Thanks, Obama.
March 31, 2013 11:13 AM   Subscribe

A series of GIFs captures the difficult lives of people in infomercials.
posted by Pope Guilty (152 comments total) 93 users marked this as a favorite
 
Scenes from the world's funniest comedy show ever. No coherent storytelling just mildly stupid people fucking things up.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 11:19 AM on March 31, 2013 [5 favorites]


I know this is supposed to mock the informercial people and their problems, but like this guy, I also find cleaning the inside of my windshield to be a huge, awkward pain in the ass.
posted by indubitable at 11:21 AM on March 31, 2013 [22 favorites]


There's got to be a better way!
posted by AndyP at 11:22 AM on March 31, 2013 [37 favorites]


Two more

These will never, ever, ever, ever, ever get old.
posted by FirstMateKate at 11:22 AM on March 31, 2013 [20 favorites]


Can't stop laughing at the avalanche of plastic containers one.
posted by jcreigh at 11:24 AM on March 31, 2013 [28 favorites]


LOL!!! I was about to post the same gif as indubitable, wondering what product it's selling, because that IS how you have to clean many windshields, and it IS back-wrenching.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:24 AM on March 31, 2013 [2 favorites]


I was going to indicate my appreciation of the container avalanche one too. It's like she has an evil demon living in her cupboards... just not a terribly effective one. Take that, puny human! Mwuhahahaha!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:25 AM on March 31, 2013 [8 favorites]


Aka, the human condition.
posted by found missing at 11:25 AM on March 31, 2013 [2 favorites]


There's an entire subreddit devoted to these. They're downright Dadaist.
posted by spiderskull at 11:25 AM on March 31, 2013 [3 favorites]


For more of these than you can handle, please visit :
http://www.reddit.com/r/wheredidthesodago
posted by BrodieShadeTree at 11:26 AM on March 31, 2013 [4 favorites]


Do any MeFi actors know if "idiot on an infomercial" is a thing they do cattlecalls for? That could be a really fun niche to work in.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:28 AM on March 31, 2013 [10 favorites]




Oh man. I'm an imgur lurker, so I'd seen these. But the title of this post. Congratulations, Pope Guilty, for making these even funnier.
posted by solotoro at 11:30 AM on March 31, 2013 [9 favorites]


It surprises me that people in infomercials are so well-groomed. Given their level of competence at basic tasks, I'd assume they walk around with their shirts buttoned crookedly, broken combs snarled in their hair, and their shoes regularly falling off and spontaneously combusting.
posted by Metroid Baby at 11:30 AM on March 31, 2013 [61 favorites]


Im not sure who i want to play more " exasperated idiot #1 " or " smugly content product haver".
posted by The Whelk at 11:30 AM on March 31, 2013 [14 favorites]


People cannot break eggs, they cannot spoon sauce onto pasta, walk down a flight of stairs...wow, I feel like a superhuman watching these! And, with apologies to indubitable above, I really don't think it is terribly frustrating to have to lean backward to clean the inside of a windshield. And even if it is, having bought something from an infomercial once, I can confidently state that whatever it is they are selling to allay your discomfort from this job Does. Not. Work.
posted by kozad at 11:33 AM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


The musical version
posted by tyllwin at 11:35 AM on March 31, 2013 [5 favorites]


Oh so that's what I've been doing wrong - I've been living in an infomercial!

...How do I get out?
posted by capricorn at 11:37 AM on March 31, 2013 [2 favorites]


Dingbats.
posted by heyho at 11:37 AM on March 31, 2013


This is why North Korea thinks we can't shoot down their missiles.
posted by zombieflanders at 11:38 AM on March 31, 2013 [34 favorites]


Well, I would clean my windshield while leaning backward, but, as in most cars, my windshield is in front of me and leaning back moves me in the wrong direction.
posted by indubitable at 11:40 AM on March 31, 2013 [7 favorites]


I was about to express appreciation for the title, but solotoro beat me to it. Very arch. Brilliant.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 11:43 AM on March 31, 2013


I don't even know what half of these are trying to sell me but I don't care. These are amazing.

