May be SFW if you can convince your boss it's a fat guy's nipple
June 12, 2013 2:48 PM   Subscribe

Nipple.es
Just a single-serving site reminding us of that questionably-attributed quote “The only intuitive interface is the nipple. After that it's all learned.”
posted by oneswellfoop (61 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
 
Nothing happens when I click anything. I don't understand.

My own nipples are more of an intuitive interface than this is. Or is that the point?

Get it? The point? I'll be here all week.
posted by Malice at 2:57 PM on June 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


Single-serving? I'm not a guy, but isn't two of them supposed to be better?
posted by Melismata at 2:59 PM on June 12, 2013


I prefer eight.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 3:01 PM on June 12, 2013 [3 favorites]


When I was 16, I had another boy tell me that a girl I had one of my many secret crushes on had nipples like dried pepperoni. Eventually I got to find out firsthand that they were absolutely not like dried pepperoni. I never found out why he told me this, but whatever - he was a dick.
posted by item at 3:04 PM on June 12, 2013 [3 favorites]


The title of this post just reminded me how much I'd like to live in a world where a woman's nipple is as SFW as a man's (and where I can finally walk down the street with my shirt off in this humid-ass weather).
posted by fight or flight at 3:04 PM on June 12, 2013 [4 favorites]


As a woman who nursed two children, I will tell you that honestly, the nipple isn't even that intuitive of an interface.
posted by KathrynT at 3:05 PM on June 12, 2013 [65 favorites]


Click is intuitive in this context.

Click-and-hold is not.
posted by notyou at 3:06 PM on June 12, 2013 [2 favorites]


Malice: "Nothing happens when I click anything. I don't understand."

If you click the nipple or breast, a stream of milk comes out of the nipple (in an unrealistic manner,) and accumulates. Once the milk fills the screen the quote from the post appears, along with a link that leads to the history of who said it first.

Have I missed anything?
posted by zarq at 3:09 PM on June 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


If you click the nipple or breast, a stream of milk comes out of the nipple (in an unrealistic manner,) and accumulates. Once the milk fills the screen the quote from the post appears, along with a link that leads to the history of who said it first.

Are you being sarcastic or does this actually happen?
posted by Malice at 3:13 PM on June 12, 2013 [8 favorites]


Yeah no there is a whole industry dedicated to teaching women how to teach their babies how to eat. Even then it sometimes just doesn't work out. It's kind of a miracle the human race survived at all.
posted by bleep at 3:14 PM on June 12, 2013 [6 favorites]


As a woman who nursed two children, I will tell you that honestly, the nipple isn't even that intuitive of an interface.

I've read the other primates have it easier - their nipples are shaped a bit more like that of a rubber milk-bottle nipple.

I wouldn't mind hearing follow-up from someone who actually knows about this stuff.
posted by sebastienbailard at 3:14 PM on June 12, 2013


Are you being sarcastic or does this actually happen?

This site is SFMW and yes this is what actually happens.
posted by jessamyn at 3:15 PM on June 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


Not being sarcastic. It really does happen.

This is an "in progress" shot.

This is the filled milk page.

This is the page under the 'more' link.
posted by zarq at 3:17 PM on June 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


fight or flight: "The title of this post just reminded me how much I'd like to live in a world where a woman's nipple is as SFW as a man's (and where I can finally walk down the street with my shirt off in this humid-ass weather)."

Well, I think if nothing else, it would bring a bit more joy into the world.
posted by Samizdata at 3:19 PM on June 12, 2013 [2 favorites]


The title of this post just reminded me how much I'd like to live in a world where a woman's nipple is as SFW as a man's (and where I can finally walk down the street with my shirt off in this humid-ass weather).

As a dude, I'm not particularly comfortable walking down the street with my nipples out in a full broadside either (though I take your point in general).
posted by gkhan at 3:19 PM on June 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


KathrynT: "As a woman who nursed two children, I will tell you that honestly, the nipple isn't even that intuitive of an interface."

Definitely. Right now, in a room in your local hospital, there are several women (some likely close to tears of frustration) trying desperately to get the evasive "latch on". This involves a team of amazing nurses armed with various techniques and equipment, who keep telling you not to give up, and that as long as you keep trying, it will happen eventually.

For us, "eventually" was with our second child who took to it like a fish to water.
posted by history_denier at 3:22 PM on June 12, 2013 [6 favorites]


Well, according to the 'more' link (which is also the link in the quote in my original post), by 2001, the person most often attributed, Bruce Ediger, amended it to say:

"There is no intuitive interface, not even the nipple. It's all learned."

