Never Tell A Canadian What He Cannot Do
July 24, 2013 1:42 PM Subscribe
John Morillo of Windsor, Ontario, Canada, will apparently not turn down a dare, even if it causes an international incident and racks up fines in the five figures. For instance, if you tell him he can't swim from Windsor to Detroit across a busy shipping lane, he'll do it (with the assistance of eight beers). And he'll swim back, too, as evidenced by the fact that the U.S. Coast Guard found him on the Canadian side. As Morillo said, "If I’m going to be in the paper, I’d at least like them to say I actually made it, even though I got in trouble and everything."
Morillo has been charged with being intoxicated in a public place, and will likely face fines up to $25,000 for swimming in a shipping channel (and that's $25,000 Canadian, so it hurts approximately 3 percent more) and being barred from the waterfront. The worst part, though, is that when Morillo called his mother, "She just hung up on me. She said 'you’re just so stupid.'"
There is no report of what kind of beer he was drinking.
Morillo has been charged with being intoxicated in a public place, and will likely face fines up to $25,000 for swimming in a shipping channel (and that's $25,000 Canadian, so it hurts approximately 3 percent more) and being barred from the waterfront. The worst part, though, is that when Morillo called his mother, "She just hung up on me. She said 'you’re just so stupid.'"
There is no report of what kind of beer he was drinking.
This guy has been all over my friends' facebook feeds today. At this point, the debate is pretty evenly split between "living national treasure" and "our greatest living national treasure."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:48 PM on July 24, 2013 [47 favorites]
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:48 PM on July 24, 2013 [47 favorites]
Guys like me who are edging into our middle years don't have a lot of people we can look up to. We need more role models like John Morillo that show yes! We can be as stupid, if not stupider, as we ever were. Being 40 does mean we we can no longer be involved in potentially life endangering drunken shenanigans.
I intend to hoist 8 Labatt Blue Ribbons in John's honor, gaze at the Hudson river, and start training for my swim to Jersey.
posted by Ad hominem at 1:49 PM on July 24, 2013 [26 favorites]
I intend to hoist 8 Labatt Blue Ribbons in John's honor, gaze at the Hudson river, and start training for my swim to Jersey.
posted by Ad hominem at 1:49 PM on July 24, 2013 [26 favorites]
I love that swimming in shipping channels is such a problem in Canada that they had to enact a law to prohibit it.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 1:50 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Foci for Analysis at 1:50 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
yes but what made this special was INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT.
posted by sweetkid at 1:50 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by sweetkid at 1:50 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
$25,000 CAD = $24,276.55 USD
posted by Kabanos at 1:52 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Kabanos at 1:52 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
I don't understand. I thought he was getting a $25,000 prize. Not only did he have to swim the channel but he had to lug his big brass balls after him.
posted by ishrinkmajeans at 1:53 PM on July 24, 2013 [9 favorites]
posted by ishrinkmajeans at 1:53 PM on July 24, 2013 [9 favorites]
There is no report of what kind of beer he was drinking.
Molson Canadian. Has to be Canadian (Blue is for hockey season).
posted by troika at 1:53 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
Molson Canadian. Has to be Canadian (Blue is for hockey season).
posted by troika at 1:53 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
Unfortunately, as a second generation Canadian-America I'm somewhat unaware of the traditions of my homeland.
posted by Ad hominem at 1:55 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Ad hominem at 1:55 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
You know, I don't use the word "hero" very often....
posted by Floydd at 1:58 PM on July 24, 2013 [15 favorites]
posted by Floydd at 1:58 PM on July 24, 2013 [15 favorites]
The bulk of the fine will be for not cross-border shopping. A Canadian Tradition.
posted by srboisvert at 2:00 PM on July 24, 2013
posted by srboisvert at 2:00 PM on July 24, 2013
Fortunately he's Canadian, where socialized medicine will help cover the medical bills from the Hepatitis C he likely contracted from swimming the the Detroit River.
posted by leotrotsky at 2:07 PM on July 24, 2013
posted by leotrotsky at 2:07 PM on July 24, 2013
So, has anyone figured out how far he actually swum?
Also: He could have had the dignity to get drunk on *good* beer at least \end{snob}
posted by Canageek at 2:09 PM on July 24, 2013
Also: He could have had the dignity to get drunk on *good* beer at least \end{snob}
posted by Canageek at 2:09 PM on July 24, 2013
I love that swimming in shipping channels is such a problem in Canada that they had to enact a law to prohibit it.
The actual Transport Canada regulation reads: "Please don't swim in our shipping channels. We don't ship in your pool."
posted by Kabanos at 2:09 PM on July 24, 2013 [63 favorites]
The actual Transport Canada regulation reads: "Please don't swim in our shipping channels. We don't ship in your pool."
posted by Kabanos at 2:09 PM on July 24, 2013 [63 favorites]
The bulk of the fine will be for not cross-border shopping. A Canadian Tradition.