(Although, I am curious, what is the infomercial saviour of the constantly breaking taco shell? Enquiring minds want to know.)
posted by halcyonday at 11:46 AM on March 31, 2013


Ahhhhh, these are so good. I love how the failure clip is always in black and white.

My friends and I are obsessed with "As Seen on TV" commercials, going so far as to occasionally have "write, record, and produce an original infomercial for a fake product, you have 2 hours, GO" parties

The best one from last time was the Pube Dragon, a personal shaver / flamethrower that lets you sculpt the perfect bikini line using fire. Maybe I should organize something like this through MeFi Music.. it's more fun than it sounds.
posted by jake at 11:48 AM on March 31, 2013 [23 favorites]


It's missing my favorite one, the "car wash guy" that can't hold 100 things to wash his car with.
posted by mathowie at 11:49 AM on March 31, 2013


MetaFilter: smugly content product haver

or

MetaFilter: IS NOTHING EASY?
posted by vibrotronica at 11:56 AM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


WHO EATS A HOT DOG LIKE THAT??
posted by sleeping bear at 12:01 PM on March 31, 2013 [25 favorites]


I don't want to be smug, but why would you clean your windshield while in the drivers' seat? Reach in through the windows - it's much easier.
posted by Navelgazer at 12:02 PM on March 31, 2013 [4 favorites]


Did someone say Thanks, Obama?
posted by O9scar at 12:04 PM on March 31, 2013 [17 favorites]


I sense a market opportunity for "infomercial" type products for sexytimes.

1) Condom Helper. Something to help you roll down condoms quickly, so the dude doesn't lose his boner. Easy on and off!

2) Cunning Headlight. So you can find that clitoris when your head is under the covers. With festive twinkle / sparkle mode for special occasions.

3) The Back Door Jam. Keeping that clumsy partner from using the rear entrance. Bonus feature: incontinence strengthening springs included.

4) His & Hers Dirty Talk Headphones, with fifty different sexy phrases to get you inspired without creeping out your partner. Available in His & Hers Straight, Gay, Lesbian, Bondage, and new Big Daddy and Mommy May I varieties. Automatic or timed playback!

5) Sexy Snorkel, a soft miniature breathing tube that lets you keep breathing when your mouth is otherwise occupied. No more gasping for air!

6) Electronic Stroke Coach, lets you maintain rhythm without losing control, many different programs from Quickie Volcano to All Nighter.

7) Muff Wizard is a long-hold, non-water soluble styling gel that keeps your pubic hair out of the way during those epic sessions.

I am laughing myself silly imagining the infomercials for these.
posted by seanmpuckett at 12:04 PM on March 31, 2013 [17 favorites]


Navelgazer: "I don't want to be smug, but why would you clean your windshield while in the drivers' seat? Reach in through the windows - it's much easier."

Lots of vehicles the center of the windshield can not be reached from the outside of the car unless you happen to play for the NBA.
posted by Mitheral at 12:06 PM on March 31, 2013 [2 favorites]






5) Sexy Snorkel, a soft miniature breathing tube that lets you keep breathing when your mouth is otherwise occupied. No more gasping for air!

This is a thing that already exists.

You're welcome.
posted by palomar at 12:08 PM on March 31, 2013 [21 favorites]


Lots of vehicles the center of the windshield can not be reached from the outside of the car unless you happen to play for the NBA.

Granted, but the center of the windshield is the easy part to reach from inside the car. It's the rest of it that is such a back-breaking pain. I'm just trying to help here.
posted by Navelgazer at 12:10 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


It's missing my favorite one, the "car wash guy" that can't hold 100 things to wash his car with.

