The Great Kate Wait almost over
July 22, 2013 9:17 AM   Subscribe

Days after British and International news reporters and photographers started claiming space in front of the Lindo Wing at St. Mary's hospital, (some have been there since July 3, or 10 days before Kate Middleton's suspected due date of July 13), the "Royal Baby" is finally on the way now that the Duchess of Cambridge is reportedly in labor. Millions around the world wait for the birth of the newest addition to the Royal Family, who will be third in line to the throne of the British Monarchy, whether it's a boy or a girl.
posted by CrazyLemonade (333 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
The highlight of my day was this morning when the Wall Street Journal sent out a breaking news e-mail saying:

WSJ NEWS ALERT: Duchess of Cambridge in Labour, Says Palace


I could almost hear the Tories weeping.
posted by chavenet at 9:20 AM on July 22, 2013 [20 favorites]


Man, now that Zimmerman is done it's been constant and continuous royal-baby-watch on the tv channels to which I have access. I have long thought that the 24-hour news station has been a harbinger of the end of civilization and this coverage of nothing just really solidifies that sentiment for me.
posted by Hal Mumkin at 9:20 AM on July 22, 2013


Holy crow, I can't believe how much I'm dreading the next week of television and internet news.
posted by nevercalm at 9:20 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


This entirely sums up my feelings on the matter.
posted by unSane at 9:20 AM on July 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


I just briefly saw a picture of like, hundreds of people lined up outside the hospital. I just, I don't understand.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 9:21 AM on July 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


Name it Crimson if it's a boy, Latifah if it's a girl.
Also, is her name still Kate Middleton? Didn't she change it to Mountbatten-Windsor?
posted by rocket88 at 9:23 AM on July 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


In the UK, is the fascination with the royal family just a celebrity thing (as it is here in America), or are the people of the UK only one calamitous event or government shutdown away from begging for a monarchy again? I'm seriously asking.
posted by resurrexit at 9:23 AM on July 22, 2013


The esctacton isn't going to immanitize itself people, get with the program and begin your approved chants.
posted by The Whelk at 9:24 AM on July 22, 2013 [7 favorites]


THE MOONCHILD IS COMING
posted by Kitteh at 9:25 AM on July 22, 2013 [10 favorites]


It's a celebrity thing tied up with some nationalism.
posted by The Whelk at 9:25 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


third in line to the throne of the British Monarchy*

*provided Charles and William become King otherwise baby's just another one of those obnoxious royals that the tabloids take pictures for doing things.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 9:26 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Do UK-type people feel about this the way I felt about Beyonce's baby? Because that's the best analogy I can come up with (I was very excited for Beyonce's baby).
posted by dismas at 9:27 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


It's a lizard!
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 9:27 AM on July 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


It's a celebrity thing tied up with some nationalism.

With a bit of weird voyeurism from Canada.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:28 AM on July 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


Everyone begin your chant!" MAGIC baby, magic BABY, MAGIC Baby"
posted by The Whelk at 9:28 AM on July 22, 2013


If it's a boy, Joffrey, and if it's a girl Sansa.

But really, it's time for another Game of Thrones War of the Roses to thin out the herd.
posted by ennui.bz at 9:29 AM on July 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


I don't catch much news, except what I look for online or see in headlines when I grocery shop. Just got back from a shopping trip and all the magazines are 'baby, baby baby'. Caught the CBC news on the way home and learned she was in labor.

All I could think about was my sister when she was in the hospital having my nephew. I was waiting outside and the event did not sound all peaches and cream. To add having people waiting outside and zillions of people all over the world waiting for details would be horrible. Then I thought' I hope nothing goes wrong. Yikes." I know she signed on for this, knowing full well what it all would entail but I still feel some sympathy for both of them. Having a baby is just pressure enough , let alone having one with the whole world watching.
posted by Jalliah at 9:30 AM on July 22, 2013 [7 favorites]


In the UK, is the fascination with the royal family just a celebrity thing (as it is here in America), or are the people of the UK only one calamitous event or government shutdown away from begging for a monarchy again? I'm seriously asking.

I don't know about the UK but Australia is only one royal dying away from begging for a republic again.
posted by Talez at 9:32 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


The Guardian has a toggle in the right-hand corner which says "Republican?" If you click it, all Royal Baby news disappears and the toggle then says "Royalist?"
posted by vacapinta at 9:32 AM on July 22, 2013 [75 favorites]


I don't care about the royals, I don't read tabloids, and I don't like babies, I've avoided as much as I can about this, but for some reason, I'm excited about this kid today.

Because Suri's going to flip out.

(I'm convinced, based on nothing, that it will be a girl)
posted by jenlovesponies at 9:32 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


royalbabyroyalbabyroyalbabyroyalbabyroyalbabyroyalbabyroyalbabyroyalbabyroyalbabyroyalbabyroyalbaby
posted by briank at 9:32 AM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


You know, they sent me to London for the wedding a little over two years ago. Which, on the one hand, was kind of a ridiculous thing to do, but on the other hand, is perfect. Because popular culture is exactly what this is.

What I found was that a lot of people in London didn't care; there's some truth to the idea that this isn't some unanimously exciting thing. But I also found a lot of really nice Londoners who were sort of into it, including a very nice lady who was very cool and interesting and told me how she lined the street for "the funeral," which I initially thought meant Diana's, but of course meant the really important one -- the Queen Mother's. I talked to her about why she liked these events, and one of the things she said was, "The horses and the soldiers in their uniforms ... it's so ... English." And I got it a little more after that.

I stood on the street on the morning of the wedding with a lady in a sparkly Union Jack dress, near some nice ladies who kept offering me Pringles and grapes, who wanted to know where I was from. They sang "God Save The Queen" and talked about how much they really feel this intense affection for William and Harry. William, in particular, is very dear to these ladies. They talked about how sweet they think he is. "Like his mum," they said. "Not like his dad."

It's interesting -- it is silly, all of it. But it's also something that, to a subset of the population, is just a nice thing where they like there to be a nice chapter in the story of some boys they've been watching since they were the subject of this very same coverage, who have had a pretty hard life. There's a lot of sympathy for those boys, especially because they lost their mom, and not all of it would gross you out if you talked to them about it. I'm not saying this isn't all silly. This is all very, very silly. But not all of it is grody celebrity worship. There's a kind of a sweetness and good-heartedness to some of it that really did appeal to me.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 9:33 AM on July 22, 2013 [48 favorites]



LOL. There are even live 'baby cams' set out in front of the hospital.
posted by Jalliah at 9:34 AM on July 22, 2013


Today will be worth it as it was on December 23rd of last year for all the Invisibles jokes me and ex-Barbelithers are making online.
posted by Kitteh at 9:34 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Royal baby names: If it's a boy, Voltron II. If it's a girl, Janelle Monáe.
posted by mcmile at 9:36 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


For now I'm calling it Baby Royale.

With a bit of weird voyeurism from Canada.
Don't judge us. Baby Royale might be our Head of State one day.
posted by Kabanos at 9:36 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Because of the various sources I get my news from, including Metafilter, I have not been subjected to much of this. I have seen enough of people on various social networks griping about the coverage. So now I'm tired of people complaining about people talking about the coverage of the royal baby. Granted, some of those people are from Scotland, so I can kind of see their point of view.
posted by zabuni at 9:36 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Linda_Holmes: "This is all very, very silly. But not all of it is grody celebrity worship. There's a kind of a sweetness and good-heartedness to some of it that really did appeal to me."

Which is nice. I wish more of that were being highlighted rather than the stalkerish weirdness that seems to be flooding our televisions.
posted by zarq at 9:36 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


No matter the gender, I'm calling the baby Falcon Punch.