A good friend of mine from Toronto has been known to go to Buffalo just to go to Olive Garden. Like... I just don't even understand.
posted by kmz at 2:10 PM on July 24, 2013 [7 favorites]
A good friend of mine from Toronto has been known to go to Buffalo just to go to Olive Garden. Like... I just don't even understand.
posted by kmz at 2:10 PM on July 24, 2013 [7 favorites]
A good friend of mine from Toronto has been known to go to Buffalo just to go to Olive Garden. Like... I just don't even understand.
could not stop laughing at this
posted by sweetkid at 2:11 PM on July 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
I think Black Label is the official sponsor of Canadian shipping channel swim meets.
posted by mannequito at 2:11 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by mannequito at 2:11 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
That's so stupid. The butter in the US is crap; what the hell would he put on the breadsticks?
posted by seanmpuckett at 2:14 PM on July 24, 2013
posted by seanmpuckett at 2:14 PM on July 24, 2013
Hopefully that prize helps cover medical costs from the Hepatitis C he likely contracted from swimming the the Detroit River.
Hepatitis C does not work that way! Unless he was stabbed by a used needle that still had viable virus on/it, this is one infection he would not have to worry about. Now various gastrointestinal maladies or some sort of poisoning by shipping channel chemicals, that's another story.
Disclaimer: I am an infectious disease epidemiologist, but IANYIDE.
posted by palindromic at 2:14 PM on July 24, 2013 [31 favorites]
Hepatitis C does not work that way! Unless he was stabbed by a used needle that still had viable virus on/it, this is one infection he would not have to worry about. Now various gastrointestinal maladies or some sort of poisoning by shipping channel chemicals, that's another story.
Disclaimer: I am an infectious disease epidemiologist, but IANYIDE.
posted by palindromic at 2:14 PM on July 24, 2013 [31 favorites]
Hey, John Morillo! I dare you to call your mum, apologize, and possibly take her out to dinner.
posted by JHarris at 2:15 PM on July 24, 2013 [15 favorites]
posted by JHarris at 2:15 PM on July 24, 2013 [15 favorites]
Thank you, John Morillo. The more people bring ridiculousness to the US-Canadian border, the sooner the US will stop wasting money trying to seal it hermetically. We need more of this.
posted by ocschwar at 2:21 PM on July 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by ocschwar at 2:21 PM on July 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
Metafilter: I am not your infectious disease epidemiologist.
posted by emjaybee at 2:26 PM on July 24, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by emjaybee at 2:26 PM on July 24, 2013 [5 favorites]
Metafilter: There is no report of what kind of beer he was drinking.
posted by stenseng at 2:33 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by stenseng at 2:33 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
First they burn our capitol, then they swim our shipping lanes! How long must we stand these constant insults by Canada!?!
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:33 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:33 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
A couple of years ago I saw a guy wade across the Pigeon River from the US into Canada. I don't know what he was doing or what he planned to do once he got where he was going, but I wished him well. I hoped he had a pair of shoes and some clothes waiting on the other side.
posted by Elly Vortex at 2:38 PM on July 24, 2013
posted by Elly Vortex at 2:38 PM on July 24, 2013
Having lived in Windsor for 3 years I'm not surprised by this in the least. There's really nothing better to do in that town.
What surprises me most is that he swam back after making it out.
posted by rocket88 at 2:40 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
What surprises me most is that he swam back after making it out.
posted by rocket88 at 2:40 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
So, has anyone figured out how far he actually swum?
From the Windsor Star article in the post, he swam from Hiram Walker on the Windsor side to The Renaissance Center on the Detroit side, then back to near the Hilton hotel on the Canadian side again.
The river is only about 0.5 of a kilometer across at that point, but it looks like he swam down river quite a ways from his starting point, something like a couple more kilometers. (Google doesn't have a "swim" option for that trip).
posted by bonehead at 2:40 PM on July 24, 2013
From the Windsor Star article in the post, he swam from Hiram Walker on the Windsor side to The Renaissance Center on the Detroit side, then back to near the Hilton hotel on the Canadian side again.
The river is only about 0.5 of a kilometer across at that point, but it looks like he swam down river quite a ways from his starting point, something like a couple more kilometers. (Google doesn't have a "swim" option for that trip).
posted by bonehead at 2:40 PM on July 24, 2013
Y'owe me a beer. A Canadian, I guess, at least until we hear otherwise.
posted by bonehead at 2:44 PM on July 24, 2013
posted by bonehead at 2:44 PM on July 24, 2013
BUILD THE FENCE
Oh he swam back?
NEVER MIND THEN
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:54 PM on July 24, 2013 [9 favorites]
Oh he swam back?
NEVER MIND THEN
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:54 PM on July 24, 2013 [9 favorites]
"Unless he was stabbed by a used needle that still had viable virus on/it..."
Yeah. This is the Detroit River we're talking about, ain't it?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 3:02 PM on July 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
Yeah. This is the Detroit River we're talking about, ain't it?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 3:02 PM on July 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
Sadly, this will probably result in unfunny actions by the US Border Patrol, that mean he will have trouble visiting the US.
posted by tavella at 3:07 PM on July 24, 2013
posted by tavella at 3:07 PM on July 24, 2013
What surprises me most is that he swam back after making it out.
He probably remembered that he left the rest of the beer on the shore.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:10 PM on July 24, 2013 [9 favorites]
He probably remembered that he left the rest of the beer on the shore.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:10 PM on July 24, 2013 [9 favorites]
Thanks Boneheada and The World Famous: That is a pretty decent distance to swim.
