"It's supposed to make my mornings even dreamier."
April 20, 2013 10:20 AM   Subscribe

Little Rooster is the world's first alarm clock specifically designed to wake you up smiling. By waking you with pleasure. "The raciest alarm clock in the world." posted by heatherann (65 comments total) 10 users marked this as a favorite


 
the world's first alarm clock specifically designed to wake you up smiling

Did you miss the Brian Blessed alarm app?
posted by biffa at 10:24 AM on April 20, 2013 [12 favorites]


/read that as racist alarm clock.
/It's that kind of week.
posted by Artw at 10:27 AM on April 20, 2013 [42 favorites]


I may be overthinking a plate of beans, but wouldn't that control panel snap off or get in the way?
posted by arcticseal at 10:29 AM on April 20, 2013


Hey, a racist alarm clock is right once a morning.
posted by lazaruslong at 10:30 AM on April 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


Godwin time
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 10:32 AM on April 20, 2013


Arcticseal, they actually have a video addressing this concern.
posted by heatherann at 10:38 AM on April 20, 2013


...Read about the "snorgasm" function and....

No.
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 10:39 AM on April 20, 2013 [6 favorites]


They missed a trick not making the Hitler clock vibrate.
posted by Artw at 10:40 AM on April 20, 2013 [2 favorites]


The Party Pack sleepover suggestion sounds like the most awkward social event I could imagine.
posted by bibliowench at 10:44 AM on April 20, 2013 [20 favorites]


Cock-a-doodle-do!
posted by notme at 10:49 AM on April 20, 2013 [3 favorites]


oh... that's not skeevey AT ALL
posted by edgeways at 10:50 AM on April 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


It costs 69 dollars. And I am twelve.
posted by Pazzovizza at 10:52 AM on April 20, 2013 [30 favorites]


This alarm clock, it vibrates?
posted by zombieflanders at 10:53 AM on April 20, 2013 [31 favorites]


The name reminded me of when I lived on Kauai and the roosters would start crowing at 4:00 am. Except for the rooster that imprinted on my neighbor's cat, that rooster would meow. And meowing roosters make me wake up smiling.

This is really different from that.
posted by kamikazegopher at 10:56 AM on April 20, 2013 [44 favorites]


The Party Pack sleepover suggestion sounds like the most awkward social event I could imagine.

Perfect for those totally fictional slumber parties that fourteen-year-old boys would like to believe their classmates are having.
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 10:57 AM on April 20, 2013 [6 favorites]


This alarm clock, it vibrates?
It took 13 comments to get that? We're slipping.

And Go Get a Roomie is one of my top 20 favorite webcomics for its "naughty, but really more just sex-positive" themes, understated art style and interesting characters. Still, the discovery of that device in "Lazy Tyke's" dresser was semi-shocking.
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:58 AM on April 20, 2013 [1 favorite]




I'm too lazy to crow today.
posted by davebush at 11:02 AM on April 20, 2013 [3 favorites]


Arcticseal, they actually have a video addressing this concern.

That guy in the video is totally creepy. I want to slap that stupid smile off of his face.
posted by dchrssyr at 11:03 AM on April 20, 2013 [7 favorites]


Two motors for extra throb!
posted by hippybear at 11:05 AM on April 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


I can't even sleep when there's crumbs in the bed. This sounds like a nightmare.
posted by boo_radley at 11:10 AM on April 20, 2013 [2 favorites]


For cat-lovers like me with a kitty who sleeps on my bed and also has a high prey drive, this could only end in tears. And the most awkward trip ever to the gyno for antibiotics.
posted by nicebookrack at 11:12 AM on April 20, 2013 [23 favorites]


That guy in the video is totally creepy. I want to slap that stupid smile off of his face.

No kidding. Just seeing the placeholder frame of him holding up the contraption makes me go "ewwwww" and definitely not want to see any more.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:12 AM on April 20, 2013 [9 favorites]


Looks awesome... make one I can use and we'll talk.
posted by hippybear at 11:13 AM on April 20, 2013


Just seeing the placeholder frame of him holding up the contraption makes me go "ewwwww"

I saw that and it made me wonder if the whole thing is a prank.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 11:15 AM on April 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


hippybear, I'm sure you would not need to get too creative to make use of the existing one...
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 11:16 AM on April 20, 2013


It stays in place even if you get up and walk around.
posted by goethean at 11:18 AM on April 20, 2013


I'm sure I could use it as a toy, but as an alarm clock? something I would sleep with? what are you picturing? I'll need a diagram or something...
posted by hippybear at 11:18 AM on April 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


Isn't there already an app for that?
posted by HuronBob at 11:26 AM on April 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


Plus three extra powerful "turbo" levels.