This one? The guy did an AMA a few months ago.
posted by teraflop at 12:11 PM on March 31, 2013 [8 favorites]


O9scar beat me to it because I was posting from my phone? Thanks, Obama!
posted by ob1quixote at 12:13 PM on March 31, 2013


Thanks, Obama. You monster.
posted by brundlefly at 12:15 PM on March 31, 2013 [7 favorites]


To be, or not to be--that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep--
No more--and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep--
To sleep--perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the stains of spilled food and drink,
Th' tupperware avalanche, the taco eater's frustration,
The need for an easy-to-use remote, or a handy phone stand,
The insolence of hard-to-break eggs, and the burns
That kitchen appliances of th' unwary makes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a 3-in-1 cutlery tool? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No actor returns,...
posted by Jehan at 12:16 PM on March 31, 2013 [23 favorites]


This one is like the opposite of jcreigh'a plastic container landslide one. She is being inundated with a single plastic jar.

This one isn't nearly as funny without Gilbert Gottfried's voice overlaid upon it. (That's a real commercial; I've seen it actually broadcast.)
posted by JHarris at 12:18 PM on March 31, 2013 [3 favorites]


so many white people.
so many problems.
posted by sexyrobot at 12:19 PM on March 31, 2013 [4 favorites]


Obligatory Squidbillies
posted by ob1quixote at 12:19 PM on March 31, 2013


Can somebody tell me what pizza lady's family is so upset about? Definitely my favorite one.
posted by ftm at 12:20 PM on March 31, 2013 [19 favorites]


I am literally dying to know what gadget reminds you that there's food in the microwave so you don't accidentally put two plates in there.
posted by phaedon at 12:20 PM on March 31, 2013 [6 favorites]


I like the woman who, in addition to not being able to figure out how to cinch up her towel, also showers in a bra.
posted by spaltavian at 12:20 PM on March 31, 2013 [26 favorites]


Can someone please tell me what product I can buy for that very real Tupperware problem?!
posted by latkes at 12:22 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh so that's what I've been doing wrong - I've been living in an infomercial!
...How do I get out?


Oh you know how to get out. Just three simple payment of $2995, plus $995 shipping and handling, money back if not fully satisfied, sent to OuttaHere, P.O. Box 1233, Knakakee, IL, 60901, offer not valid in New Mexico or Alaska, will solve all your problems. (But that's not all. Be one of the first hundred to take advantage of our TV offer, and you'll not only get out, You'll stay out! Send today!)

posted by benito.strauss at 12:26 PM on March 31, 2013 [3 favorites]


She is being inundated with a single plastic jar.

And she breaks the fourth wall!
posted by phaedon at 12:29 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


Needs more dragging vacuums up insurmountable stairs.
posted by mynameisluka at 12:39 PM on March 31, 2013 [2 favorites]


And she breaks the fourth wall!

Wanna buy some Fourth Wall Tape?
posted by JHarris at 12:46 PM on March 31, 2013 [6 favorites]


Dammit, I incorrectly constructed the link to the Gilbert Gottfried Shoedini commercial.
posted by JHarris at 12:48 PM on March 31, 2013


Love the woman who is trying to cook dinner and is "Man, F-k it! We're not eating!"
posted by kamikazegopher at 12:55 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


Okay, people, laugh all you want, but I'm a clumsy fool and these all look like scenes from the last week of my life.
posted by houseofdanie at 12:55 PM on March 31, 2013 [7 favorites]


I sense a market opportunity for "infomercial" type products for sexytimes.

Another product idea to add to your list (which someone actually attempted to sell) - the "cockbib," a miniature bib for your schlong to protect your balls from getting messy during blow jobs. The guy who invented it was very serious and insistent that this was a problem.

I suspect it's some kind of plastic container system where the containers are stackable and the lids are interchangeable. You still have an assload of containers, they just stack up a bit better and the smaller containers nest inside the larger ones a bit better.

Of course, regular Tupperware actually stacks just fine. Usually the problem isn't the containers' non-stackability, but with the owners' stacking propensity.

Finally, there is of course a TV Tropes page for this kind of thing.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:56 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


The guy did an AMA a few months ago.

Not to be missed -- he's pretty criticism-proof.