Also: What? Didn't the drones they put along the boarder a few years ago pick him up?
posted by Canageek at 3:11 PM on July 24, 2013
Also: What? Didn't the drones they put along the boarder a few years ago pick him up?
posted by Canageek at 3:11 PM on July 24, 2013
"Molson Canadian. Has to be Canadian (Blue is for hockey season)."
Aww, c'mon, clearly a real Canadian beer like Moosehead, eh?
posted by klangklangston at 3:14 PM on July 24, 2013
Aww, c'mon, clearly a real Canadian beer like Moosehead, eh?
posted by klangklangston at 3:14 PM on July 24, 2013
Having lived in Windsor for 3 years I'm not surprised by this in the least. There's really nothing better to do in that town. What surprises me most is that he swam back after making it out.
You got the part that he swam to Detroit, right? He didn't swim to Paris.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 3:21 PM on July 24, 2013 [24 favorites]
You got the part that he swam to Detroit, right? He didn't swim to Paris.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 3:21 PM on July 24, 2013 [24 favorites]
There's something about bodies of water that just make Canadians want to swim across them. It awakens some ineffable longing deep in our souls - it begins up in the hundreds of small lakes in cottage country, when you squint across to the far shore with a beer in your hand and say, "You know, I bet I could do that." Swimming across things is almost a national sport. It finds its purest expression in those young girls crossing Great Lakes, and the adoration we heap upon them is a reflection of our own deep, secret urge to swim. It's no wonder the beaver is our national animal.
posted by Mary Ellen Carter at 3:33 PM on July 24, 2013 [30 favorites]
posted by Mary Ellen Carter at 3:33 PM on July 24, 2013 [30 favorites]
BEST IMMIGRATION CHOICE EVAR
posted by Kitteh at 3:38 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Kitteh at 3:38 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
It awakens some ineffable longing deep in our souls - it begins up in the hundreds of small lakes in cottage country, when you squint across to the far shore with a beer in your hand and say, "You know, I bet I could do that."
LMAO. This sort of conversation has happened every time I've found myself with a group of people at a lake. Lake +beer = talking about swimming to the other side.
posted by Jalliah at 3:39 PM on July 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
LMAO. This sort of conversation has happened every time I've found myself with a group of people at a lake. Lake +beer = talking about swimming to the other side.
posted by Jalliah at 3:39 PM on July 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
I quietly loved this story, because I used to daydream of swimming between Revere and Nahant, Mass. Open-water swimming calls to me, but I don't dare answer.
At the time of the last Summer Olympics, some guy swimming off the coast of France impulsively announced to his friends that he was going to swim to New York to celebrate the Olympic spirit. By the time they realized he was serious, a rescue helicopter had to go after him. That sounds more like cocaine or a manic episode than good old alcohol, though.
posted by Countess Elena at 3:44 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
At the time of the last Summer Olympics, some guy swimming off the coast of France impulsively announced to his friends that he was going to swim to New York to celebrate the Olympic spirit. By the time they realized he was serious, a rescue helicopter had to go after him. That sounds more like cocaine or a manic episode than good old alcohol, though.
posted by Countess Elena at 3:44 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
If you drive across the Ambassador bridge, you get the standard, routine hassle from customs, and if you take the bus, they give you extra scrutiny since you evidently couldn't cough up the dough for a rental or a cab.
At 1850 feet, it's still the world's longest international suspension bridge (longest in the world back when it was built), and it's got a perfectly good pedestrian sidewalk on the south side. Unfortunately the sidewalk has been closed since 9/11 [in violation of the bridge corporation's charter BTW] so now anyone attempting to bike or walk across will get criminally charged at the federal level just for trying it. It used to be that both customs would just really, really give foreign pedestrians a hard time, with a mandatory entrance interview where they'd ask pointed questions about your itinerary, assess whether you had the financial means to get yourself back to your home country again, fingerprint you and run all kinds of background checks, and basically try to find a reason to deny you entry in order to save them the paperwork.
Some friends of the family used to take their huge sailboat down the Detroit River in the 80s as part of a voyage from Lake St Clair all the way down the St Lawrence to Halifax on the coast, having fun going through the locks of the Welland Canal on their way to Lake Ontario, etc, but they got tired of being pulled over and questioned by both the Canadian and American coast guard on every trip. Often one coast guard would come alongside and board, check the logs, check the registration, look for drugs, the whole spiel, before sending them on into the waiting arms of their counterparts on the other side of wherever the watery demarcation line was, who would repeat everything so as not to be upstaged. And this was pre-9/11 treatment. So now they store their boat in a marina somewhere around Cornwall, Ontario and drive the rest of the way and don't bother sailing any further inland.