Do you have to succeed at side quests in earlier levels to unlock these?
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:26 AM on April 20, 2013 [21 favorites]


This thing is genius.
posted by BeeDo at 11:39 AM on April 20, 2013


The Whelk: "Sorry, there is only one true alarm clock."

Yeah, IF you can get it and keep it working. I remember tripping over a forum thread on Mr. Fry's site a while back where a lot of people weren't getting their clocks and those that did were having a very high failure rate.

Besides, is no one else pissed at the sexist nature of said alarm clock? What about those of us with the other bits? They show couples in bed, so where's mine? Huh? Huh?
posted by Samizdata at 11:41 AM on April 20, 2013


Has anyone tried this? Does it actually work? It looks kinda uncomfortable.

Great copy on the website, though.
posted by subdee at 11:43 AM on April 20, 2013


Q. I don't get on with sanitary towels so I'm not going to like sleeping with Little Rooster in my knickers.

I read this in the voice of 1) Peppa Pig, then 2) Mary Poppins, and finally 3) Michael Caine, and it was quite amusing.
posted by swift at 11:45 AM on April 20, 2013 [10 favorites]


The price is right ~;)
posted by DBAPaul at 11:58 AM on April 20, 2013


I'll admit I was intrigued... Until I saw über-creepy grinning man in video. Nope.
posted by Fig at 12:06 PM on April 20, 2013


Besides, is no one else pissed at the sexist nature of said alarm clock? What about those of us with the other bits? They show couples in bed, so where's mine? Huh? Huh?

No no, there's a Madam version too (or is it just a Madam setting?) However, the Madam messages that I've heard are more explicit about gender roles ("Good morning, Madam. The current issue of Vogue has devoted its editorial to your sense of style, purpose, beauty and personal grandeur"), rather than more gender-neutral yet nonetheless ego-boosting messages like "The world has been very anxious to hear from you for last eight hours. Shall I inform the news agencies you're about to rise, Sir?"

posted by trig at 12:51 PM on April 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


Besides, is no one else pissed at the sexist nature of said alarm clock? What about those of us with the other bits?

Um... a determined guy could probably use this one, actually.
posted by en forme de poire at 12:55 PM on April 20, 2013


It would involve duct tape, I think.
posted by hippybear at 12:59 PM on April 20, 2013 [2 favorites]


Besides, is no one else pissed at the sexist nature of said alarm clock? What about those of us with the other bits?
No, the sexist thing is turning a conversation about a product that's *currently* intended for women into a conversation about men and their needs and why are they not being catered to right this second.

Anyway, if it weren't too uncomfortable, this might be delightful.
posted by bleep at 1:07 PM on April 20, 2013 [7 favorites]


Oh hmm what's this NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE
posted by louche mustachio at 1:08 PM on April 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


I have also noticed that no matter how much you enjoy a particular son or sound, make it your alarm clock and you will hate it and dread it. Physical sensations are not much different, especially when mechanically applied.

Plus I usually have to pee when I wake up. I imagine it would just feel like a tiny hard plastic jackhammer and no I am not into that sort of thing.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:13 PM on April 20, 2013 [5 favorites]


Samizdata: "Besides, is no one else pissed at the sexist nature of said alarm clock? What about those of us with the other bits? They show couples in bed, so where's mine?"

I bet your prostate would respond just fine to it.
posted by boo_radley at 1:24 PM on April 20, 2013 [4 favorites]


Seriously, though, this thing looks like the thing a staff chef uses to take the holding temperature of a buffet line at Golden Corral. Take it home and your lady would ask "why did you get me an infrared thermometer?" before tossing your creepy-smiley ass out on the street, all tiny satin bags and ipod cables raining down on your dumb head from her apartment.
posted by boo_radley at 1:28 PM on April 20, 2013 [10 favorites]


I feel like an idiot. I've been wearing a similar product on my wrist for months now.
posted by middleclasstool at 1:30 PM on April 20, 2013 [2 favorites]


Alarm ... cock?

(I, too, am twelve.)
posted by chavenet at 1:49 PM on April 20, 2013 [3 favorites]


trig: "Besides, is no one else pissed at the sexist nature of said alarm clock? What about those of us with the other bits? They show couples in bed, so where's mine? Huh? Huh?

