From Maine to San Diego
March 6, 2013 5:11 PM   Subscribe

Shunned by New York's bachelorette population after handing out one too many gift baskets, Derek Jeter loses his confidence with the fairer sex and retreats to Springfield a broken man. There he finds a kindred spirit in Moe, the only man on Earth lonelier than the heartbroken Captain...The two leave Springfield to start a holistic living clinic in North Haverbrook and are never heard from again. The New Springfield Nine: If Mr. Burns had to re-staff the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant softball team with a lineup full of present-day players, who should he choose?
posted by mannequito (8 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
It's too bad Barry Bonds isn't still active. He pretty much lived the Ken Griffey Jr. storyline from the original episode.
posted by The Card Cheat at 5:13 PM on March 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

Have Cap Anson, Jim O'Rourke, Willie Keeler, Buck Ewing, Ed Delahanty, John McGraw, Jesse Burkett, Roger Connor and Cupid Childs all retired?
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 5:33 PM on March 6, 2013

No R.A. Dickey? Can't take it seriously.
posted by jonmc at 5:44 PM on March 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

posted by limeonaire at 7:40 PM on March 6, 2013

No Chooch? I am disappoint.
posted by DoubleLune at 9:17 PM on March 6, 2013

Now batting for Darryl Strawberry...Homer Simpson.
Funniest line in television history.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:00 AM on March 7, 2013

Oh, and here's the dialog from Homer at the Bat.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:01 AM on March 7, 2013

Unlike the "New Springfield Nine," the original succeeded so well in part because it wasn't trying to pull in as many recurring Simpsons characters and in-jokes as possible. I was hoping for fates for the new nine (actually seventeen since he also provides a fate for a runner-up suggestion for every position but one) which were a little more creative than "how many Simpsons references can I cram into this article."
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 10:36 AM on March 7, 2013

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