I cannot imagine the extent that someone daring to swim across would get worked over by whichever border patrol got to him first. This guy has probably earned himself a rectal exam on every international flight for the rest of his life, if they'll ever let him fly at all.
posted by ceribus peribus at 3:50 PM on July 24, 2013
At 1850 feet, it's still the world's longest international suspension bridge (longest in the world back when it was built), and it's got a perfectly good pedestrian sidewalk on the south side. Unfortunately the sidewalk has been closed since 9/11 [in violation of the bridge corporation's charter BTW] so now anyone attempting to bike or walk across will get criminally charged at the federal level just for trying it. It used to be that both customs would just really, really give foreign pedestrians a hard time, with a mandatory entrance interview where they'd ask pointed questions about your itinerary, assess whether you had the financial means to get yourself back to your home country again, fingerprint you and run all kinds of background checks, and basically try to find a reason to deny you entry in order to save them the paperwork.
Some friends of the family used to take their huge sailboat down the Detroit River in the 80s as part of a voyage from Lake St Clair all the way down the St Lawrence to Halifax on the coast, having fun going through the locks of the Welland Canal on their way to Lake Ontario, etc, but they got tired of being pulled over and questioned by both the Canadian and American coast guard on every trip. Often one coast guard would come alongside and board, check the logs, check the registration, look for drugs, the whole spiel, before sending them on into the waiting arms of their counterparts on the other side of wherever the watery demarcation line was, who would repeat everything so as not to be upstaged. And this was pre-9/11 treatment. So now they store their boat in a marina somewhere around Cornwall, Ontario and drive the rest of the way and don't bother sailing any further inland.
I cannot imagine the extent that someone daring to swim across would get worked over by whichever border patrol got to him first. This guy has probably earned himself a rectal exam on every international flight for the rest of his life, if they'll ever let him fly at all.
posted by ceribus peribus at 3:50 PM on July 24, 2013
This border is not sealed! I will not support immigration reform until a mid-river wall is constructed.
posted by Area Man at 3:51 PM on July 24, 2013
posted by Area Man at 3:51 PM on July 24, 2013
This border is not sealed! I will not support immigration reform until a mid-river wall is constructed.
Don't be ridiculous! There's no way that's going to happen.
No, the reasonable solution is for everyone on both sides of the border to wear electric dog fence collars.
posted by Celsius1414 at 4:01 PM on July 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
Don't be ridiculous! There's no way that's going to happen.
No, the reasonable solution is for everyone on both sides of the border to wear electric dog fence collars.
posted by Celsius1414 at 4:01 PM on July 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
that the U.S. Coast Guard found him on the Canadian side
WHOA THERE. So he was home free and they crossed the maritime border to catch him?
posted by Slackermagee at 4:26 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
WHOA THERE. So he was home free and they crossed the maritime border to catch him?
posted by Slackermagee at 4:26 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
it's got a perfectly good pedestrian sidewalk on the south side. Unfortunately the sidewalk has been closed since 9/11 [in violation of the bridge corporation's charter BTW] so now anyone attempting to bike or walk across will get criminally charged at the federal level just for trying it.
I biked over to Port Huron from Canada a few times in my youth... a shame that it's no longer possible.
posted by GuyZero at 4:30 PM on July 24, 2013
I biked over to Port Huron from Canada a few times in my youth... a shame that it's no longer possible.
posted by GuyZero at 4:30 PM on July 24, 2013
it's got a perfectly good pedestrian sidewalk on the south side. Unfortunately the sidewalk has been closed since 9/11 [in violation of the bridge corporation's charter BTW] so now anyone attempting to bike or walk across will get criminally charged at the federal level just for trying it.
Well, they can't keep you from riding the C22 (I think?) to White Rock near Vancouver and walking down, too many trails and sidewalks. But they apparently give you a really rough time of it once you get to the Peace Arch.
posted by Slackermagee at 4:34 PM on July 24, 2013
Well, they can't keep you from riding the C22 (I think?) to White Rock near Vancouver and walking down, too many trails and sidewalks. But they apparently give you a really rough time of it once you get to the Peace Arch.
posted by Slackermagee at 4:34 PM on July 24, 2013
8 beers? If he returns his empties he could probably buy a house on the other side
posted by Hoopo at 4:50 PM on July 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by Hoopo at 4:50 PM on July 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
But they apparently give you a really rough time of it once you get to the Peace Arch.
...shades of, "you can't fight in here, this is the War Room."
posted by foonly at 5:04 PM on July 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
...shades of, "you can't fight in here, this is the War Room."
posted by foonly at 5:04 PM on July 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
About 20 years ago, I drove from Indiana to the the Chrysler assembly plant in Windsor to inspect my company's fucked-up parts on the assembly line. I was there for about two weeks. One day, one of the workers was telling a story about his best friend who was nailed for DUI. At the police station, he blew a 0.565% BAC. He pushed back from the machine, proudly pointed to the result and said to the police officers, "TOP THAT!!"
I was told this story during a lull in production as we drank screwdrivers and played euchre at the break table next to the line. God, I love Canada!
posted by double block and bleed at 5:34 PM on July 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
I was told this story during a lull in production as we drank screwdrivers and played euchre at the break table next to the line. God, I love Canada!
posted by double block and bleed at 5:34 PM on July 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
The river wall will be ridiculously expensive. It could be the stimulus Detroit needs.
posted by Area Man at 5:43 PM on July 24, 2013
posted by Area Man at 5:43 PM on July 24, 2013
Detroit pretty much is the wall already.
posted by Flashman at 5:46 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Flashman at 5:46 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
OK, fun thread but I don't believe it.