No no, there's a Madam version too (or is it just a Madam setting?) However, the Madam messages that I've heard are more explicit about gender roles ("Good morning, Madam. The current issue of Vogue has devoted its editorial to your sense of style, purpose, beauty and personal grandeur"), rather than more gender-neutral yet nonetheless ego-boosting messages like "The world has been very anxious to hear from you for last eight hours. Shall I inform the news agencies you're about to rise, Sir?"
"

I was talking about the sexy vibraclock, I am afraid.
posted by Samizdata at 2:37 PM on April 20, 2013


But...but I always get sleepy after. This would just make me even later for work than usual.
posted by MexicanYenta at 2:43 PM on April 20, 2013 [11 favorites]


This guy's smile is creepy. Why they didn't have a woman appear in this video is beyond me: http://www.littleroosterstore.com/pages/design
posted by sp160n at 3:33 PM on April 20, 2013


I watched the video twice now and still don't understand what this guy's talking about. He mentions tendons and motors and the thin neck just naturally slipping into the crook of your thigh or something, which makes me wonder if he knows where the clitoris is. Also having difficulty understanding why the smooth, round, pink thing is supposedly more clumsy and intrusive than a plastic meat thermometer bent like a dental mirror.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:33 PM on April 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


So help me god, I thought this was going to be about that chicken alarm clock. "I guess he makes some people smile," I thought.
posted by Charity Garfein at 3:35 PM on April 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


I am confused about why I would wear panties to sleep.
posted by desuetude at 5:30 PM on April 20, 2013 [10 favorites]


I never even got that far but yeah, who does that?





I don't know about you, but I have a sneaking suspicion this guy doesn't know a whole lot about women and how they function.
posted by louche mustachio at 5:39 PM on April 20, 2013


Watching that video made me think of a certain Uncle Bonsai song...
posted by BillW at 6:47 PM on April 20, 2013


"reassuringly hygenic"

Oh yes, I'll take 3 of those, then.
posted by LMGM at 7:16 PM on April 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


When I taught in an environmental ed program, all the staff lived in these big communal houses. One of my housemates had a rooster alarm clock. Not this kind. His was in the shape of a rooster, and started out with these very low, soft "chuck chuck, chuck chuck" noises. Over several minutes, these gradually mounted to louder "Bawk, bawk" noises, and finally crescendoed to a "ROOT-DE-ROOT-DE-OOOOOOO" that resounded harshly through the entire house. At which point a number of different voices could be heard grumbling "Fucking CHICKEN."

It woke us up every morning. The worst part was that it started so softly, but the psychological knowledge of the harshness that was to come caused you to immediately break from sleep and tense up in preparation for the crow. To this day, when I hear a rooster crow, it's still followed in my head with "...fucking CHICKEN."

This one is different. The resemblences are many, but pleasure was not a big part of that rooster clock.
posted by Miko at 7:30 PM on April 20, 2013 [4 favorites]


I'm not sure that I umm want to wake up aroused and stimulated every morning. Good luck getting to work on time or paying attention once I'm there, ever again.
posted by stoneandstar at 8:36 PM on April 20, 2013


Not just the face but I don't think I've ever been so effectively sleeved out by marketing copy.
posted by ominous_paws at 2:38 AM on April 21, 2013


When I saw the designer of this contraption my first thought was "Holy crap, he looks like Jared Loughner!" That's not a feature, that's a bug.
posted by Daddy-O at 2:39 AM on April 21, 2013


I'm glad everyone else thought he was as much of a creep as I did. That is the facial expression of a murderer, and he knows WAY too much about clitorises. You know who else I bet knew a lot about clitorises? Ed Gein.
posted by DecemberBoy at 5:18 AM on April 21, 2013


I'm not turning it up to eight, Moss! It'll blow my cock off!
posted by xedrik at 9:16 AM on April 21, 2013 [6 favorites]


It goes up to 11.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 1:35 PM on April 21, 2013


Where's the fleshlight version?
posted by slogger at 9:13 AM on April 22, 2013


mumble, mumble getting your clocks off?
posted by BlueHorse at 1:50 PM on April 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


What's a cockpipe?
Cockpipe is the inventor and manufacturer of a unique and stylistic adult novelty that combines a molded smoking pipe that is embedded within a circular/tubular silicone sleeve for external placement on the shaft of a user's penis for promoting and/or enhancing erectile function while another user or multiple users orally enjoy the use of a molded smoking pipe.

posted by Artw at 12:00 AM on April 24, 2013


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