SO OLD AS TO BE MOSTLY NONEXISTENT, CURRENTLY
July 2, 2013 9:29 AM   Subscribe

In response to Senator Mitch McConnell and his assertion that in 2016, Hillary Clinton will be too old to run for POTUS, Jezebel presents 101 Things Older Than Hillary Clinton.
posted by roomthreeseventeen (156 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
 
Mitch McConnell is a tub of goo.

Age of John McCain in 2008: 72
Age of Hilary Clinton in 2016: 69
Age of Bob Dole in 1992: 69
Age of Ronald Reagan in his 1984 re-election campaign: 73
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:33 AM on July 2, 2013 [40 favorites]


Thesis: The BuzzFeedification of the Internet.
posted by Fizz at 9:33 AM on July 2, 2013 [13 favorites]


Huh, I mean sure, there are mummies that are old. They probably shouldn't run for president either?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:34 AM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Alright, I'm convinced. I won't vote for the world's oldest mollusk.
posted by spaltavian at 9:36 AM on July 2, 2013


Yeah, but she's female, which means she's 157 in Republican years.
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:36 AM on July 2, 2013 [73 favorites]


Mtich was old when he was in middle school
posted by Postroad at 9:37 AM on July 2, 2013 [9 favorites]


He'd have more credibility if he weren't an adoring worshipper of Ronald Reagan and as he puts it, "The Reagan Revolution."

Nah, what am I saying? He'd still have no fucking credibility. What an asshole.
posted by zarq at 9:37 AM on July 2, 2013 [14 favorites]


I'm totally fine with Hillary running for Prez at 69, but acting like Regan's age wasn't a problem in his presidency would be wrong. He was the oldest president ever.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:37 AM on July 2, 2013 [7 favorites]


Thesis: The BuzzFeedification of the Internet.

Don't you mean: "The Top 16 Things You WON'T BELIEVE About the BuzzFeedification of the Internet"?
posted by PlusDistance at 9:38 AM on July 2, 2013 [11 favorites]


4. World's oldest torah (~800)
The Leningrad Codex is over a thousand years old.
posted by Jehan at 9:38 AM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Just to be clear Mitch McConnell is definitely a snailhumping turdburger.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 9:38 AM on July 2, 2013 [17 favorites]


Mitch is a jackass, pure and simple. Is Mitch even qualified to make any such statements?
posted by Old'n'Busted at 9:38 AM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


man if 69 is too old for president, the age of 71 is probably too old for a corrupt tater tot of humanity to be U.S. Senator.
posted by boo_radley at 9:39 AM on July 2, 2013 [58 favorites]


They seriously think attacking a woman for her age is going to help them win an election? These monkeys are really setting her up for a landslide.
posted by zzazazz at 9:39 AM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


After the resounding success of his make-Obama-a-one-term-President strategy, I am finding myself in favor with whatever strategic moves McConnell comes up with now.
posted by Curious Artificer at 9:39 AM on July 2, 2013 [40 favorites]


The US Senate is the mother-hive of planetary gerontocracy; the hypocrisy stings.
posted by banal evil at 9:39 AM on July 2, 2013 [6 favorites]


They probably shouldn't run for president either?

Peruvians and Egyptians can't run for President of the US.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 9:40 AM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


It's part of their smear campaign.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 9:41 AM on July 2, 2013


Hey you oldsters, get off the white house lawn!
posted by srboisvert at 9:41 AM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


I would totally vote for a mummy for President of the United States of America.
posted by Mister_A at 9:42 AM on July 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


acting like Regan's age wasn't a problem in his presidency would be wrong

His age wasn't a problem. His Alzheimer's was*. A 50 year old with his Alzheimers symptoms would have been just as problematic, and a 73 year old who wasn't suffering from dementia wouldn't be at all problematic.

*Also his character, morality, and ideology.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:43 AM on July 2, 2013 [58 favorites]


I would totally vote for a mummy for President of the United States of America.

Hillary would be the first Mummy-American President. In fact, if Chelsea would just play ball she could be the first GrandMummy-American President.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 9:43 AM on July 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


Well, women beyond childbearing age are basically non-people, amirite? I mean, it sucks that a woman's sole ability to contribute to humanity is by the use of her uterus, but Mitch McConnell didn't make the rules, he's just telling it like it is.

</hamburger>

Please, please let the Republican message in 2016 be that 69 is too old to run for President. That would just be perfect.
posted by gauche at 9:44 AM on July 2, 2013 [12 favorites]


Hillary-hotep's first 100 days would be like this.
posted by Mister_A at 9:46 AM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


The only interesting thing here is that McConnell and fellow Republicans apparently see the Hilary Clinton presidency as a serious enough possibility/competition that they have to start campaigning against it now.
posted by weston at 9:46 AM on July 2, 2013 [15 favorites]


Mitch McConnell -- Born: February 20, 1942 (age 71)

But how old is that in chicken-years?
posted by Strange Interlude at 9:46 AM on July 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


This is too much. Jindal calls out Democrats for "old, tired ideas" and then trots out the old tired idea that Democrats are about "more government and more spending." What a tool.
posted by zzazazz at 9:47 AM on July 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


At least the Republicans can continue to be assured that their message about the place of women in world is being clearly communicated.
posted by rtha at 9:49 AM on July 2, 2013 [13 favorites]


She's done the Executive branch as Secretary of State. She's done the Legislative branch as as Senator. Hillary Clinton should be nominated to the Supreme Court so she can hit the trifecta.
posted by Uncle Ira at 9:49 AM on July 2, 2013 [9 favorites]


To be fair, McConnell's age in human years doesn't count. 71 is middle aged for some turtles.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:49 AM on July 2, 2013 [28 favorites]


The only interesting thing here is that McConnell and fellow Republicans apparently see the Hilary Clinton presidency as a serious enough possibility/competition that they have to start campaigning against it now.

Agreed, we'll see Rand Paul calling her out for her Iraq War vote next.
posted by banal evil at 9:50 AM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Mister_A: "I would totally vote for a mummy for President of the United States of America."

RAMSES THE DAMNED 2016
posted by jquinby at 9:50 AM on July 2, 2013 [7 favorites]


Alright, I'm convinced. I won't vote for the world's oldest mollusk.

awwww shucks.
posted by The Whelk at 9:54 AM on July 2, 2013 [36 favorites]



If Hillary Clinton runs against Jeb Bush, that's it. I'm done.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 9:54 AM on July 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


Agreed, we'll see Rand Paul calling her out for her Iraq War vote next.

I hope so. There are still some of us on the left who won't vote for Clinton because of her Iraq War vote. For some of us that was too big a crime to forgive.
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 9:54 AM on July 2, 2013 [4 favorites]



RAMSES THE DAMNED 2016

I don't agree with his "kidnap reincarnations of my wives" policy, but I do agree with returning cursed golden scarabs to their deathless desert home.
posted by The Whelk at 9:55 AM on July 2, 2013 [16 favorites]


Don't blame me, I voted for Neferchichi!
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:57 AM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


More to the point: Why does anyone care about an election three years away?

It's like we're heading to a point where a President will be inaugurated and the next thing you hear coming out of a news commentator's mouth will be, "Only 1136 days 'til Super Tuesday!"

Seriously, the only people who actually care this early are pundits, media personalities, and politicians. That's because they see politics as an entertaining bloodsport instead of actual governing.
posted by zooropa at 9:57 AM on July 2, 2013 [13 favorites]


It's just common sense, if you really think about it.
posted by jquinby at 9:57 AM on July 2, 2013


Hillary-hotep's first 100 days would be like this.

I'd take a Bush/Santorum administration over one involving Scrappy Doo any day!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 9:58 AM on July 2, 2013


Tiktaalik for veep! Like he says in his book, "I tetrapod. You tetrapod. I eat you."
posted by Mister_A at 9:58 AM on July 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


The Whelk: "I don't agree with his "kidnap reincarnations of my wives" policy, but I do agree with returning cursed golden scarabs to their deathless desert home."

Maybe the truth lies carefully balanced between the two extremes, like the heart of noble RAMSES THE DAMNED balanced against the weight of a feather upon the Ma'at's golden scales of truth and righteousness.
posted by boo_radley at 9:58 AM on July 2, 2013 [7 favorites]


The 10th Regiment of Foot: "Hillary-hotep's first 100 days would be like this.

I'd take a Bush/Santorum administration over one involving Scrappy Doo any day!
"

I was going to put a trigger warning about Scrappy, but then I'd have had to put a spoiler alert indicating that the trigger warning contained spoilers, and that would have just freaked people out.
posted by Mister_A at 9:59 AM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Anyway, she's trying to kill Scrappy, if that makes it any better.
posted by Mister_A at 9:59 AM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Rameses first act as President will be to hunt down and kill Brandon Fraser.
posted by The Whelk at 10:00 AM on July 2, 2013 [8 favorites]


I don't think sad turtles should be in Congress, Mister McConnell, sooooooo
posted by Pope Guilty at 10:00 AM on July 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


And then have him mummified, I assume? Also what of the Rock?
posted by Mister_A at 10:00 AM on July 2, 2013


VP of course.
posted by The Whelk at 10:01 AM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


This would be more pointed if they didn't mostly list a ton of really old things. "Well, she's younger than the pyramids!!" is not a great comeback.

Just stick to listing all the super old GOP politicians.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 10:01 AM on July 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


If Hillary Clinton runs against Jeb Bush, that's it. I'm done.

100% agree. What the fuck is it with the quasi-royal families?
posted by COBRA! at 10:02 AM on July 2, 2013 [16 favorites]


Actually the building of massive tombs might be an excellent make-work program to jump start the economy.
posted by The Whelk at 10:02 AM on July 2, 2013 [6 favorites]


Did somebody mention pyramids?
posted by jquinby at 10:02 AM on July 2, 2013


I don't know about this pyramid scheme... the Republicans are promising to build a great tower that will reach up to the heavens, with no foreseeable downside. It's a convincing argument.
posted by Mister_A at 10:05 AM on July 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


Other things older than Hills: Barney Frank, who I would totally vote for.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:06 AM on July 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


[Reagan's] age wasn't a problem. His Alzheimer's was.

Reagan wasn't diagnosed with Alzheimer's until 1994, five years after he left office in 1989.

His Alzheimer's is often conflated with all of the "I don't recall" stonewalling during the Iran-Contra hearings in 1986 but it is highly unlikely they were related.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 10:07 AM on July 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


News anchor: The United States is headed towards a double dip recession...

Announcer's Voice: In a country hit by hard times...

[Cut to RNC Strategy Room]

Male GOP Strategist: We can't seem to get ahead in the polls, even running a handsome white guy.

Female GOP Strategist: What if we try something different?

Male GOP Strategist: I'm listening.

Announcer's Voice: They had a gift from Ra.

[Cut to sarcophagus]

Female GOP Strategist: (oov) They ran an African. Why can't we?

["Walk Like an Egyptian" plays.]

Dane Cook, Katherine Heigel in
President Mummy, coming in 2016
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:11 AM on July 2, 2013 [17 favorites]


Just in case anyone wants to have actual data to talk about, here's the ages of the major-party presidential candidates since 1960, sorted by their age on Election Day (first election day only for two-term presidents):
  1. Bob Dole, 73
  2. John McCain, 72
  3. Ronald Reagan, 69
  4. Gerald Ford, 67
  5. Mitt Romney, 65
  6. George H. W. Bush, 64
  7. John Kerry, 60
  8. Hubert Humphrey, 57
  9. Walter Mondale, 56
  10. Lyndon Johnson, 56
  11. Barry Goldwater, 55
  12. Richard Nixon, 55 (won)
  13. Michael Dukakis, 55
  14. George W. Bush, 54
  15. Al Gore, 52
  16. Jimmy Carter, 52
  17. George McGovern, 50
  18. Richard Nixon, 47 (lost)
  19. Barack Obama, 47
  20. Bill Clinton, 46
  21. John F. Kennedy, 43
posted by Johnny Assay at 10:11 AM on July 2, 2013 [8 favorites]


Young Fogies Versus Old Progressives
Republicans think they can held reduce their own mirror disadvantage among younger voters by contrasting aging Democratic leaders with their young and allegedly hip set of emerging leaders: you know, Marco Rubio with his hip-hop, Rand Paul with his hostility to waging wars on Muslims or potheads; Paul Ryan with his air of the wonder-boy gym rat.

If this does indeed become a party-wide Republican theme, it will be a good test of style versus substance. Can candidates whose policy agenda is largely a revolt against the last half of the twentieth century come across as the wave of the future? Is it possible to unravel a youth-driven progressive coalition by mocking the alleged senescence of its leaders? And is this a risky business for a party that’s never more than a major gaffe away from being suspected of conspiring to get rid of the New Deal and Great Society programs altogether?

I dunno, but if granny-bashing is indeed the early pre-‘16 strategy for the GOP, it will be interesting to see if they pay any price for it in 2014, when old folks will walk tall.
posted by zombieflanders at 10:15 AM on July 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


"It's a bold move by the Republican for sure and the Democrats will have to counter with at least a demi-God or heroic figure, Let's turn now to our chef electoral Augur and get his take on the situation, Bret? How are the omens and portents this morning after the decision?"
posted by The Whelk at 10:15 AM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


What the fuck is it with the quasi-royal families?

I know, totally, right? What gives?
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 10:16 AM on July 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


FDR was Teddy's cousin, the weren't brothers or spouses. Plus that was nearly 100 years ago.
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 10:18 AM on July 2, 2013


Other things older than Hills: Barney Frank Bernie Sanders, who I would totally vote for.

Fixed that for me.
posted by entropicamericana at 10:18 AM on July 2, 2013 [9 favorites]


FDR was Teddy's cousin, the weren't brothers or spouses. Plus that was nearly 100 years ago.

And I think this is the first time we've had two houses duking it out for decades.
posted by COBRA! at 10:19 AM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Reagan wasn't diagnosed with Alzheimer's until 1994, five years after he left office in 1989

Yyyyeah, but I'm still gonna bet that some of that was just avoiding the formal diagnosis until it was too obvious to pretend any more. Lord knows enough people have reported signs or worries about beginnings of impairment in his second term.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:20 AM on July 2, 2013 [8 favorites]


Quick GoT style mottos for the houses NOW
posted by The Whelk at 10:20 AM on July 2, 2013


Reminds me of one of my favorite Cosby episodes...things that are older than dad.
The wheel...is older than Dad.
posted by atomicstone at 10:21 AM on July 2, 2013


This is too much. Jindal calls out Democrats for "old, tired ideas" and then trots out the old tired idea that Democrats are about "more government and more spending." What a tool.

For context, the tool is probably trying to get hip to the youth vote by painting the liberals (who generally get the youth vote) as the real fogeys here. Except he's playing gradeschool name-calling games, so he sounds like an old guy trying to be young. "Oh yeah, then you smell like farts! Ha!"
posted by filthy light thief at 10:24 AM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


I don't think Reagan ever fully recovered from getting shot. Alzheimer's would have shown up anyhow, but I think that bullet took a lot more out of him than anyone was willing to publicly admit.
posted by Longtime Listener at 10:25 AM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Reagan wasn't diagnosed with Alzheimer's until 1994, five years after he left office in 1989.

That's true, but there have been a lot of allegations that he was suffering from the disease long before the official diagnosis, some from his son Ron:

“My father might himself have suspected that all was not as it should be. As far back as August 1986 he had been alarmed to discover, while flying over the familiar canyons north of Los Angeles, that he could no longer summon their names...[but there is] no evidence that my father (or anyone else) was aware of his medical condition while he was in office.”

Others who worked with him disagree ("Day in, day out, from beginning to end, he was in command. He was fully in command").

It's hard to prove or disprove at such remove exactly when it started, but, regardless, the diagnosis date is only part of the picture.
posted by cjelli at 10:27 AM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


The only interesting thing here is that McConnell and fellow Republicans apparently see the Hilary Clinton presidency as a serious enough possibility/competition that they have to start campaigning against it now.
The Republicans started campaigning against a Hillary Clinton presidency in like 1993 or so, and they've been doing it consistently ever since.
posted by Flunkie at 10:30 AM on July 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


Quick GoT style mottos for the houses NOW

House Capitalist: We Do Not Sow.
posted by Pope Guilty at 10:31 AM on July 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


Alongside the Creation Museum, Mitch is one of the reasons I wince when I acknowledge being a Kentuckian. (We've got plenty of great stuff to offset that, though, notably bourbon and baseball bats.)

Yesterday, we all got a bit of hope when our awesome secretary of state announced she was running against him. Fingers crossed SO HARD around here.
posted by jbickers at 10:33 AM on July 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


Boy, wouldn't it be something if we could pick a President from more than a handful of the same old establishment vetted names/faces? Yup, that'd sure be something.
posted by stenseng at 10:33 AM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Yeah I know, this latest guy from House Obama is just like the rest of the Obamanates.
posted by Mister_A at 10:36 AM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


45. Oldest canon (549)

No. Nno.
posted by Anything at 10:36 AM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


VP of course.

Ahem. Intern, of course.
posted by missmobtown at 10:37 AM on July 2, 2013


> More to the point: Why does anyone care about an election three years away?

By the time 2016 or, God help us, 2020 roll around you're going to weep when you think about the comparatively-relaxed pace of past elections. By the end of the decade 538 will probably update in real time as each and every person uses their iBrain to upload their current voting intentions to a master server.
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:38 AM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Knowles/Carter '32
posted by elizardbits at 10:41 AM on July 2, 2013 [8 favorites]


Other things older than Hills: Barney Frank Bernie Sanders, who I would totally vote for.

Fixed that for me.


I'd totally vote for a Frank/Sanders double ticket. With Kucinich as Secretary of Labour.
posted by jb at 10:42 AM on July 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


Bob Dole, 73 L
John McCain, 72 L
Ronald Reagan, 69 W
Gerald Ford, 67 L
Mitt Romney, 65 L
George H. W. Bush, 64 W/L
John Kerry, 60 L
Hubert Humphrey, 57 L
Walter Mondale, 56 L
Lyndon Johnson, 56 W
Barry Goldwater, 55 L
Richard Nixon, 55 (won)
Michael Dukakis, 55 L
George W. Bush, 54 W(?)
Al Gore, 52 L(?)
Jimmy Carter, 52 W/L
George McGovern, 50 L
Richard Nixon, 47 (lost) L
Barack Obama, 47 W
Bill Clinton, 46 W
John F. Kennedy, 43 W



Median Age: 55
Losers over 55: 9
Winners over 55: 3
Losers under 55: 6
Winners over 55: 6

You have twice as good a chance to win if you run a candidate 55 or below.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:43 AM on July 2, 2013 [10 favorites]


FDR was Teddy's cousin, the weren't brothers or spouses.

OK, how does that make them not related?

Plus that was nearly 100 years ago.

Ok, you want more recent quasi-royal American political families? And that's not counting the ones that are just one generation either!

(And I was too lazy to add too many links)
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 10:43 AM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


The only interesting thing here is that McConnell and fellow Republicans apparently see the Hilary Clinton presidency as a serious enough possibility/competition that they have to start campaigning against it now.

You know that whole Benghazi thing that keeps failing to stick as a scandal? That's aimed at Hillary more than Barrack. This has been going on for a while already.
posted by Navelgazer at 10:43 AM on July 2, 2013 [6 favorites]


Ok, you want more recent quasi-royal American political families?

No we don't, that's the point. You seem to be confused that the point of that last statement was "Ugh this is so recent!" I think it was instead "Ugh at this whole patrician garbage, let's vote more non-famous names into offices."
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:46 AM on July 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


No, I'm pretty clear on what was being said above, but thanks.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 10:48 AM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Sorry, your links were helpful. I just hate that part of American politics and wish we could elect more different kinds of people.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:51 AM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


I don't put much faith in the latest cult of personality any more, whether it be for Hillary C or Elizabeth Warren, but I did like this article because it introduced me to the Antarctic beech. How cool is that?
posted by KokuRyu at 10:53 AM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


What, you thought they filmed the Dagobah scenes on a soundstage?
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 11:20 AM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


There's a saying in political circles, that women enter politics, often after raising their children, and they start small and work their way up. Men wake up one day when they're 45 and decide to run for Senate.

Obviously, that's a generalization ("men run for office like this, amirite?") but there's a lot of truth to it. It's not an accident that a smart, ambitious woman like Clinton, raised when she was, chose to let her husband have his political career first. This happens so often. So it definitely smarts a bit when people cast it as some sort of political dynasty thing, without the important gender lens.

(And I say this as someone who supported Obama in 2008 and still hasn't thought too much about who I'll support in 2016.)
posted by lunasol at 11:22 AM on July 2, 2013 [8 favorites]


"It's a bold move by the Republican for sure and the Democrats will have to counter with at least a demi-God or heroic figure, Let's turn now to our chef electoral Augur and get his take on the situation, Bret? How are the omens and portents this morning after the decision?"

Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer would have had a shot if he didn't cheat on his sick wife with his paleontologist.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:23 AM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


She's done the Executive branch as Secretary of State. She's done the Legislative branch as as Senator. Hillary Clinton should be nominated to the Supreme Court so she can hit the trifecta.

Has anyone ever done that? William Howard Taft was both a president and a chief justice. Can't off-hand thing of anyone that came close.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 11:29 AM on July 2, 2013


John Marshall
posted by kagredon at 11:32 AM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Polk is the only guy to have been both President and Speaker of the House, so is the only one besides Taft to get two of the three top jobs, far as I can tell. (I don't think anyone was both Speaker and Chief Justice.)
posted by Navelgazer at 11:35 AM on July 2, 2013


It's not an accident that a smart, ambitious woman like Clinton, raised when she was, chose to let her husband have his political career first.

Then too, she failed the DC bar and passed the Arkansas one, so there was that.
posted by IndigoJones at 11:43 AM on July 2, 2013


Chance of death within 4 years:
69-year-old woman (Hillary Clinton): 7%
69-year-old man: 10%
65-year-old man: 7%
72-year-old man (John McCain): 13%
55-year-old man (average president): 3.5%
51-year-old man (current president): 2.6%

But if probability of death were the only thing we cared about, we'd only elect 10-year-old girls who have a 0.044% chance of death within 4 years -- eighty times less likely than an average president. We can only imagine how well that would end.

Numbers from here.
posted by miyabo at 11:48 AM on July 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


I believe I recall reading that the largest group of voters in the US are the baby boomers. Who are all Hilary's age, or fast approaching it. So I don't know that it's a liability.

However, Tammy Duckworth is in her mid-40's and Wendy Davis is 50, so a Duckworth/Davis or Davis/Duckworth ticket would get rid of that issue. I'm just sayin'.
posted by MexicanYenta at 11:50 AM on July 2, 2013 [4 favorites]


But if probability of death were the only thing we cared about, we'd only elect 10-year-old girls

PONIES FOR ALL.
posted by emjaybee at 11:50 AM on July 2, 2013 [13 favorites]


Chance of death within 4 years

That's sort of irrelevant without medical history. The big deal about McCain wasn't his age, but that he was an older man who had already had cancer.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 11:57 AM on July 2, 2013


But if probability of death were the only thing we cared about...

It's been done.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 12:00 PM on July 2, 2013


The Whelk: "It's a bold move by the Republican for sure and the Democrats will have to counter with at least a demi-God or heroic figure, Let's turn now to our chef electoral Augur and get his take on the situation, Bret? How are the omens and portents this morning after the decision?"

The auspices indicate the war party shall prevail. Let's make a pilgrimage to Cumae or Delphi.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 12:02 PM on July 2, 2013


yeah I don't know, if the Republican alternatives are Bobby Jindal or Jeb Bush or any of the clowns from 2012, I'd definitely consider voting President Emily*.

* the most popular baby name for girls in 2006
posted by kagredon at 12:02 PM on July 2, 2013


I think Hillary Clinton will totally be too old to be president in 2016. That's why I'm proposing that we elect her for president in 2000. Then, she gets to just undo everything that happened while W was in office (including her own vote for the war in Iraq).
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:23 PM on July 2, 2013 [8 favorites]


But if probability of death were the only thing we cared about, we'd only elect 10-year-old girls
PONIES FOR ALL.


Celestia is ancient but it doesn't stop her.
posted by JHarris at 12:26 PM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Conspiracy theory: Hillary paid McConnell to say that.
posted by telstar at 12:31 PM on July 2, 2013


Yeah, but isn't Mitch McConnell like 173 or something? I mean, that's even old for a tortoise, right?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:32 PM on July 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


Then too, she failed the DC bar and passed the Arkansas one, so there was that.

Not sure what that has to do with her political career. If she wanted to run for office in her thirties, like Bill did, it would have made more sense for them to move to Illinois, where she grew up, or maybe Massachusetts, where she went to college.
posted by lunasol at 12:38 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


robocop is bleeding: "Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer would have had a shot if he didn't cheat on his sick wife with his paleontologist."

There are at least 4 Newt Gingrich jokes here. Bravo!
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:38 PM on July 2, 2013 [5 favorites]


The Whelk: RAMSES THE DAMNED 2016

I don't agree with his "kidnap reincarnations of my wives" policy, but I do agree with returning cursed golden scarabs to their deathless desert home.
Yeah, but who you gonna vote for instead? Anubis and his "Weigh Your Heart" campaign? Ra, who's been torn apart and reassembled how many times now?

And don't even get me started on Tutty. "I'm from Arizona", my ass-wrappings.

Yeah, yeah, I know I'll be throwing my vote away, but right now it looks like I'm voting the Moses/Thor Heyerdahl ticket.
posted by IAmBroom at 12:40 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Tell Me No Lies: Reagan wasn't diagnosed with Alzheimer's until 1994, five years after he left office in 1989.
And there's certainly no reason on earth why a sitting POTUS and his party would want to avoid any appearance of incompetence while in office, so clearly he was diagnosed at the very first moment that the illness made its appearance.
posted by IAmBroom at 12:44 PM on July 2, 2013


HORUS/PAZUZU 2016
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:49 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Mitch McConnell is correct exactly as often as Bill Kristol.





Never.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 12:52 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


if wendy davis ran for president i would actually campaign for her.
posted by sio42 at 12:54 PM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


I like this 10-year-old-girl idea. Maybe she plays softball? Maybe she has a cat? Maybe she like Mario Kart! She will take the oath wearing a shirt with a dolphin on it. That's what America needs!
posted by Mister_A at 12:57 PM on July 2, 2013 [8 favorites]


For serious though can Cory Booker please be president soon cause that would be rad.
posted by elizardbits at 1:02 PM on July 2, 2013 [8 favorites]


Yeah - Cory Booker is the current frontrunner in our household.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:05 PM on July 2, 2013


You can add to the list both remaining Beatles and all of the Stones.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 1:07 PM on July 2, 2013


But what about Teenage Girl President?
posted by emjaybee at 1:10 PM on July 2, 2013


Why not have more than one president? I NOMINATE TONTO, TARZAN, AND FRANKENSTEIN!!!!!!!!
posted by Mister_A at 1:14 PM on July 2, 2013


Cory Booker can't be president cause we need him to fight General Zod.
posted by The Whelk at 1:15 PM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


69 is a great number. For a lot of reasons.
posted by Kokopuff at 1:17 PM on July 2, 2013


I was born in '69! Also it's a sex thing.
posted by Mister_A at 1:20 PM on July 2, 2013


It should perhaps be pointed out that Hillary Clinton's mother lived to be 92, and her father lived to be 82.

He surpassed average life expectancy for someone born in 1911 by 31 years. She surpassed average life expectancy by 36 years.

I would guess that the GOP will have to put up with Hillary for the next 30 years or so.
posted by markkraft at 1:21 PM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Why not have more than one president? I NOMINATE TONTO, TARZAN, AND FRANKENSTEIN!!!!!!!!

I agree. It would be a good idea to have a spare if we ever elect any of these candidates. I can see it now...

THE PRESIDENT ELECT TAKES THE OATH OF OFFICE

"Me... swear... execute... President..."

*secret service kills Tonto*

"Tarzan! You're up!"
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:22 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Conspiracy theory: Hillary paid McConnell to say that.

Deeper Conspiracy Theorem: I'm sure he would have done it pro bono. It strengthens his image with his constituency as much as it strengthens her image with hers. If she were to be President one day, it probably wouldn't impact his power in any significant, negative way. She's as much of a Beltway insider as he is, and she would be as bad a President as Bush and Obama have been for the public, as good as those two scoundrels have been for enriching and empowering the Washington elite. Neither Bush nor Obama have been bad Presidents for McConnell, and there's no reason to believe that he really thinks anything would be that different working with a Hillary Clinton presidency — and, if anything, expressing public opposition bolsters his image with the commons, while maintaining credible political capital to expend when working with Ms. Clinton.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:22 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


I know, totally, right? What gives?

Wait, why is the Benjamin Harrison link marked as visited? What the hell was I looking up Benjamin Harrison on Wikipedia for?
posted by dirigibleman at 1:30 PM on July 2, 2013


It was All About the Benjamins.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:32 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


If the GOP really want to advance this line of attack, they very much risk being Gipperized.
posted by markkraft at 1:34 PM on July 2, 2013


69 is a great number. For a lot of reasons.

That was the year I got my first real 6-string.
posted by entropicamericana at 1:39 PM on July 2, 2013 [8 favorites]


Did you buy it at Woolworths?
posted by Mister_A at 1:41 PM on July 2, 2013


Played it 'til your fingers bled, I suppose. Which is really bad for your cuticles, but try telling that to a kid.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:42 PM on July 2, 2013


It's Raining Florence Henderson: "Which is really bad for your cuticles, but try telling that to a kid."

Now, now. don't knock him.

He had a band and they tried real hard. But Jimmy quit and Jody got married.

He should've known they'd never get far.
posted by zarq at 1:44 PM on July 2, 2013 [3 favorites]


Weirdly, it was actually a Sunburst Red Stratocaster bought in Reading, England.

I feel like there is a story here that Bryan Adams left out of his song.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 1:47 PM on July 2, 2013


Who?
posted by entropicamericana at 1:48 PM on July 2, 2013


No, that's Pete Townshend.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:49 PM on July 2, 2013 [2 favorites]


Of all the reasons I would never want to support another Clinton presidency, age is not one of them.
posted by anarch at 1:50 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Pete Townshend's guitar was a "cheap, Spanish thing." It's one of the few he didn't smash.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 1:54 PM on July 2, 2013


back in the old jazz days, benny "beanie" morse used to smash his tuba on stage, but does anyone remember him but me?

no
posted by pyramid termite at 2:54 PM on July 2, 2013


I don't care about her age. I don't favor family dynasties in a democratic republic.
posted by spitbull at 2:56 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


I don't love Hillary. I think she intentionally lied to the American people for her husband during his first election -- not under oath, mind you -- to cover up his affairs. She has shown a history of using her knowledge of the law to lie in a less liable fashion. She repeatedly exaggerated the known facts, both in regards to Iraq *and* Iran, talking about nuclear and biological weapons programs as if they were known entities, rather than things that were denied by US National Intelligence Estimate reports. Her suggestions that taking unlimited amounts of money from corporations not polluting politics? Laughable. Her staff in the last election? Horrible, horrible, horrible! Remember Mark Penn, anyone?

That said... I suspect a lot of this is water under the bridge, times and challenges have changed, and that she's going to be smart enough to learn from her mistakes and get some people on board who won't be so damn offensive. Hopefully, a lot of them will be up & comers from within the Obama sphere, and that she's going to be smart enough to allow young, talented, likeable, enthusiastic people to do their magic.

Really, if there is anything she *should* do, it would be to keep the pollsters out of the campaign, and run a grassroots 50-state campaign that puts young people in the front of the cameras. That doesn't mean she can't take corporate money, but she should keep her public face as distant as possible from all that, and be out there making big speeches at colleges, for starters, but also she should solidly address latinos and blacks where they live... and that includes Texas.

Oh, and if I were her, I would strongly consider picking either of the Castro brothers for Vice President. It would help to cement a lasting shift in voting trends, where black, women, and hispanic voters become more active -- and more Democratic -- voters. It would also cement the Democrats as the party that gives everyone in America a chance at bat.

Let the GOP chew on another 16 years of losing the highest office. Perhaps Scalia will live well into his ninties... but I kinda doubt it.
posted by markkraft at 3:24 PM on July 2, 2013


Announcer's Voice: They had a gift from Ra.

[Cut to sarcophagus]

Female GOP Strategist: (oov) They ran an African. Why can't we?

["Walk Like an Egyptian" plays.]

Dane Cook, Katherine Heigel in
President Mummy, coming in 2016


More likely, it'd end up being a Goa'uld.
posted by MikeKD at 3:25 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Chance of death within 4 years:
...
72-year-old man (John McCain): 13%


While he didn't end up dying in 4 years, let's also add that McCain is both a torture victim and cancer survivor, too. That certainly upped the odds. Which made Palin even that much more of a poor choice.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:26 PM on July 2, 2013


I like Hillary personally and politically, but I've always been uncomfortable with the fact that for seven straight elections there "was a Bush or a Clinton on the ballot". And we may not be done with the Bushes, either. I feel the demographic advantages the Democrats have might not be sufficient to offset the age preferences of the electorate. But if anyone can overcome those negatives it may be Hillary.
posted by dhartung at 4:28 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


At work today I had to write a letter addressed to Mitch McConnell (and John Boehner) and it was very hard to resist the urge to write Minority Leader AT BEING THE WORST after his name.

I wanted to append Boehner's name with Speaker of the HOUSE OF LIES, but I didn't think that would go over well either.
posted by elsietheeel at 5:33 PM on July 2, 2013


To be fair, the letter was also addressed to Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid and in at least one version I drew little hearts all around their names.
posted by elsietheeel at 5:34 PM on July 2, 2013


Did you at least append Speaker of the House Baratheon?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:55 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


What the fuck is it with the quasi-royal families?

Fuck it. If we're going to do it, let's do it right.

Hillary Clinton 2016, Michelle Obama 2024, Chelsea Clinton 2032, Malia Obama 2040, Sasha Obama 2048

posted by triggerfinger at 7:14 PM on July 2, 2013


Interestingly enough, it's being reported that Team McConnell's foremost messaging regarding his recently announced Senate challenger, Alison Lundergan Grimes, is "not ready for prime time".

So heads up, ladiez, if you want to launch a major political campaign, you should basically consider doing it in that nice sweet spot between February and April of your 56th year, when you're just old enough to no longer be an ineffectual little girl but still not quite an unemployable crone!
posted by threeants at 7:17 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


Also, don't miss the FUNKY new attack video on Grimes!! Actually endorsed by the McConnell campaign; just be seen to be believed.

(great attack vid bro, now I know the shocking truth about what Alison Lundergan Grimes' name and political party are, and associate her with a terrifically dancey earworm that will probably be stuck in my head for days.)

posted by threeants at 7:22 PM on July 2, 2013


Also, I kind of wish it were GRIMES Grimes running against Mitch McConnell; pity about the whole Canadiosity.
posted by threeants at 7:28 PM on July 2, 2013


Is there some sort of presto-change-o house-of-cards electoral tomfoolery we can use to pop Ruth Bader Ginsburg or Sonia Sotomayor into the presidency and Hillary Clinton into the Supreme Court?

I *feel* like Hillary Clinton is a fundamentally good (read: "on my side"), qualified, intelligent compassionate person but the Hillary I've seen on the campaign *strikes me* as manipulating, calculating, and mean (there was a lot of not-so-subtle racist scare tactics thrown Obama's way in the 08 primaries and there's alao the shrillness that always gets pointed out by republicans. It's a not-so-subtle misogynist scare tactic, but it does seem to be how a lot of people, the ones who aren't already sold on her on both sides of the table, do read her). Worse than that is that she seems ready to jettison core beliefs if it'll help herself out. Between her speeches and public appearances, her senate voting record, her time in the cabinet, and her previous campaign, I don't know where her true politics lie. I just know that when she's facing a moderate candidate, she moves to the right, not the left, and I don't think she'd be any less of a privacy-shunning war criminal than the last two guys.

I would love to see her in a powerful political position where she doesn't have to PLAY so much politics though.
posted by elr at 8:00 PM on July 2, 2013 [1 favorite]


What the fuck is it with the quasi-royal families?

Branding, the process of creating a relationship or a connection between a company's product and emotional perception of the customer for the purpose of generation segregation among competition and building loyalty among customers.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 8:24 PM on July 2, 2013


All other things being equal, King Ramses' campaign song is much catchier than "Don't Stop Thinkin' About Tomorrow."
posted by MrBadExample at 10:42 PM on July 2, 2013


Upon seeing #87 on the list, there was really only one thing that could happen...
posted by Katemonkey at 3:52 AM on July 3, 2013 [1 favorite]


"I agree with thousands of Kentuckians that Kentucky is tired of 28 years of obstruction, that Kentucky is tired of someone who has voted against raising the minimum wage while all the while quadrupling his own net worth," [Allison Lundergan Grimes] told reporters.

Oh, nothing could make me more proud to be a Kentuckian than a good bottle of bourbon and watching Mitch McConnell get his ass handed to him.
posted by tizzie at 6:20 AM on July 3, 2013 [2 favorites]


What the fuck is it with the quasi-royal families?

Fuck it. If we're going to do it, let's do it right.

Hillary Clinton 2016, Michelle Obama 2024, Chelsea Clinton 2032, Malia Obama 2040, Sasha Obama 2048


If only Bush had a son that married Chelsea Clinton...

Margret Clinton-Bush 2056
posted by cosmic.osmo at 3:39 PM on July 3, 2013


The GOP's Fresh Face
NPR, part of Your Liberal Media, is more than happy to help write Rick Perry's 2016 scenario

[...]

But I want to make one point about Perry. A number of people think he might have a shot in 2016. Others may think he's a laughingstock and another run would be a longshot.

But what I'm not getting is any sense that he's too old to run.

We all know that there's one likely 2016 candidate who's being described by Republicans as too old to run. Know how old Hillary Clinton is?

Hillary Clinton is 65 years old.

Know how old Rick Perry is?

Rick Perry is 63 years old.

No surprise there -- society tells us that older men are distinguished (though I can't say I've ever heard that about Perry), whereas older women are hags and crones and just, y'know ... ick! ... old.
posted by tonycpsu at 10:20 PM on July 8, 2013 [1 favorite]


It'd be nice if we could have a 40 something President more foten.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 7:45 PM on July 14, 2013


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