No way this chump swam for over 90 minutes in that river. He says he started at Hiram Walker and ended up like or 2 km west on the US side in front of the RenCen. Yeah, the current is pretty strong. But somehow on the return leg he's able to swim almost directly across from the RenCen to the Hilton on the Canadian side? Hmmm. Something fishy here.
I'm calling hoax and would hardly be surprised if he were to be found out. That little 19 sec embedded video doesn't convince me either.
Methinks he's playing the "golly I'm stupid" thing a bit too hard. I mean sure, he could be playing it up in the hopes of getting a lighter fine, but there's just something off here.
I'm 47 and do cardio 4x a week and while at the cottage this summer I did my usual swim across the bay of the lake. I was tuckered after the 15 minutes I spent on a smooth-as-glass lake with barely any current and while completely sober.
There are many reasons not to swim in that river. First is the current. It's pretty bad. The second is that the Detroit sewer system does not have separate storm and sanitary sewers and we've had the rainiest July on record, which means a lot of filth in the river ( as evidenced by all the beach closings this summer). Third, yeah there's a pretty good chance you'll end up in a jail cell.
posted by absentian at 6:04 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
No way this chump swam for over 90 minutes in that river. He says he started at Hiram Walker and ended up like or 2 km west on the US side in front of the RenCen. Yeah, the current is pretty strong. But somehow on the return leg he's able to swim almost directly across from the RenCen to the Hilton on the Canadian side? Hmmm. Something fishy here.
I'm calling hoax and would hardly be surprised if he were to be found out. That little 19 sec embedded video doesn't convince me either.
Methinks he's playing the "golly I'm stupid" thing a bit too hard. I mean sure, he could be playing it up in the hopes of getting a lighter fine, but there's just something off here.
I'm 47 and do cardio 4x a week and while at the cottage this summer I did my usual swim across the bay of the lake. I was tuckered after the 15 minutes I spent on a smooth-as-glass lake with barely any current and while completely sober.
There are many reasons not to swim in that river. First is the current. It's pretty bad. The second is that the Detroit sewer system does not have separate storm and sanitary sewers and we've had the rainiest July on record, which means a lot of filth in the river ( as evidenced by all the beach closings this summer). Third, yeah there's a pretty good chance you'll end up in a jail cell.
posted by absentian at 6:04 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
"I was told this story during a lull in production as we drank screwdrivers and played euchre at the break table next to the line. God, I love Canada!"
Yeah, but fuck their deck, man, there are no sevens in euchre.
posted by klangklangston at 6:21 PM on July 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
Yeah, but fuck their deck, man, there are no sevens in euchre.
posted by klangklangston at 6:21 PM on July 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
So wait, why is walking or biking over the bridge more criminal than taking a car? I'm sure the answer is stupid, but I'd like to hear what flavor of stupid it is.
posted by emjaybee at 6:25 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by emjaybee at 6:25 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
I'm just going to stop wondering how my ancestors got from Canada to the U.S., because the more crucial part of that equation--getting to Canada from France--has clearly already been solved.
posted by tooloudinhere at 6:28 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by tooloudinhere at 6:28 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
I live in Windsor and no I don't know this guy. I was riding my bike home after work and saw the debacle on the river. Judging by the calamity, I figured someone was killed. I also don't believe for a second he actually swam across and back. That river will kill ya. Surely he's poisoned now.
posted by Mitochondrial_Steve at 7:39 PM on July 24, 2013
posted by Mitochondrial_Steve at 7:39 PM on July 24, 2013
Psh. Just electrify the whole river. Done and done.
Ah, another graduate of the Herman Cain Border Security and Loch Ness Monster Incapacitation Class.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 7:46 PM on July 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
Ah, another graduate of the Herman Cain Border Security and Loch Ness Monster Incapacitation Class.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 7:46 PM on July 24, 2013 [3 favorites]
So wait, why is walking or biking over the bridge more criminal than taking a car? I'm sure the answer is stupid, but I'd like to hear what flavor of stupid it is.
I don't get it either. You can walk across the Rainbow Bridge between Niagara Falls, Ontario and Niagara Falls, NY.
posted by dry white toast at 8:23 PM on July 24, 2013
I don't get it either. You can walk across the Rainbow Bridge between Niagara Falls, Ontario and Niagara Falls, NY.
posted by dry white toast at 8:23 PM on July 24, 2013
So wait, why is walking or biking over the bridge more criminal than taking a car?
It's not. But Matty Moroun -- who owns the bridge and who I will emphatically say has never been proven in court to be a literal piece of human excrement -- doesn't want people walking across, because he makes all his money from gasoline sales, and he took the opportunity presented by 9/11 to close it down, and no one is willing to press the issue and appear soft on terrorism. The fact that he has never been proven in court to have sunk millions of dollars to buy a consistent majority of the state Legislature clearly has nothing to do with it, either.
posted by Etrigan at 8:30 PM on July 24, 2013 [6 favorites]
It's not. But Matty Moroun -- who owns the bridge and who I will emphatically say has never been proven in court to be a literal piece of human excrement -- doesn't want people walking across, because he makes all his money from gasoline sales, and he took the opportunity presented by 9/11 to close it down, and no one is willing to press the issue and appear soft on terrorism. The fact that he has never been proven in court to have sunk millions of dollars to buy a consistent majority of the state Legislature clearly has nothing to do with it, either.
posted by Etrigan at 8:30 PM on July 24, 2013 [6 favorites]
Not to mention his fighting the other bridge.
