A Fantasy Fantasy Baseball Draft
March 29, 2013 11:54 AM   Subscribe

A collection of baseball writers have gotten together for a different kind of fantasy draft. All the players are fictional, although some players are more fictional than others.

And there's plenty of value still out there if you want to draft your own team (especially with a short roster of just 7 players). The entirety of the Iowa Baseball Confederacy is still available, as are the legendary players of Summerland.

There are others, who are likely to be busts, though, and should be kept off your roster. Jack Keefe, I'm looking at you.

And how is it that Homer Simpson didn't go in the first round?
posted by ursus_comiter (13 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
Nobody picked up Pedro Cerrano? Seems like these people don't know the fame as well as they think they do.
posted by grubi at 12:06 PM on March 29, 2013

Picking Benny Rodriguez over Steve Nebraska is a Sam Bowie over Michael Jordan move.

Nebraska threw an 81 strike perfect game and homered twice (in some weird understanding of AL park world series rules I guess). Come on, this is a no-brainer. He probably would have stolen some bases or thrown out runners if he ever, well allowed a base-runner or had an at-bat that didn't result in a home run.
posted by allen.spaulding at 12:10 PM on March 29, 2013

Personally I think taking a Cubs pitcher with a rocket arm is always going to end in tears, especially that early.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 12:11 PM on March 29, 2013 [2 favorites]

The Mets will have at least three fictional players on their payroll this season.
posted by 1970s Antihero at 12:18 PM on March 29, 2013

I'd nominate Charlie Banks (not) from the 1940 New York Giants - he's got a bit of a temper, but is a very good hitter. (Also, everything I know about baseball I've learned from epistolary novels).
posted by jb at 12:40 PM on March 29, 2013 [2 favorites]

You're trying to tell me you're taking Rowengartner over Christopher motherfucking Robin at the top of the second round? What, you think a one-trick pony with a 112-MPH fastball is going to put up a better WHIP than the guy whose changeup is an invisible pitch? Bush league, Kaduk.
posted by Mayor West at 12:43 PM on March 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

And nobody picked Gil Gamesh?
posted by gteffertz at 12:44 PM on March 29, 2013 [1 favorite]

This may be one of the most amazing things I have read on the internet.

But I have to say that Andy Behrens just cleaned up with this thing:

Steve Nebraska (The Scout)
Pablo "Click Click Boom" Sanchez (Backyard Baseball)
"Juiced Up"John Dowd (MLB Franchise)
Henry Wiggen (The baseball bunch)
Davis (Mr. Baseball) This pick shows he owns this league
Kisha Phillips (Backyard Baseball)
John Barr (Sometimes you see it coming)

Speed, Power, and pitching to both sides of the plate they might as well etch his name on the trophy now.
posted by trojanhorse at 12:59 PM on March 29, 2013

I was going to say that I was surprised that no one chose Moonlight Graham, but he was real. I always assumed he had been made up for the story.
posted by Hactar at 1:08 PM on March 29, 2013

No Chico Escuela? He'd have a berry berry good year.
posted by jonmc at 1:08 PM on March 29, 2013

Agatha Hetrodyne - where is she on this list?
posted by rough ashlar at 2:33 PM on March 29, 2013

Bingo Long's Traveling All-Stars and Motor Kings is one of those movies that I saw a hundred times growing up, but am scared to watch as an adult for fear it doesn't hold up to my memories of how awesome it was as a kid.

That said, I would have picked "Esquire Joe" Callaway in the first round.
posted by billyfleetwood at 2:34 PM on March 29, 2013 [2 favorites]

No "Buck Bokai"? According to Star Trek:DS9, he broke Joe DiMaggio's hitting streak record in 2026.
posted by TDavis at 10:18 AM on March 30, 2013 [2 favorites]

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