[–]Oooch 308 points 2 months ago
Do you ever use your voice over voice in bed?

[–]craigieb Craig Burnett, the "Washing cars can be difficult" guy![S] 1253 points 2 months ago
Yes. Usually, "But wait...there's more!"
or
"If you act now, I'll DOUBLE the offer."

posted by dhartung at 1:07 PM on March 31, 2013 [4 favorites]


Can somebody tell me what pizza lady's family is so upset about? Definitely my favorite one.

She ripped a pretty heinous fart.
posted by indubitable at 1:12 PM on March 31, 2013 [12 favorites]


Can somebody tell me what pizza lady's family is so upset about?

Is it maybe that they're having pizza "again"?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:14 PM on March 31, 2013


Along similar lines, I thank stannate for introducing me to Jaboody Dubs.
posted by ob1quixote at 1:14 PM on March 31, 2013 [4 favorites]


Okay, people, laugh all you want, but I'm a clumsy fool and these all look like scenes from the last week of my life.

...might I suggest a suite of fine products designed for your predicament?
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 1:24 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


Can somebody tell me what pizza lady's family is so upset about? Definitely my favorite one.

"Pizza AGAIN!?!? And in the same exact goddamn kitchen that lady spilled diet Pepsi all over 5 gifs further down? We hate you! Let's kill ourselves!"
posted by sexyrobot at 1:25 PM on March 31, 2013 [10 favorites]


also, who stole all our saran wrap?
posted by sexyrobot at 1:28 PM on March 31, 2013 [2 favorites]


I want to know what is in that muffin/cupcake?
posted by achrise at 1:30 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


HUMAN TEETH.
posted by The Whelk at 1:32 PM on March 31, 2013 [14 favorites]


I want to know what is in that muffin/cupcake?

An eggshell! I"ve actually seen that one.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:32 PM on March 31, 2013 [3 favorites]


suffering.
posted by sexyrobot at 1:33 PM on March 31, 2013 [6 favorites]


I want to know what is in that muffin/cupcake?

That'll be in the next Cards Against Humanity expansion deck.
posted by houseofdanie at 1:45 PM on March 31, 2013 [4 favorites]


LOL!!! I was about to post the same gif as indubitable, wondering what product it's selling, because that IS how you have to clean many windshields, and it IS back-wrenching.

It´s a product called the Windshield Wonder. It´s not bad, but you can get better rag-on-a-stick products for a little bit more money.
posted by concrete at 1:51 PM on March 31, 2013


This one is probably my favorite because the kid starts with the milk jug laying on its side on the table. Doesn't stand a chance.
posted by Rodrigo Lamaitre at 1:53 PM on March 31, 2013 [4 favorites]


My favorite one is the ear vacuum commercial where the guy is cleaning his ear with a Q-tip and suddenly screams like he was using an ice pick and a hammer.
posted by MegoSteve at 1:59 PM on March 31, 2013 [15 favorites]


Many of these have been featured previously, but as a "best-of" YouTube clip (originally sourced from a Buzzfeed page of GIFs)

In my efforts to find that prior post, I found a fascinating old post, in which mathowie is angry at a company for using their 800 number as their URL.
posted by filthy light thief at 2:07 PM on March 31, 2013 [18 favorites]


I hate this judgmental bastard, like he's Tim Gunn or something... "I can SEE your bosoms, m'kay."
posted by biddeford at 2:10 PM on March 31, 2013 [5 favorites]


Don't worry, the guy who made this parody wants to see more of her bosom.
posted by chela at 2:14 PM on March 31, 2013 [4 favorites]


1) Condom Helper. Something to help you roll down condoms quickly, so the dude doesn't lose his boner. Easy on and off!

They exist.
posted by solotoro at 2:18 PM on March 31, 2013 [3 favorites]


(Although, I am curious, what is the infomercial saviour of the constantly breaking taco shell? Enquiring minds want to know.)