That the Canadians were going to pay for.
At no cost to Americans.
posted by Celsius1414 at 9:47 PM on July 24, 2013
That the Canadians were going to pay for.
At no cost to Americans.
posted by Celsius1414 at 9:47 PM on July 24, 2013
Aww, c'mon, clearly a real Canadian beer like Moosehead, eh?
This may have changed since my day (you know, back in the preCambrian era), but Canadians do not actually drink Moosehead. I can't recall ever seeing it for sale, at least out west. I believe it is for the export market exclusively, or at least it used to be.
These days, more people up in the northern reaches of my hometown, at least, where fancy beer is not a thing that is drunk, drink Budweiser (brewed under license by Molson or Labatt's, I can't remember which) than anything else.
That is a sad thing. Not that the Canadian-traditional-brand Big Brewery offerings are much good either, but still.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:51 PM on July 24, 2013
This may have changed since my day (you know, back in the preCambrian era), but Canadians do not actually drink Moosehead. I can't recall ever seeing it for sale, at least out west. I believe it is for the export market exclusively, or at least it used to be.
These days, more people up in the northern reaches of my hometown, at least, where fancy beer is not a thing that is drunk, drink Budweiser (brewed under license by Molson or Labatt's, I can't remember which) than anything else.
That is a sad thing. Not that the Canadian-traditional-brand Big Brewery offerings are much good either, but still.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:51 PM on July 24, 2013
Moosehead is indeed a beer that Canadian's drink. It's just slightly more regional then say Labatt or Molson. You don't see much of it West of the parries, but then you don't see Kokanee in the East either.
And please Canadian Big Brewery beer is at least beer... as opposed to whatever Budweiser thinks it is.
posted by cirhosis at 10:04 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
And please Canadian Big Brewery beer is at least beer... as opposed to whatever Budweiser thinks it is.
posted by cirhosis at 10:04 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
So wait, why is walking or biking over the bridge more criminal than taking a car?
First off, I want to clarify: this is just the policy for the Ambassador Bridge, and since the Detroit-Windsor Tunnel doesn't have pedestrian or bike paths, that restricts people to vehicular crossings only between the two cities. It's not a national prohibition; in fact I hear you can still walk and bike across at Niagra Falls1.
So the situation is: if you arrive in Windsor or Detroit on foot and want to cross, you can either hail a taxi2, or pay the fare to get on the next privately operated border crossing bus3. If you are instead caught blatantly hitchhiking (offering to pay the bridge toll in exchange for a ride, for example) within sight of the entrance gates, you'll be arrested by the Border Patrol for attempting some kind of federal border crossing felony, but I'm not sure what that exact charge is. (Illegal Entry?) For what it's worth, while you're on the bridge you're apparently in a weird Federal Zone where neither state nor provincial laws apply4, and both sides are keeping a close eye on traffic to make sure there's no funny business. Even back when you were allowed to walk/bike across, officers would drive up and escort you away if you started doing anything other than proceeding to the other side in an orderly fashion.
It's a private bridge and officially it was a decision from Moroun, the owner, to "indefinitely suspend" the "right" to pedestrian crossings in the charter due to "security measures" after 9/11. Realistically, it was an opportunistic measure for more profits, taken under cover of terrorism concerns.
But to take a (very) charitable view, the bridge is only hardened against unauthorized vehicular access: there are concrete road barriers, bollards, anti-ram gate barriers, and a limited number of entry ramps. Thou shall not pass until the toll is paid. Restrictions on pedestrian access are nowhere near that thorough: most walkways have only been closed off with simple chain link fencing, the kind that still leaves narrow gaps next to buildings; it's not like they've installed ten foot tall security fences with razor wire, searchlights, and canine patrols. Pedestrian crossings used to be toll free, so they didn't really have any bridge entry control at all. No one was going to be able to run the 2.3km distance and dive into the other country without being noticed by border surveillance5, but they could very well get onto to the bridge before anyone noticed them. There have been bomb threats and suicides in the past.
With the Harris government on the Ontario side and Detroit on the Michigan side, it's unlikely Moroun would have gotten either to contribute money towards building tighter physical security to control pedestrian bridge access, and of course no businessman would ever consider paying for a business expense himself, so instead it was easiest to close down the sidewalk entirely "because terrorism".
You can see the sidewalk on the right (briefly) here, and a view across the Detroit River from the Canadian side here.
1 Entering Canada by going over the falls in a barrel, however, is not permitted.
2 and wait while the Detroit cabbie puts his gun in a lockbox in order to pass through Canadian customs
3 I'm not sure whether this new service is operated by Moroun's AB company or not; it wouldn't surprise me.
4 Someone tried to explain to me once that, technically speaking, you can't be charged with DUI if you get into a traffic accident while on the bridge, because that's not a federal offense. They'll find something else to charge you with though.