Just try and stop me.
posted by The Whelk at 9:37 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Nappy? Pram? Deciphering Duchess Kate's British English

Apparently NBC is afraid that their Today Show viewers are confused about prams.
posted by octothorpe at 9:39 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]



I think they should name a girl "Jalliah' and a boy 'Jallijoe'.

I'd become a complete royal fangirl then.
posted by Jalliah at 9:39 AM on July 22, 2013


Boy: Eddard. Girl: Lyanna.

Winter is coming.
posted by sbutler at 9:40 AM on July 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


I hope they out themselves as Downton fans. Baby Cora?
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 9:40 AM on July 22, 2013


Reek.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:42 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


The name bets really amuse me, because the ability to guess that Victoria and Alexandra and George are safe names is similar to the ability to read royal family trees. I think they should go further back, though, to Æthelred and Cnut and Edith and Matilda.
posted by jeather at 9:43 AM on July 22, 2013 [10 favorites]


I hope they out themselves as Downton fans. Baby Cora?

Baby Romanadvoratrelundar.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 9:43 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


LOL. There are even live 'baby cams' set out in front of the hospital.

What's so "LOL" about that? It'd be a shame if they were to miss out on the baby being presented by the Royal Baboon as Sir Elton sings "Circle of Life" and all the royal subjects blow their trunks.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:44 AM on July 22, 2013 [13 favorites]


Boy: Matthew
Girl: Sybil

What? Too soon?
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 9:44 AM on July 22, 2013 [8 favorites]


Regardless of pomp, snark, or what-have-you, I liked what jscalzi tweated this morning: It would be an awesome day for the world if, truly, the biggest news story of the day was a baby being born.
posted by jazon at 9:47 AM on July 22, 2013 [29 favorites]




jeather: "The name bets really amuse me, because the ability to guess that Victoria and Alexandra and George are safe names is similar to the ability to read royal family trees. I think they should go further back, though, to Æthelred and Cnut and Edith and Matilda."

"We present to you: Uther Pendragon Lawgiver Righteoushammer Louis, young master of Cambridge."
posted by boo_radley at 9:48 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Regardless of pomp, snark, or what-have-you, I liked what jscalzi tweated this morning: It would be an awesome day for the world if, truly, the biggest news story of the day was a baby being born.

I actually don't think that would be an awesome day. There are way more things that need to be paid attention to. Biggest news story does not always equal tragedy or gossip.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 9:49 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


The Guardian has a toggle in the right-hand corner which says "Republican?" If you click it, all Royal Baby news disappears and the toggle then says "Royalist?"

oh goodness i can think of so many ways i would want united states papers to apply this technology this is the best thing ever
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:50 AM on July 22, 2013 [13 favorites]


roomthreeseventeen: "I actually don't think that would be an awesome day. "

You're thinking about that inside-out, sort of.
posted by boo_radley at 9:50 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


So why is she at a hospital, anyway? Is it a high risk pregnancy? I'd think being born with a midwife in the palace would be easier on the family.
posted by seanmpuckett at 9:51 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Yay, something new for me not to care about!
posted by marxchivist at 9:52 AM on July 22, 2013


In the UK, is the fascination with the royal family just a celebrity thing (as it is here in America), or are the people of the UK only one calamitous event or government shutdown away from begging for a monarchy again? I'm seriously asking.

Wildly variable. I, at best, am faintly embarrassed by the whole monarchy thing, and at worst think it's a sick system, on egalitarian grounds and on the grounds that we have a family of actual, human people that we demand act as a circus and tourist attraction. Friends of mine treat them as a fun and slightly rose-tinted celebrity family: they celebrated the wedding, but mostly just as an excuse for the girls to coo over the dresses and party on a sunny day. My dad is an unashamed royalist, and honestly believes that they do a lot of good work, are great people, and are completely deserving of the respect and pomp. A few years back, I knew a set of middle-aged to elderly women who talked about Harry and William as if they were distant family members that they liked to keep an affectionate eye on. Last week I went to a public (although eye-wateringly expensive, and pretentious enough to make me long for the sound of a guillotine) event at the palace, and the security guard I chatted to told me "I fuckin' love the queen, but the rest of 'em can piss right off".

None of those attitudes are particularly rare, as far as I know. I couldn't tell you which ones are dominant.
posted by metaBugs at 9:52 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Lemongrab we name the baby lemongrab
posted by The Whelk at 9:53 AM on July 22, 2013 [10 favorites]


why can't we see the baby being born? censorship!!
posted by Postroad at 9:55 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


The Whelk: "Lemongrab we name the baby lemongrab"

nnnnngh! Unacceptable!
posted by boo_radley at 9:56 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Girl: Arya Victoria Elizabeth Diana Boudicca. Boy: Don't really care.
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:56 AM on July 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


Name him Oliver Cromwell Lyndon Larouche George Washington Rooty Toot-Toot McFartenstein
posted by Sticherbeast at 9:58 AM on July 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

No, I don't think they should name the baby that. I just like saying it.
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 10:00 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


When my S.O. and I discuss names I always bring up Megatron. This usually ends the discussion with a look that probably means she's reevaluating her relationship with me.
posted by cmfletcher at 10:02 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Has the white smoke come out of her birth canal yet?

That would mean we have a new Supreme Governor of the Church of England.
posted by Mad_Carew at 10:04 AM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


To paraphrase Ed of ginandtacos.com, regardless of what they name it, I hope that baby is mixed-race.
posted by logicpunk at 10:05 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

Sorry, any excuse to post that.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 10:06 AM on July 22, 2013


I hope that baby is mixed-race.

Half morlock and half eloi.
posted by ennui.bz at 10:07 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


As someone who doesn't pay a penny for their upkeep, I'm pleased and fascinated by all things Royalwatch, including royal Babby watch. I think of it as free entertainment that is in far better taste than most of the free entertainment we get in the US (see, e.g., all things Kardashian). Plus, I have the option of not paying any attention if I don't care to. What confuses me are the people who don't care, but need to make a big point of not caring. When Charles & Diana were married in the early 80s, my father got his panties all in a twist over it, and I was like, hey dude, take a chill pill. But then, this was a guy who literally did not read a newspaper during the Carter administration because he didn't like Carter on principle. Takes all kinds, I guess.

(I'm sure they're going to name the babby after me if it's a girl, and you need a King Arthur in the new millennium, otherwise how would he be the Once and Future King?)
posted by janey47 at 10:09 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Baby Royale

It's an extra shilling if you want cheese.
posted by backseatpilot at 10:09 AM on July 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


My money's on Bargrievious, whether it's a boy or a girl.
posted by Mister_A at 10:11 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Middle name should be something traditional though, like Deimoxinil.
posted by Mister_A at 10:14 AM on July 22, 2013


What I love about this kind of furor (and the accompanying media coverage) is it's all centered around a big building and no one has any idea what's going inside. I mean nobody's going to be seeing the baby at all for quite a while right? I'm basing this on the Suri Cruise thing.
posted by brundlefly at 10:14 AM on July 22, 2013


So wait, the new baby becomes the next Dr. Who, right?
posted by The Whelk at 10:15 AM on July 22, 2013 [9 favorites]


Second in line for Dr. Who - AFTER ME!!!!
posted by Mister_A at 10:16 AM on July 22, 2013


What I love about this kind of furor (and the accompanying media coverage) is it's all centered around a big building and no one has any idea what's going inside.

