies will ruin their lives).
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:18 AM on March 5, 2013 [2 favorites]

cjorgensen, I think they're implying that a third of the time, the problem is "this particular male with this particular female". Which of course is an oversimplification but it's not utterly unimaginable.
posted by effugas at 9:36 PM on March 7, 2013

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