Introducing America to the soft taco was one of the better things infomercials have done for us. Can't believe nobody thought of it before.
posted by Drinky Die at 2:20 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


One of the advantages to the gifs is that, when repeated, it's obvious how much they're manipulating things to create disaster.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 2:26 PM on March 31, 2013


(Although, I am curious, what is the infomercial saviour of the constantly breaking taco shell? Enquiring minds want to know.)

To be fair, that happens just about every time I try to eat a hard taco. S'why I stick to soft.
posted by kafziel at 2:28 PM on March 31, 2013


“I wash myself my windshield with a rag on a stick.“
posted by Jughead at 2:29 PM on March 31, 2013 [6 favorites]


This amateur football player has a promising career ahead of her in some European club. She takes a dive like the best of them.
posted by autopilot at 2:31 PM on March 31, 2013 [2 favorites]


2) Cunning Headlight. So you can find that clitoris when your head is under the covers. With festive twinkle / sparkle mode for special occasions.

Close.
posted by mph at 2:37 PM on March 31, 2013


What product is this from because this is an accurate depiction of my experience with plastic wrap.
posted by griphus at 2:44 PM on March 31, 2013 [6 favorites]


I'm going to guess it's for some kind of shower-cap like thing that you put over bowls before refrigerating them. We have a few in the house, they work pretty well but are sort of a pain to wash.
posted by mcrandello at 2:51 PM on March 31, 2013


What product is this from because this is an accurate depiction of my experience with plastic wrap.

There are little punch-tabs on the ends that you can push in to stabilize the roll inside the box.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 2:54 PM on March 31, 2013 [10 favorites]


I'm glad no infomercial gadget inventors were around with cameras for my (rare) derpy moments. You know those vending-machine coffee cups with the playing cards on the side, and your hole card is on the bottom? Yeah. In a group of friends at school.

I've also checked my watch before without remembering I was holding a cup of coffee in that hand.

THERE'S GOT TO BE A BETTER WAY!
posted by ctmf at 3:09 PM on March 31, 2013 [2 favorites]


Omigod, there‘s actually an ad for the VaJazzle! (And of course, omigod, the VaJazzle is actually a thing!)
posted by Jughead at 3:12 PM on March 31, 2013


concrete: "rag-on-a-stick"

Ah, indeed.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 3:35 PM on March 31, 2013


For some reason, I am more amused by the ones which are of the "people being shamed for faux pas" as opposed to the "clumsy idiot can't perform simple task without injury".

The idea that women can be shamed to tears by presenting either pizza or boobs at the dinner table is hilarious.

Pizza and boobs, people! What's not to like?
posted by ShutterBun at 3:38 PM on March 31, 2013 [12 favorites]


And just so I'm clear, the third gif features a woman in a thong, on fire, crashing through a second floor window?

That's like 3 of the Fantastic 4 right there.
posted by ShutterBun at 3:47 PM on March 31, 2013 [19 favorites]


I hope that hot dog one is selling marital aids.
posted by Cyrano at 4:03 PM on March 31, 2013 [3 favorites]


Pizza and boobs, people! What's not to like?

It is also amusing that they had to put a big red x on the boob-shower to drive home the point that this is, in fact, not the desired outcome.
posted by jeoc at 4:07 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


Love how the dude's reaction in the "big red X" GIF could be read as "What the--! Oh, leave 'em hanging out, it's totally fine."
posted by Rykey at 4:09 PM on March 31, 2013


1) Condom Helper. Something to help you roll down condoms quickly, so the dude doesn't lose his boner. Easy on and off!

As seen on MetaFilter!
posted by MartinWisse at 4:14 PM on March 31, 2013 [2 favorites]


That's like 3 of the Fantastic 4 right there.

They only needed to give her Reed Richards hair to round it out.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 4:17 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


mathowie is angry at a company for using their 800 number as their URL.

Geez, GYOFB.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 4:28 PM on March 31, 2013 [13 favorites]


Watching these makes me feel uniquely competent.