Yeah, it's just like the American fascination with the NSA!
posted by backseatpilot at 10:17 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm voting for something traditional like Boudica or Prasutagus, but I suspect it'll be Albus Severus.
posted by Mad_Carew at 10:17 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


My money is on one of the following: Hayden, Brayden, Jaden, Aiden, Dakota, Kaylee, Brooklynne.
posted by phunniemee at 10:17 AM on July 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


The Guardian has a button you can hit and it shuts off all royal coverage. Amazing.
posted by cjorgensen at 10:18 AM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


D'Gleister.
posted by Mister_A at 10:18 AM on July 22, 2013


But if I'm being serious, James or Anne.
posted by phunniemee at 10:18 AM on July 22, 2013


Names I heard on Toddlers & Tiaras this weekend: Jerzee, Oliviana
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 10:18 AM on July 22, 2013




The smart money is on the royals naming the baby after a pokémon. So look out world, here comes Queen Snorlax I.
posted by Mister_A at 10:20 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


no one has any idea what's going inside

I'd hope that most obstetricians and midwives have at least some idea of what's going on in there.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 10:20 AM on July 22, 2013


It's a big building with wings on it but that's not- dammit, I'll come in again
posted by backseatpilot at 10:21 AM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


You know what has a nice ring to it? Golem Axe-Mangler.
posted by Mister_A at 10:23 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


The Daily Show has been calling the coverage On Her Majesty's Secret Cervix.
posted by phunniemee at 10:23 AM on July 22, 2013 [23 favorites]


Boy: Ralph
Girl: Zofthestoneage
posted by Kabanos at 10:23 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Lemongrab we name the baby lemongrab

40 weeks dungeon!
posted by DrGirlfriend at 10:23 AM on July 22, 2013


Professor Snape asks
posted by CrazyLemonade at 10:27 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


vacapinta: "The Guardian has a toggle in the right-hand corner which says "Republican?" If you click it, all Royal Baby news disappears and the toggle then says "Royalist?""

I click "Republican" and the top story is ... Morrissey: has his light finally gone out?

That'll move them papers right off the virtual shelf.
posted by chavenet at 10:29 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]




Winston. I think it would be a wonderful gesture to name the baby after a famous commoner. A strong and witty person who fought so hard in darker times. Name the child after a man born of humble beginnings and known for remarkable strength and character. Actually, I've changed my mind. Egon was always the best Ghostbuster.
posted by cmfletcher at 10:29 AM on July 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


provided Charles and William become King otherwise baby's just another one of those obnoxious royals that the tabloids take pictures for doing things.

No -- the line is set, it passes through the firstborn and their descendants. If Charles dies/disqualifies*, then William becomes heir apparent, not Andrew. If the baby is born, then Charles/Williams both die/DQ and the queen dies/abdicates, the baby is now the sovereign, not Harry or Andrew.

The question I don't have an answer to is at what point you become a descendant. The fact that Andrew is still listed as 4th in the line of succession means that the as-yet unborn is not yet a descendant. If this holds, then if in some tragedy Harry, William, and Charles all die before the baby is born, then Andrew would become heir apparent, and the baby would represent a distaff line.

Of course, the new rule is somewhat unfair in that newly firstborn are eligible, but not current ones. If the rule applied to all heirs of Elizabeth, Anne would be the heir apparent, followed by Peter Phillips, then Savanna and Isla Phillips (his daughters), then Zara Tindall (nee Phillips) before returning to Charles.

It is an odd situation, where there will be three direct and known heirs -- brought on by the vastly better healthcare. It used to be you were often digging through the family tree because the direct heirs often didn't make it to adulthood, or died off before they had children.

N.B. Don't confuse the line of succession with the line of precedence.

* The simplest way to DQ would be to become Roman Catholic, which is an absolute bar. If you're anything else but CoE, you have to become CoE before you can be sovereign, but once you converted to RC, you're ineligible for the throne.
posted by eriko at 10:30 AM on July 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


I'm not super-fascinated by Royal Baby Watch, such that I feel compelled to watch it on the 24 hour news networks, but I am interested and a little bit excited for the future Monarch of Canadia to be born, especially if it's a girl, because I think dumping patrilineal primogeniture was great.

And I like Wills and Kate, and they seem nice and happy, and I want them to have a nice, happy, healthy baby.

I am not buying magazines or teacups to express these opinions, but I am also not particularly embarrassed by them.
posted by jacquilynne at 10:30 AM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


"The Prince of Wails"

and if it's a girl...

"The Princess of Wails"

(yes, I know they're the Cambridges...)
posted by chavenet at 10:32 AM on July 22, 2013


I'm still betting on the idea that everyone is just silently hoping Charles abdicates or something cause noone wants his face on the money.
posted by The Whelk at 10:33 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


he question I don't have an answer to is at what point you become a descendant.

My impression is at birth. I'm not sure what might have happened a month or two ago if, in a horrible accident the Queen, Charles and William all died while Kate was still pregnant, but at this point if it happened I'd bet that they'd appoint a regent and continue the succession as normal with baby-almost-born the king or queen. But if a month ago Charles and William both died, then Henry would be the heir apparent until the baby was born, at which point the baby would be the heir.

(I think, anyhow.)
posted by jeather at 10:34 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


It's a boy. His name will be Damien. All the Royal Corgies will be replaced with Rotweilers. You heard it here first.
posted by philip-random at 10:36 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Anne would be the heir apparent

Charles is the first-born, not Anne.

Not that I care. My prince was killed in 1282.
posted by ceiriog at 10:37 AM on July 22, 2013 [4 favorites]




The whole 'boy or girl?' thing makes me wonder what would happen if the baby is intersex i.e. neither. I assume the palace would just pick one then lie about it forever.
posted by shelleycat at 10:38 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


UPDATE: Kate Middleton gives birth to a corgi. The Queen reportedly "quite pleased."
posted by Panjandrum at 10:40 AM on July 22, 2013 [16 favorites]


Man, I would love for babby to be gay, lesbian, or trans.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 10:40 AM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


I would have to ask immlass (whose masters was in medieval changes in inheritance law), but I know that there was often turmoil around the deaths of kings if there was a chance that the Queen was pregnant with royal progeny.

Don't know what the law was or is, but I think jeather is right for practical purposes.
posted by Mad_Carew at 10:41 AM on July 22, 2013


My admittedly questionable and based mostly on reading historical romance novels, and as regards lesser titles, understanding is that an unborn child can't inherit a title, but the birth of a child can revert succession. If the Queen, Charles and William all die before Babby Royale is born, Harry becomes King, because somebody has to and he's next in line.

But if only Charles and William die before Babby Royale is born, Harry is still only the heir presumptive, rather than the heir apparent, and once Babby Royale is born, s/he becomes the heir apparent, because no actual inheriting goes on until the Queen dies.
posted by jacquilynne at 10:42 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


I hope she announces that she and the baby are Catholic.
posted by Flunkie at 10:42 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Next-gen Royals have an always on feature.
posted by The Whelk at 10:47 AM on July 22, 2013


Kate Middleton is actually Ashton Kucher in drag. The entire marriage and pregnancy is an elaborate hoax.
posted by humanfont at 10:48 AM on July 22, 2013


My admittedly questionable and based mostly on reading historical romance novels, and as regards lesser titles, understanding is that an unborn child can't inherit a title, but the birth of a child can revert succession.

History tends to disagree. Or, at least, it's never, ever such a clean transaction.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:50 AM on July 22, 2013


My favorite thing on Twitter today: "Does anyone know where I can find a live blog for the imminent birth of one of the 15,000 children born today who will die of starvation?"
posted by jbickers at 10:50 AM on July 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


Does anyone know where I can find a live blog for the imminent birth of one of the 15,000 children born today who will die of starvation?