And yes, the interface on the page is not quite intuitive (IRONY!) and may not function in all browsers. (I haven't tested it in IE)
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:22 PM on June 12, 2013


I get it but at the same time I don't get it.
posted by tommasz at 3:29 PM on June 12, 2013


Yeah, it really doesn't stream like that in real life.
posted by Melismata at 3:31 PM on June 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


I get it but at the same time I don't get it.
posted by tommasz at 3:29 PM

Have you never heard that Apple products are superior because they work intuitively? The quote disputes that claim.
posted by Cranberry at 3:35 PM on June 12, 2013


My browser must have the prudish sensibilities of Mattel as it doesn't display any nipple, just a peach colored background that jets white from the middle. Intuitively, I first clicked the + in the corner...and I was breastfed until age 3!
posted by Cold Lurkey at 3:36 PM on June 12, 2013


As a woman who nursed two children, I will tell you that honestly, the nipple isn't even that intuitive of an interface.
posted by KathrynT at 3:05 PM on June 12 [15 favorites −] Favorite added! [!]


Oh heck no it's not intuitive. My sample size was three children and observation of two grandkids.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 3:44 PM on June 12, 2013


...but whatever - he was a dick.

A dick like dried pepperoni, or so I hear.
posted by Balonious Assault at 3:46 PM on June 12, 2013 [16 favorites]


Melismata: "Yeah, it really doesn't stream like that in real life."

Seriously. My initial reaction was "it's a nipple, not a faucet."
posted by zarq at 3:48 PM on June 12, 2013 [1 favorite]



Not being sarcastic. It really does happen.

This is an "in progress" shot.

This is the filled milk page.

This is the page under the 'more' link.


Oh, okay! I wonder why it wasn't working for me. Thanks for clearing that up though. I'm on Chrome, something just must be boinked.
posted by Malice at 3:53 PM on June 12, 2013


Does this explain why I'm really into ThinkPads?
posted by Lord Force Crater at 3:57 PM on June 12, 2013 [6 favorites]


Nothing happens when I click anything. I don't understand.

Interface needs to be tweaked.
posted by hal9k at 3:57 PM on June 12, 2013 [4 favorites]


A dick like dried pepperoni, or so I hear.

Snap into a Slim Dick?
posted by dudemanlives at 3:58 PM on June 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


Single-serving? I'm not a guy, but isn't two of them supposed to be better

That would be nippl.es. This is nipple.es.
posted by hydrophonic at 4:08 PM on June 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


SFMW? Safe for mammary work?
posted by item at 4:19 PM on June 12, 2013


my work.
posted by jessamyn at 4:19 PM on June 12, 2013


Oh. Less fun.
posted by item at 4:20 PM on June 12, 2013


This site makes a *little* more sense on a phone, or tablet. Tap and drag...and things happen!
posted by arrjay at 4:25 PM on June 12, 2013


Sort of related
posted by ACair at 4:30 PM on June 12, 2013


Most hospitals have lactation coaches. It isn't that intuitive, it's learned.
posted by jenkinsEar at 4:40 PM on June 12, 2013


Hmm. This doesn't look quite right in Firefox on Windows. The white line doesn't look like it's coming out of the nipple so much as that it's on top of the nipple. Did they check this interface for cross-browser compatibility?
posted by limeonaire at 4:47 PM on June 12, 2013


Melismata: "Yeah, it really doesn't stream like that in real life."

Not for you maybe. I used to regularly squirt my husband from across the room. Kinda like guys writing their names in the snow...
posted by SuperSquirrel at 4:51 PM on June 12, 2013 [7 favorites]


Not for you maybe. I used to regularly squirt my husband from across the room. Kinda like guys writing their names in the snow...

Really? That's awesome.
posted by gkhan at 5:05 PM on June 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


Where are people working that is isn't safe for? A monastery?

(Because if it is actually a monastery, then you might want to get of the internet altogether. That psalter ain't gonna illuminate itself, Brother Jerome)
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:11 PM on June 12, 2013 [3 favorites]


Finally, the answer to the question, "Got milk?" has been definitively answered. Yes. Got milk.
posted by not_on_display at 5:11 PM on June 12, 2013


Did they check this interface for cross-browser compatibility?
(chuckle)
There are two sites that are all about CSS3/HTML5 that I almost FPP'd instead of this today, but I'll do them tomorrow. Prepare your browsers and snarks...
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:19 PM on June 12, 2013


What's up with the weird roiling of the surface of the milk? Are there sharks under there? Milk-whales?

Most hospitals have lactation coaches

I like to think that in an alternate Age of Rail, trains did too. (Don't use that one breast pump designed by Isambard Kingdom Brunel, though.)
posted by hattifattener at 5:24 PM on June 12, 2013 [2 favorites]


hattifattener: "Milk-whales?"

*drys face*

*wipes water from desk surface*

*refills empty glass*

thanks buddy
posted by Hairy Lobster at 5:32 PM on June 12, 2013


Turns out there are Milk Whales! At least in the world of Toriko manga.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 5:40 PM on June 12, 2013


This one doesn't work.
posted by homunculus at 5:52 PM on June 12, 2013


Does this explain why I'm really into ThinkPads?
posted by Lord Force Crater at 3:57 PM on June 12 [1 favorite +] [!]


That's not really a nipple, though.
posted by MikeKD at 6:09 PM on June 12, 2013


You people are milking this thread for obvious jokes, and it will be an udder disaster.
posted by jonmc at 6:44 PM on June 12, 2013 [6 favorites]


Most hospitals have lactation coaches. It isn't that intuitive, it's learned.

Indeed. It's mystical. Who coached my dog?

Seriously: Do other mammals have trouble with this?
posted by Mr. Yuck at 6:52 PM on June 12, 2013


Melismata: "Yeah, it really doesn't stream like that in real life."

One of the great shocks of my life was discovering first hand that human nipples have several outlets, and at least on the ones I've seen, resemble those cheap multihole sprinklers rather than a single stream. YNMV.
posted by Mitheral at 6:56 PM on June 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


Most hospitals have lactation coaches.

Now I have an image of Vince Lombardi hollering "Where's the milk dammit! C'mon already!"
posted by jonmc at 7:04 PM on June 12, 2013


My seven-week-old daughter reminds me on a daily basis just how tough it is to effectively operate a nipple.
posted by town of cats at 7:45 PM on June 12, 2013


The "not working for me" conversation in this thread is hilarious.
posted by odinsdream at 7:46 PM on June 12, 2013


like dried pepperoni, or so I hear.

pork sausage?
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 7:49 PM on June 12, 2013


> As a woman who nursed two children, I will tell you that honestly, the nipple isn't even that intuitive of an interface.

It shouldn't be a surprise then, that every person the quote is attributed to is a man.
posted by Panjandrum at 8:45 PM on June 12, 2013 [2 favorites]


Has the story of the nurse-in held for the raised in captivity gorilla never been posted here? That she had to have women nurse their babies in front of her so she could learn how to nurse her own baby kind of shows how it's not really that intuitive (like KathrynT and others have already mentioned).

Also, I was clicking as a baby would nurse, and it didn't work as well as just holding down the click, so the website isn't even mimicking the thing it's supposed to be saying is so intuitive.
posted by zorrine at 8:56 PM on June 12, 2013


My son never did figure out the breast thing. My wife had to pump all of his meals. (She'd have had to pump at least some anyway, what with our schedules leaving me in sole charge of the Small Child for half the week, but she was annoyed that she had to do it even when she was present.)

We're working on sippy cups now, which he more or less has a handle on, except when an event of any kind happens anywhere else in the world, which prompts him to forget everything that's ever happened to him, drop the cup on the ground, and shout at the lawn for a couple of minutes.
posted by Scattercat at 11:08 PM on June 12, 2013 [1 favorite]


The nipple is intuitive for....what? For whom? For which purpose? What? Whut?
posted by desuetude at 11:18 PM on June 12, 2013 [2 favorites]


As for other mammals -- human babies are born startlingly premature, basically as soon as their lungs are strong enough to come online. Most other mammals are born much farther along in their development, have a lot more motor control, and generally have a much easier time nursing.
posted by KathrynT at 10:24 AM on June 13, 2013 [1 favorite]


KathrynT: "As a woman who nursed two children, I will tell you that honestly, the nipple isn't even that intuitive of an interface."

Dunno. I never had a problem with them.
posted by Samizdata at 11:05 AM on June 13, 2013


As for other mammals -- human babies are born startlingly premature, basically as soon as their lungs are strong enough to come online. Most other mammals are born much farther along in their development, have a lot more motor control, and generally have a much easier time nursing.

Understood. I have vague memories of my Aunts discussing their deceased sister who wouldn't latch.

You just changed my mind about formula, KathrynT. Thank you.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 6:21 PM on June 14, 2013


So now I know that approaching waves of breast milk are malevolent and terrifying. Thanks!

If you want to see the quote page, you can click the small button at the top right.
posted by Pronoiac at 12:41 PM on June 24, 2013


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