5 Once a pedestrian/cyclist was spotted on the bridge, they were followed very carefully to make sure they didn't try to sneak across the border; I remember crossing once in the mid 80s when our customs booth/lane was abruptly closed as the agent was pulled to go stand somewhere with a radio and monitor some guy walking towards his side.
posted by ceribus peribus at 10:05 PM on July 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
First off, I want to clarify: this is just the policy for the Ambassador Bridge, and since the Detroit-Windsor Tunnel doesn't have pedestrian or bike paths, that restricts people to vehicular crossings only between the two cities. It's not a national prohibition; in fact I hear you can still walk and bike across at Niagra Falls1.
So the situation is: if you arrive in Windsor or Detroit on foot and want to cross, you can either hail a taxi2, or pay the fare to get on the next privately operated border crossing bus3. If you are instead caught blatantly hitchhiking (offering to pay the bridge toll in exchange for a ride, for example) within sight of the entrance gates, you'll be arrested by the Border Patrol for attempting some kind of federal border crossing felony, but I'm not sure what that exact charge is. (Illegal Entry?) For what it's worth, while you're on the bridge you're apparently in a weird Federal Zone where neither state nor provincial laws apply4, and both sides are keeping a close eye on traffic to make sure there's no funny business. Even back when you were allowed to walk/bike across, officers would drive up and escort you away if you started doing anything other than proceeding to the other side in an orderly fashion.
It's a private bridge and officially it was a decision from Moroun, the owner, to "indefinitely suspend" the "right" to pedestrian crossings in the charter due to "security measures" after 9/11. Realistically, it was an opportunistic measure for more profits, taken under cover of terrorism concerns.
But to take a (very) charitable view, the bridge is only hardened against unauthorized vehicular access: there are concrete road barriers, bollards, anti-ram gate barriers, and a limited number of entry ramps. Thou shall not pass until the toll is paid. Restrictions on pedestrian access are nowhere near that thorough: most walkways have only been closed off with simple chain link fencing, the kind that still leaves narrow gaps next to buildings; it's not like they've installed ten foot tall security fences with razor wire, searchlights, and canine patrols. Pedestrian crossings used to be toll free, so they didn't really have any bridge entry control at all. No one was going to be able to run the 2.3km distance and dive into the other country without being noticed by border surveillance5, but they could very well get onto to the bridge before anyone noticed them. There have been bomb threats and suicides in the past.
With the Harris government on the Ontario side and Detroit on the Michigan side, it's unlikely Moroun would have gotten either to contribute money towards building tighter physical security to control pedestrian bridge access, and of course no businessman would ever consider paying for a business expense himself, so instead it was easiest to close down the sidewalk entirely "because terrorism".
You can see the sidewalk on the right (briefly) here, and a view across the Detroit River from the Canadian side here.
1 Entering Canada by going over the falls in a barrel, however, is not permitted.
2 and wait while the Detroit cabbie puts his gun in a lockbox in order to pass through Canadian customs
3 I'm not sure whether this new service is operated by Moroun's AB company or not; it wouldn't surprise me.
4 Someone tried to explain to me once that, technically speaking, you can't be charged with DUI if you get into a traffic accident while on the bridge, because that's not a federal offense. They'll find something else to charge you with though.
5 Once a pedestrian/cyclist was spotted on the bridge, they were followed very carefully to make sure they didn't try to sneak across the border; I remember crossing once in the mid 80s when our customs booth/lane was abruptly closed as the agent was pulled to go stand somewhere with a radio and monitor some guy walking towards his side.
posted by ceribus peribus at 10:05 PM on July 24, 2013 [4 favorites]
There's something about bodies of water that just make Canadians want to swim across them.
For me, it was to get into water deep enough to escape the leeches. I got in the water to escape the mosquitoes, of course. Ah, Alberta summers in the great outdoors.
[I] do cardio 4x a week and while at the cottage this summer I did my usual swim across the bay of the lake. I was tuckered after the 15 minutes I spent on a smooth-as-glass lake with barely any current and while completely sober.
Unless the cardio you do is swimming, I wouldn't expect you to do much better - it takes more than power and endurance. I don't know if this is a hoax, but distance swimming takes skill and practice, and you really can't tell who does it by looking - open water distance swimming even more so. (Roger Allsopp. Sue Oldham.)
posted by gingerest at 10:47 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
For me, it was to get into water deep enough to escape the leeches. I got in the water to escape the mosquitoes, of course. Ah, Alberta summers in the great outdoors.
[I] do cardio 4x a week and while at the cottage this summer I did my usual swim across the bay of the lake. I was tuckered after the 15 minutes I spent on a smooth-as-glass lake with barely any current and while completely sober.