How do we know we aren't watching one already?!?
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 10:53 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


The most bizarre thing I read about this today was that Kate's OB is the Queen's gynecologist who is postponing retirement for the occasion. If I were Kate, the guy who has seen the Queen's ladybits would not be allowed to see mine.
posted by tafetta, darling! at 10:55 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


So much negativity here! Hell, I'm excited. I love it when people get excited en masse about happy things. I mean, it's not like the world stopped turning and all of the Important Stuff isn't important anymore.

Although I wish the kid had been born yesterday
1. between the hours of Noon-3pm (GST)
2. been a girl
3. been between 6 and 7 lbs, and
4. been named Elizabeth.

Then I would have won a pool and been EXTRA happy.
posted by Elly Vortex at 10:57 AM on July 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


If I were Kate I would name a girl Regina and call it a day.
posted by nooneyouknow at 10:59 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Winston. I think it would be a wonderful gesture to name the baby after a famous commoner. A strong and witty person who fought so hard in darker times. Name the child after a man born of humble beginnings and known for remarkable strength and character.

The protagonist of 1984? I don't disagree, but I don't know whether the Queen would approve.
posted by janey47 at 10:59 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


If it's a girl I'm calling it Princess Piglet. A boy will earn the nickname Prince Charbroil.

I'm pretty sure the ghost of Henry VIII visited me the other night astride the Ambien Walrus and muttered, "This whole bloody act of succession thing would have saved me a whole lot of bloody time and effort I could have spent writing bloody galliards and letting people lose to me at bloody tennis, is all I'm bloody saying." And then he ate the last chocolate-covered pretzel.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:00 AM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


I'm excited! I've been watching that stupid live feed all day. Watch the news break while I'm on my way home from work.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:00 AM on July 22, 2013


3rd in line no matter what?? Primogeniture's been struck down?

Damn liberals.... Ruining the monarchy, I tell you.
posted by ocschwar at 11:01 AM on July 22, 2013


the guy who has seen the Queen's ladybits would not be allowed to see mine

Why do you think the Beefeaters need their own brand of gin?
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 11:02 AM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


Vive la République
posted by modernnomad at 11:04 AM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Then perhaps Inner Party Middleton-Mountbaten-Windsor? Seriously GBR, with your overwhelming amount of closed circuit surveillance cameras, we should be able to get a live stream of birthing room 101.
posted by cmfletcher at 11:10 AM on July 22, 2013


FINALLY something interesting happening on the feed. It's just a group of UK Scouts posing with a baby carrier embroidered with "HRH on Board", but still.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:12 AM on July 22, 2013


Guys I'm relying on you to be funny enough for me to steal a trivia team name for tonight from this thread. I'm not saying you're not doing a good job, just step it up a little ok?
posted by DynamiteToast at 11:26 AM on July 22, 2013


Man I am SO glad it wasn't international news when I went into labor.
posted by town of cats at 11:29 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


So not to get technical or anything, but Mountbatten-Windsor is the last name used by the members of the royal family who are *not* in line for the throne.
posted by janey47 at 11:29 AM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


My husband just said there's a button to push on the Guardian website to hide baby news. It was, at one point, labeled "republican".

(I don't do cable news except when I see it at my mother's, so I'm insulated from the worst of it. I'm interested in a distantly Anglophile way, but I can afford to be because my taxes don't pay their stipends, such as they are.)
posted by immlass at 11:31 AM on July 22, 2013


Show of hands if you saw the post title "Great Kate wait almost over" in an RSS feed and thought "Oooh! New Kate Bush album??"
posted by dnash at 11:31 AM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


I always find the ones chastising people for "ignoring" the atrocities of the world tiresome when something a bit silly but newsworthy like this happens...mostly because many of them are nowhere to be found when these silly but newsworthy events aren't happening.
posted by girlmightlive at 11:33 AM on July 22, 2013 [9 favorites]


Forgive me janey, this is my first royal gawk-fest. Am I correct in understanding that William won't be decapitated and paraded around with his dog's head attached to his shoulders?
posted by cmfletcher at 11:37 AM on July 22, 2013


I hope they call it Oliver Cromwell to piss off the filthy Irish.
posted by dr_dank at 11:38 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]



I am trying to not be that into this but I can't help but liking William and Kate as far as royals go. I read a couple of weeks ago that they weren't planning on staying in a palace with full time nannies but at Kate's parents house. At least for the first while. That's cool if it's true as it breaks tradition and speaks to Di's attempt at bringing up the boys in a more normal and less secluded way. At least as normal as you can be being a royal.

I do hope it's a girl though. If we have to have a monarch as a head of state it would be good to throw another female into the future line.
posted by Jalliah at 11:43 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


I hope they call it Oliver Cromwell to piss off the filthy Irish.

Well they've already had Billy, sorry William
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 11:44 AM on July 22, 2013


I say Daenerys Hermione if its a girl!
posted by bgal81 at 11:47 AM on July 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


If it's a boy, Yog-Sothoth. If it's a girl, Yog-Sothoth.
posted by mcmile at 11:47 AM on July 22, 2013 [9 favorites]


oh, wait, wait: Blind Lemon Windsor.
posted by boo_radley at 11:51 AM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


I was hoping for a live webcam of the birth in a sacred yurt in Nottingham Forest, but sadly my wish shall not come true.
posted by spinifex23 at 11:59 AM on July 22, 2013


If it's twins, Jaime and Cersei.

If nothing else, that should keep the tourists from climbing the castle.
posted by Ber at 12:00 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Kong, if it's a boy.
posted by islander at 12:04 PM on July 22, 2013


Personally, I would be tempted to go Old School English Royalty, like Cnut or Eadwig or Æthelred for a boy, or Gunhild or Ælfthryth or Ecgwyn for a girl.
posted by Flunkie at 12:15 PM on July 22, 2013


Girl: Zoë Inara. Boy: Malcolm Jayne. Intersex: Hoban Kaylee.
posted by 1066 at 12:16 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Dennis, in honor of Dennis Farina.
posted by Chrysostom at 12:17 PM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Girl: Zoë Inara. Boy: Malcolm Jayne. Intersex: Hoban Kaylee.

Or you could go with "Joss" either way.
posted by yoink at 12:18 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Show of hands if you saw the post title "Great Kate wait almost over" in an RSS feed and thought "Oooh! New Kate Bush album??"

No, although thinking about it "Kate Bush Wait" could be a headline for either story.
posted by yoink at 12:19 PM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


I imagine this song is going to get played a lot today.
posted by homunculus at 12:20 PM on July 22, 2013


Prince Pants. Princess Pants. King Pants. Queen Pants.
I rather fancy Pants.
posted by fikri at 12:20 PM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


I'm thinking about all the kids being born there today and what a big part of their family mythology it'll be growing up, that they were born JUST DOWN THE HALL from the prince/ss. It's sort of nice that they're there at the hospital having a baby along with everybody else.
posted by gerstle at 12:22 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Andrew Sullivan's delightful review of Ben Pimlott's biography of Elizabeth II in 1997 begins with the following:

In one of its more inspired innovations, the British satirical magazine Private Eye began in the 1980's to refer to the members of the Royal Family by a series of nicknames. The Queen was known as Brenda, and her husband was referred to as Keith. Charles was Brian, Margaret was Yvonne and Diana, the late Princess of Wales, was Cheryl. Maybe it takes a British antenna for class distinctions to get the full point of the joke but, as usual, the magazine was getting at a deeper truth. In the last 20 years, the Royals have become ever more indistinguishable from the least elevated of their subjects. The life of Charles has become, in hilarious but also powerful ways, the life of Brian.