I can crack open eggs without making a mess. I should be running the world.
posted by bunderful at 4:33 PM on March 31, 2013 [3 favorites]


I can crack open eggs without making a mess.

Pfft. I made lemon curd from scratch today AND put it in a plastic container without incident. I AM THE UR-BEING.
posted by jeoc at 4:35 PM on March 31, 2013 [3 favorites]


I see Nosferatu can't keep sunglasses on his head.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 4:44 PM on March 31, 2013 [7 favorites]


I could watch that man disappointed by the tiny burger forever.
posted by jeudi at 4:47 PM on March 31, 2013 [6 favorites]


This lady's face, after she drops the spices or whatever they are, is the best.
posted by nooneyouknow at 4:54 PM on March 31, 2013 [7 favorites]


Alternate title: NOW HOW MANY TIMES HAS THIS HAPPENED TO YOU!
posted by ceribus peribus at 5:07 PM on March 31, 2013


This is why North Korea thinks we can't shoot down their missiles.

fwiw we can't
posted by p3on at 5:14 PM on March 31, 2013


Pfft. I made lemon curd from scratch today AND put it in a plastic container without incident. I AM THE UR-BEING.

I can wrap my own towel and then eat lemon curd without losing the towel. I AM THE UR-UR- BEING.
posted by bunderful at 5:58 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


This lady's face, after she drops the spices or whatever they are, is the best.

She's like the David-Bowie-in-Labyrinth of having crap fall on you out of the cabinet.
posted by Countess Elena at 6:02 PM on March 31, 2013 [6 favorites]


To be honest, I also can't walk past a lit burner on a stove-top without needing to rub it, thereby lighting my long-sleeved blouse on fire and having to resort to defenestration out the nearest window in my 45th floor apartment to put it out.


If only there were some sort of product out there to help me!
posted by droplet at 6:06 PM on March 31, 2013 [6 favorites]


If only there were some sort of product out there to help me!

Asbestos?
posted by drezdn at 6:20 PM on March 31, 2013 [6 favorites]


I can wrap my own towel and then eat lemon curd without losing the towel.

I think that just makes you a hoopy frood.
posted by jeoc at 6:26 PM on March 31, 2013 [8 favorites]


Such a product would surely cost hundreds of dollars!
posted by bunderful at 6:27 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


Can somebody tell me what pizza lady's family is so upset about? Definitely my favorite one.

She's still wearing her business outfit and there's Chinese food boxes on the table.

"Mom! We couldn't wait any longer, so Dad ordered Chinese. We already ate without you!"
posted by straight at 6:41 PM on March 31, 2013


Hoopy frood?
posted by bunderful at 6:56 PM on March 31, 2013


If you want a picture of the future, imagine Tupperware falling out of a cabinet into a human face--forever.
posted by Naberius at 7:03 PM on March 31, 2013 [18 favorites]


"What's in the cupcake?"
"Pain."
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:36 PM on March 31, 2013 [6 favorites]


I don't even get this one or why it exists. Whats the voice over like?
"Having a hard time slicing bread with things that aren't knives?!"
posted by FirstMateKate at 7:47 PM on March 31, 2013 [17 favorites]


Or maybe it's "Having a hard time grating Parmesan with things that aren't cheese graters?"
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:48 PM on March 31, 2013 [8 favorites]


I have been enjoying this egg cracking fail one recently.
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 7:49 PM on March 31, 2013 [4 favorites]


"Tired of trying to cook with a doorstop?"
posted by kiltedtaco at 7:53 PM on March 31, 2013


Hoopy frood?
That's a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy reference. It is a world in which knowing the location of your towel is highly valued and likely to earn you the appellation of hoopy frood.

Urban Dictionary is also at your service.
posted by jeoc at 7:58 PM on March 31, 2013


Knowing where your towel is matters partly because it's of practical value (e.g. avoiding the gaze of the ravenous bugblatter beast of Traal), but, more importantly, being in possession of a towel can be interpreted as a signal of overall life-competence.