Unless the cardio you do is swimming, I wouldn't expect you to do much better - it takes more than power and endurance. I don't know if this is a hoax, but distance swimming takes skill and practice, and you really can't tell who does it by looking - open water distance swimming even more so. (Roger Allsopp. Sue Oldham.)
posted by gingerest at 10:47 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]
A Real Canadian would have just waited for the Detroit River to freeze over and then torn across in a souped up Whisky Six Buick.
posted by ceribus peribus at 11:28 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by ceribus peribus at 11:28 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
Because we know how to drive in icy road conditions
posted by ceribus peribus at 11:30 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by ceribus peribus at 11:30 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]
Whoops, sorry then. Don't know if that's a new thing re:Moosehead, or if it was always the case and just being a BC boy from way back, I never saw anyone drinking it.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:50 PM on July 24, 2013
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:50 PM on July 24, 2013
Moosehead is definitely available in BC, at least at the government liquor stores, but it doesn't seem to be very popular. I rarely see either people in line to buy it (yeah I'm weird and make a point of cataloguing what beer other customers purchase), or empties lying around at the beach/park etc. In fact the single time I can concretely remember someone drinking it was a guy from Ontario offering me one at a house party last winter.
posted by mannequito at 12:15 AM on July 25, 2013
posted by mannequito at 12:15 AM on July 25, 2013
Doubts growing stronger this dude performed this feat. Biggest question is how he defied the current on the swim back. All that water is in kind of a hurry to get to Lake Erie. Buddy is sticking with the "I did it cos I'm stupid" routine. Stupid doesn't trump physics fella.
posted by absentian at 4:00 AM on July 25, 2013
posted by absentian at 4:00 AM on July 25, 2013
TWF: Courage: It couldn't come at a worse time.
But it does come in handy six- and twelve packs. So bottoms up, and remember: fortune favors the bold!
posted by wenestvedt at 6:36 AM on July 25, 2013
But it does come in handy six- and twelve packs. So bottoms up, and remember: fortune favors the bold!
posted by wenestvedt at 6:36 AM on July 25, 2013
The Moosehead brewery is in New Brunswick, so it makes sense that it's not a big BC drink.
posted by klangklangston at 8:26 AM on July 25, 2013
posted by klangklangston at 8:26 AM on July 25, 2013
Yeah, a lot of people drank Moosehead when I was at the University of New Brunswick ('09-'12), and growing up in Newfoundland a lot of people drank it. Moosehead and Keith's.
They're all idiots, mind you, because New Brunswick has one of the best local breweries in the country, and they actually sold growlers for $10, but that's neither here nor there.
posted by Lemurrhea at 9:24 AM on July 25, 2013
They're all idiots, mind you, because New Brunswick has one of the best local breweries in the country, and they actually sold growlers for $10, but that's neither here nor there.
posted by Lemurrhea at 9:24 AM on July 25, 2013
From the Doubts article:
In the middle of the day on July 6, 2006, the U.S. Coast Guard apprehended an American citizen in the water just west of the Ambassador Bridge ... Coast guard members finally pulled the man into a boat by force about 30 metres from the Windsor side of the river. The man was handed over to Windsor police, and then the Canada Border Services Agency, who released him back to the U.S.
From the main article:
The U.S. coast guard found Morillo around 12:50 a.m., swimming on the Canadian side just west of the Hilton hotel.
Is there some sort of reciprocity agreement between the Canadian and US coast guards? Having and American coast guard apprehend someone in Canadian waters seems... fishy.
posted by flyingfox at 10:21 AM on July 25, 2013
In the middle of the day on July 6, 2006, the U.S. Coast Guard apprehended an American citizen in the water just west of the Ambassador Bridge ... Coast guard members finally pulled the man into a boat by force about 30 metres from the Windsor side of the river. The man was handed over to Windsor police, and then the Canada Border Services Agency, who released him back to the U.S.
From the main article:
The U.S. coast guard found Morillo around 12:50 a.m., swimming on the Canadian side just west of the Hilton hotel.
Is there some sort of reciprocity agreement between the Canadian and US coast guards? Having and American coast guard apprehend someone in Canadian waters seems... fishy.
posted by flyingfox at 10:21 AM on July 25, 2013
"They're all idiots, mind you, because New Brunswick has one of the best local breweries in the country, and they actually sold growlers for $10, but that's neither here nor there."
I thought they were all idiots because they were Newfies.
(ducks)
posted by klangklangston at 1:03 PM on July 25, 2013 [1 favorite]
I thought they were all idiots because they were Newfies.
(ducks)
posted by klangklangston at 1:03 PM on July 25, 2013 [1 favorite]
Moosehead is still independent and family-owned, but Keith's is just another head of the Budwiser/Stella Artois/Labatt's hydra. That said, I don't find Moosehead particularly distinguishable from other lagers.
posted by bonehead at 2:34 PM on July 25, 2013
posted by bonehead at 2:34 PM on July 25, 2013
Nah, it's totally generic stuff, which is why I referenced it as a generic Canadian beer. I thought about Black Label, but that seems to be less a thing among Canucks I know (and it was a thing for Michigan kids for a long time, but I think the distro has dried up, at least on the long-necks. The cans were an American fake-o beer version with a lower ABV, back when I drank it on the regular.)
posted by klangklangston at 3:02 PM on July 25, 2013
posted by klangklangston at 3:02 PM on July 25, 2013
I was tuckered after the 15 minutes I spent on a smooth-as-glass lake with barely any current and while completely sober.
Its amazing what one can do after you've had enough beer!
posted by smudgedlens at 11:32 PM on July 25, 2013
Its amazing what one can do after you've had enough beer!
posted by smudgedlens at 11:32 PM on July 25, 2013
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