~~

There we have it, an embarrassment of riches with respect to baby names.
posted by janey47 at 12:23 PM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


This constant webcam feed of the hospital door is giving me a real Prince of Darkness vibe.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:29 PM on July 22, 2013


Maybe it takes a British antenna for class distinctions to get the full point of the joke

No, it takes knowledge of how first names intersect with class in Great Britain. I've seen comments about this in books, about names like Jason or Ashley and I never understood them.
posted by jeather at 12:31 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


BBC says it's a boy.
posted by Wylla at 12:31 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Great Kate Wait for Late Neonate Fête with State, Mate, and Fourth Estate
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:35 PM on July 22, 2013 [9 favorites]


Now, when the anticlimactic answer to the Great Mystery of the Sex of Royal Babby is being revealed, might be a great moment to revisit Garfunkel & Oates' music video for Pregnant Women Are Smug.
posted by janey47 at 12:35 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


A hysterical person on my Facebook wall informs me that IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so I guess it's a boy?
posted by showbiz_liz at 12:38 PM on July 22, 2013


WHAT'S A BOY??¿!?
posted by boo_radley at 12:39 PM on July 22, 2013


New York Times says boy too.

I guess it's a blue CN tower for us tonight.
posted by saturday_morning at 12:41 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


WHAT'S A BOY??¿!?

A young male human, but that's not important right now.
posted by ogooglebar at 12:42 PM on July 22, 2013 [13 favorites]


ALL HAIL PRINCE MEGATRON BEEFEATER MCFARTERSTEIN
posted by palomar at 12:42 PM on July 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


But is it a human boy or an eldritch horror?

only time will tell
posted by elizardbits at 12:42 PM on July 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


It's about time we showed we're not superstitious anymore by naming him John or Richard. I mean, unless William and Kate ARE superstitious, in which case carry on.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:43 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


A boy? Thank god. Downton Abbey is saved!
posted by yoink at 12:44 PM on July 22, 2013 [18 favorites]


I mean obviously they should name him Cecil.
posted by elizardbits at 12:44 PM on July 22, 2013


I think Metafilter has a nice ring to it.
posted by inertia at 12:47 PM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Noooooo, they should name him Gareth. Cause it's the only English male name I like. Not that I'm an expert or anything.
posted by nooneyouknow at 12:47 PM on July 22, 2013


Sooo... The royal bris will be in 8 days (same as in town).
posted by Mchelly at 12:47 PM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Sooo... The royal bris will be in 8 days (same as in town).

Kid's just been born and already the cries of "off with his head!" begin.
posted by yoink at 12:49 PM on July 22, 2013 [12 favorites]


If they name him James it'll piss off the Scots (again).
posted by rocket88 at 12:49 PM on July 22, 2013


So what is his official title at this point? Does he get some sort of Barony or does Prince William pass him a Duchy?
posted by cmfletcher at 12:50 PM on July 22, 2013


Royal/Grail/Martian Baby & Pope
posted by hortense at 12:50 PM on July 22, 2013


No, he's the Prince.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 12:51 PM on July 22, 2013


Prince William pass him a Duchy?

On the sinister side?
posted by yoink at 12:51 PM on July 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


I mean obviously they should name him Cecil.

john do not write a welcome to night vale story set at the palace you have work to do
posted by The Whelk at 12:51 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


So what is his official title at this point?

His Royal Highness Prince ____ of Cambridge
posted by ogooglebar at 12:52 PM on July 22, 2013


yes good do it
posted by elizardbits at 12:52 PM on July 22, 2013


I'm hoping for Hagrid.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 12:53 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Hodor!
posted by homunculus at 12:53 PM on July 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


or Dumbledore.
posted by inertia at 12:53 PM on July 22, 2013


Arthur Putey. Just because I name everything Arthur Putey.
posted by jbickers at 12:53 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


They should name him after the best Englishman ever.

Rupert Giles.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:54 PM on July 22, 2013 [14 favorites]


So when is this kid actually going to reach the throne? 60 years from now?
posted by PenDevil at 12:54 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


yes good do it

it's my job to show the young couple around the new palace, there is the day salon, the library, the night salon, the salon that only appears at night, the games room, and the hall of statues are are always, but never quite seen to be moving

posted by The Whelk at 12:56 PM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


HRH Basil, Prince of Cambridge.

You heard it here first, folks!
posted by ramix at 12:56 PM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]




It's about time we showed we're not superstitious anymore by naming him John or Richard.
The queen already took care of that a long time ago with "Charles", no?
posted by Flunkie at 12:56 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


PenDevil, let's hope. I hope that Charles succeeds his mother and does not abdicate in favor of William. Let's give William a little while longer before ascending. Then let's hope he has a long life and lots of time for his family.

*clink* Happy Babby!

Now that there's an heir, time to make a spare!
posted by janey47 at 12:57 PM on July 22, 2013


Now that there's an heir, time to make a spare!

A gentleman waits until the placenta has been delivered.
posted by KathrynT at 12:58 PM on July 22, 2013 [44 favorites]


(My OB claims that an expectant husband / father asked her when intercourse could resume, as his child was crowning, and that was her answer)
posted by KathrynT at 12:58 PM on July 22, 2013 [13 favorites]


I mean, unless William and Kate ARE superstitious, in which case carry on.

Considering what happened to the last five Queen Cathrines, especially Cathrine Howard, I'd say they're pretty cool with the superstition thing.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 12:58 PM on July 22, 2013


Reddit AMA going on RIGHT NOW with new babby
posted by oulipian at 12:59 PM on July 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


But is it a human boy or an eldritch horror?

"What have you done to its eyes!?!"
posted by ogooglebar at 12:59 PM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


How long will it take? Ask grampa.
posted by cmfletcher at 1:00 PM on July 22, 2013


oh shit wait i hope they name him barack hussein
posted by elizardbits at 1:01 PM on July 22, 2013 [6 favorites]




oh shit wait i hope they name him barack hussein

An Irish name like O'Bama!? Never!
posted by chavenet at 1:02 PM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


Alan Turing Windsor has a nice ring to it.
posted by George_Spiggott at 1:03 PM on July 22, 2013 [7 favorites]


The further from the throne James Hewitt's DNA gets, the greater the sigh of relief from Brenda.
posted by janey47 at 1:03 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Interesting fun fact: all the police officers outside and inside the hospital are women.
posted by bdz at 1:04 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


roomthreeseventeen you skipped the first one
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:07 PM on July 22, 2013


Oh, I can't wait! How many tentacles did it have??
posted by Kitteh at 1:08 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


@bdz- why is that the case? do you have a link?
posted by timpanogos at 1:09 PM on July 22, 2013


kitteh, I don't think those drop for a few days.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 1:09 PM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Hmm, you're right. Along with the egg sac, I imagine.
posted by Kitteh at 1:13 PM on July 22, 2013


The Daily Show has been calling the coverage On Her Majesty's Secret Cervix.

Indeed, and while it's a nice pun, it's wrong. There is only one Her Majesty, and that ain't her cervix we're talking about. Kate's just Her Royal Highness.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:15 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Man, would you look at the pictures of the crowds outside the hospital! So many people! So where's the Westboro Baptist Church in all this?
posted by janey47 at 1:15 PM on July 22, 2013


If they name him James it'll piss off the Scots (again).

You'd think his father having really been named for William Wallace would have placated them.
posted by George_Spiggott at 1:16 PM on July 22, 2013


A friend of mine says on twitter "I feel like I should offer sardonic congratulations to the world's news media for successfully camping a spawn."
posted by KathrynT at 1:21 PM on July 22, 2013 [11 favorites]


A friend of mine just noted that just because babby has a penis don't mean he won't be a queen someday.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 1:25 PM on July 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


Why is it that hardly anyone names their baby for Winston Churchill when they all look like him?
posted by George_Spiggott at 1:25 PM on July 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


If they name him James it'll piss off the Scots (again).