More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: nonhitchhiker) discovers that a hitchhiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, washcloth, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet-weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitchhiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitchhiker might accidentally have "lost." What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the Galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through and still knows where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with.

Hence a phrase which has passed into hitch hiking slang, as in "Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is."

posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 8:24 PM on March 31, 2013 [7 favorites]


"Why can't we have nice things mommy?"
"Here, watch this..."
"Oh. I see. People are idiots."
"Yes dear. Now eat your exploding taco."
"Thanks mommy."
::BOOM!::
posted by Splunge at 8:27 PM on March 31, 2013 [3 favorites]


For those wondering, "sass" is a galactic term meaning "Know, be aware of, have sex with."
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:28 PM on March 31, 2013 [5 favorites]


So, uhm, do any of those egg cracking devices actually work? Because I am crazy inept at cracking eggs.
posted by Skwirl at 8:39 PM on March 31, 2013


My favorite one is the ear vacuum commercial where the guy is cleaning his ear with a Q-tip and suddenly screams like he was using an ice pick and a hammer.

Me too! Especially when it played on Up w/ Chris Hayes, which was like always.
posted by Cash4Lead at 8:50 PM on March 31, 2013


How can anyone not love the guy who can't even relax at home right?
posted by rmless at 9:03 PM on March 31, 2013 [2 favorites]


I don't even get this one or why it exists. Whats the voice over like?
"Having a hard time slicing bread with things that aren't knives?!"


It's for a knife sharpener thing.
posted by Drinky Die at 9:13 PM on March 31, 2013


Or a credit card sharpener, if you really don't want to use a knife.
posted by Drinky Die at 9:14 PM on March 31, 2013 [4 favorites]


Knowing where your towel is matters partly because it's of practical value (e.g. avoiding the gaze of the ravenous bugblatter beast of Traal), but, more importantly, being in possession of a towel can be interpreted as a signal of overall life-competence.

The modern equivalent might be something like when Captain Bunny Colvin asks his officers "where are you?"
posted by ShutterBun at 9:53 PM on March 31, 2013 [1 favorite]


Although, I am curious, what is the infomercial saviour of the constantly breaking taco shell? Enquiring minds want to know.

I can't believe I remeber this, but it's from a prime time ad that ran in the 80's for Tio Sancho Taco Shells.
posted by sourwookie at 10:20 PM on March 31, 2013


The title was going to be a tag for extra subtlety, but I couldn't think of anything funnier for the title.
posted by Pope Guilty at 11:05 PM on March 31, 2013




Ahhhh, thank you all for enlightening me re: the taco shell. They're not really a thing on here in the UK but I can get taco trays, which are a little easier to eat without total collapse. (And also gluten free which, means I can actually eat them. Hooray!)
posted by halcyonday at 2:36 AM on April 1, 2013


Can someone please tell me what product I can buy for that very real Tupperware problem?!

If you're my wife (hello *becca*) then you solve the problem by buying giant tupperware boxes to hold all your smaller tupperware.

I've never been sure whether that was utter genius or utter madness to be honest.
posted by garius at 5:12 AM on April 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


The future is Mr. Lundegaard, scraping ice off a windshield, forever.
posted by Devils Rancher at 6:24 AM on April 1, 2013


If you're my wife (hello *becca*) then you solve the problem by buying giant tupperware boxes to hold all your smaller tupperware.

I've never been sure whether that was utter genius or utter madness to be honest.


If the Russians have taught us anything, it's that putting smaller versions of things inside of bigger versions of things is totally normal.
posted by Cash4Lead at 6:26 AM on April 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


So it's Tupperware all the way down. I've always assumed that.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 8:23 AM on April 1, 2013 [4 favorites]


Once again, I am trapped into TVTropes.