No, I think that'd be okay, provided he's crowned as IX and IV. The more pressing concern is whether Prince Charles will become King Charles III; if so, expect Jacobites.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:27 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Damn. I really, really wanted a girl to directly inherit for the first time. Dammit. It seems like everyone is having nothing but boys any more, too.
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:29 PM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


if so, expect Jacobites.

Goddammit, and I just finished spraying for Levellers.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:31 PM on July 22, 2013 [9 favorites]


A friend of mine just noted that just because babby has a penis don't mean he won't be a queen someday.


Now there's a roayl crsis I'd like to watch, what does one call a Prince's husband?

Besides "Mark", obviously.
posted by The Whelk at 1:31 PM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


And what would be wrong with more Jacobites?
posted by pentagoet at 1:38 PM on July 22, 2013


ogooglebar: "A young male human, but that's not important right now."

I'm just gonna keep softballin' em in for everybody.
posted by boo_radley at 1:39 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


It's called a cookie.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 1:41 PM on July 22, 2013


I'm thinking he'll be named Edward Charles Albert.
posted by grubi at 1:47 PM on July 22, 2013


Crap. Forgot that they might incorporate her father's name, Michael. Edward Charles Michael Albert.
posted by grubi at 1:49 PM on July 22, 2013


I was really hoping for a Prince Michael, but then now that it's a boy, I looked up the already existing Prince Michael and went down a whole Wikipedia rabbit hole of lesser royals.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:53 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Edward Charles Michael Albert.

E.C.M.A.


No let's rearrange that

ACME

Hmm...

MACE

Mace!

MACE WINDU WINDSOR
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:54 PM on July 22, 2013


MACE WINDU WINDSOR

Surely Mace Windsor would do the trick?
posted by The Tensor at 1:59 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


No, I think that'd be okay, provided he's crowned as IX and IV.

Unlikely, since Elizabeth wasn't properly crowned as II and I.
posted by rocket88 at 2:01 PM on July 22, 2013


It's called a cookie.

That's good enough for me.
posted by homunculus at 2:06 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


They've announced the name: Rogers Nelson
posted by MrMoonPie at 2:07 PM on July 22, 2013 [7 favorites]


Crap. Forgot that they might incorporate her father's name, Michael. Edward Charles Michael Albert.

Some sort of combination with popular Windsor male names seems appropriate. George Michael has a nice ring to it.
posted by figurant at 2:07 PM on July 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


Edward Charles Michael Albert.

I hope not because that is the boringest name ever.
posted by nooneyouknow at 2:08 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


George Michael has a nice ring to it.

I hear the royal family has been trying to move away from marrying their cousins. Probably not the best choice.
posted by cmfletcher at 2:12 PM on July 22, 2013 [7 favorites]


please be black please be black please be black please be black please be black
posted by Jimbob at 2:17 PM on July 22, 2013 [10 favorites]


Some of the speculation on the name upthread was correct, judging by this
posted by exogenous at 2:24 PM on July 22, 2013


I hope not because that is the boringest name ever.

Look at the vast lineage of boringest names the House of Windsor is known for.
posted by grubi at 2:31 PM on July 22, 2013


Look at the vast lineage of boringest names the House of Windsor is known for.

Not all of them. They have Zara, Savannah and Isla in Princess Anne's line.
posted by rocket88 at 2:38 PM on July 22, 2013


The name bets really amuse me, because the ability to guess that Victoria and Alexandra and George are safe names is similar to the ability to read royal family trees. I think they should go further back, though, to Æthelred and Cnut and Edith and Matilda.

Matilda Edith would have been an awesome Princess of Whatever-Is-A-Step-Down-From-Wales.

Show me a Prince (and someday King) Alfred Harold Arthur Æthelstan Saxe-Coburg von Gotha Windsor-Mountbatten. Lets get OLD-SCHOOL.

Srsly, tho. Imagine what looking back on 2013-2014 UK (and Anglophone nations) birth names would be like if they did.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 2:40 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


boo_radley:WHAT'S A BOY??¿!?

Correct. You still have control of the board as we head into Double Jeopardy.
posted by dr_dank at 2:42 PM on July 22, 2013 [12 favorites]


I'll place a bet on Spencer as part of his name.
posted by lalex at 2:43 PM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Prince Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho
posted by phunniemee at 2:50 PM on July 22, 2013 [11 favorites]


John Oliver
posted by saturday_morning at 2:54 PM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Zod. If only for the knighthood ceremony.
posted by cmfletcher at 3:00 PM on July 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


And, in other birthing news: Mini-cow born at Washington farm looks like panda bear.
posted by Omon Ra at 3:14 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm guessing either Kal-El or Muad'Dib.
posted by ogooglebar at 3:18 PM on July 22, 2013


Look at the vast lineage of boringest names the House of Windsor is known for.

Not all of them. They have Zara, Savannah and Isla in Princess Anne's line.


And that makes what I said somehow not correct? Those three are exceptions that prove the rule.
posted by grubi at 3:23 PM on July 22, 2013


I'll place a bet on Spencer as part of his name

Ooh. I didn't think of that one. Good point. Edward Albert Spencer Michael?
posted by grubi at 3:24 PM on July 22, 2013


Prince Frodo Optimus Katniss Weasley von Seinfeld.
posted by oulipian at 3:26 PM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em: Frank Spencer
posted by Mister Bijou at 3:26 PM on July 22, 2013


MCMikeNamara: "I looked up the already existing Prince Michael"

Man he looks heck of irritated at having his picture taken.
posted by boo_radley at 3:37 PM on July 22, 2013


He's just irritated that his wife stole his name.
posted by janey47 at 3:55 PM on July 22, 2013


So wait, the new baby becomes the next Dr. Who, right?

Second in line for Dr. Who - AFTER ME!!!!


That Doctor Who, you heathens.
posted by Celsius1414 at 3:55 PM on July 22, 2013


Plus, he's a TIME LORD so there's no successor. Unless you mean as an actor, ugh.
posted by janey47 at 3:57 PM on July 22, 2013


So where's the Westboro Baptist Church in all this?

At the bottom of the North Sea, if we're lucky.
posted by Celsius1414 at 3:59 PM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


Do we have proof this child wasn't created on a genetic loom?
posted by The Whelk at 4:01 PM on July 22, 2013


Phillip is my pick.
posted by clavdivs at 4:01 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


The real tragedy here is that there is now another Aston Villa fan in the world.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:02 PM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


That Doctor Who, you heathens.

It's just the Doctor, really. Doctor Who is the name of the show, not the Time Lord.
posted by jacquilynne at 4:02 PM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


Actually, I have it from a good source that the new royal baby will be taking over Peter Cushing's role in the technicolor movie universe, so "Dr. Who" was actually the correct nomenclature after all.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 4:06 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]




As an antinatalist, I mourn the Royal Baby as another being who is brought into this world to die. And as a supporter of an Australian republic, I think the end of the monarchy can't come soon enough.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 5:06 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


mcmile: "If it's a boy, Yog-Sothoth. If it's a girl, Yog-Sothoth."

If it's a girl wouldn't it be Shub-Niggurath?
posted by Hairy Lobster at 5:17 PM on July 22, 2013


So I was just thinking that this kid probably won't be king until long after I'm dead. Your maudlin thought of the day.
posted by octothorpe at 5:18 PM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


Christ. Another kid who'll be taking state handouts their whole life. Poor old Cameron, it's like Middleton is out to undermine him. No wonder she's in Labour.
posted by davemee at 5:19 PM on July 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


octothorpe, I was thinking kind of along the same lines. I am pretty much the exact same age as William, so I'm at even odds as to whether I'll live to see the new kid get crowned, actuarially speaking. A flip of the coin except that the coin is probably weighted a little in William's favour thanks to his magical Windsor-Mountbatten genes.

New mission in life: OUTLIVE THE DUKE OF CAMBRIDGE
posted by saturday_morning at 6:33 PM on July 22, 2013


In spite of my early snarky comment, I'm glad the little chap was born and everyone's OK.
posted by marxchivist at 6:35 PM on July 22, 2013


I like The Onion's coverage. The first words are a nice touch. But let's be honest - a hereditary monarchy is an embarassment in this day and age, and the fuzz over the royal baby in the Motherland and the Colonies and the Former Colonies is a total joke.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 6:46 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


I vote for Ralph.
posted by fozzie_bear at 6:57 PM on July 22, 2013


So I was just thinking that this kid probably won't be king until long after I'm dead. Your maudlin thought of the day.

Don't be so pessimistic. You may outlive him!
posted by Sys Rq at 7:00 PM on July 22, 2013


I'm 49, I'll be happy to get another thirty.
posted by octothorpe at 7:08 PM on July 22, 2013


New mission in life: OUTLIVE THE DUKE OF CAMBRIDGE

Twenty years ago, I told people my goal was to live long enough to find out who Deep Throat was. After Mark Felt came out, my new goal was to live to see them stop minting pennies. I think outliving the Duke of Cambridge (twenty years my junior) is more realistic.
posted by ogooglebar at 7:13 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


He's just irritated that his wife stole his name.

When I was young I thought Princess Michael was her name and I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I was so disappointed when I found out that it's her husband's name and she isn't entitled to being Princess Marie Christine because she was born a commoner (technically Kate is Princess William).

Michael Learned is still awesome though.
posted by elsietheeel at 7:24 PM on July 22, 2013


elsietheeel: I agree wholeheartedly. Lionel Shriver would be more interesting if she had been named that at birth.
posted by janey47 at 7:26 PM on July 22, 2013


After Mark Felt came out, my new goal was to live to see them stop minting pennies.

You'll want to avoid immigrating to Canada then.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:33 PM on July 22, 2013


The further from the throne James Hewitt's DNA gets, the greater the sigh of relief from Brenda.

Did no one explain to Cheryl that it's an heir AND a spare before you start cluttering up the nest with cuckoos?
posted by winna at 8:51 PM on July 22, 2013


So as a damn Yank who was ten when Diana died, this is the first I've heard of this James Hewitt guy. That photo looks pretty compelling but what are the odds Harry's actually his son?
posted by showbiz_liz at 9:06 PM on July 22, 2013


There are other photos that suggest Harry looks rather a lot like Diana's brother. And really the whole lot of the British Peerage have been marrying each other for so many generations, a kid could pop out looking like just about any of them and it could just be Great Great Great Uncle Whatshisname, the 17th Earl of Wherevershire's recessive genes showing up again in two places at once.

Harry might be Hewitt's kid, but they had birth control and abortion in the 80s, so probably isn't. Diana wasn't stupid.
posted by jacquilynne at 9:16 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


"The Guardian has a toggle in the right-hand corner which says "Republican?" If you click it, all Royal Baby news disappears and the toggle then says "Royalist?""

They seem to have changed it to "Not a royalist?" - I wonder why that's about.

Gawker's take is only a slight exaggeration of how I feel about this whole thing.
posted by naoko at 9:45 PM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


They seem to have changed it to "Not a royalist?" - I wonder why that's about.
"Parliament passed the Treason Felony Act in 1848. This act made advocacy of republicanism punishable by transportation to Australia, later life imprisonment. The Law Lords ruled in 2003 that this law does not prohibit peaceful printed advocacy of anti-monarchy sentiments."
So, technically it's a still a crime to label the toggle switch "Republican".
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 10:12 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


They should name the baby "Artist" and then change his name later.
posted by Wataki at 10:15 PM on July 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


"Parliament passed the Treason Felony Act in 1848. This act made advocacy of republicanism punishable by transportation to Australia, later life imprisonment. The Law Lords ruled in 2003 that this law does not prohibit peaceful printed advocacy of anti-monarchy sentiments."

They didn't transport enough, since the last referendum about a republic in Australia failed and the monarchists are still on top.
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants at 10:26 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Future king? I didn't vote for him.
posted by Gringos Without Borders at 10:31 PM on July 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


I hope they name him Morrissey.
posted by gentian at 11:10 PM on July 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


They seem to have changed it to "Not a royalist?" - I wonder why that's about.

So, technically it's a still a crime to label the toggle switch "Republican".

Since it still shows as "Republican" here in my corner of the Commonwealth, I'm pretty sure it's being changed based on location to stop confusing Americans.
posted by figurant at 11:16 PM on July 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


I'm not saying a great evil has been loosed upon the world but the heatwave in the merry old UK has abruptly changed to some pretty impressive thunderstorms and torrential rain today...
posted by brilliantmistake at 12:33 AM on July 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


I think "Class War" is an adorable name.
And the late lamented publication of that name had a suitably strident response to a previous royal spawning (of William, the happy father here).
posted by Abiezer at 1:05 AM on July 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


RICK: [fakes laughter] Ha ha ha! No, I was wondering if you'd thought of a name... [Rick points to himself] for your baby yet.

VYVYAN: Shut up or piss off!

RICK: [angered at his rejection] Oh, that's very nice...

VYVYAN: No, no, those are two names I'm considering. I mean, they'll be very handy in later life, you know, for getting into fights and things.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:49 AM on July 23, 2013 [6 favorites]


Harry has some resemblance to the young Prince Philip.
posted by jgirl at 4:57 AM on July 23, 2013


I'm not saying a great evil has been loosed upon the world but the heatwave in the merry old UK has abruptly changed to some pretty impressive thunderstorms and torrential rain today..

I thought everyone was suffering from the heat?
posted by CrazyLemonade at 7:18 AM on July 23, 2013


>I'm not saying a great evil has been loosed upon the world but the heatwave in the merry old UK has abruptly changed to some pretty impressive thunderstorms and torrential rain today..

>>I thought everyone was suffering from the heat?


ALL HAIL RAINBRINGER, THE UNNAMED PRINCE, SENT TO DELIVER HIS COWERING SUBJECTS FROM THE MERCILESS HEAT OF SATAN
posted by showbiz_liz at 7:25 AM on July 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Weeping with laughter at this panoramic, expletive-filled, rant from the Artist Taxi Driver. It just keeps on coming until you think he's going to explode.
posted by unSane at 7:55 AM on July 23, 2013


The real tragedy here is that there is now another Aston Villa fan in the world.

Generations of inbreeding. Nothing you can do, really.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:17 AM on July 23, 2013


At this point, I expect "Private Lindo Wing" to be a character in the next Bond film.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:25 AM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


ALL HAIL RAINBRINGER

Ooh they should name him Spartacus.
posted by elizardbits at 8:44 AM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


The amount of baby-themed spam I've got today is astonishing:

- free Baby Powder candle with any order from Yankee Candle
- 90 Mills and Boon books for 90p each
- 20% off from Feel Unique, in case I want to celebrate the birth of a baby that has next to no connection with my life through the powers of mascara.

We have Sky on in our office with the volume off and the subs on. As when Thatcher died, I think it's a good thing that we don't have broadcast TV set up in our house (I'm unmarried to a Scotsman).
posted by mippy at 8:55 AM on July 23, 2013


I'm not actually a baby person generally, but I am weirdly fascinated with names and the sociological study of them. (My parents didn't give me a middle name, and my boyfriend says we can't get a brown and white dog and call her Clover until we stop living in a flat, so I might start naming my pens.) Sadly, the gilded cage of Royalty means that Kate will not be able to name her child anything exciting like Prince Jason Sparrowhawk, but will go for the traditional royal names, similar to the old-fashioned monikers that have been popular with the middle classes for the past few years (Alfie, Alfred, George etc.)
posted by mippy at 8:58 AM on July 23, 2013


ALSO WHAT IF IT IS AN INDIGO CHILD
posted by mippy at 9:05 AM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Noooooo, they should name him Gareth. Cause it's the only English male name I like.

That name be Welsh. Welsh names are great, though.
posted by mippy at 9:08 AM on July 23, 2013


Apparently when Prince Charles was actually named Prince of Wales, he gave his oath replies in English *and* Welsh.
posted by grubi at 9:32 AM on July 23, 2013


Well, so he should.
posted by mippy at 9:43 AM on July 23, 2013


Well, he did attend the University College of Wales in Aberystwyth, studying Welsh history and language for a term. (Thank you, Wikipedia!)
posted by grubi at 9:48 AM on July 23, 2013




GUYS THE BBC HAS A LIVE FEED OF THE HOSPITAL DOOR, PEOPLE MIGHT COME OUT OF IT SOON

(Prince Charles told the press they'd "see for [themselves] in a minute")
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:17 AM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


GUYS THE BBC HAS A LIVE FEED OF THE HOSPITAL DOOR, PEOPLE MIGHT COME OUT OF IT SOON

They should bill it as a re-enactment of the birth.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:37 AM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Since the UK includes England, Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales, they should call him George Patrick Andrew David.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:37 AM on July 23, 2013


Dafydd, surely.
posted by elizardbits at 10:38 AM on July 23, 2013


No wonder it's taking a while. The forked tongue and goat legs take a while to patch up.
posted by unSane at 11:01 AM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


OMG THE TOP OF HIS HEAD IS SO CUTE
posted by lwb at 11:14 AM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


OMG THE TOP OF HIS HEAD IS SO CUTE

Looks just like his dad's.
posted by ogooglebar at 11:16 AM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


ogooglebar: "Looks just like his dad's."

William said something along the lines of, "He has more hair than me, thank God!"

(Also, good for Kate for appearing post-partum in a reasonably form-fitting dress, it's tough still looking 7 months pregnant after the birth, and you don't see that aspect of pregnancy much in the media.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:24 AM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Ha, they said William had already changed his first nappie. "He has her looks, thankfully."
posted by FelliniBlank at 11:39 AM on July 23, 2013


Kate wore a polka dot dress similar to Diana's when she left the hospital with baby William. That's pretty sweet.
posted by mmmbacon at 11:43 AM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


The Condescending Corporate Brand Page is on a roll today.
posted by schmod at 11:49 AM on July 23, 2013




ALSO WHAT IF IT IS AN INDIGO CHILD
posted by mippy at 11:05 AM on July 23 [1 favorite +] [!]


Better not vaccinate it.
posted by jennaratrix at 12:32 PM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


haruspicy
posted by elizardbits at 12:43 PM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


I had to google that and I'm so glad I did.
posted by troika at 1:09 PM on July 23, 2013


Name him "Chopper pilot Larry". Then cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.
posted by I love you more when I eat paint chips at 1:17 PM on July 23, 2013


So on twitter people are talking about Roy Albaby. Is this where I can find out about this person?
posted by hot_monster at 1:30 PM on July 23, 2013


Better not vaccinate it.

Louis XV would agree!
posted by Sys Rq at 1:32 PM on July 23, 2013




They should name the baby Phillip - honoring Grandpa and Aunt Pippa.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 2:08 PM on July 23, 2013


Melissa Harris-Perry ‏@MHarrisPerry
My daughter & niece think Kate & Will should name the royal baby Trayvon.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 2:08 PM on July 23, 2013


Yeah, the Guardian still has Royalist/Republican set up as options here in Canada. But because babies are awesome, I went looking for pics anyway.

I was born once. I hated it.

(I swear to God, if the second sprog comes out looking like Lil Bub, I may have to permanently swap my preferences at the Guardian.)

Not the royal baby: a few other brand spanking new Brit kids share the spotlight.
posted by maudlin at 2:45 PM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]




Not the royal baby: a few other brand spanking new Brit kids share the spotlight.

okay i should always start out my morning looking at a dozen pictures of newborns.
posted by gerstle at 6:03 AM on July 24, 2013


George Alexander Louis, and I had been totally going to make a Louis joke about reclaiming Normandy when people were suggesting names for each sub-country in the UK.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:24 AM on July 24, 2013


George Alexander Louis, apparently.
posted by troika at 10:25 AM on July 24, 2013


My daughter & niece think Kate & Will should name the royal baby Trayvon.

Looks like they named him after George Zimmerman instead.
posted by homunculus at 10:28 AM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Dang. I didn't get one name right.
posted by grubi at 10:37 AM on July 24, 2013


Think it's on purpose that they didn't include the name of anyone living? Charles, Phillip, Kate's dad, etc.
posted by double bubble at 10:39 AM on July 24, 2013


Geez, some folks were headed in the right direction apparently:

George and James bookies favourites for prince's name
Bookmakers have seen George and James become the favourites for the new prince's name.

George was the favourite with William Hill (5/2) and Paddy Power (6/4), while Ladbrokes had James at 2/1.

Henry, the given name of the Duke's brother Prince Harry, is also in the running, along with Alexander and Louis.

posted by grubi at 10:39 AM on July 24, 2013


Very surprised they only picked three names. Wonder if it's an attempt to be/seem more down-to-earth about the whole thing. Also very surprised Philip etc didn't get a look in.

George suits the baby though, imo.
posted by lwb at 10:41 AM on July 24, 2013


And a notable absence of Arthur.
posted by double bubble at 10:43 AM on July 24, 2013


Big Seinfeld fans, I'm assuming.
posted by yoink at 10:50 AM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Aethelred III - this time he's ready.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 10:51 AM on July 24, 2013 [6 favorites]


Prince George, you say?
posted by Sys Rq at 10:56 AM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]




I went to high school, and my parents still live, in Prince George, BC. I can only assume people back home are particularly tickled about this turn of events.
posted by jacquilynne at 11:36 AM on July 24, 2013


Prince's third name 'pronounced Lew-ee'. So he's named after an American comedian, obviously.
posted by exogenous at 11:49 AM on July 24, 2013


Duh?
posted by Sys Rq at 11:49 AM on July 24, 2013




With all those names, you can't choose any from the non-royal side of the family?
posted by jeather at 12:56 PM on July 24, 2013


With all those names, you can't choose any from the non-royal side of the family?

There's not really much of a "non-royal" side.
posted by grubi at 1:13 PM on July 24, 2013


That's ridiculous. Of course Kate Middleton descends from Edward III.

So does nearly the entire population of England.

Get over it, Royalist folks. She's a commoner.
posted by vacapinta at 1:17 PM on July 24, 2013


Who's a royalist here?
posted by grubi at 1:20 PM on July 24, 2013


That's ridiculous. Of course Kate Middleton descends from Edward III.

Also, George, Albert and Louis are names of people much more recently alive than him. I was imagining grandparents or great-grandparents (though for all I know, Louis is actually for the Middleton side).
posted by jeather at 1:27 PM on July 24, 2013


A boy named GAL.
posted by yoink at 1:30 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


Who's a royalist here?

Apologies for that. I'm not usually so foul-mouthed.
posted by vacapinta at 1:34 PM on July 24, 2013


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