But! I feel quite superior with my meager hand/eye coordination skills!
posted by RainyJay at 10:12 AM on April 1, 2013


This is a double, complicated by the fact that the link to this imgur gallery in the original was changed by the mods to point to the YouTube video all the GIFs were ripped from.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:36 AM on April 1, 2013 [1 favorite]


The "cami secret" ad is the one that kills me. It seems like a reasonable product actually, but the one thing that's never going to happen will be some man complaining about his dinner date showing too much cleavage. The the woman might feel uncomfortable? Sure. The man? HIGHLY unlikely.
posted by GuyZero at 10:37 AM on April 1, 2013


the one thing that's never going to happen will be some man complaining about his dinner date showing too much cleavage.

I got the impression that that was a business lunch rather than a dinner date, which may explain the "cleavage ohnoez" reaction.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:38 AM on April 1, 2013


No gif of my favourite infomercial, which is of someone who cannot figure out how to flip a pancake and accidentally throws all the batter onto the ceiling.
posted by jeather at 10:38 AM on April 1, 2013


Oh, and I assume the pizza problem is that they cannot figure out how to cut the pizza, perhaps because all they have is a knife-sharpener.
posted by jeather at 10:39 AM on April 1, 2013 [4 favorites]


I got the impression that that was a business lunch rather than a dinner date, which may explain the "cleavage ohnoez" reaction.

On the off chance I was having an actual one-on-one business lunch with a female colleague, the absolute last thing I am going to talk about is her cleavage. I would discuss holocaust denial first as it would be more socially acceptable.
posted by GuyZero at 10:40 AM on April 1, 2013 [9 favorites]


How can anyone not love the guy who can't even relax at home right?

That is a particularly dumb one. I don't really understand why he has to balance his big ass drink on his knee in order to eat his popcorn when the floor is available. God forbid he should get a coffee table or ottoman or something.

What's with the overflowing crock 'O beans? Do I need a special storage unit for my beans?
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 11:33 AM on April 1, 2013


Do I need a special storage unit for my beans?

You're in luck! For just three easy payments of $19.95, you can take home the exciting new Bean-o-Platmatic! The wonder product that stores, displays, and serves your beans - three jobs in one!

Also can be used as a pith helmet!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:35 AM on April 1, 2013


Also can be used as a pith helmet!

*gif of me dumping plate of beans on my head*

UGH!
posted by Devils Rancher at 11:47 AM on April 1, 2013 [4 favorites]


My stock answer to any of these, when I see them on TV, is "Because you're stupid?"
posted by wallabear at 9:59 PM on April 1, 2013


You're in luck! For just three easy payments of $19.95, you can take home the exciting new Bean-o-Platmatic! The wonder product that stores, displays, and serves your beans - three jobs in one!

While I don't need this, I did accidentally slice my right hand while trying to dry out a can of beans last week. Are there any products that will remind me not to shove my hand in a can and twist it against sharp metal?
posted by frimble at 2:37 AM on April 2, 2013


They sell beans in an already dry state too, it's probably your best choice if you find the canned beans too wet.
posted by Drinky Die at 3:13 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Use a rim cut can opener. Best ever. Makes a replaceable lid; no sharp edges. Zyliss has a good one. No joke.

[holds up bloody stump] has this ever happened to you?
posted by seanmpuckett at 3:23 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


I actually found the sideways hot dog one kind of believable. She looks like she's never eaten anything with fewer than 15 forks.
posted by DU at 4:45 AM on April 2, 2013


Can't believe nobody's mentioned the Bag Hutch yet...
posted by Rykey at 7:01 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


It didn't include my favorite infomercial gif: where the woman SUCCESSFULLY opens up a folding lawn chair, then throws it to the ground in fury!
posted by chainsofreedom at 10:43 AM on April 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


Too be fair the arm rest pockets did come off the uprights.
posted by Mitheral at 1:22 PM on April 2, 2013


Related: Yo soy loco por los cornballs!!!
posted by craven_morhead at 2:42 PM on April 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


Too be fair the arm rest pockets did come off the uprights.

The seat looks kind of detached, too.

Really the failure there is that she opened it up at an angle where it's hard to see the problem.
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 2:19 AM on April 5, 2013


« Older When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men   |   this is ourselves: under pressure Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments